The Jewish Side

Parshas Netzavim–Vayeilech

2010-09-03T17:35:00.001-04:00

Something to say

Gather together the people – the men, the women, and the small children (31:12).

In this parshah we learn about the commandment of Hak’hel, for which the entire Jewish nation was required to assemble in the Beis Hamikdash to hear parts of Deuteronomy read by the king.

Rashi cites the Sages’ comment that the men came to study, the women to listen, and the children were there so that those who brought them would be rewarded. At first, this seems difficult to understand. Young children can be noisy and disruptive, and they would probably prevent their parents from being able to listen closely and concentrate. Along these lines Rabbi Nosson Adler asks why the parents had to go through the trouble of bring their little ones to Jerusalem. Would it have been better to leave them at home so that the parents could fulfill the mitzvah undisturbed? He answers that the reward for bringing the children to Hak’hel was greater than any loss or difficulty it entailed. When a child is placed in an atmosphere of holiness, it creates an everlasting impression in his young heart and brings him closer to God. The value of such an experience is incalculable.

Parshas Ki Savo

2010-08-27T18:06:00.001-04:00

Something to say

I have not transgressed any of Your commandments, and I have not forgotten (26:13).

Why the apparent redundancy? One who does not transgress obviously has not forgotten. The Sfas Emes answers that sometimes we may perform a mitzvah only out of habit, forgetting the reason behind it. While we may fulfill the commandment, we lack the proper kavanah, intent. Therefore we declare in this verse, “I have not transgressed and I have not forgotten”; we have not only fulfilled the mitzvah, but we have also not forgotten its meaning.

Parshas Ki Seitzei

2010-08-20T14:16:00.001-04:00

Something to say:

Forty [lashes] shall he strike him (25:3).

Although the prescribed punishment for one who has committed certain sins is forty lashes, this is actually reduced by one in practice, so that the sinner receives only thirty-nine. The Ma’ayanei Chachomim discusses one reason for this. He says that if a person were to receive the full punishment of forty lashes, he would feel that his sin was totally wiped out, and he might not be careful in the future. The Chachomim therefore reduced the number of lashes, so that the person would continue to examine his ways.

Parshas Shoftim

2010-08-13T15:09:00.001-04:00

Something to say:

Our hands have not spilled his blood (21:7).

In the discussion of the Eglah Arufah which we read in this parshah, we are told that when the community’s elders find a murder victim between two cities, they must make the declaration that their hands did not spill the victim’s blood.

The Gemara asks, “Would anyone possibly suspect that the elders of the beis din committed the murder?” The Gemara explains that the elders were actually declaring that they were unaware of this person’s presence in their city, which is why they did not escort him properly and attend to his needs for the road. The implication is that if someone feels that he is alone and uncared for, it can be so depressing that it affects even his will and ability to survive.

The Maharal explains this Gemara further by teaching that every individual has an inner need to feel part of a community, to know that he is not only an individual, but an integral part of the Jewish family. By escorting someone even a few steps from our homes we create an attachment between him and us, and this can provide him with the Heavenly protection extended to the nation as a whole. This intense feeling of belonging something we can provide the guests we host in our homes, and the effort it requires is worth our while.

Parshas Re’eh

2010-08-06T17:51:00.001-04:00

Something to say:

And [God[ will give you rest from all your enemies all around, and you will dwell securely (12:10).

The Gelilei Zehav comments that while these two phrases, referring to rest from one’s enemies and security, may appear redundant, in truth they are not. Resting from one’s enemies, rather than being synonymous with dwelling in safety, is a result of the latter. If we dwell securely, harmoniously, and respectfully with our fellow Jews, we will have nothing to fear from the enemies around us. Our sages tell us that if t he Jewish nation would live in harmony, no other nation could rise against us.

Parshas Eikev

2010-07-30T17:18:00.001-04:00

Something to say:

It will be that if you hearken to My commandments… (11:13).

In this, the second paragraph of the Shema, God promises that we will be blessed with prosperity beyond the bounds of natural law, if we obey His commandments. Why does the Torah use the expression Shema, to hearken? Shouldn’t it have said, “I f you will perform My commandments”? Rabbi Avigdor Miller comments that taking action is not always in a man’s power, whereas listening sincerely, with the intention to do, certainly is. When one decides to listen to God’s commandments, he demonstrates his willingness and his genuine intention to perform them. It is according to the “listening,” the effort to learn, that God measures one’s acceptance of the Torah and therefore provides him with innumerable blessings.

There’s a famous saying “It’s the thought that counts”. So long as we are sincere in wanting to do Hashem’s commandments, then we get credit for it.

Parshas Va’eschanan

2010-07-23T12:12:00.001-04:00

Something to say:

And you shall love Hashem, your God (6:5).

The Sfas Emes asks how e can be commanded to love. Is love not an emotion, felt spontaneously rather than produced on command? What should a person do if the doesn’t feel that emotion?

Actually, he explains, a love for God is embedded deep within everyone. The command we are given is to allow this love expression, and to bring it out into the open by doing actions that promote it. One should involve himself in activities that will strengthen this natural spark of love and maintain it in his awareness.

Our actions have a great effect on us. They say if you do not like a person you should do good deeds towards them. This helps you like the person. With Hashem, we already have feelings of love towards Him. We just need to do Mitzvos and engage in activities that bring out our love towards Hashem. So that we feel closer and more in love.

Parshas Devorim

2010-07-16T12:00:00.000-04:00

I have always believed that if someone does something wrong towards you, you shouldn’t do wrong to them too. “Two wrongs don’t make a right”. A person is not excused for harming another since the other harmed them first. That is Nekama, revenge. We are supposed to be compassionate people, and not want to harm others.

Something to say:

Hashem our God, gave into our hands also Og, king of Bashan (3:3).

After forty years in the Wilderness, the Jews had begun the conquest of Eretz Yisrael, beginning with the kingdoms of Sichon and Og. The Midrash Rabbah relates that Og, the king of Bashan, the infamous and evil giant who hated the Jews, once uprooted a mountain with his mighty hands and heaved it over the Jewish nation in an attempt to crush them. Moses uttered the secret Name of God and was miraculously able to suspend the mountain in midair, so that no one was hurt. After this, the Jews proclaimed, “Cursed are the hands that threw this mountain”; and the Emorites declared, “Blessed are the hands that held it up.”

The Sefer Ta’am Voda’as finds it puzzling that the Emorites blessed the Children of Israel and the hands of Moses; they were enemies of the Jews and despised them. He answers that Moses’ great level of Kindness mad ea tremendous impression on the Emorites. The cruelty of Og, who sought to destroy the Jewish people in one fell swoop, was obvious; he showed no mercy whatsoever. Moshes, with the strength that God gave him, could easily have responded measure for measure and thrown the mountain at the Emorites, but he did no such thing. He merely suspended the mountain to prevent it from falling on the Jews.

This Midrash teaches us that the Jewish people are unique in their innate quality of compassion. We are called merciful ones, the children of merciful ones. For this reason the Emorites blessed the hands of Moses- because he held the mountain in place.

So next time someone does something bad towards us and we want to give them “a taste of their own medicine”, think about how the person will get hurt. Think about how we are compassionate people and don’t want to hurt others. So we should only treat people right, with care and compassion.

Parshas Matos-Masei

2010-07-09T17:49:00.001-04:00

Something to say:

These are the journeys of the Children of Israel, who went forth from the land of Egypt according to their legions, under the hands of Moses and Aaron (33:1).

The commentators remind us that since the redemption from Egypt was effected through a human being, it could not be a permanent one. This is hinted at in the words “under the hands of Moshe and Aaron”. However, the future redemption will be brought about by God Himself, and will therefore be an eternal redemption.

Parshas Pinchas

2010-07-02T19:22:00.001-04:00

In this weeks parsha Moshe is told that Yehoshuah will become the next leader, he merited this great honor because he cared for the Jewish people, and served Moshe faithfully.

Something to say:

You shall place some of your majesty upon him (27:20)

Hashem tells Moshe that Yehushuah will be the next leader of the Jewish nation and that he is to give Yehoshuah some of his special honor. The Talmud comments that Moshe was commanded to give “some of your majesty, but not all of your majesty”

The elders said, “the countenance of Moshe is like the face of the sun, and the countenance of Yehoshuah is like the face of the moon. Oh, the disgrace of it; oh, the shame of it!” Rabbi Chaim Yosef Azulai, the Chida, asks, “what is the shame and disgrace of which the elders speak? What do they so despise?”

According to the Midrash, Yehoshuah merited the leadership of the nation because he served Moshe faithfully; he also performed such tasks as arranging the benches in the Beis Midrash and sweeping the floor. It was therefore said of him, “he who cares for the fig tree will eat of its fruit.” The elders had been ashamed to perform these mundane tasks, but not they realized that these very tasks had made Yehoshuah worthy of the mantle of leadership, and they felt a sense of shame.

Someone who puts their effort into caring for an organization, or any project, will be the one to get credit for it at the end. You want to put someone in charge that has shown they care and work hard.

Parshas Balak

2010-06-25T17:33:00.001-04:00

Sometimes we think ignorance is bliss, that if we didn’t know better then we can’t be accountable for what we did wrong. But there is something called common sense, we have to use our intelligence to try to judge what’s right and wrong.

Something to say:

I have sinned for I did not know (22:34).

In this parshah, the evil prophet Balaam set out to curse the Jews. As the Torah relates, his she-donkey stopped in its tracks three times because an angel, unseen by Balaam, blocked its way. Finally, the angel did become visible to him, and Balaam cried out.

The Sh’lah asks: if Balaam really didn’t know that there was anything wrong with his plan, what was his sin? The answer is that a person is held responsible for that which he should know. God gives each person understanding, and Balaam was intelligent enough to understand that a donkey wouldn’t suddenly veer off the path or stop three times for no reason. Obviously, God was sending him a message.

We can be accountable for sins we have done, even if we haven’t learned about them. Since we should have known better. Or should have taken the time to learn about them, so as not to commit a sin.

Parshas Chukas

2010-06-18T16:29:00.001-04:00

In this weeks parshah Moshe hits the rock to bring out water for Bnei Yisroel. When I see the word “hit” I think of children being punished. Here Moshe was supposed to speak to the rock instead of hitting it. I think we can learn out that parents should speak to their children too, instead of hitting them.

Something to say:

And he struck the rock (20:11)

This parshah describes the incident of the rock at the “waters of strife” in the Wilderness. Moses was told by God to speak to the rock, which would then bring forth water for the entire nation. According to Rashi, the fact that Moses hit the rock rather than just speaking to it was the sin that prevented him from entering Eretz Yisrael.

Rabbi Shmuel of Slonim asks: How could Moses, the ultimate servant of God, possibly commit such a sin? Wasn’t he aware that he was violating a direct command of God? He answers that miracles occur on various levels. To hit the rock involved a physical effort, but to produce water from the rock merely by speaking to it was a miracle on a higher level. One reasons that Moses hit the rock was that he did not think the Jewish people were worthy of a miracle on a higher level. We learn from this explanation that one should not underestimate the strengths and merits of the Jewish nation.

Parents sometimes think speaking to their kid won’t be enough, and that they have to be physical to get them to behave. But that is not so, parents shouldn’t underestimate their children, and realize that speaking can be enough.

Parshas Korach

2010-06-11T17:57:00.001-04:00

This weeks Parsha Dvar Torah is L’Iyloy Nishmas הענה בת אביגדור

Something to say:

The earth opened its mouth and swallowed them (16:32).

In Pirkei Avos we are told that ten things were created in the twilight of the first Erev Shabbos of creation. One of them was the opening of the earth, which swallowed Korach and his congregation after their dispute with Moses. What do we learn from the fact that the mouth of the earth was created in twilight?

The Me’orah Shel Torah answers that when a person finds himself in difficult circumstances, it may seem to him as though there is no solution. He should realize, however, that the solution has already been prepared, and it is his job to uncover it – a task that requires continuous, intense effort. In this parshah, this principle is clearly illustrated: Although Moses was in serious danger and in a very difficult situation with korach, the mouth of the earth had already been prepared for his opponents from the time of Creation. We walk through life for the most part oblivious to the elaborate plans that god has designed for our benefit.

Hashem sends the Refuah before the Makah. He prepared a way for us to overcome a sorrow before he sends it down. It’s a comforting thought to know that Hashem has good plans for us. That it will all work out, and all be good. We just have to keep that in mind when we feel sad at the loss of a loved one, that Hashem has created a way for us to be healed and be loved and cared for.

Parshas Shelach

2010-06-04T15:23:00.001-04:00

You ever notice how once you hear about something you start seeing it all over? Lots of times we see things without taking it in or noticing it, because it’s not on our mind. Once we hear about it, and it’s on our mind, then we pay more attention and see it more often.

Something to say:

You shall not go explore after your hearts and after your eyes (15:39).

Rashi explains: the eye sees, the heart desires, and the body commits the sin. The Toldos Ephraim points out that Rashi should have followed the sequence of the verse; the heart desires and the eye sees. However, he answers that what the heart does not desire, the eye does not see at all.

We see what we want to see. So someone who has good on their mind will see the good. Someone who thinks of evil will see the evil. So lets keep our hearts and mind on the good, and we will see good.

Parshas Beha’alos’cha

2010-05-28T13:36:00.001-04:00

“If there’s a will there’s a way”

Something to say:

Why should we be diminished (9:7).

Those who had been prevented by impurity from bringing the pesach offering pleaded for an opportunity to bring it at a later time.

This parshah discusses the unique mitzvah of the Pesach offering. There is no other mitzvah in the Torah which is time bound, yet is assigned an alternate time if one is unable to perform it initially. Why is the pesach offering different from other time-related commandments?

The Tiferes Shlomo explains that this mitzvah was special in that the Jews did everything in their power to fulfill it. We see that they anxiously begged Moses, “Why should we be diminished?” They meant that they waited so earnestly to fulfill the commandments that they should be given a second chance if they could not perform it at the assigned time. The redemption of the Jewish people, says the Tiferes Shlomo, will be based on the same attitude. If the Jews will persistently, energetically harness all their powers to merit ultimate Redemption, it will come.

If we really want something, like the Jews wanted to do the Mitzvah of bringing the Pesach offering, then we will get it. Sometimes all that is needed, is for a person to show they want something, and then others will help make it possible. That shows how much power we have by wanting something to happen. We can fundraise to help others in need. We can help cheer people up. We can make a difference.

Parshas Naso

2010-05-21T13:07:00.000-04:00

There’s something about Birchas Kohanim that makes it an emotional time. The memories of being a child and going under my father’s tallis. The Kohanim giving a Bracha to us that is so Kadosh, that we are not allowed to see it. The “Rebono Shel Olam” Tefillah”, the beautiful singing of the Kohanim while we say the Tefilah. Where I always wondered how come there are more examples of people being cured, than strengthening the good.

Something to say:

May God bless you and safeguard you (6:24).

This parsha contains the Priestly Blessing, with which God commanded the Kohanim of every generation to bless the Jewish people. It is interesting to note that despite the fact that this blessing was recited in the Temple and synagogue over the entire congregation, it is phrased entirely in the singular, rather than in the plural.

One explanation for this is that it is not always possible, or wise, to extend the same blessing to everyone uniformly. For the farmer, rain today may be an anxiously awaited blessing; for the long-distance traveler, it would be a hindrance. Wealth, a handsome appearance, or an extraordinary measure of some talent might be tremendous gifts and resources for one person; for another, each of these might be a burden could not handle. Only God, Designer of all creations and Endower of all gifts, knows precisely what blessing is appropriate for whom. He therefore tells the Kohanim to bless the people in the singular; each individual should receive the form of blessing that is most appropriate for him.

When I went with my family to Israel for my brothers bar mitzvah, we would talk about how we hoped it didn’t rain the day we would all be celebrating at the Kotel. My aunt who lives in Israel would say that she hoped it did rain and she would supply umbrellas for everyone. That Israel needs rain. Everyone has different needs, so we are blessed individually, rather than the same for everybody.

Parshas Bamidbar

2010-05-14T14:06:00.001-04:00

Shvous is almost here, during sefira we are awaiting the Torah, and counting up the days till we reach this great day of when we accepted the Torah.

Something to say:

In the wilderness of Sinai (1:1).

The Midrash tells us that the Torah was given to Israel in fire, in water, and in a wilderness. The Shem MiShmuel comments that these three elements symbolize the way an individual should strive to acquire Torah. He should learn it with the “fire” of enthusiasm – with an eager and fervent heart. The Torah student also needs “water” – a calm, peaceful thoughtful approach to learning, symbolized by the tranquility of water, which will help him master the material. Finally, he needs the “wilderness” – a willingness to forgot material pursuits that serve as obstacles to spiritual accomplishments.

The relationship we should have with the Torah is the same relationship as husband to wife. We should love to learn Torah and put our energy into it. We should be thoughtful in learning the Torah, and we should be willing to forgo other distractions so that we can focus more on Torah. Torah should be our number one priority, so that everything else we do in life should be for the Torah.

Parshas Behar- Bechukosai

2010-05-07T18:34:00.001-04:00

Last week in Parshas Emor we talked about how if a person refrains from sin they get a reward. In this weeks parsha, Bechukosai, we talk about another way to help us stay away from sinning.

Something to say:

I will remember my covenant with Jacob (26:42)

In this parshah, the Jewish people are warned of the punishments they will receive if they fail to live up to their obligations as the Chosen People. In the midst of a series of punishments, this verse introduces words of comfort, promising the Jews that God will eventually remember his treaty with Jacob and the other Patriarchs. The Shlah HaKadosh asks why there is a verse of comfort in the middle of all the curses.

This verse actually serves as a mussar for us. We know that a rasha, an evil person, who is the son of an evil person cannot be compared to a rasha who is the son of a tzaddik. The latter is more liable for his transgressions, for he saw an example of piety in his home and has no excuse for not following that model. We are reminded here that we are the children of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Because of this lineage, we have a very strong responsibility to follow in their ways – and if not, God forbid, we may bring all the curses in the surrounding verses on our heads.

Because we come from Tzadikim, the Avos, we have great models to emulate. If we do an aviarah we don’t have the excuse to say that we didn’t know better. If a person is tempted to commit a sin they should imagine their father and that will help them not to sin.

Parshas Emor

2010-04-30T11:23:00.000-04:00

Some motivation to help fight the Yetzer Hora:

Something to say:

You shall not desecrate my Holy Name, rather I should be sanctified (22:32)

The Chasam Sofer explains that in not desecrating the Name of God, it is considered as if we are actively sanctifying His Name. As the Gemara in Kedushin teaches, if the opportunity to sin presents itself and one refrains from the violation, he is rewarded as though he had actually performed a mitzvah.

By not doing an aviarah, not only does one prevent themselves from getting punished, but they actually get a mitzvah, and get rewarded.

HP Tuesday #5

2010-04-27T13:55:00.000-04:00

SN’s job involves a lot of driving. Monday Morning SN drove to New Rochelle with an empty tank, since his car was “The Little Car that Could”. Finished with his job there he went on to have lunch with a business associate, in Monsey. He parked his car in the restaurants parking lot and enjoyed a great lunch.

When he finished his lunch he got into his car and tried to start it, but it wouldn’t go. The tank was empty. Thankfully, the person he had lunch with was still there. So he got a ride with the guy to his next job location. Finished up his job there. Then got a ride to a gas station around the corner from where his car was stuck. He bought a 2 gallon can of gas, and got a ride to his car, where he filled it up. Then he was able to drive his car again.

The Hashgacha Pratis in all this was that 1- He didn’t get stuck on a highway. 2-it was around the corner from a gas station. 3- he was with a Jewish work associate, who was able to help him out. 4- the empty tank didn’t disrupt his schedule for the day at all.

Parshas Acharei - Kedoshim

2010-04-23T12:44:00.001-04:00

Imagine this: You are at a shiur, the audience is silent, all intent on hearing what the speaker has to say. Then you start talking to a friend. A stranger calls out to you to be quiet.

Now there are a few different reactions to this. 1- You stop talking and brush off what the person said. 2- You continue talking, thinking what you have to say is more important. 3- You answer back to the stranger, that they shouldn’t tell you what to do.

In Most cases people would have reaction number 1. With a few people having reaction number 2. And rarely people would have reaction number 3.

Now Imagine this: A wife works hard in the kitchen cooking a supper for her husband. Then it comes supper time and the husband criticizes the way she cooked supper.

There are a few different reactions to this. 1- The wife will get upset and yell at her husband and say if he doesn’t like the way she made it, then he can make his own suppers. 2- She will take note of what he said and try next time to make it differently, but yet feel hurt that she didn’t meet his expectations. 3- She will accept what he says lovingly.

In most cases people will have reaction number 1. With a few people having reaction number 2. And rarely people would have reaction number 3.

By a stranger, we don’t get affected so much when they criticize us, since we don’t hold them in as much of a high regard. With a loved one, we care about what they have to say, and therefore it affects us more when we get criticized by them.

But yet in order to have the power to criticize someone, you have to be close to them. If someone else's child is misbehaving you won’t criticize them as much as you would your own child. Having someone you are close to correct you is easier than having a stranger do so. If your tag is showing, or you by mistake didn’t button all your buttons, having this pointed out by someone you are close to is easier and less embarrassing, then having a stranger point it out.

Something to Say:

You shall not hate your neighbor in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor (19:17).

The Arizal asks: What is the correlation between the concepts of not hating another and giving him reproof? Rebuke, he answers, can be presented properly onto towards one who is respected and loved by the observer. When one is sincerely concerned about another’s conduct, as a father is for his child, any criticism is certain to be constructive in nature and acceptable to the listener. The closer two people are to one another, the more intense the relationship is, and so the rebuke is certain to be more sincere and easier to absorb.

Parents love their children and therefore they feel their children’s pain. So when a parent has to punish their child, it’s like they’re punishing themselves too. They really don’t want to punish their child, but they have to, to teach the child a lesson. So the punishing is for the purpose of helping the child. If the child doesn’t learn from the punishment, then it is not the right method. A parent should not be punishing the child out of anger.

Parshas Tazria & Metzora

2010-04-16T11:10:00.001-04:00

I always believed that if people would have a positive attitude, and see the best in others then they will be happier people. People would be able to sleep peacefully without always worrying that others are out to get them. There are times when a person may wrong another, but that doesn’t mean the person is a evil person. We have to look at the person as a whole, that he is a good person.

Something To Say:

The Kohen shall look at the affliction… and the kohen shall look at him and declare him contaminated (13:3).

The “affliction” here refers to an affliction that resembles leprosy, but is a Divine retribution for the sin of gossip mongering and similar manifestations of callous and selfish behavior. What is the need for the verse’s apparent redundancy in stating twice that the Kohen shall look at it?

Rabbi Yehoshua of Kutno answers that when one looks at a person, he should see not only his blemishes, the places where he has been afflicted, but should view him as a whole person, with all his good points taken into account. Thus, although the Kohen must first examine the affliction, as it is his duty to do, he must afterwards look at the man as a whole person and see his strengths as well.

Sometimes it can be hard to notice the good when one’s job involves finding the bad, to correct it. A teacher and parent have to be extra careful when disciplining their children, to not only criticize them when they do something wrong, but to praise them as well for their good behavior. To see the child as a good child whom they still love even when they do something wrong.

Parshas Shemini

2010-04-09T10:18:00.001-04:00

In the year 2009 I ended off with Parshas Tzav, now I will continue posting about the Parshas, starting with Parshas Shemini, this weeks Parsha.

We are always taught not to judge a book by it’s cover. That the outside can be deceiving and it’s the inside that counts. That beauty comes from the inside, not the superficial outside.

Something To Say:

Any earthenware utensil into whose interior one of them will fall, everything in it shall become contaminated (11:33).

An earthenware vessel can be rendered tamei, ritually contaminated, only from its inside, even from its air space, without being touched. However, even if it is touched on the outside, it cannot be rendered impure. Commentators explain that it can never become impure by being touched on the outside because it has no value in and of itself. The vessel is only valuable as a container for the objects within it; its sole worth is a receptacle for something else.

Along the same lines, the Kotzker Rebbe said, “Man is like an earthenware vessel. His worth lies not in the outer vessel, but in the human qualities developed within.”

Just like a container has no value on it’s own, only to hold things inside of it. A person has a guf to hold the Neshama in. We praise a person if they are a good person on the inside, rather than if they have a good physical attribute. A person who wins a medal in the Olympics may be looked upon by others as a great person. But then if you were to see one of them start acting in a bad way it changes the way you look at them, and you realize that the way a person acts on the inside is what makes them really great.

Another way of looking at a container is to realize that a container can only function if it is complete and whole. Once there is a hole in a container than it can no longer hold anything in it. A container can then be compared to Middos, characteristics of a person. Where a person needs good Middos to be able to do other Mitzvos.

For the first time, I have so far been counting Sefira every night. During Sefira we are working on our Middos, So that we can be ready for Shvous, where we get the Torah.

Just Married

2010-03-09T16:00:00.001-05:00

Sunday, Rosh Chodesh ADAR!!, February 14, 2010, SN and I got married!

B”H the wedding went great, all the preparations paid off!

I got my hair done in my house in the morning, and then went to the hall to get makeup on. I davened Mincha, and said Tehillim for all the names that were given to me. Then started pictures. It was lots of fun posing for the pictures.

At Kaballas Panim I started getting emotional, realizing this was it, that I was getting married! I was so happy to see SN after a week of no seeing each other. It felt so powerful to have my father and SN’s father bench me.

Walking down the Chuppah, felt like a dream, I didn’t focus on the people standing on the sides of me, but I noticed there were lots of people. I davened for myself and SN under the Chuppah.

After the Chuppah, SN’s sister gave me a big hug, and I was so happy. I enjoyed dancing with her lots of times. It feels good to have such nice older sisters.

Usually I’m not much of a dancer, so much so, that I went with my mother and aunt to dance lessons before my wedding, to learn steps. We didn’t practice at all! But I remembered 2 things that I learned which really helped when it came to dancing. The first thing was how to dance one on one. The second was what to do when you start to feel dizzy from going in circles so many times. And that’s called “break the dizzy” where you go from side to side instead. I did that a couple of times, and I had so much fun dancing, that every time someone came over to offer me water, I said I was fine, and when they came to give me a seat, I also was fine and could of went on and on.

It was nice meeting Tembow and Inkstainedhands. And Thanks Auror, Annie and Rain Strap for coming! Auror made a beautiful poster which I shall always cherish, I have it on my dresser now.

SN, the amazing nice person that he is, knew it was his bosses anniversary on our wedding night, so he brought a cake for him, and had it given to him at our wedding.

So the wedding was over, and B”H I never felt stressed or nervous! My family lives only a few blocks away from me, and I’m still in the same neighborhood, so there weren’t any big adjustments for me.

I enjoy cooking for me and SN! I did my first loads of laundry after we got married, and found it to be lots of fun. I haven’t ironed yet, since I don’t have an iron or ironing board, but I can imagine it being relaxing. I went with SN to do a few computer jobs, it’s fun learning new things. So married life is great! I ♥ SN!

Mazel Tov --- It’s a Boy!

2010-02-09T07:08:00.001-05:00

On Shabbos my future sister in law had a baby boy! Sunday I went to the hospital to visit my future sister in law and baby, with SN and his other sister. It was my first time going to a hospital to visit a new born baby. My first time seeing a 25 hour old baby, and my first time holding a new born baby!

While we were in the room, a nurse comes to check the baby’s hearing. But since we were able to be there for a short time, we asked the nurse if we can hold the baby before she takes him for the hearing test. So she said “sure” and stayed with us while we took turns holding the baby.

After SN’s other sister held the baby, SN asked me if I wanted to hold the baby. Since I’ve never held one so young I was nervous to, so I let SN hold him first. Then SN commented how I’m “The Babysitter”. So then it was really funny, cause the nurse thought that I was going to be the baby’s babysitter! So she started teaching me how to take care of the baby. She showed me how to wrap the baby up tight in the receiving blanket, so that it’s easier to hold them. Then when it was time to wheel the baby away, she showed me how to put the baby back down into the basinet. After I put the baby down she congratulated me and said I did a great job.

I loved seeing the new born baby, he was so cute and tiny! We looked at every move he made and commented how cute he was. And I really felt it, it was so exciting. And I’m happy the nurse misunderstood us, and taught me how to take care of the baby. Now I feel more confident about holding little babies.

How to Get Ready for The Big Day

2010-02-05T09:20:00.001-05:00

Inspired by SN!

After the L’chaim/vort starts the wedding preparations. First you figure out a date for the wedding and book a hall. This is important since halls can get booked fast, luckily since we had a little longer of an engagement than most, we were able to book our special day.

If the couple is going by FLOP, then the Chosson side then will take care of the flowers, liquor, Orchestra and Photography. Where the Kallah then chooses the flowers she would like. The chosson side will also take care of the Benchers and Documents for the wedding-Kesuba.

The Kallah will book a makeup and hair person for the wedding. She will go look for a gown from a gemach or rental, and then go in for fittings quite a lot of times. She will buy sheitels and other hair coverings, and all kinds of clothing. The Kallah will choose invitations to send out, and come up with the wording, go through proofs and then have them printed.

Next step is to look for a bedroom set, if you plan on having one when you get married. Sometimes the stores can be out of stock so you have to give them enough time to get it shipped from the company in another country.

An important preparation is Kallah classes. They are so enjoyable, and you learn so many great things. You come out with a clear and new perspective on all kinds of things. I would say it’s important to write notes when you learn Halachos, since I didn’t, and I learned from my mistake. Also, it’s important to ask your kallah teacher any questions you have. If a friend tells you anything, always check with your kallah teacher, to see if what they are saying is correct.

Another great preparation for marriage is to go to the SHALOM workshop which I highly recommend.

A month before the wedding is a good time to send out the wedding invitations. It’s lots of fun getting back return cards, and reading all the nice messages on them, with brachos and personalized messages. I made an excel sheet to keep track of all those that sent back the return card, with how many attending for the whole thing, and how many said no seat, along with how I know them. Grouping them into categories helps with the seating arrangements.

Next big step is to look for an apartment, at first it can be fun and exciting, but after looking at a bunch of apartments you just feel as though you want to find the right one already. Also, don’t keep your search limited, you never know what may be right for you. Word of mouth is a great way to find an apartment.

Next step is buying stuff for the apartment, this can get very costly, be aware! Then comes cleaning the apartment, getting mezuzos to put up, and moving your stuff in.

Throughout all this time, there is another kind of wedding preparation that is nice, and that is getting to know your chosson better. As you spend time preparing for the wedding, and discussing all kinds of things, you better get to know them. Going to each other for Shabbosim can be a great experience, you get to see how things are run in their house, and show them how things are run in yours. It’s relaxing to just spend time together on Shabbos, without having to be busy with other tasks.

Lots of people say that the wedding preparations can be a stressful time. But B”H I can say the wedding day is drawing closer and I haven’t felt stressed at all.

There are lots of great resources to help you plan for your wedding day. The Chosson/Kallah guide book, is a great free book, with articles, ads with coupons, along with lists of things you need for your wedding, from the Kallah side, and Chosson side. If you look to the right you will see a link for Jewish Wedding - New York, which is another great resource helping you with all kinds of wedding preparations.

Pro-Active Parenting

2010-01-23T20:10:00.001-05:00

Friday night I had R’ Ackerman from Project YES speak in my house. He went over what he spoke about 2 weeks ago, with Expectations and then he went on to discuss Pro-Active parenting.

He mentioned the importance of calling a child by their name when giving them praise and not just when criticizing them. So that a child shouldn’t associate their name as meaning they did something wrong. Where a child would hear their name and cringe thinking “what did I do now?”.

Now what is pro-active parenting? It’s where things seem to be going smoothly, the child isn’t getting into trouble or doing anything to upset you. But yet you notice something is different and therefore take on an active role.

For example, your daughter usually plays with friends on Shabbos, and you notice for the past few weeks she has been sitting on the couch and reading a book instead. Now on the surface everything seems fine, she isn’t getting in your way. But you realize something is different and therefore want to address the situation.

So you say to your daughter “I notice you have started to read books on Shabbos instead of playing with your friends, What happened that was different?” Now since the child is in middle of reading a book you can’t expect them to shut the book and talk to you. You have to think about the child, and tell them that you would like to talk to them, and ask them when they can.

Then once you start talking to your daughter and say “What happened”, your daughter may say that one time when she was playing with her friends, one girl was very mean to her and called her names and made her cry. Now as the parent it hurts to see your child upset so you may want to dismiss her hurt feelings and say “I’m sure she didn’t mean that”. But it is important not to say that! By doing so you are not validating your child’s feelings. You are saying they don’t know what their saying, and this will cause the child to feel worse.

Instead, say “I understand that must have been hurtful”. “What happened next” Now your daughter may surprise you here with what she continues to say. She may say “Then afterwards I took out a book to read, and another girl came over and we started talking about the book”. Then you say “sounds like you had fun with the other girl”. Then she’ll remember the good time and say “yea, I had a good time with her”.

Now at this point it could be all the child needed was somebody to listen to her. So after expressing her feelings and telling over the story with what happened, she may feel all better and say “I feel better now, Thanks Mommy for listening”. And then she will go on continue playing.

Just listening, is often what children need, for us to give them our attention, and be all there for them. Not always do we have to “fix” things for them. And often times there may be no solution, or it may take a long time to solve. Now after listening, you can ask the child what they wish would happen next time. Say “if there’s any way I could help, please let me know”, so the child knows that you are there for them. Remember that the child is the expert, and they will tell you how you can help them.

If there comes a situation where a child comes home telling you what happened and you just don’t know what to say. You can say “I don’t know what to say. What do you wish I would say?”. Now at this point it could be an hour after the event occurred and the child can be angry, and what they say now might not be the same answer they say the next morning when they have to deal with the consequences.

If a child comes home from school all upset and says that their Rebbi called them a bum and told them to never open their mouth in class again. As the parent you promise the child that the Rebbi must not have meant that. Because you weren’t there, so you really don’t know, and can’t predict. You cay say at this point that you don’t know what to say, and ask the child when they would like to talk about this some more.

If the child says they would like you to talk to their Rebbi, then ask them “what would you like me to say to him”. Also, keep in mind that your child is going back to school the next morning, and dealing with the Rebbi for the rest of the year. So you should talk it over with your child and spouse before you make any quick decisions. Often times there may not be a solution, rather a picking of “the worst evil”.

Happy Birthday to Me!

2010-01-20T12:59:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was my birthday and I turned 21! I had an amazing birthday Thanks to SN.

I went to SN for Shabbos, and got to see how his Shabbos routine goes. I enjoyed the zemiros and Divrei Torah from him and his family. I got to meet his friendly neighbors, and go to shiurim with him. I also got to go to Auror’s house, and talk with her and all her siblings. Over Shabbos I tasted so many new foods! Gefilte Fish, Bartenurah wine, eggs, and tomatoes, to name a few. I enjoyed spending time with SN, and learned more things about him that I admire.

Then Sunday, we looked at an apartment that I was really hoping would work out. B”H it did, and Monday we decided to take it! Now I feel relieved that we have an apartment, and can start focusing on buying stuff for it! Fun Fun!

Monday I went for my first gown fitting, and picked up one sheitel, which I’m going to bring back another time to have it styled some more.

Tuesday, was my Birthday! The day started off with me going to my future sister in law to check out the sheitel that she ordered for me. It was great talking with her, and she was so nice in helping me out with buying stuff, recommending where to go and what I would need to get.

Then I went to my grandparents store, where I picked out some robes and tried on some pre-tied’s, they gave me lots of stuff! It was fun trying on the pre-tied’s and looking like a “Mommy”!

Then after I finished with the robe store I was walking to try to find the city bus stop to go back home, but I didn’t know where it was, so I was walking down the Avenue. Then I BBM’d SN that I was done with my grandparents store, he BBM’d back that he was in the neighborhood, then he offered me a ride, happened to be we were a block away from each other.

So I meet him in front of a pizza store, and I see him coming to me with a huge Happy Birthday Balloon. It was such a nice surprise, and I loved how it wasn’t planned, and that we just happened to be in the same place at the same time. So we ate lunch together. Meanwhile it was still early, 3 ish, so SN was in middle of his working hours. So after lunch he was supposed to go to another place, but they were going close before we would be able to get there, so SN ended up coming to my house. I brought down my laptop and I got to watch SN work. It was fun to watch how he works.

Then after an hour, we went back to his house, where I helped him with some more invitations that he didn’t get to send out yet. Then we went to a candy store where we had fun going through the candies and picking some out. I saw 2 interesting “candies” there. One was Individually wrapped Jelly beans, and the other was a “coloring page cookie”, where you get to color on the cookie, to fill in the picture how ever you want it to look, and it’s all edible!

Then we went out to eat at a nice fancy restaurant, where we had yummy food! SN gave me a beautiful birthday present, of diamond earrings. He played a song for me on his phone that we both really like. Then we went back to the car, where we ate some candies and played “our song” for our wedding.

Then I got to see how SN does one of his side computer jobs. We went to this persons house, and it was cool watching SN doing stuff on the computer, and I can’t wait to learn how to do all kinds of things and help him out with his jobs. Then the mother in the house asked me if I wanted a tour of her house. So I said “okay” and boy what a tour it was! She had painted everything in her house, it was all amazing! She told me how she got lots of stuff from ikea and designed her house, and everything. I told he that she can be on one of those TV shows, doing home makeovers for people. Everything she painted was so professional and amazing. She painted on furniture into the kids bedroom, that look so real! She painted on the kitchen counter, and the backsplash of the kitchen, that all look so real! It was all really cool.

Then SN drove me home, and it was already late, where my family would be sleeping, so he didn’t get to come in and say hello to them. But we got to talk in the car some more, which I always enjoy. Lately, we’ve been talking till the clock turns _:00, but here it was at _:46, when a car needed to go into the driveway we were blocking, so we had to call it a night, and didn’t get to talk till the _:00.

I had an amazing Birthday! And great weekend leading up to my birthday! Our wedding is getting closer! I am so excited!

Twins!

2010-01-13T17:47:00.001-05:00

I was reading what HSaboMilner had to say on being a twin, and it brought back memories of my own.

If I had a dollar for every time we were asked if our twin was identical. Identical means exactly the same.

So many times people would ask if we were identical, and this came from adults too.

My mother is a twin, and always tells over the story of how my grandmother was giving birth. My mother came first, and the doctor said “It’s a girl”. Then 2 minutes later the doctor said “It’s a boy”, so then my grandmother said “Is it a girl or a boy? you can’t tell?”. We would all laugh at the story, thinking about the olden days.

I obviously don’t know what it was like when my mother was pregnant with us, but I do remember what it was like when she was pregnant with the second set of twins. I remember being so excited to finally have younger siblings to take care of. It was exciting to have 2 babies, to play with them and feed them.

When me and my twin were younger we were really close. We played together and did everything together. We went to the same school together, separate building for boys and girls, but we were on the same bus. We would have walkie talkies, and talk to each other. It was a lot of fun. We were partners. We would play school together, and do homework together.

I had such a deep bond with him, that I felt everything he felt. I would hurt for him. I didn’t have that same bond with my older brother. Me and my twin always got a long and were best friends. My twin brother was always so good to me, and wanted to take care of me. He would protect me in school, and tried to take care of me when we got lost. Even now he is so good to me. He gave me his blackberry when he got a new phone, which made me so happy since SN has a blackberry too. He asked me what I want for my birthday present, even though it’s his birthday too.

HSaboMilner puts it very nicely:

There is something deeply magical and mystical about being created at the same time as someone else. Growing together from a cluster of cells into human beings. Our bond was created 9 months before our birth – there is no way that anyone could ever hope to recreate that in the physical world.

As the years gone by, and there started to be a separation between boys and girls, we drifted a part, and became like regular brother and sister. Then I started to think it would be better to be twins with a girl, cause then you would really get to do everything together, and if you were identical you would get to switch places on people, like “Elizabeth and Jessica” did, from some story book I used to love reading. But then I would read stories about twin girls being in competition with each other, and I was happy to be twins with a boy again.

With my younger brother and sister, they were a different type of twins. They weren’t always together. They were on different levels, which made it hard for them to play which each other. It’s easy to explain to an older child that the younger child can’t do certain things yet, or that you have to be the big one and give in. But with twins it’s hard, because their the same age, so you can’t tell one they have to be “older” and give in, or that the other is younger and that’s why they can’t do whatever it may be.

Being a twin was really fun as a child, and I’ll cherish the memories. Now I still have a connection with my twin, but it’s not the same as before. Though we still get a long great. Now I feel connected to SN and hope to grow our connection to the upmost.

Being that it seems like twins is in the genes of my family (3 sets) it makes me wonder if I’ll have twins, and which I would rather. I used to think that twins are so cool, and you get a lot of attention because of it. But parenting wise, I think singles are easier. But whatever Hashem gives me I will be happy with!

Expectations

2010-01-09T19:43:00.001-05:00

Friday night I went to a great shiur by R’ Ackerman from project Y.E.S on the topic of expectations with children.

There are 3 rules to follow when formulating an expectation:

The expectation has to be concrete. In that you can’t be vague in asking a child to do something.

Example: Asking a child to clean their room is a vague request. What will happen if you tell a child to clean their room? You’ll come in and see a pile of clothing in the closet, and garbage there. So then you’ll get upset at the child, and say, “You didn’t clean your room!”, then they’ll say “But I did, look, there’s nothing on the floor, I put it all in the closet so that you won’t trip on anything. So the child had good intentions but just didn’t understand your request. Now if you would give a specific request, and say “I would like you to clean up the things from the floor, hang up the shirts in the closet and throw the garbage out.” Then that is a concrete expectation that the child can follow.
The expectation should be a positive one. A parent shouldn’t tell a kid “Get your feet off the table” because then they will put their feet on the wall or the chair or any other place besides the table, and if you don’t want their feet in those places then you have to be clear and say, Put your feet only on the floor. So before you make a request for a child to do, think about what you want them to do, if you can’t think of a positive way to ask it, then wait till you can think of one.

Also, there’s a way to ask a child to do something. It shouldn’t be “You have to be in your room in 10 minutes”. Rather, “I would like you to be in your room in 10 minutes”. There are 2 differences between the 2 sentences. 1 is changing the sentence from a “you” to an “I”. 2 is leaving out the word “have to”. If you request from the child nicely to go into their room then they are more likely to listen, than if they are being told to. In addition, if you use words like “have to” then what will happen? 15 minutes later the child is not in their room, so they realize they didn’t have to go to their room, and it makes the parent loose authority in their eyes.
The expectation has to be realistic. You have to know what the child can handle at their age level, as well as the duration of how long they can do something. A little child most likely will not be able to sit at the Friday table for a long time. So you can’t expect them to. But yet, it doesn’t mean that it’s all or nothing. They can sit there for as much as they can handle. With such things, a parent shouldn’t ask the child “can you sit at the table?” because then it’s giving the child 2 choices, “yes” or “no”, but really they can sit at the table, just not for all of it, so rather you should ask “How long can you sit at the table for?”. Also, it is important to realize that each child is different, and that just because 95% of your other children were able to do something at a certain age, doesn’t mean it’s realistic for this child to.

Now after asking your child to do something, you should say over what you expect of them, and see if they understand. To clean up any misunderstandings. Then you should ask the child “What do you think of that”, so that you find out in advance feedback from the child whether they plan on doing what you expect or not. So that later when you have expected them to do something, and you find out they didn’t do it, you won’t be caught in the moment and get upset. So you talk it out in advance.

Now if the child has succeeded in doing what you asked them to, then you have to praise them on their success. You’re supposed to praise them, 500 times to the amount you criticize them. That is the key to building a child’s self esteem. If you find the child set the table, like you asked, then you say “Child’s name, you did such a great job setting the table, your such a good boy” or something like that. The praise should be able the child’s success and not about yourself, in that you shouldn’t say “you made me so happy by setting the table”. Though you can add that in to, but the focal point should be about the child accomplishing his task.

Now it says “adam nifal kefei poulasuf”, a child will become the way he acts. So that if you praise him for his success, then he will become successful. If on the other hand you always point out his failures, then he’ll think of himself as a failure. So that if a child does an expectation half way, you should praise him on that half way, so that you can build his success, rather than salvaging his failure. It’s much easier to build on success.

Now what if you asked the child to move some cups from the dining room table to the server, and then you find it wasn’t done, what do you do? You say to the child “I asked you to move the cups from the table to the server”. Then you say an observation, which should not be judgmental. You say, “I see the cups are still on the table”. Then it is very important to be dan likav zechus, and judge the child favorably, so that your not putting them on the defense. You shouldn’t say “why didn’t you put the cups on the server?” But rather say “what was hard for you?” Assuming that the child would have done what you asked if they had been able to.

Now when having a talk with a child about an important thing, you have to be Hakal Kan, all of you has to be there. You can’t have any outside distractions, as well as internal distractions, you have to realize everything is about the child, and not you being upset at the child. When talking with the child make sure you have eye contact, if their looking down, then say their name, to get their attention. Then go through the script, saying: “I asked you to do this, I see it is this way, what was hard for you?”

Then the reason will be one of 2 things. Either incompetence or non compliance. Which in most cases it’s incompetence, where the child was un capable of fulfilling your expectation. So they will explain to you why they couldn’t. Example: a child comes home and puts their coat on the floor, you find it there and then ask the child what happened, they will tell you that they hand to run to the bathroom so they couldn’t hang up their coat.

Now what happens if the child just says, “I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to”. Then you have to make sure it’s really not incompetence. You say to the child, “what happened when you tried to…” then lots of times they will tell you, “I tried but then I couldn’t” They are just too ashamed to say that they couldn’t do something, so they say they didn’t want to do it. But once they see that you understand them, then they will open up to you and tell you why they couldn’t do what you asked. Now this is very important to find out that it’s really incompetence, as you’ll find out later.

If the child didn’t fulfill the expectation because of non compliance, there is one of 3 things that can be done:

You can let it slide, you can figure this isn’t an important thing, and the child doesn’t want to do it. This does not mean “choosing your battles” since really parenting is not about a battle between parent and child, but rather helping the child grow to be successful, so you’re just making a decision, that this request is not an important one.
You can threaten the child into submission. Now this one barely works, because then there will be a war between the child and parent, and you’ll be surprised how much punishment a child can handle, so that they shouldn’t loose. Rarely will they ever give in, and if they do give in, the relationship between parent and child has changed, and the child will not like his parent at all. So you have to question if this method will be worth it.
You can give the child an incentive. Notice this is not a bribe, since a bribe is given to a judge so that they should do the wrong thing. Here you want the child to do the right thing, just since they don’t want to, you want to give them motivation so that they should. A child is an expert of themselves. So you ask them “What would you like to earn in order to do this thing that you don’t want to do”. You’ll be surprised at what lots of children will say to this, One child said “I want to play checkers with Totty on Friday nights”.

Now here’s where it’s important that you made sure it really was non compliance and not incompetence. Because what happens, if really the child is not capable of doing something, and then you offer them a reward if they do it. It’s cruel, because your hanging something they want in front of their eyes, but yet saying they can’t have it. Since they won’t be able to fulfill your expectation they won’t be able to get the reward. So all the charts won’t help, unless the child is capable to meet the expectation.

Israel 2009

2009-12-31T11:00:00.001-05:00

Earlier I had posted about Chanukah at the Kotel, and now it had actually happened. I went with my family to Israel for my little brothers Bar Mitzvah. He did a great job leining Parshas Meiketz, the longest Parsha, and I’m so proud of him! Since it was my little sister’s birthday also, she got a cake. It reminds me of my twin brothers bar mitzvah, when I got a cake too.

We left to Israel on December 6. It was nice having SN come over and see us off. I brought my laptop with me thinking I would have internet in Israel and be able to communicate with SN that way, but it wasn’t so simple. Everywhere I went I kept thinking about SN. We took lots of pictures and videos so that we would be able to share the experience.

I had a great time in Israel spending time with both of my grandparents, and meeting other relatives. We didn’t do much touring since the men and boys went to a lot of Kvarim.

While my father and brother were at Har Hazaisim they had an Arab aim a gun at them, and their taxi driver said he’ll protect them, and B”H nothing happened. Then they were walking around looking for Avremel Zalmanowitz’s Kever 2 men out of nowhere came to help them find it. Then after Davening there, they turned around and the men were gone. When I heard that it reminded me of the stories where Eliyahu Hanavi, or someone would just appear miraculously.

We went to 4 places, the Kotel, Kever Rochel, Mearas Hamachpaila and Mini Israel.

Some interesting things I noticed about Israel:

The lights go from Red –> Yellow –> Green
People do not cross against the light, even if there are no cars coming.
Their latkes are not made from potatoes
The people want it to rain
There’s so much security, that they check your pocketbook at a grocery store
There are lions everywhere, looks like it’s their national symbol
The shuk sells everything loose, there are sacks of all different kinds of spices.

Last time I went to Israel I kept a diary of my trip. This time however, I e-mailed SN a daily summary of how my day in Israel was, instead. Interestingly most of my thoughts on my first Israel trip, apply to the second as well.

We left Israel December 21st, and arrived back in time to see all the snow on the ground. Our flight only got delayed about 3 hours. The day I was flying to come back, SN was flying to Florida, so we missed each other. Today SN is flying back from LA, and interestingly he’ll be arriving to snow too.

I had fun buying presents for friends and family. I gave the large family a present, and realized that the mother is expecting child number 13! (The oldest is now 18!). The 3 year old still didn’t get a hair cut! I think their afraid that he won’t want to wear his yarmulka and then he’ll look like a “goy”, this way he just looks like a 2 year old.

I spent a day with Auror and gave her some presents, she is really such a great friend! We had fun trying on dresses and perfume. She brings out the “girl” in me.

Tomorrow I get to see SN, and I can’t wait to finally see him and show him what I bought, and to give him some presents.

S.H.A.L.O.M

2009-11-24T10:25:00.001-05:00

Motzei Shabbos I went with SN to a great workshop by the S.H.A.L.O.M taskforce. It lasted over 4 hours, but yet was so interesting that time just flew by. I would recommend all engaged couples to go to this workshop. The government provides grants to them, enabling them to give the workshop for free. They only charge 25 dollars to register and get a book they put together.

The workshop started with everyone receiving a piece of paper titled “Island Survival Exercise”, where there are 25 things listed on the list, and you have to choose 10 that you think are important in order to survive on an island. Then you compare it with your significant other and see how many you have in common. Then for the one’s you have different you have to come up with a compromise and see which one’s you would both choose. This exercise showed how couples think alike. In addition, it helps you practice compromising, and learning more about how the other thinks.

Then there is something called The Daily Temperature Reading by Virginia Satir. Couples should set a side 15 minutes a day to talk to each other and do the DTR.

Appreciations
New Information
Puzzles
Complaints with Request for Change
Wishes, Hopes and Dreams

(See link above for more info. Or watch the video below)

DTR by Lori Gordon, Founder of PAIRS

Then there’s the Guide for Confiding about a Complaint. They give you a wheel, with key words to begin your complaint. While one is making their complaint, the other parrots what they say, to make sure they understand what is being said. (Ex: “I notice that you…” “You notice that I…”). Then only after the whole wheel has been gone through, can the other explain and clear things up. This helps for complaints that involve emotional feelings, and involve more than a “quick fix” technique.

Then there is the emotional jug. Where sometimes you can be having a bad day, little things keep happening and you remain calm through it all. Then one last thing happens and you burst and lash out on someone. So to prevent this from happening, you realize when your emotional jug starts building up, and you tell your significant other that you have to empty your emotional jug.

The listener will then ask “What are you Mad/Sad/Scared/Glad about?” and then at the end ask “If there’s anything else you would be mad about, what would it be?”. This seems like a strange question, but it really works. Since you are emptying your emotional jug, you might as well let it all out, so that you start fresh.

Yesterday I got to practice emptying my emotional jug, and SN was a great listener and I thank him again! I was in such a good mood afterwards, that I even wanted to make others happy.

This is just a fraction of what the workshop consisted of, for more information check out their site and register for a course!

Segulos

2009-11-15T10:07:00.001-05:00

I had a class on Segulos in Seminary that was very interesting, so I decided to share it.

We are not supposed to follow in the ways of the Goyim, but with health related issues you don’t have to worry about following in the ways of the goyim. In other words, you should use a doctor.

1- If a person is chocking on a bone, they should put a bone on their forehead and say “חד חד נחית בלע בלע נחית חד חד " – it works.

“והיתם לי סגולה מכל העמים”, Something can just work even if it doesn’t make sense. Like medicine comes from grass, so too Segulos will work through Torah.

A person’s approach to a Segulah is to put their trust in Hashem, and by doing these things we believe Hashem will help us.

2- If a child talks in their sleep, take the tooth of a dog and put it on a necklace around the child.

3- For ear infection, Put the mothers milk in the ear of the child, or mix with white of egg and put in ear. – It works, it’s medicine.

4- If a Mezuzah is Posul then missing a Shmirah, so check the mezuzah’s 2 times in 7 years.

5- During pregnancy a baby is formed based on what the mother does, so shouldn’t stare at animals in the zoo, don’t go to the cemetery or a Livayah, careful with what you eat and see.

6- A woman in the 9th month should go to the mikvah to cleanse herself of things she did wrong during the pregnancy.

7- A woman that can’t have children should take water from a well in Eretz Yisroel. Best Segulah for health is to say Asher Yatzar.

8- For Parnassah bench with Kavanah

9- If a woman is pregnant, she should bake a cake when she feels like she’s going into labor, and say the name of a person who doesn’t have a child, and it’s a segulah that they’ll have a child.

10- If a person has warts, take the Havdallah wine and put it on, and the wart will go away. –It works.

11- If a person can’t have children, boil Aravos and drink it, same for migraines.

12- First time it snows, take snow and rub on forehead 3 times to have a good memory. Gematria of Sheleg and Shikcha is 33.

13- Pick up your head when your trying to remember, and put your head down to concentrate.

14- For bad burn say 3x “…יברכך ה׳ וישמרך”, “יאיר ה׳…” “ישא ה׳”. And have Kavanah that Hashem should heal you.

15- Garlic on child keeps away an Ayin Hora. People keep Garlic on pocket book to keep away Ayin Hora.

16-Small aquarium, necklace with ה׳, keep away Ayin Hora.

17- Bucharian, when children get scared take metal pot, heat up lead, take hat and put the led into it, put the hat on the child, led will turn into the form of what the child is thinking of, like a dog.

18- If you have a bad dream, you can sell it.

A Simcha Filled Week

2009-11-08T11:46:00.001-05:00

Sunday evening SN’s family made a birthday party for SN’s father in his sister’s house. SN’s sister cooked an amazing meal with tons of food. I tasted carrot cake/kugel and loved it. While there SN’s brother in law told over a dvar torah about hachnasos archim. Where SN brought up a question, of how did Avraham know that he can tell Hashem to wait while he does the mitzvah of hachnasos archim, Then two answers were given.

After the birthday party, SN came to my house to work on the “Thank You” cards for the vort presents. After writing the messages I liked the way SN signed the cards he wrote, so I asked him to sign the one’s I wrote like that too. After we were done with the thank you cards. My little brother started talking to SN, and entertained him till Midnight! I enjoyed going through albums with SN showing him pictures of me when I was a little kid.

Monday night I went to my second New Square Wedding. It was a really interesting experience. I sat with 18 year old cousins who were engaged too. It’s funny how I felt like I fit in because I was engaged too, so we all had something to talk about. I had thought my 4 month engagement is a long time, but then I found out 1 cousin’s engagement is 14 months, and another 8 months! I was surprised when one of the girls showed me a picture of her chosson on her cell phone. It was a picture of a chassidish guy. I didn’t know what reaction she was expecting from me, so I just said “very nice”.

Tuesday night I had “Rain Strap’s” vort. It was really nice, and I was so happy for her, now that I knew what it felt like to be engaged. She introduced me to her chosson and they looked like a great happy lively couple. It made me realize how much more SN is such a great match for me, and I appreciate him so much!

Thursday morning I went to a cousin’s bris, that had twin boys. The really cool thing is that SN’s cousin also had twin boys the same day as my cousin! After the bris I went to SN’s sister’s sheitel place to see what size I am, and to match the color. The store was really pretty, and it was so much fun to try on sheitel’s. SN’s sister is really great!

Friday night, one of the mother’s I babysat for had a shiur in her house, where the Rebbitzen of my shul spoke. The 5 year old saw me coming in and ran to give me a hug and pulled me into her house so that she can sit on my lap. Then she said only I can sit on her chair because I’m a kallah. Then she introduced me to a lady, and said that I’m getting married. The lady then asked how old I was, and of course she said I looked younger.

Meanwhile, my father had gone to a “Buta” by my shul, and someone had asked a question about the parsha, the same question that SN had asked. I had already told my father the question and answer during the Friday night meal. So when my father heard the question, he recognized it and was able to answer it. The answer was that Avraham’s feet started moving to do hachnasas Orchim. Because a tzadik automatically starts doing a mitzvah, so that’s how he knew that he was supposed to greet the guests and was able to put Hashem “on hold”.

Motzei Shabbos I went with SN to his cousin’s vort, and met more of his family members. It was funny because my mother had babysat for his cousins, so his aunts and uncle’s knew my mother and they were really nice in welcoming me to the family.

Introducing SN

2009-10-24T20:44:00.001-04:00

SN stands for Super Nice, because that’s what my Chosson is. From now on I’ll refer to him as SN. B”H SN encourages my blogging, so I won’t be disappearing.

Wednesday night we had a beautiful vort, and I got introduced to so many people. They all of course had such good things to say about SN. I tried to speak to everyone who came for at least a few minutes. SN’s sisters were great at introducing me to everyone.

Then one time I was going over to a few ladies and they said Mazel Tov and all. Then one of them asks me if I went to a certain HS and I said yes. Then another commented that she taught there, and I looked closer at her and realized that she was one of my HS teachers. She wasn’t wearing glasses so I hadn’t recognized her right away. I remember she taught me Navi and I hadn’t particularly liked that subject nor was I good at it, so I guess it’s a good thing she didn’t remember me either!

My Kindergarten teacher on the other hand I remembered, and she remembered me. She’s going to become my cousin! She brought over a picture of me and my twin brother when we were 3 years old and she was our counselor in day camp. I was so happy to see that picture, I love looking back at little kid pictures.

SN was great at arranging everything, he comes up with all the great ideas. To have our wedding on Rosh Chodesh so we don’t have to fast. To have music by the vort so that it’s more lively, and people can dance. I was smiling looking at the video of SN and my father dancing together.

There’s so much for me to learn from SN. He started to introduce me to new foods. I drank Snapple for the first time, and it wasn’t so bad. Though I hear I have to taste the kiwi strawberry one. I had a Caesar salad for the first time, and I actually liked it. Speaking of firsts, I wore real heals for the first time, Thanks to Auror, so now I can cross that off my list.

SN’s also Super Nice in that he shows lots of Hakaras Hatov to people. He called up the florist, band, bakery, Jeweler, and all those involved, to thank them and tell them how happy we were with what he got from them. I think that’s an amazing thing, and something I’d want to take upon myself to try to do also.

We got so many gifts, from so many people, it was really nice. I can’t wait to write the Thank You cards!

I haven’t written any Hashgacha Pratis stories in a while, so here’s one. At the end of the vort my aunt told me to take a look at one of the gifts from some cousins in Israel to see what they gave. So we opened the bag, and inside we found the gift. But in addition to that we found a set of keys. By mistake the keys to the apartment where they were staying had fallen into the bag. So it was a good thing my aunt told me to take a look at what they gave, so that we found the keys and she was able to take it with her and return them.

Another thing I haven’t written about in a long time is the parsha. I had stopped in middle of the year so that I can continue from that point in the next year. But I love reading about the parsha, and learning from the chumash. So I was very happy to find out that SN’s brother writes up a weekly e-mail with divrei torah on the parsha.

Over Shabbos it was nice to hear people telling me that they had a great time at the vort, and that they were happy meeting SN.

Mazel Tov!

2009-10-15T13:56:00.001-04:00

As most of you already know from Facebook/Twitter, I got Engaged last night! I really can’t believe it, it went by so fast B”H. I was so happy to meet my Chosson’s family, they are the most happy, welcoming people I know. It was an amazing feeling to be welcomed into their family.

A lot of “Jewish Geography” took place last night. We found out how 3 of his family members knew 3 of mine, and that we had a mutual friend in common – Auror, who I have to thank so much for being there for me. I also have to Thank my friend “Rain Strap” for helping me with information on “What happens next”, since I’m the first of my siblings to get engaged.

May we continue to hear good news!

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My Sukkos Diary 2009

2009-10-08T19:08:00.001-04:00

1st Day Chol Hamoed, I had a great time at Hershey Park. I was expecting to see lots of people I knew there, but ended up seeing 3 people I knew. I went on 5 rides there, the lines weren’t so bad. It’s been so long since I went to an amusement Park so I enjoyed all the rides. Seeing kids waiting on line was comforting, knowing if they can handle the roller coasters then so can I!

(I tried to insert JavaScript in the post before, but apparently blogger doesn’t let, so I had to remove it.)

2nd Day Chol Hamoed, I went with my family to Skver to visit relatives. It was nice when they spoke English for us, so we can understand. We went to one of my father’s cousins house, she has 15 children, all married, and her grand children are married, and some are getting married. One of her grand children was there, she was 18 and getting married to her uncle, similar to the wedding I mentioned before.

There were a bunch of Chassidish men and boys there too, 2nd and 3rd cousins. I was watching them talk in Yiddish and I finally figured out the glasses style. They have 3 different styles. One is a beigish rim around thick classes for children, another is black on the top rim and clear on the bottom rim on big sized glasses for boys and adults; most common, the third is a bigger thicker beige rim for adults, which wasn’t too common.

We sat and talked in their sukkah for 2 hours, they offered us fruits, cakes and drinks. Here are some pictures of the decorations in their sukkah. In Skver, a lot of houses have sukkah’s in their house, seems really convenient and comfortable. Though I wonder if it takes away from the traditional feeling of going outside for sukkos.


If you look on the bottom right side you will see part of a recliner.	If you look on the top right side you will see part of an air conditioner.

We then went to the Palasades Mall. One my fathers cousins in Skver owns a few rides there, and he said we can go on for free. We checked out the Ferris Wheel, but it wasn’t running at the time. So we went to play Laser tag. It was my first time playing Laser tag, it was lots of fun, they had tons of caves and places to hide in. We played a team game, and my team one of course: girl power!

We then went to watch a 3D imax “Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs”, it was excellent!

What I have to say about it:

I noticed a lot of father and son relationships, they weren’t much into the mothers. One father kept telling his son he loves him, another loved his son but didn’t no how to express it, and yet another spoiled his son, the brat, but didn’t know how to love him. It was a family oriented movie, which I liked. It had that loyalty thing, of choosing family over someone else.
I liked how it had techy geeky stuff, I noticed that he always said what he was doing, I figured this is so the kids can understand what’s happening.
I liked how they made the “nerd” be the cool one. That she started out as a pretty girl who would say silly things so that she didn’t sound smart and won’t be made fun of as a nerd, but then when she was excited about something she knew, she would just say it, and then play dumb after. So then the scientist realized she was smart and told her to be herself, and put a pony in her hair, and put glasses on her, and said she was beautiful then.
They were really creative with their play on words, and use of food. I loved the Jello part, where they took into account the substance of the food and then created a function out of it, like the ability to jump on it like a trampoline.
I noticed a lot of food avalanches, with people running away, but yet no one got hurt. That’s what makes it a PG movie. But yet, it makes it unrealistic. There’s only one case of a kid getting sick from eating too much candy, he then gets better with cellery in a second. So that makes it not scary for kids.

3rd day Chol Hamoed was a really windy day, and our sukkah started to collapse; the door busted, so it was time to take it down before more damage occured.

One of the boards even flipped over from the wind while it was on the floor. Good thing we don’t have to eat in the sukkah second days, because now it’s all put away. Good thing I took pictures of the Sukkah before Sukkos.

I then got to do some fun mini high way driving, down curvy roads at 30 mph, and that was my fun for the day. I drove my family to an arcade/ride place. Then later that night we went to see the Simchas Bais Hashoaiva a shul in the neighborhood put together. There was a “fire” man who juggled with fire, and made balloon shapes for the kids. There was singing and dancing and the kids really enjoyed it.

4th day Chol Hamoed, I Drove on my own, for the first time! I took my little sister to a ceramics place, and spent 4 hours there painting. It was buy one get one free, so we both got to paint 2 things. I painted a shoe and a rollerblade.

After the painting, I drove my family to the water to say Tashlich.

Hope you all had a great Chol First Days Sukkos and Chol Hamoed.

Can’t wait for Simchas Torah; Candy!

A Super New Year/ Happy Blogversary

2009-09-17T11:55:00.001-04:00

Rosh Hashonah is just around the corner, and I have 2 topics I wanted to write about, and now Thanks to Mike In Midwood, I have a way of including both topics within the meme he has tagged me in. The topics: Rosh Hashonah and My Blogversary!

Here are the rules:

Rule number 1: Read the rules.
Rule number 2: Write one superpower you would like to have and what you would do with it.
Rule number 3: Write why you chose that super power over everything else.
Rule number 4: Tag and link 7 people, and write why you think they will have an interesting meme.
Rule number 5: fix your broken links.

I like this meme since when people tag you, they leave a reason of why they tagged you, so it better gives you an idea of what you should write about. I was tagged by MikeInMidwood, Jacob Da Jew, Jessica and Dude with a Hat.

Jessica said the reason why she tagged me:

“I’m hoping that she’ll find a way to tie it into the upcoming holiday”

So that is what I shall do…

A super power I would like to have would be the ability to start fresh after I make a mistake, to press an undo button after I messed up and then to learn from my mistake and correct myself as though I had never done anything wrong.

With this super power, it would cause one to have a wonderful life, you would never get depressed or feel guilty, you would just undo what you have done and redo it the right way so that you feel happy and content with the way your life is turning out. There would be no arguments between people, no hard feelings. Usually when a person makes a mistake they regret it afterwards, so having this second chance will probably cause people to end up doing the right thing.

If you think about it, this is what Rosh Hashonah is about, we get a fresh new start, our slates are wiped clean, we get a second chance. Comes Yom Kippur, we admit what we did wrong, feel regret, and then take upon ourselves to not do it again, and then magic, our sins are forgiven and it as though we started new. We also ask people for forgiveness, which helps our relationships with others to be fixed, and it clears up miscommunications.

With Rosh Hashonah comes my blogversary for this blog, the English dates don’t match up since it goes according to the Hebrew calendar, but since it’s a Jewish blog, I thought it would be befitting to choose a Hebrew date. If you missed last years Rosh Hashonah post, here it is, it includes a video I had made.

MikeInMidwood said the reason why he tagged me:

because she usually writes Meme's and seems to love them, and I think she'll enjoy this one. Also because there are many people who others don't link that she usually does.

So that is what I shall do…

Ricki’s Mom – I wonder if she’ll tie it in to her daughter Ricki.
NMF #7 – I wonder if she’ll tie it in to Israel.
%Shocked% – Looking forward to some philosophical/psychological outlook on a super power.
Batya – Because she’s great with KCC and JPIX and HH, I figure she might want to give this a shot too.
LE7 – She’s a new blogger, so maybe this will cause her to post more, and get her some more traffic. I’m sure her post will be creative and entertaining.
Super Raizy – She’s already got it in her name. Looking forward to some “Mommy Super power”.
Lion Of Zion – Maybe he would tie it into Jr, whom I enjoy reading about.

May this year bring only good things and happiness to all of us!

The Drivers View

2009-09-10T18:48:00.001-04:00

I had recently started taking driving lessons and learning how to drive. Up until that point I have always been the passenger and never understood what backseat driving was. I also didn’t realize what it was like to view pedestrians from the drivers seat.

Now that I am driving I notice how many people start walking in middle of the street when it’s not their light. It really bothers me, because it’s as though they are “asking for it”. People seem to have no patience. How much longer is it going to take for them to wait for the light? 10 seconds? why can’t they just wait?

I hadn’t revealed this piece of person information when I talked about my Seudat Hodah, because I figured it’s too personal. But perhaps if I talk about it then people will learn from it, and perhaps it will cause people to think before they cross when it’s not their light, I know it made me think!

When I was 12 years old, 7th grade, I had to go to school by city bus. The bus stop was across an avenue with no light. For 8 months I had no problem crossing that street. Then one day BOOM, a van turned in and hit me. To make a long story short, ever since that day I have been more careful when crossing streets, if there’s no light, I wait till it’s totally clear and then cross. And when there is a light I wait for the “walk” even if there’s no cars there! But especially if there are cars and if it says “don’t walk”.

Another thing that bothers me as a driver is when people start honking behind me. If I’m in a position where I can’t move, it doesn’t help for people to honk, it won’t cause traffic to go by faster. So I don’t understand why people do it. It just may cause me to want to “please them” and move when I’m not supposed to.

Now I have also officially been able to experience what it is like to be a back seat driver, I notice when people go to fast and then come to a short stop. I used to feel safe in any car, now I feel as though if I were driving, I would drive differently, but I still trust other people’s driving.

Today I got to drive on a high way, it was kind of scary to go so fast, especially being on the right side. But it was lots of fun and I did a “very good job” according to my driving instructor. She asked if it was better or worse than I expected it to be. I wasn’t sure since I never pictured what it would be like, so I guess that makes it better. I think I would be able to drive on the high way in the future too, so long as I know which exits to take etc.

But overall driving has been really fun, and my road test is on Tuesday! The next step will be to drive on my own, without anyone in the car to be my “extra pair of eyes”.

Chanukah at the Kotel

2009-08-31T22:39:00.001-04:00

In the post before I mentioned that my brother’s bar mitzvah will be in Israel at the Kotel at Chanukah time.

Now here are some art drawings I made in 9th Grade that fit in with the theme. The last one of the chofetz Chaim doesn’t really have to do with Israel or Chanukah, but it’s one of my favorites so I just have to post it!

P.S. How do you like my handwriting?

The Jewish Side

Update: This is what the post should have looked like, I removed the pictures just to show the font.

Sunday With Grandparents

2009-08-30T23:27:00.001-04:00

Today my grandparents came over to my house to spend one last day with us before they leave back to Israel.

I cooked a supper for them, of Pepper Steak, Deli Roll, and Ambrosia.

While at the table we were discussing many things. One topic that came up was me, of course. My grandmother decided my mother isn’t being active enough in trying to find me a shidduch, she asked me for a list of what I’m looking for, so that she can put it in the Kotel. Then she told stories of how all her children met their bashert, some of the stories I’ve never heard before. Imagine a shidduch being made at a funeral!

The next topic that came up was my little brothers upcoming bar mitzvah which will be in Israel IY”H. We are trying to work out the logistics of how everything will be working. The bar mitzvah will take place Chanukah time, so we still have some time to figure it out.

if any of you Israeli people have any ideas

Here’s the deal, my family is not a dairy person nor a salad person either, so that makes our menu limited. My brother will be leining at the Kotel in the morning of his bar mitzvah day. My grandfather wants us to have a breakfast afterwards in this cafe place. But my family doesn’t like anything on the menu! So we found this place called “Sharei Simcha” Which has meat dishes, and they would be able to give us a early lunch if we wished. But my grandfather thinks we need a breakfast for after the kotel, so if any of you Israeli people have any ideas, it would be greatly appreciated!

Then after talking for a few hours, we went for a walk and sat down at some benches. I decided to do some sky watching and took some pictures. (A shame it’s not Friday)

The men then made Kiddush L’vanah, and we sat and talked outside some more, and then returned to the house. There I brought down my laptop and showed my grandparents 5 family videos that I have made using windows movie maker. We had lots of great laughs watching them. Overall, it was a great family day!

Powerful Tears

2009-08-23T14:09:00.001-04:00

Friday night my family was with my grandparents at my cousins sheva brachos. My grandparents had made aliyah 3 years ago, and have come in once, a year before for another cousins wedding. So my grandfather made Kiddush, and he sings the ending a certain way. It brought back memories for my mother, and she missed hearing her father make kiddush, so her eyes started getting teary and she went to hug my aunt.

I don’t believe I’ve ever seen tears in my mother’s eyes before. So when I saw her face get teary, it had such a powerful impact on me, that I just burst into tears. My cousin saw and asked what happened, and I tried to stop, and laugh, and I told her it’s nothing. But the tears wouldn’t stop coming. So I went away from the rest of the people, and let myself cry it out for a few minutes, and only then was I able to join the rest of the family.

It felt so strange to just start crying, because of no apparent reason, other than seeing tears in my mother’s eyes. There were times when I have cried before, and after each time I feel as though I am a “baby”, as though I’m not strong enough to handle whatever situation it is.

But then I saw this Midrash:

“After Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden, God said to them, ‘Now you are about to enter into a world of sorrow and trouble the likes of which staggers the imagination. However, I want you to know that My benevolence and My love for you will never end. I know that you will meet with a lot of tribulation in the world, and that it will embitter your lives. For that reason I give you, out of My heavenly treasure, this priceless pearl, a tear. When grief overtakes you and your heart aches so that you are not able to endure it, and great anguish grips your soul, then there will fall from your eyes this tiny tear and your burden will grow lighter.’”

Then I realized, that tears aren’t a bad thing, actually quite the opposite, they allow us to heal. When I cry, I allow myself to think about what is troubling me, and to wallow in sadness, and even feel self pity for myself when I feel I have been wronged. I let all these emotions come out with the tears, so that after a good cry, I feel refreshed, and can continue on.

So really tears is a Bracha, I therefore pass on the Bracha to all of you:

“May we be graced with the ability to shed tears, and may our tears release that which dwells deep within our souls. May they heal us as we process, reconcile, and continue on our paths toward wholeness and peace.”

Friends and Family

2009-08-21T12:29:00.001-04:00

Having Friends and Family in one’s life is an important thing. But yet they are two different types of relationships. A person is born into a family, they don’t get to choose who their family will be, other than their spouse. Which makes a spouse fall into both categories of friend and family. Since a family member has no choice but to be part of your family, you treat them differently than friends.

Whereas becoming friends with someone takes time, with a buildup of trust and closeness, a family takes no time other than to be born. The amazing thing about a family, is that because you don’t choose who your relatives are, they can be as diverse and unlike you as they come. However, when you become friends with someone it is usually because you like that person and share something in common with them.

One of the movies I actually did see in a theater was called “Son of The Mask”. It has a message in there about a child having to make a decision and choosing between making a new friend or loyalty to his father. It shows how having a family is a great thing.

I have always been one to spend more time with family than friends. On Sunday’s, or days when there is vacation, I would always go places with my family and have a good time. The time I would spend with my friends was limited to seeing them at school and going to their houses, or they coming to mine to study for tests. I haven’t really gone out with friends much before.

That all changed yesterday when I spent a fun filled day with Auror. I had decided it was time to get a manicure, Auror offered to go with me to get one, and help me pick a color. So we went, and I had a really great time. I’ve always imagined a manicure to be a quick thing where they just put on nail polish. But here it was really cool how they pamper your nails. Thanks AUROR! Then last night I went to my cousins sheva brachos, where at the end they were serving coffee and tea. I have never drank coffee before. My cousin said they make good cappuccino at the place and I should try it out. So I figured I would give it a try. So I tasted the coffee, and I wasn’t used to hot drinks, so it was weird and I only took 2 sips, but it wasn’t as bad as I imagined coffee to taste.

The ironic thing is, when Tembow asked me back in February, what I’m waiting for -to drink coffee, I said I’m waiting to get a manicure. I hadn’t even remembered I said that, and then it ended up being the case, where I got a manicure and drank coffee on the same day!

Eating In Public

2009-08-13T18:18:00.001-04:00

Thanks to @MarkSoFla and @hsabomilner for reminding me of this one.

My 5 year old neighbor stops me

You wanted me to make it Assur, well according to some eating in the streets is Assur! One day I had left my house while eating an ices, and I planned on walking to the store and finishing the ices on the way, and then put the wrapper in a garbage can on the way. But then as I walked down my block… my 5 year old neighbor stops me and says “Jewish Side, what are you doing?” while looking at the ices I was eating. So then I said that I’m going to take a walk to the store. So then she tells me that I should finish my ices now. “Jewish Side, you shouldn’t eat in the streets”. So then she reads me face and says, “But you can do what you want, I’m not telling you what to do”.

When the kid told me not to eat in the street. I didn’t want to be “rebellious” and teach her something wrong from what she was taught. So I finished eating the ices there, and then continued on.

But I do remember in elementary school, they taught us not to eat in the streets. I know it may seem ridiculous to most of you, but it does make sense to an extent. For certain types of food, like ice cream etc. (you can use your imagination), it would be untznius to eat these things with people watching you. I actually found a quote of a Rabbi saying that people should take on certain tznius suggestions and this was one of them:

“Refrain from eating/drinking in public areas, especially where men are present.”

So there is actually something to it, the kid didn’t make it up, and my school didn’t make up. But yes, I do agree it is a chumra, and not a Halacha! But yet, there’s nothing wrong with not eating in the streets, so to me it’s a higher level. So I admire those that keep to it, and wouldn’t make fun of them.

Kudos To The Shomrim

2009-08-12T11:46:00.001-04:00

So I finally got unlimited text and internet for my cell phone! Then last night I got to actually use it by sending tweets and status updates to Facebook on a live story that was happening. I got to experience what it was like to be a “news reporter” in a small way.

In the past I had written about how great the Chaveirim are, now I would like to write about how great the Shomrim are!

Last night at around 8:00 I was going to go driving with my mother, since I hadn’t practiced for a whole week already, and my next driving lesson is scheduled for September 7th. But then as I went outside I saw a car parked in front of my house with the motor running, the radio on, the keys in the ignition, and a cell phone in the car. I didn’t know whose car it was, so I called over my mother to check it out to see if she knew whose car it was.

My mother didn’t recognize the car, but thought it might belong to a neighbor, so she went to the neighbors house to ask. But then when she opened the screen door to ring the bell, she saw that the storm door was wide open, the house was dark. She called out to ask if anyone was home, and no one answered. So she then called that neighbors cell phone and it went to voice mail.

Then I saw my father coming home from shul, so I showed him the car. He didn’t recognize it either. It had already been 20 minutes and no one came to the car. So my father decided to call shomrim. Within minutes a shomrim guy came and asked us what happened. Two minutes after he came, a person came and claimed the car, he just opened the door and took off. We gave the shomrim the license plate number just in case. Then the next minute another shomrim car pulled up, and then another, a total of 6 guys came to see what the story is.

So now there was the house to deal with, they went in to the house, checked the upstairs, basement and first floor and said there was no forced entry and nothing was messed up, so what probably happened was that the lady living there left her house and closed the door, but it wasn’t closed all the way, so the wind pushed it open.

So the whole thing ended up being no major story, it was still a memorable experience for a few reasons. One being I got to use my unlimited texting, and sent updates to twitter and Facebook as new information was enfolding, and it was a really cool experience. Second the amazing response of the Shomrim, that they came one after another minutes after we called, and they were so nice, and said if we see anything again we shouldn’t hesitate to call. These are volunteers, and they aren’t complaining about coming with nothing doing.

My Attempt at Being a Teacher

2009-08-10T13:21:00.001-04:00

Ilana-Davita came up with a great idea – The Mesorah Project. Where different bloggers can contribute their thoughts of what Mesorah means to them.

This week I participated and guest posted here. In the comments Leora asked if I ever thought about becoming a teacher. This got me thinking and it reminded me of a homework assignment I had to do for seminary. Where I had to prepare a lesson plan, as though I was a teacher. So I figured I’d share my attempt at being a teacher with you, and let you be the judge. (I got a 95 on the project, so it’s not that good). The topic had to be from Parshas Shoftim, so I chose Bribery.

Justice: פרק טז׳ פסוקים יז׳ לפרק יז׳ פסוק יג׳
Laws for Kings: כ׳-פרק יז׳ פסוקים יד׳
Cities of Refuge: פרק יח׳ פסוקים ו׳ לפרק יט׳ פסוק יג׳
Rules of War: 'כ -פרק כ׳ פסוקים א׳
The Laws of "Eglah Arufah.": פרק כא׳ פסוק א׳-ט׳

Morah: What is a bribe?

Student: To give money to someone so they’ll do you a favor.

Morah: So then what is the main purpose of a bribe?

Student: to get them to do what you want

Morah: Exactly, a bribe is used to influence people.

Morah: Let us read the posuk in: פרשת שופטים פרק יט׳ פסוק טז׳‏

לא תטה משפט לא תכיר פנים ולא תקח שוחד כי השוחד יעור עיני חכמים ויסלף דברי חכמים

Morah: Let’s look into the Rashi, (student) _____ do you want to read?

Student: ok, which one?

Morah: לא תכיר פנים

Student: (reads the Rashi)

Morah: now let’s try to understand what the Rashi is saying. A judge can not show favoritism even at the time in court where they are each pleading their case. For example: to make one stand and one sit. Since one will notice that the judge is showing more respect to his opponent and he will therefore not bother to plead his case anymore.

Ok, who wants to read the next Rashi?

Student: (raises hand)

Morah: Please read Rashi כי השוחד יעור

Student: (reads the Rashi)

Morah: Who can try to explain what the Rashi is saying?

Student: That as soon as a judge accepts a bribe, no matter what, he will decide the judgment in the person’s favor.

Morah: Exactly.

Morah: Now that we have looked at bribery dealing with judges, let us try to see what else we can learn from this. Who else do you think the rules of bribery apply to?

Student: Rich people?

Morah: Yes, it could apply to rich people, but even more than that.

Student: Everyone

Morah: Yes! Each and every one of us could fall into the trap of bribery. Think about it, if you have two friends and one does you a favor and one doesn’t, who are you willing to help first?

Student: The one who did a favor for me.

Morah: Therefore, Bribery doesn’t only have to be money or anything too valuable, just a few pennies could be considered a bribe.

Morah: Now let us look at the words in the posuk more carefully. Who can think of why the Hebrew word שוחד is used for bribery. What שורש do you see in the word שוחד?

Student: אחד

Morah: That is correct. When a judge accepts a bribe from one of the people being judged, he becomes “one” with him and therefore can no longer judge without being biased. I will tell you another reason why the word שוחד is used with the lashon אחד. When a judge rules a case honestly he becomes a partner with Hashem in the creation of heaven and earth. Since the judge who accepts bribery cannot offer a just decision, Hashem now remains alone, without a partner.

Morah: Who could think of a question on this posuk?

Student: If a bribe is a bad thing, and if the judge accepted a bribe, why is he called a Tzadik?

Morah: Excellent question! I will bring a story to explain this concept.

A Din-Torah once took place before Rabbi Avraham Yehoshua Heschel of Apta. While the Din-Torah was in progress, one of the parties felt that he was going to lose, so he asked permission to leave the room for a short while. In the hallway outside the Beit Din room, he noticed the Rabbi's coat and placed a sum of money in the pocket.

The Din-Torah resumed, and the Rabbi, who up until now was beginning to formulate a certain opinion, suddenly began to change his line of thought. The Rabbi, puzzled as to why his way of thinking was suddenly changing, told the two parties that he would like to call a recess and have more time to think over the matter.

Meanwhile, he prayed to Hashem to be blessed with the proper wisdom to see the truth. A few days later, as he was putting on his coat, he put his hand in his pocket and suddenly felt a bundle of money. The Rabbi exclaimed, "Now I understand what happened to me. A bribe is so powerful that even though it was given to me without my knowledge it had an effect on my thinking."

The Torah is telling us that even though the judge may indeed be a tzaddik and would not accept a bribe, a bribe given to him, even without his knowledge, may pervert his judgment.

Quiz

True or False

A bribe is only money ______
A judge can’t show favor by letting one stand and one sit, in a court room ______
If the judge doesn’t know he’s receiving a bribe then he will judge righteously_____
Bribery applies to everyone______
שוחד has the word אחד in it to teach us that the judge becomes alone, and no longer a partner with Hashem when he doesn’t judge the right way_____
Only bad people accept bribes_____

Goals: Students will be able to understand what a bribe is.
Sources: Chumash with Rashi, R’ Berel Wein, and Chabad for kids
Materials: hand out the quizzes
Board: Drawn above
Method of Evaluation: Quiz written above.
Students: Bais Yaakov girls

Spit in the Baby’s Eye?

2009-08-08T22:17:00.001-04:00

I went to sit outside today, and my neighbor shows up by her door with her 3 week old baby, I hadn’t seen him yet, so she invites me into come and chat and see the baby. So I come in, and I commented on his blue eyes, and the mother said that all babies start off with blue eyes, so that was interesting to learn.

But then her parents were over to help out, and her father asks her husband if he spat in the babies eye yet. The babies mother and her husband look at her father as though he came from the moon. Then he said, it’s from the gemara, from bava basra, that the Bechar shows he’s a bechar by spitting into babies eyes, that the people would bring their babies to the bechar. So the mother of the baby tells her husband he has to spit in the babies eye cause it says that in the gemarah, to listen to her father. So then he says he doesn’t understand. I mean come on!

So then her father says, just like you go to the Rebbe for advice and you listen to him, same thing you should listen to the Gemara. Meanwhile, I was sitting on the couch next to the baby and the babies mother. So I saw he was actually going to do it because his father in law and wife were telling him too. So I got up from the couch and didn’t want to look. So he went over, I’m not sure if he actually spat on the eye, or if the eye was closed. It seemed pretty barbaric to me.

Has anyone else heard of this?

Meanwhile this is the couple that shows their affection in an interesting manner. So the baby has congestion and was breathing with noise from his nose. So then her father says that she should take medicine for her high blood pressure, and she said she can’t because she’s nursing. So then she jokes that when she dies her husband will marry someone who will be able to nurse the baby without a problem. Then her father says that when he remarries he should get a wet nurse or something.

I just couldn’t believe the way they were joking. To joke about death, and him remarrying, it was just crazy. Especially because she has a tumor, and their always fighting making it seem like they would divorce each other. I just don’t get it.

To add on to the confusing/Surprising day, my brother comes home from shul telling me that the guy who did the kidney trafficking is the father of someone I had known. His grand child had been in my sister’s class a long time ago, and then the kid’s mother decided to remarry to a guy from Mexico and she moved there, so I’ve never seen them again.

Anger –> Kefira

2009-08-07T12:46:00.001-04:00

Previously I had written about how Stealing equals kefira. Now we will look at how Anger equals kefira.

Midah means characteristic and measurement. We are supposed to have a certain measure of each characteristic whether seemingly “good” or “bad”. There are only 2 characteristics that have no upside, and they are jealousy and arrogance.

The only way we can possess anger is if we don’t really feel angry inside. When trying to teach a child or congregation, we may appear angry on the outside. The way we are able to do this is because so long as we don’t feel angry on the inside then it’s not real anger. The child will be able to tell that the parent still loves him in the inside, and he will improve.

When a person is angry, what is the classic line they say? “You make me so mad!”. A person whose angry has lost control, they are allowing the other person to control their emotions.

People choose anger for 3 reasons:

To avoid intimacy – “into me see” - with themselves. They are blaming everyone else.
To avoid a relationship with others. Tochacha comes from the word clarify, a person should ask others to explain themselves, calmly. When giving Tochacha you can’t be angry, or else it is pointless. Since the child will just see the anger, and will be afraid to do wrong because “Totty gets angry” rather than because it’s wrong.
To avoid honest relationship with Hashem. They are in essence telling Hashem that things should be run differently.

Kefira is denial, when a person complains about another tzelom elokim they are saying Hashem didn’t do right. Their not noticing that Hashem runs this world and is only good.

Adam complained about Chava, he denied the good in her and was a Kofer. The Meraglim complained about Eretz yisroel and Bnei Yisroel got punished for it with 40 years in the midbar. Complaining is in essence a denial of Hashem, and therefore Hashem punishes for it. Anger is the present day Avoda Zaara, a person is loosing control of themselves, and denying the good in others.

Hashem wants us to change and improve ourselves, so He sends us challenges, with difficult people. If we don’t succeed with one difficult person, then Hashem gives us another chance and sends us another difficult person.

Every morning we wake up because Hashem hasn’t given up on us, so we can change. When we complain we prevent the shefa of Brachos Hashem has for us. So we have to be in control of our anger and realize that everything Hashem does is good, and then we can receive the abundance of good Hashem has in stored for us.

R’ Rietti is another gateways speaker who gave a great speech, with his famous humor.

FYI: These shiurim are part of the Irgun Shiurai Torah program. If you look to your left you will see the schedule posted onto the sidebar, click the image to expand

Seven Things I Love

2009-07-31T09:15:00.001-04:00

I have been tagged by Ricki’s Mom in the “Seven things I love” meme.

The way it works is simple: List the seven things you love and tag seven other bloggers.

Number one would have to go to my love.
I love children in general, as you can tell, obviously.
I have grown to love flowers, pretty sunsets, and all kinds of beautiful natural scenes Hashem has created for us to enjoy.
I love technology, I’m a geek at heart, and love learning about new technological breakthroughs. In addition to anything computer related.

I was going through some old papers of mine from High School, and I found a midterm and final from 12th grade computer class, and the marks were 99 on the midterm and 103 on the final. At my first class at college I took an introduction to computer science class and I got an A+ on that, making my GPA a perfect 4.0. Then throughout the rest of the semesters I had taken a computer basics class and got an A. Then there was an accounting information science class on the computer, where I got an A too, then lastly by Robotics class where I got an A+.

I’m thankful for the gift Hashem has given me, and hope I can channel my computer knowledge in a beneficial way.
I love writing, it’s an accomplishing feeling to see your thoughts put down on paper, it gives substance to your thoughts and gives evidence to their existence. I also love the fact that I can write how I feel and see people commenting that they can relate and giving advice of what helps them.
I love singing along to music I hear, but only if no one is there to hear. Music has amazing powers.
I love long things: long skirts and long hair.

I tag: Frum Female, Ink Stained Hands, Jessica, Lvnsm27, MikeInMidwood, Moshe, NMF#7

For Your Viewing Pleasure

2009-07-29T10:35:00.001-04:00

Previously I had written about how we have to enjoy the pleasurable things in this world. Since it is the 9 days and we can’t listen to music I will share with you some videos that I have found very entertaining. Enjoy!

I hope these videos made you laugh, for me children are the best source of entertainment.

Have a meaningful and easy fast on Tisha B’Av.

May we do lots of teshuva and be zoche to bring Moshiach!

In Search of Pleasure

2009-07-24T12:13:00.001-04:00

For everything in this world there is a kosher equivalent. There was a great Rabbi whose wife said she wanted milk and meat together. A normal reaction of a husband who hears that would be outrage, to think Chas V’ Shalom what happened to her? How could she think such a thing? But the Rabbi didn’t react that way, instead he went and asked for a cow’s udder. Now she was able to have milk and meat together in a kosher way.

Hashem wants us to have pleasure and enjoy from this world. There are several chazals that prove this.

A Nazir brings a Karbon Chatas because he sinned by not enjoying pleasure in this world, the wine.
If I were to ask you what the first commandment is, you would say it’s when Hashem tells Adam not to eat from the Eitz Hadas. But really that’s not the first commandment. If you look at the posuk it says Hashem commanded Adam to eat.
Hashem showed Adam and Chava the beautiful world.

If a person doesn’t partake in the pleasures of this world then they have no gratitude. If a person enjoys pleasures of this world then they will be a happier person and easy to get along with.

However, there is a flip side. The more we have pleasure the less we enjoy it. Think of your favorite food, the first time you eat it, it’s like heaven on earth. But if you were to have that food every day then you wouldn’t enjoy it as much. I believe that’s why Hashem gave us boundaries, that’s why there are the Halachos of Nidah, so that it stays a special thing.

Think of this scenario, you are in the freezing cold for 3 1/2 hours, where there is only 25 minutes of action, where you have people standing up in front of you when something happens thereby not allowing you to see anything, where you have to pay for food and there are inaccessible unsanitary bathrooms. It doesn’t sound like a pleasant experience.

Then picture this scenario, you are sitting on your living room couch in front of a Plasma screen TV with the football game on, where you are in the warmth of your own house, where you can see the whole game clearly, where you get any food you want, where the bathroom is available to you and clean. Now this sounds like a pleasant experience.

Now if you ask a person why they would rather go to a football game than watch the game in the living room, they will say they go for the experience of being part of a large group. During the football game the people will cheer to “J-E-T-S” or whichever team they are going for, this is to remind them that they are part of the group. They will also do the “wave” for the same reason.

If you open a cookbook and take a look at a recipe, you won’t see it saying to take a steak and cook it, rather you will see lists of ingredients that you combine to form a recipe.

→ At this time I would like to point out that A Mother In Israel started a relatively new blog, called Cooking Manager with great tips on cooking. Leora has a great collection of recipes as does Ilana Davita a great collection of recipes.

Same with music, there are various notes, voices and instruments that are combined together to form a beautiful harmony.

When two people love each other, you have two bodies with one soul.

The essence of all these examples, is unity.

People who are patriotic for their country, do it because they want to feel the unity. Being a part of something gives us pleasure. I will take this time to point out that being a blogger is also an example of being part of a whole – the blogosphere, and it gives me great pleasure to be a part of such a great thing.

→ Mike In Midwood has a great creative post called Chaim Snyder which is a great example for two of the points made so far. The first being there is a Kosher version of everything, hence the post is about Chaim Snyder being the Kosher version of Harry Potter. The second being people like to be part of a large group, since lots of people have read/watched Harry Potter, other people want to also, because then they belong to the group of Harry Potter readers/watchers/fans.

The Torah starts with the letter Bais, it has two pointers, one points up to Hashem who created us. The second points down, to before the creation of people where there was oneness. With the creation of people there became Bais, “twoness”, where we feel a separation from the Aleph, Hashem. As a correction we try to seek pleasure with Hashem.

There is a pleasure we get from putting together a puzzle, where we are building something. All pleasure if used in the right way can lead us in the direction of unity with Hashem. The more we experience unity, we get closer to Hashem.

We all know the famous story, where a man came to Hillel and asked to him to explain to him the Torah on one foot. Hillel said “What is hateful to you, don’t to unto your friend, and the rest is commentary”. Now how can we explain this?

One explanation:

There are 3 categories of a friend. 1- Hashem: Yedid Nefesh. 2- Fellow Jew. 3- Neshama- our closes friend. The Torah is all about those 3 types of friends.

Second explanation:

The purpose of the world is for a person to become similar to Hashem – Tzelem Elokim, so the Torah tells us how.

When you think to yourself “What do I want”, the I could mean different things. In the highest scenario, it would play out like this:

I = body and soul, friends and family, and all of the Jewish People.

This is where all the pleasures come together. The pleasure for yourself and others is the essence of Torah, unity, to bridge with others.

It says on “that day” Hashem will be one and His name will be one. Now why does it need to say both? Because now we read Hashem’s name differently from the way it is written. At “that time” Hashem’s name will be read the way it is written. The reason we read it differently now, is because we don’t see what we know, we don’t see Hashem clearly.

To recap, we are supposed to have pleasure in this world. We like to feel unity. This leads us to be closer with Hashem. Therefore, every time we do an action we should see if it will bring unity or not.

I have to say there is nothing like the real thing. R’ Becher was hilarious, try to get his CD/Tape or listen to it online once it comes out.

FYI: These shiurim are part of the Irgun Shiurai Torah program. If you look to your left you will see the schedule posted onto the sidebar, click the image to expand.

What it Means to be a Proud Jew

2009-07-20T09:14:00.001-04:00

If you notice on my sidebar in the “About Me” section of this blog, I wrote “I am a proud Jew”. Now what does that mean? I went to a shiur by R’ Dishon a few weeks ago and he spoke about this topic.

Every single Jew that’s alive makes up a part of Hashem’s name Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay. Now when someone is niftar, there is a gap in the name, a part of the name is missing. So the niftar’s children say Kadish for him. Now what is Kadish? I would of imagined it would say something about death, and passing on. But it doesn’t mention death once. What is it all about? it’s all about Hashem. This is because, since there is a gap in Hashem’s name from the person who was niftar, by saying Kadish a person is saying there’s a Hashem, and that makes up for the gap that is missing, so that Hashem’s name can be complete again.

Since each person is part of Hashem’s name, each house has the Shchina in it, and each house is a Mishkan for Hashem. Now that is why it is important for the house to have kedusha in it, so that the Shchina can rest there, and you can receive brachos. It is the Wife’s job to make sure the house has kedusha in it.

Now, to combine 2 shiurim in one. R’ Veiner spoke about “Family Security”. Which was about the internet. He said if you have internet you should get filters and a reporting system. He would be available for anyone, if they have no one else to feel uncomfortable towards.

Since a house is a Mikdash Miat and a place for the Shchina, we don’t want to kick the Shchina out by having tumah in the house. Now Tumah doesn’t mean the internet, but rather what shockingly lots of men are using the internet for. Please be righteous, and use a filter and reporting system, if you can’t trust yourself. Here’s a list that R’ Veiner gave out.

The important thing to remember, is that even if you had made a mistake and done a bad thing before, don’t let the yetzer hora get you down by making you depressed that your a bad person. Hashem gave us Yom Kippur so that we can start over fresh, it’s an amazing thing. So we just have to improve ourselves, and move forward without looking back. We can be good and strive higher even if we have made mistakes in the past.

Academic Cheating

2009-07-16T09:56:00.001-04:00

What is considered cheating? Everybody has different standards. Some will say that writing papers for others isn’t cheating. Or getting test banks isn’t cheating. But one thing I think we can all agree on is that copying answers out right on a test in a classroom is cheating!

1. A few months ago, I was taking a final in a classroom with about 100 other people in it. Everyone had the same test, and there were no spaces between desks. In other words it was one crammed room with plenty of cheating opportunities available.

This final was on Robotics, one of my favorite classes. I had done well in that class the whole semester. My lab partner and I even won a race, our robot was able to go the fastest! We beat the guys, and it was really funny to see them being sore losers and making excuses of why we won.

So when it came to the final, my lab partner sat on one side of me, and this other girl I don’t know sat on the other side. The test began and I quickly filled out all the answers that I knew, and couldn’t wait to get all the information down and get home so that I can study for my next final.

But then the girls sitting next to me had a different plan in mind, they wanted to cheat off my paper. My worst vice I would say is that I can’t say NO! (I’ve had it before with babysitting jobs, where I couldn’t tell the mother that NO I can’t babysit by her. So the same thing happened here.) I couldn’t say no, and I let them cheat off my paper. Because one of the girls was my lab partner and I had become her friend, I felt like I couldn’t be mean to her and say no.

This is an example where every midah can be used for good and bad. How sometimes we have to be mean because it’s the right thing.

2. When I first started college, while I was in seminary at the same time, I came into a situation that involved cheating. I was taking a test and was stuck on a few examples. The guy sitting next to me felt bad that I didn’t know the answers, so he figured he would “help me out”. He told me the answers to the multiple choice questions. But I didn’t feel right to write the answers down. So I went up to the professor, and told him that I was stuck on those questions and asked him to explain me the question. He did, and then I was able to answer the questions. I still felt as though I had done something wrong, so the next day I went over to a Rabbi at the seminary and told him the situation and asked him if what I did was okay, and he said yes, and I then felt better.

3. There was this married women with 2 kids who shared a class with me. She told me how hard it was that she was married with kids in college, and that she didn’t have time to study. She told me that 10 years ago when she was in college she studied really hard. But now because she has other responsibilities, she doesn’t have time, so she cheats on her test. She said she actually feels justified, that she’s not doing anything wrong by cheating. That she just needs to graduate already.

The next day in my philosophy class, some topic like this came up, where my professor said that she will let her son make any decision he wants about career choice, but one thing is certain, that she won’t let her kid take a break after High School, that he must go straight to college, while she can pay for it. Since if he takes a break, he may never get back to it. So I told her about this women in my class, who took a break and now feels justified in cheating. She said that’s a horrible thing, and the women is cheating herself. I of course agree!

4. Recently I started taking driving lessons. I took 2 to be exact and it was really fun. I don’t know why I waited till now to start. In any case, I went to this “5 hour class” and at the end the guy says he’s going to ask us a question and that will determine if we will pass or fail the road test. He says, if I tell you that 1+1=6, then how much is 1+1? I said 2, because I remembered my tax professor giving us a similar scenario, where he said that if he calls a tail a leg, then how many legs does a dog have? He told us the correct answer is 4, because no matter what you want to call the tail, it’s still not a leg. So I was thinking of this same scenario. So then the guy says I’m going to fail my road test for that, because no matter what you think is right, you have to listen to the driving inspector, and do what they say. To me that sounded like cheating. I’m still in the mentality, that you can’t change the absolute truth.

Stealing –> Kefira

2009-07-10T11:37:00.001-04:00

Since this post was all about you, I won’t comment on the post, but I’ll say a little something here. Seems like money is the major issue here. Is that because the people who don’t work are usually the one’s with large families? What if the couple did have the money to support a large family, would people still have problems with it?

On to the next topic of stealing. Tuesday night I went to a shiur by R’ Pearl on the topic of what is keeping Moshiach. Previously I had also heard him speak on a Shabbos afternoon, on the topic of stealing.

He said that if someone steals then they are an apikores, because in essence they are saying Hashem can’t take care of their business. So they feel that have to steal in order to make money. (To me saying no to having children because of money, has the same ring to it, but we won’t go there).

One time a Satmar school got in trouble with the government. So the went over to the Satmar Rebbe to ask for help, to get them out of it. The Satmar Rebbe told them to “get out”, because they stole from the government. They told him that they didn’t keep a penny for themselves, that it was all for the Mosdos. The Satmar Rebbe then said “If you had to steal for the Mosdos, then shut down the Mosdos”. That you can’t use Treif money.

There are so many stories of righteous children who were taught not to steal, and when they were given a chance to “get in for free” they refused, saying it’s geneiva. We have to instill in our children this sensitivity of what stealing and cheating is. When going to an amusement park where they allow 4 year olds in for free, you can’t claim that your 6 year is 4 just because he’s smaller. That is stealing and cheating!

Next up: Academic Cheating

About Jewish Food

2009-07-08T11:22:00.001-04:00

I love going to shiurim as you can tell. It’s a way of getting a dose of Ruchnius put into my day. Monday night started a series of shiurim that will last throughout the summer. I’ve come to see many programs that have been started to keep the men busy and out of trouble in the city, while their wives and family are up in the country. I think such programs are great. But yet, when I have a family I can’t imagine leaving to the country and leaving my husband back at home, I think I would rather just stay in the city.

Anyways, the shiur I went to on Monday night was by R’ Zev Cohen on the topic of Jewish Food. While I was listening to the shiur, it reminded me of different posts I had read, it gave answers to questions other bloggers have asked. So I figured I would write one post to answer all the questions and at the same time give an interesting summary of what the shiur was about.

Nissan is one of the first months of the Jewish calander. Pesach comes first, and the Karbon brought on Pesach was barley, which is animal food. Then 7 weeks later is Shvous and the Karbon brought then was wheat which is human food. Since by Pesach we are like animals, and then by Shvous we become like humans, after going through the 7 week process. Now this 7 week process is compared to a lady’s cycle, where at the end there is milk which symbolizes purity. That is why on Shvous we eat Milichigs. Now how did cheese cake come about? It came about because, Pesach we have matza which has no yetzer hora, while Shvous we have Lechem which symbolizes the yetzer hora. But yet Shvous we have milk which symbolizes purity. So when you have lechem with the milk it is showing that you have the yetzer hora and yet your pure. The only way this is possible is with the Torah. So once we got the Torah on Shvous then we are able to have lechem- the yetzer hora and yet have milk- be pure. So that’s where it got started to have cheese cake, it’s lechem with milk.

Chanukah became a time when people buy those Jelly doughnuts, you may ask why it’s fitting for Chanukah. The reason according to R’ Shlomo Zalman Orbach is as follows. Al Hamichya is the only place that mentions the Mezbeach, in benching it doesn’t mention it, so therefore we need a mezonos. Now Al Hamichya is also the only place it mentions Peiros, and we need a tam peiros, so that’s why there is Jelly in the Jelly doughnuts. (This is based on a posuk where it says Mezbeach and Peiros, but I forgot what the posuk is).

Chulent is a Jewish food that is supposed to be specifically for Shabbos. R’ Cohen said he can’t handle beans in his chulent, so he has rice. He always felt guilty as though he wasn’t having chulent the right way, but then he came across a Russian custom where they have rice in their chulent - Dafina, and then he felt better about it.

Interactive Post - "Your Say On Big Families”

2009-07-07T10:03:00.001-04:00

“Big families” seems to be a popular topic around blogosphere. Over the past couple of weeks I have collected some tidbits here and there of what you bloggers/tweeters have to say about “big families”. This post is all about you, none of these quotes are from me. If you have something more to add, feel free to leave a comment and I will add it to the post. (If you would like your name added to your quote, you can let me know and I’ll do that for you as well.)

Negative

"laughing at chassidish women with 10 children following behind them and over stuffed strollers"

"That mother with 10 kids? All her kids are in *matching* clothes! Now what happens when kid #1 outgrows his/her outfit? Does food stamps cover this???!?"

"so far I only have 2, but apparently that means I'm already "mass producing" as one friend put it!"

"we had our first 3 in under 3 years - i was called a baby machine..."

"Men who are married, have 12 kids and don't work or do the army. They already get enough of my money through taxes."

"On the one hand, I think it's too intrusive for the Rabbi or whatever to outright forbid them from having children. On the other, it seems unfair that people get to act irresponsibly and then put responsible people in the awkward position of having to fund their lifestyle or be considered immoral and unfeeling brutes"

Positive

"Ah ok so my family isn't chassidish at all, my dad is a pediatrician and I am the oldest of 11 BH. (Oh yeah my uncle is a radiologist in Queens he also has 10 kids BH--- and they did not come from such a big family, my dad was 1/6) While I'm not a huge fan of big families I really hate when people with small families judge us. It's true that the ones on food stamps shouldn't have their kids matching in fancy boro park clothing because chances are if the father's a rebbi and the kids look like that, they're not paying yeshiva tuition but somehow have $ for 'important' things like this (which is why the yeshivas are all in such financial messes). It's a ton of work to have a big family so they should be admired not scorned- but on the other hand if it's clearly hard on the mother I just don't get the point of going on like that, it's not a mitzvah to suck the life out of your wife. Oh another thing, these people who like making fun of big families are often using birth control without a proper heter so they really have no place passing judgment. It's a sensitive issue because it's weird for people to discuss others' 'family planning' but this is our religion and bearing children holds a key role. We were just talking on Shabbos- my sister who's 11 wants to become a veterinarian and it's not so simple because R' Moshe Feinstein paskined that it's assur to neuter pets... so if by animals it's this way you could imagine what it's like with humans. A better alternative should be a trend away from sitting and learning, perhaps if we were more 'torah im derech eretz' oriented we'd be able to afford larger families without government assistance and without the mother killing herself trying to work and raise a family all at once. Again there's no way of circumventing this piryah v'rivyah thing, I'd like to hear a rebuttal from someone who thinks they can"

"I like that I have a gigantic family, and love the reactions I get when I tell people that I'm one of ten children."

"A rabbi of mine was giving a lecture and told over the following anecdote. There was an irreligious Jewish woman who was very upset about the irresponsibility of her religious son-in-law who, at the time, was studying full-time, and had six kids and a wife with no way of supporting them. She wasn’t so upset about the fact that her daughter’s husband was studying full-time, but that there was no attempt at birth control. The young man complained to my rabbi that his mother-in-law was driving him crazy and was wondering if there was anything to be done to get her to stop complaining about the number of children he had. My rabbi told him to line up all six of his children for his mother-in-law next she came to visit, and ask her which one shouldn’t have been born. The man reported he never heard a word of complaint about his kids from her again."

Where I Would Go

2009-07-02T12:31:00.001-04:00

I’ve been tagged by LVNSM27 to answer this question:

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?

My Answer: Home!

They say Home is where the heart is.

“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.”

The way I would draw a house when I was younger:

For some reason that is the way I picture a house looking. Every time I draw a house for a kid, I draw it that way. I wonder if someone taught me to draw it like that, or I started it on my own. Anybody else draw a house like that?

House I drew in High School:

Used Birchas Habayis words as lines and pastels to color it in. The colors are a bit faded as it’s old, but if you look closely you’ll notice the bricks are different colors. Also if you notice the windows are halfway done, so that they look open. Since our art teacher told us we shouldn’t make a whole window because it looks like a cross.

Now this House I painted on Monday at a ceramics place:

I painted red steps since my house has always had red steps. This took a really long time to paint, I wanted all the details to be done correctly. It was a funny thing that I chose to paint a house. As my brother was in the car driving us to the ceramics place I was thinking to myself about houses. Then when we got there and I was looking for something to paint, I spotted the house and it felt like a sign.

Speaking of houses, there’s a Halacha that you can’t cut down a fruit tree. There are these fruit trees with orange colored fruits that fall down in the fall. When they fall they land on the floor and stink up the whole place. So if anyone’s looking to buy a house, be on the look out for these trees.

To end on a positive note The Dugger House looks great!

Next up: Interactive post - “Your Say On Big Families”

My First Visit To A Rebbe

2009-06-30T16:43:00.001-04:00

A while back I had gone to a shiur on Emuna and Bitachon where the Rabbi said:

“You have to have self esteem, and believe that you know what your doing. That you shouldn’t have to ask a Rav a question all the time. That Hashem gave you knowledge to know to make the right decision.”

Well Sunday I went with my parents and grandfather to see a Rebbe to ask for advice on making a decision. I can’t reveal what the question was, since it’s a personal matter that doesn’t involve me. (Auror – It’s what we talked about).

So we go into his house and there’s a waiting room for women and one for men. While I was waiting with my mother this chassidish lady comes in, and she makes a phone call and talks while we are in the room. Now I couldn’t help hearing the parts that were in English that I could understand. Since most of it was in Yiddish, I’m not sure if I got the story right. But seems like she was on the phone with her husband, and she wanted to go to the Rebbe to ask him a question. Her husband didn’t want her to go, but she kept telling him that she had to ask the question because she doesn’t want to make a decision on her own “seichel”.

She kept saying she’ll put everything on the table, trying to reassure her husband that the Rebbe will understand and tell them the right thing to do. This made me curious what this question was all about. She continued to talk on in Yiddish, with phrases of English here and there. She mentioned that she’s going to ask if she should go. She then said she will live with him.

Now this made me think that it seemed like she was going to be asking the Rebbe if she should leave her husband or stay with him. If this is the case it really surprised me. I hadn’t imagined such a decision should be made by a Rebbe. I would think it’s a decision between husband and wife to make. Although it reminded me of stories where people were married for 10 years without children, and that technically they could divorce for that, so I imagine people would ask a Rebbe what to do about that. But this woman mentioned that her brother was watching her kids, so that wasn’t the case.

So this reminded me of what I once heard about trusting yourself and not asking a Rabbi a question all the time.

Anyways, the lady tells my mother that she has to put a scarf on her sheitel if she’s going to go in to see the Rebbe. So I put it on my mother, having no idea what I was doing. It made me laugh thinking of what my father’s reaction would be when he saw my mother that way. But then I thought I was being rude, so I stopped thinking that.

Then we go into the room, and the Rebbe was sitting at the head of the table in a fancy room with three dining room chairs on each side of the table. Now my grandfather, father and mother sat on one side. I wasn’t going to sit along on the other side, so I brought the chair over next to my mother.

My grandfather knows Yiddish, so he did most of the talking, then the Rebbe gave everyone a Bracha after my father said each child’s name. Then we left, the whole visit took minutes, but it was an interesting experience. The Rebbe didn’t look at me so I couldn’t really see his facial expressions, but my father said he was very emotional. When he heard certain things he said “oy vey” and his face got that sad look, as though he felt the pain.

Jewish Song Sunday #20

2009-06-28T19:15:00.001-04:00

Shea Rubenstein: Window in Heaven

This song was made for Moshe’le Holtzberg in dedication of his parents that were niftar in Mumbai. When I heard this song I loved it, the voice, the words and all of it. There’s also the famous blue park in the video, that makes it more personal to me.

Next up: My First Visit to a Rebbe

It’s all In Hashem’s Hands

2009-06-25T18:10:00.001-04:00

Ironic how I still have no plans and no job and yet I was kept really busy and made over 100 dollars this week!

Monday I went over to give gifts to my love’s family for their graduations. They had 4 graduations, a shame I forgot to take pictures of the gifts before I gave it to them. But their mother took pictures of me giving a gift to each of them, and she took a video of me giving my gifts to them. Then that night I helped out watching the younger kids.

Tuesday I went with my parents and little sister to Manhattan. As we were going to the train station I commented to my parents how it amazes me that my love’s parents act as though they are newly weds. When they are on the phone with each other they will say “o, you don’t have to…” or “only if you don’t mind”, or “I can do that, it’s no big deal”. They are always so nice to each other, and never tell each other what to do. They take into consideration each other’s feelings.

Then when we were on the train my father took out his gemara to learn on the train. Then he shows me how he was learning exactly what I mentioned before. In Bava Metziah Daf 59 Footnote 11, it says you have to be careful not to wrong your wife because her tears come easily. This topic hadn’t shown up in the previous pages he learned, so it shows that his learning is Leshma, since he first learned about it after he heard about it.

While he was learning on the train, this middle aged man comes over to him and they start talking. The man was a reform Jew and he asked about the gemara page, the layout. He saw the page in a museum and wanted to know more about it. So my father explained what the different sections of the page are.

Since it was Rosh Chodesh we went out to eat, it was my first time in Abigaels, and my first time that I ordered a steak. And here comes another first…it was the first time I used a steak knife. (I have yet to light a match, if any of you have posts that mention lighting a match, then I could link it up in my sidebar) The food tasted great, and the waiter was very professional, a newly trained one, on his best behavior. We also went out to eat as a belated celebration for my graduation. At night after a long day in Manhattan I went to my love’s family to watch the kids.

Wednesday I took my little brother and sister to the pizza store and bowling. We used bumpers but most of the time it didn’t even touch the bumper and just went straight down the middle.

On our way back from bowling we passed by lots of interesting sites. There was a parking lot of limos. There was a really long limo Jeep. There was also some roosters? or chickens? which I found strange.

Then after that long day I went to my love’s family to watch the kids, this time it was only the 6 younger kids. The 6 older kids went out to eat with the parents to celebrate 2 of their graduations and the end of the school year. As I was talking with the 6th to youngest kid, she told me that her parents took the 6 younger kids to the pizza store the day before, and on their way there, their mother told them all how proud she was of them. One by one she gave them a report of how good they were in the school year. This really touched my heart. See a mother of 12 can give individual attention to each kid, and make each kid feel special.

Thursday I went with my twin and little sister Ice skating. There were lots of professional skaters there and it was fun to watch them and try to mimic what they were doing. I saw this cute little 4 year old getting lessons, and skating like a pro. It kind of made me wish that I would have learned to skate like that when I was young too. I then took my sister to the pizza shop again.

I don’t think I’ll be going to my love’s family tonight, unless they call me. But their leaving Sunday to the country and I will miss them all. They offered for me to come up with them, but it’s a boys camp so not my kind of thing.

My love’s mother keeps reminding me that if I move, I have to move in our neighborhood so I can still come over, she calls me a lifesaver. It makes me feel good knowing they appreciate me as much as I appreciate them. They really are like my second family and I love them all.

P.S. If you know my love’s family, please don’t tell them I said anything about them. Even though it’s nothing bad, it can be embarrassing if they find out I write about them.

Jewish Songs Sunday # 19

2009-06-21T19:40:00.001-04:00

Barbra Streisand: Children Will Listen

For some reason I just love children and children related things. Barbra gives a great presentation to this song. Such an important message, that children will listen. I’m proud to say that Barbra went to my school! Although my school refused to take a generous donation from her since they felt it wasn’t a right source to get money from, and they didn’t approve of the path she had chosen. B”H nowadays there are outlets for frum girls to express their talents so that they don’t have to go to Hollywood or the outside for a chance to shine.

Warning: Kol Isha

Lyrics:

How do you say to your child in the night
Nothing is all black but then nothing is all white?
How do you say it will all be alright
When you know that it mightnt be true?
What do you do?
Careful the things you say,
Children will listen.
Careful the things you do,
Children will see.
And learn.
Children may not obey,
But children will listen.
Children will look to you
For which way to turn,
To learn what to be.
Careful before you say,
Listen to me.
Children will listen.
Careful the wish you make,
Wishes are children.
Careful the path they take,
Wishes come true,
Not free.
Careful the spell you cast,
Not just on children.
Sometimes the spell may last
Past what you can see
And turn against you...
Careful the tale you tell.
That is the spell.
Children will listen...
How can you say to a child whos in flight,
Dont slip away and I wont hold so tight?
What can you say that no matter how slight wont be misunderstood?
What do you leave to your child when youre dead
Only what ever you put in its head
Things that your mother and father had said
Which were left to them too.
Careful what you say, children will listen
Careful you do it too, children will see and learn.
Oh!
Guide them but step away,
Children will glisten.
Temper with what is true
And children will turn,
If just to be free.
Careful before you say,
Listen to me.
Children will listen...
Children will listen!
Children, children will listen

Singing In The Rain

2009-06-20T23:11:00.001-04:00

Today I went to an excellent shiur by R’ Wallerstein. I’ve always heard how great a speaker he was, but I’ve never heard him speak live till now. He spoke about the mishnah in Pireki Avos that says “Remember these 3 things and it will keep you from doing an Avaira: 1- Know where you came from, 2- Know where your going, 3- Know you will have to give a din v’cheshbon of what you have done in life.”

He said you can compare it to a GPS, that it has to know where your coming from and the destination address. Now this part I love, he said that a GPS is amazing because when you don’t follow it’s directions, and make a wrong turn or go down a wrong path, it doesn’t yell at you but rather it says “recalculating” it figures out a new way for you to get to the same destination.

He spoke about how important it is to give your children self esteem, that it says Hashem gave us a Chiba Yisaira. So why does it have to mention that in the Pirkei Avos, wouldn’t it be known? So the answer is, you have to speak about it. You have to tell your ~~wife and spouse~~ spouse and children that you love them. You shouldn’t say, “o, but it’s obvious, they know I love them”. Rather you should remind them how much you love them. That you shouldn’t say “o, but I buy my wife flowers every shabbos” Because there the flowers are for shabbos, rather you should buy her flowers during the week, to show they are for her. Also, when couples are having Shalom Bayis problems rather than listing the 5 things they don’t like about each other, they should write down the 5 things they do like about each other.

He said he doesn’t believe in rewarding bad behavior. There are teens who would do something bad and then all of a sudden everyone is nice to them and gives them prizes, money, and trips to Florida. But that sends the wrong message, it tells them if they want attention they should do something bad. And then they will never correct themselves because their having the good life while their bad. He says rather you should build your child’s self esteem, tell them how much you love them, as a prevention so they shouldn’t need to find themselves and get into trouble.

He said instead of baking a fancy dessert for Shabbos, have your seven year old daughter bake a dunken heins cake, this way she will feel good about herself. I know I’m not 7 years old, but it’s really true, lately I started cooking, and then afterwards I would ask everyone how the food was and it felt so good to hear them say they liked it. (My mother was even a true husband, I used expired eggs by mistake, and she didn’t want the whole thing to go into the garbage, so she ate from it and said the food was good anyways).

He said Yiddishkeit is not about a competition. He said the problem is when everything is made into a competition. We are each born with a tzelem elokim, there isn’t just one winner. He doesn’t believe in marks for Hebrew subjects. He says that’s what causes the children to be turned off. That it’s ridiculous for them to get a Tefillah mark, that how could anyone possibly know what their thinking when they daven. And that’s what turns them off from wanting to go to minyan and davening.

Then when a child brings home a Chumash test with a 50 on it, the parent would yell at them, “how can you do this to me!”. Then once the parent starts off in a negative tone the child blocks out everything being heard, so even if you say a good thing afterwards, they won’t hear it. This is what knocks down their self esteam. So rather than yelling at them for getting a bad mark, look over their test, show them the answers they got right, and say “wow, this one was a hard one, harder than the one’s you got wrong”. This way their self esteam is built up and next time they will do even better.

Another thing he said which I thought was a great idea was about Brachos. He said before he gives a speech his wife gives him a bracha of Hatzlacha. Before his children have a test at school they each give a bracha to each other to do well. Now what’s so great about this? It connects everyone. This way a wife who usually knows nothing about her husbands daf yomi learning, becomes involved. Because she gave a bracha that her husband should do well in learning, when he comes home she will ask him “how did the learning go?”.

Also, the Shabbos table shouldn’t be a long drasha from the father. But rather each kid should say a little d’var torah. He told a bunch of stories. One of them was about this guy who was able to speak in public to lots of people, and people would question him how was he able to stand up in front of so many people. So he said that when he was younger, every kid in his family would put together a little skit Friday nights, and he would perform in front of his parents, and he thinks this helped him to not be afraid of speaking in front of large groups. So the parent has the ability to raise the kids self esteem so they won’t need to take public speaking classes.

He said he was asked to speak at “Judas Place” where they have at risk kids. He came and this 14 year old girl started cursing out G-d saying how much she hated G-d. So then he said how this kid having anger towards G-d was a great thing, because she recognized there was a G-d out there, so that was the first step. Once she acknowledged that, turning the anger into love was easy.

Then he said he bought himself a “kiruv car” a cool car with 479 horse power. He was driving to the country and needed oil put in. So he figured since it’s an expensive car it probably needs the expensive synthetic oil. So he started putting it in. Then this guy comes over to him and says “Do you know what your doing, did you read the manual? If you put in that oil the car is going to explode!”. He takes out the manual from the glove compartment and reads it, and sees that yes the car would have exploded that he needs to put in WD 150. So he got saved.

Now this is also a great mashul, Hashem created us and didn’t expect us to figure out how to survive on our own. But rather he gave us a manual- The Torah. Now just like you wouldn’t think you know better than GM, and would trust their manual. Same you shouldn’t think you know better than Hashem. He created us, so of course it would follow suit that we should learn the Torah and follow what it says.

Now getting back to the Mishnah, it says in the Torah that we are created from dust and to dust we will go again. So now this seems contradictory to the whole tzelem elokim thing. Wouldn’t this make someone depressed to think they are nothing? So the answer goes like this. We are created from (I forgot the Hebrew word) a man’s thing where one out of 2 million makes it, and that’s what we are made from. So we came into this world where we already went through a struggle, so it’s reminding us where we came from, we came from the one cell that made it.

So to when faced with an avaira we should remember how we made it before, where we came from, and that should stop us from doing the Avaira. Then also to remember where we are going to. A rotted seed that’s put into the earth looks like nothing will grow from it, but yet a plant comes from it. Same too, we have techias hameisim. So really it’s not that we are nothing, but rather it’s reminding us of our potential, and how great we are so we shouldn’t sin.

I went to the shiur with my father, so afterwards it was raining outside again while we walked home. So as we walked back we were talking about the shiur, how much we loved it, hence the title “Singing in the Rain” - Singing the joyous words of Torah we just heard. I tried to remember as much as I could. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I really love chinuch speeches, where people have a positive approach to dealing with kids.

A Message From Hashem

2009-06-19T15:08:00.001-04:00

A friend of mine is having R’ Yosef Mizrachi speak for an event and would like to invite you all to come.

The topic will be “A Message From Hashem”. You can look at the picture below for more details.

I am thinking about going to this event. If any of you decide to go, let me know in the comments and then maybe I’ll show up and get a chance to meet you.

I know last time I didn’t end up going to the other event. But if my brother decides to go to this one, then I will go along too.

Flowers 101

2009-06-17T14:56:00.001-04:00

This 101st post is dedicated to Leora, who has shown me the beauty in nature and G-d’s creations!

The post is inspired by Ilana-Davita, by looking at her flower picture. Click on the picture to see her post.

Now when I saw that picture, it reminded me of my garden.

Before there were these pretty roses, there were some mysterious flowers appearing in my garden. Leora helped Identify them.

Another thing I love about Leora’s blog, is her art collection of posts. So this picture is in honor of Leora’s art and flowers. I painted these roses a long time ago.

Last up are the shvous flowers I picked out.

Blog Awards

2009-06-15T13:21:00.001-04:00

In the merit of me reaching my 100th post on this blog I would like to take the time to award my fellow bloggers for all the great blog material they have put forth, and for being the wonderful blog friends they are. First off I would like to Thank Leora for the two awards she has given me, enabling me to spread the blog love.

Most of the blogs I’m awarding now I’ve already written up a review about, so I’ll keep the post short.

Related post: Mommy Blog Awards – Seven Great “Mommy” Bloggers I awarded.

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I ♥ Your Blog

Jessica at Philosophy and Mixtapes was an almost Mommy, at the time that I gave out my Mommy Blog Awards. Now she is a Mommy though, and a great one at that.
Jessica, I ♥ the way you took the time to learn how to design your blog to your liking.
Frum Skeptic, I ♥ commenting on your blog, such great debates and discussions.
Something Different, I ♥ how you write such fun entertaining posts that have a point.
Material Maidel, I ♥ your many entertaining posts.
Bas Melach, I ♥ how amazing you are!
Shorty, I ♥ your strength and devotion to Judaism.
Auror, I know you don’t have a blog, but if you did have a blog, I know I would ♥ it too!

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Prémio Dardos Award

“The Prémio Dardos is given for recognition of cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing. These stamps were created with the intention of promoting fraternization between bloggers, a way of showing affection and gratitude for work that adds value to the Web“.

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Thank You all for your wonderful blogs!

And for being the wonderful blogger friends that you are!

I feel as though I left some people out that really deserve it, all of you are really great just by the fact that you are reading this, & of course I appreciate all your comments!

Number 99 – Zecher L’Chorbon

2009-06-11T14:15:00.001-04:00

For the past year or so I’ve come to think of my blog as a place where I can write whatever I wish. Where I can sit in front of my computer screen and let my thoughts fly through the keyboard with no fear as to what will happen once they were said. But I’ve realized it is not so, once I type something and it enters blog land it is open for the public to read and dispute. There is no such freedom of speech, each word said has consequences.

A little while ago, I got an e-mail from a lawyer asking me to remove a post of mine (on my other blog) since it can harm their client. So I right away removed it. (Although I did save a copy first). I then put up a poll asking you what your reaction would have been when faced with such a request.

15/18 of you said you would “look at their reasons and evaluate the situation”. Two of you said “excuse me it's my post, I put it there, it will remain there, freedom of speech!”

I didn’t mind taking down the post since I meant no harm in it to begin with. The only problem was, my blog went from 100 posts to 99 posts. The blog was supposed to close at 100 posts from one complete year of blog writing. I had already ended the blog with a final post, and I was debating if I should add a new post or not. I figured I would keep it at 99 and let it be a Zecher L’Chorbon.

Well now I’m at 99 posts again, so I figured it fits in that I should dedicate this 99th post to explain why I have 99 posts instead of 100 on my other blog. I’ve also decided to take this time to reflect on my writing, and to try not to write anything negative about anyone again. (It does get hard when I created a blog to vent a bit).

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Two last thoughts before I close:

1- On the topic of Zecher L’Chorbon. I remember learning in elementary school that we should leave over a little food on our plate so that it can be a Zecher. I’m proud to say that is one thing which I’ve been able to keep diligently.

2- When I think of Zecher L’Chorbon, I think of the next thing, which is building the Bais Hamikdash and Moshiach coming. Which reminds me of the first post of mine on this blog.

Up next: Post #100 – Blog Awards!

A Day In a Boys Yeshiva

2009-06-08T16:39:00.001-04:00

As you can tell I enjoy typing. Yesterday my Love’s sister called me up to ask me if I can come with her to her father’s yeshiva to help type up ads for the yeshiva dinner. So I said “sure” and went over with her. We were put in a office with 2 computers, on the first floor.

We came around 11:30 and stayed till 5:00. It was lots of fun doing data entry and filing, reminded me of my last job. But it is definitely not something I would want to do permanently.

Any case, it was an interesting experience. It was the first time I was in a boys yeshiva while they had school. By lunch time I kept seeing boys coming over to the door and looking in, and it just made me smile, wondering what they were thinking.

When they were in the hall way they were loud machers, they talked loudly and seemingly chutzpadik to my Love’s father. It made me gain a whole new admiration for him, he has the perfect personality to be able to have control of the boys and yet be patient, caring and loving to them. I guess being a father of 12 could have something to do with it!

Anyways, the funny part is, that once the boys came to the office they all of a sudden got quiet and shy, they would bring me a note or something as if I was supposed to know what to do with it. It was cute to see how much authority they gave me, while I thought of myself as their equal. A boy came in to ask if he can use the phone, and he brought a note along with him from his mother to ask for permission. I forgot how strict schools can be, I would have let the boy use the phone right away. Then when more boys came in to ask to use the phone, I asked if they had permission, and after they said yes, then I let them use it.

I’ve always been with boys, so I knew what their like. But here in a group they become different. I think being in an all boys place gives them macho power and makes them act like 100% boys. While when their at home, or not in a group, they act like an individual, and not as scary!

Congrats Grad!

2009-05-31T14:37:00.001-04:00

As most of you know, I actually graduated! Previously, I had been concerned about passing my classes and contemplated davening for it all to work out. Well, I didn’t end up davening, but I did do some learning, so perhaps in the zechus of the learning I was able to pass my classes and graduate. I would like to thank Leora, Shorty and Auror for their confidence in me!

My love’s family brought over balloons and a teddy bear, saying congratulations.

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May 28th was graduation, and lucky us it rained that day! It was the first time in 23 years that it rained during graduation. They gave us paper towels to wipe our seats with, but we sat there for 2 hours with the rain pouring down on us. Chuck Shumer said there’s now a 2,500 tax credit for graduates and college students earning less than $200,000. He said he won’t be giving a speech because of the rain, that made everyone happy. From those that did speak, it was really cool how they talked about Twitter and Facebook! So different from HS graduation!

My mother got me a graduation teddy bear. She also bought me a cake that says congratulations on it, it was pretty and all. We also went out to eat on Rosh Chodesh and then again on my graduation day!

When I came home from graduation I was reading the program they gave us, and I saw in the back it said the origins for wearing caps and gowns. It said that it originated from the monks and churches. That makes me wonder if it’s okay to wear it.

Now that I’m done with school everyone is asking me what my plan is and what I’m doing next. For the moment I feel as though I just want to relax and do nothing! But no one seems to understand that, they think I need to start working right away. So let the job seeking begin!

First though I plan to learn how to drive and get my license, then I have to study for the CPA. Those are my 2 main goals, I’m not anxious to find a job yet, since so long as I live with my parents I don’t really need to pay for much. But then again it could help to save up money now while I’m not committed to a family and all.

My Torah Filled Weekend

2009-05-25T15:08:00.001-04:00

Shabbos I walked with my father and brother to R’ Landaus shul to hear R’ Fishel Shechter give a shiur on Pirkei Avos. I’ve always associated him with the “funny”/annoying voices he used when telling stories to children. But here I heard him speak to adults and thank goodness he used his normal speaking voice. Sunday, I got to see my first hachasos sefer Torah. Monday, I went to a shiur by R’ Veiner on the topic of Shvous.

Shabbos, R’ Fishel Shechter spoke about Pirkei Avos. I agreed with most of what he said. There was one topic though that I did not agree with him about. He made some good points about parents needing to spend more time with their children. He said families should have supper together during the week more often. He said parents should take some time to shmooze with their children. That on Shabbos parents shouldn’t lock themselves in their room for 7 hours and expect their children to keep themselves busy without getting into trouble. He said you have to give them some sort of structure, that children will get bored after a while. He also made a good point about how parents that are divorced will pay millions of dollars to gain visitation rights with their children, and here you have married couples who have their children right there and yet don’t spend any time with them.

There was one thing he spoke about though that I did not agree with, and that was about Internet. He said its very dangerous and all. But yet, I think that hiding things from children isn’t the answer. We live in a society where children can’t be sheltered from the parents. If a child doesn’t have something at home they will go elsewhere to find it. The key is to raise your child with the right values and morals. To instill in them what is right and wrong. To educate them on what is out there, and how we are different and special. If a parent gives their children the right tools, then having internet or not will not make a difference. There’s so many ways to get things done, that internet is not the only route, it is just a means, not an end.

Sunday, I went with my sister to see the hachnasos sefer torah. I always get such a good feeling when I hear Jewish music in the streets. It’s like this is mine, I belong to this. It was cool to see a pretty truck looking thing with a Torah on it and lights and all kinds of flashy things driving through the street with lots of men and children following it.

Monday, R’ Veiner first spoke about Tefillin, how there’s some problem going on. Me not being a man, didn’t pay much attention to it. Although I found it interesting to see all these women peeking down to see what he was talking about. Makes me think they are such tzadeikeses, and reminds me of my HS teachers. Every time I see a women at a shiur that has such a look and is all into learning Torah and all, it reminds me of my HS teachers. It’s interesting, cause no one in my neighborhood is like that, so its like entering two different worlds.

Anyways, he spoke about Shvous how it’s a yom din, that we have to evaluate where we have fallen short in Talmud Torah. He acknowledged that there were women there, and he said this is an obligation on women too. That Talmud Torah is the women’s key into getting into Olam Habbah. He said that through marriage a women has to motivate her husband to learn, but yet she shouldn’t be his mashgiach. But rather it’s important for the guy to have his own Rav, so that she can go to the Rav to push him to learn, so that there are no Shalom Bayis problems.

In theory this might sound good, but I don’t like the way it sounds. To me I think Husband and wife should have good communication to discuss everything with each other. If the wife feels like she has to get a 3rd party involved, then to me it sounds like the marriage doesn’t have a good foundation. But yet I understand the merit of having someone else being “the bad guy”, but yet if the husband knows that the wife tattled on him, then wouldn’t the husband get more upset at the wife? Plus I don’t think the wife should constantly have to push her husband to learn, it makes it into a business relationship. Rather I think if the husband understood the importance of learning then he should want to do it on his own, if he really wants to but yet is getting distracted, then maybe the wife can motivate him and talk nicely to him and get him to learn that way. But overall, I think the husband should want to learn on his own and the wife should just encourage him a bit, but not boss him around and decide how much he has to learn.

He said you should make a project to learn with others, and to start off with just 10 minutes, and that it will grow from there. He said a Rav can’t be on top of every one to learn, so this way if each person found another person to learn with then it would work out better.

Now, after reading all this it might make you think “what’s so important about Torah after all?” Well, here’s the answer, if someone is anchored in Torah then all their other Yetzer Horas fall away. Now it finally makes sense why so much emphasis is put on Limud Torah, because it allows us to be better Jews.

He said that the point isn’t to be learning 24/7, but rather to have that as your priority, of what you wish to be doing. So you see, people don’t have to learn in Kollel to keep the mitzvah of learning Torah. But rather you can work and make a parnassah. The main point is that you want to learn. So that if you have free time, you grab the opportunity to learn, that shows that everything you are doing is really for Torah.

Also, when I think of learning, I always think of men with their gemorahs. But really, that’s not what its all about. Any form of learning counts, whether that’s an artscroll gemorah, or listening to shiurim on an iPod.

Now learning Torah has side benefits too, so that if you are stuck in traffic, or delayed, instead of getting frantic that you are late. You sit there and listen to a shiur or learn something. You save yourself from anxiety, since now you just got an opportunity to learn, so the inconvenience became a convenience.

An important thing to remember is that bad learning experiences in Yeshiva or anywhere else should not turn a person off from learning, but rather they should move on and continue learning.

Here’s one topic I disagreed with. He said that a mall is pritzus so men shouldn’t go there. At first I thought that was radical, and there’s nothing wrong with going to a mall. My naaive way of thinking of it, is that Hashem created men and women who will have a zivug that is right for them, and that is the one they will be attracted to. So that if men see other women, that is not their wife then they should not be attracted by the other lady. That only their wife can attract them which is why they are married. I mean the husband picked that wife out of everybody, so that should mean that she’s the one for him, so that other ladies shouldn’t matter. So it shouldn’t matter if he sees other ladies who “in their haste in the morning forgot to get dressed”, it shouldn’t cause him any bad thoughts, he should be able to ignore it.

Perhaps I’m crazy, and my way of thinking doesn’t make sense. Maybe, it doesn’t work like that, and men do have temptations for other women that they aren’t married to. Well if that’s the way it works, then okay, I agree that men should avoid seening pritzusdik women and avoid going to the mall.

I’m Not A Medical Person

2009-05-23T22:50:00.001-04:00

I’ve come to the realization that I am not a medical person. Previously, I had felt faint when my neighbor started telling me about difficulties in her pregnancy. Then other times I would get queasy from seeing people after they had surgery, or anything that made them look different.

Friday night, I was sitting outside and my neighbor comes out, I ask her how she’s feeling, since previously she’s been coughing a lot. Then she tells me a real shocker. At first I thought she said something about a lachter. Then she said she had a lump so she went to the doctor. The doctor said it was a benign tumor. When I heard this I felt faint, it was a good thing I was sitting already, but I wanted to rush into my house. I got really scared when I heard this, and to me it sounded like a big thing, I almost started crying.

But I couldn’t run into my house since my neighbor was talking to me, so I had to listen. So she was telling me how she went to her husband’s aunt that’s a doctor in a hospital in NJ. She told me how they treated her good because of that, that she was treated like gold, and that it was like a family visit. But to me it sounded like she was trying to make the situation sound better than it really is. As though she was covering up how scared she was, by telling me how nicely they treated her, and this made me more sad.

The whole Friday night I was tossing and turning in bed, and couldn’t fall asleep, cause I was really worried about her. I realized I’m not an adult in this way, and think like a child with an overactive imagination. As soon as I hear certain words I get really scared, even though she may be ok, to me it sounds worse.

One thing that really troubles me, is that she said she had the lump since February and just didn’t bother going to the doctor till now. Since she was pregnant and thought it might just be a fat deposit, cause that’s supposed to be a common thing. But I don’t get this, I’m not sure what goes on behind closed bedroom doors, but I would imagine the husband sees the wife? would he not realize that something is wrong with her? why didn’t he make her go to the doctor earlier? or did he not even notice it? She said she can’t get the tumor removed for a while, since she’s in her 6th month, and she’s going to wait till after she has the baby, and after she nurses it. She said the lump will grow bigger over time, but that it will be okay. I’m really scared about this.

As I was thinking about this all, I came to the realization of what I’m scared of. It’s not that I’m scared of special people, but rather I’m scared of the disease or illness that they have. Even after my own mother and sister had surgery, I got nauseous from looking at them, and it took a while for me to adjust to the yellow coloring of the antiseptic, or the swollen look of the face. So when I see sick people, I get scared because it pains me and I feel bad for what their going through. It’s because I don’t know anything about what their going through, and I don’t know how to deal with it.

Davening

2009-05-21T14:47:00.001-04:00

Ever since I was a young girl I loved davening. In elementary school one girl a week got to bring home a special decorated siddur, and I always felt so privileged when it was my turn, I cherished that siddur. There was a joy to learning how to daven and davening out loud with the whole class. I loved having kavannah and pointing to the words as I said them.

Once we started learning the meanings of the words, in baer tefilah, I loved it even more. I felt a connection towards the words of davening. They seemed to be such powerful words, especially shemone esrei. When I learned that by Refaeinu you can ask for someone to get better, I was amazed by it. I made sure to daven really well all the time.

At that time though davening was mainly just for school. When I was at home on Shabbos and Sunday I didn’t daven. To me davening was associated with school. Although on shabbos if I would go to shul, I remember my mother telling me about the specialness of mussaf and kesser. Kesser became a special thing. Then I went to sleep away camp going into 6th grade. At that age we weren’t expected to daven much of the Shabbos davening, so we got to go early, while the older girls stayed for leining and other parts of the shabbos davening. Then one summer when I was in camp, my shiur counselor decided it was time we learned how to daven on Shabbos. So she taught us, I still remember her telling us about saying “Kein yehi Ratzon” 3 times towards the end.

Then when I was in High School, I had this great Beier Tefillah teacher, who taught so much on every word, that it was amazing, I truly loved it. By that time we were davening to ourselves in school, and not out loud. At that time lots of stuff were added to the davening that we were never “taught” to daven before. It seemed like too many words to say, and the rest of the class seemed to daven much faster than me, so I cut back on the amount I said. I don’t know how I picked and chose what to daven, perhaps they were bold in my siddur. I still did love my siddur though, I liked how it looked used, to me it made it special. After eighth grade graduating we were given a siddur, but I never got myself to use that one, cause I liked my old one that I was familiar with.

Anyways, once I left High School, the davening ended, I would just daven shabbos when I went to shul. Although in the summer right after High School I did daven for the first time at home, partly because it was a special time, starting college and all. I go to shul every shabbos now, and whenever I go I cherish the chance I have to daven, although I end up going when their up to leining, so I end up just davening mussaf. But I love when I get to hear the chazzan saying the shemone Esrei over. I get such a joy from the words and the way they are said. When he gets up to the words “ ומי דומה לך “ I feel myself soaring with those words. I love yom tovim when there is a long davening, I feel so good after davening.

Being that I love davening so much, it would only make sense that I should daven every day at home, but being that I never davened at home before I just can’t get myself to start. It doesn’t feel natural. In a way I’m jealous of men that get to go to shul for a minyan 3 times a day, cause then they have a set time and place to daven.

Now, what brought all these davening thoughts up? Well, I believe that davening has power, and if you want or need something then you should daven for it. But yet, I’m afraid that if I daven for something then I will jinx it and it won’t happen. That if I ever say out loud that I want something, then I won’t get it. Same with the other way around, if I say I really don’t want something to happen then it will happen.

Like the other day a man came to our class to draw a raffle to pick 2 winners that will get a $200 voucher towards the Becker CPA review courses. For some reason I really didn’t want my name to be picked, because I had missed the midterm since I was sick, and I didn’t want attention to be drawn to myself. So I kept saying to myself, please don’t pick me, Please don’t pick me! Then guess what happened, the guy called out my name, its like I had a feeling that it would happen. So I won the 200 dollars. Which brings me what this is all really about.

So I finished all my finals, and now all I have to do is wait for my grades to see if I passed or not, to see if I will be graduating. I’m really scared that I didn’t pass, and the anxiety is driving me crazy. I wish I can daven to Hashem that it should work out, that I should pass my classes. But yet I’m afraid that if I daven then it will be jinxed. So I’m in a dillemna here.

O, and if I was a guy, and I didn’t pass my classes then I would go to Kollel! But since I’m a girl, that’s not an option.

Dating and Marriage: Better To Be Safe Than Sorry

2009-05-20T10:03:00.001-04:00

A friend of mine is having Rabbi Goldberg speak for an event and would like to invite you all to come. The topic will be “Dating & Marriage: Better to Be Safe Than Sorry”. You can look at the picture below for more details. I happen to know Rabbi Goldberg too. I am thinking about going to this event. If any of you decide to go, let me know in the comments and then maybe I’ll show up and get a chance to meet you.

This Week’s Wrap-Up – Busha!

2009-05-08T11:25:00.001-04:00

Sunday I went to the dentist thinking I was going to have just a short appointment, that he wasn’t going to do any work on my teeth. But he decided to put a post in my tooth to get ready for my crown. When I saw him bring in a container with small narrow metal looking things I asked him “What are you going to do to me?” and he said he was going to put a screw in my tooth, he asked me if I was nervous. I of course said “yea!”. He didn’t want to start up any trouble, and I felt bad, so I reassured him that I’ll be okay. So he got to work, and he gave me no shot, I was relived! I figured if there’s no shot, that means it won’t hurt. So he did what he did and it was over with and I was fine.

Afterwards I asked my father if the dentist gave him shots before he put a screw in his tooth, and my father said he had gotten 4 shots. So I started to wonder if the dentist had just forgotten to give me the shot before he worked on my tooth. But then my mother explained to me, that because I had a root canal on that tooth, there was no nerve left, so no shot was needed. At that point I felt really grateful for getting a root canal in the past!

Monday, I went to school, and I like my philosophy class, so I raise my hand here and there to comment on what the professor says. So I raised my hand and started speaking and then I realized something strange, I heard my voice in my head, I couldn’t here how it sounded once it was spoken. I thought that was strange, but didn’t make anything of it. Then I went to my next class and was sitting there and realized I had an ache in my ear, and it was throbbing painfully. I waited the hour and forty five minutes for the class to be over and went home. When it was time to go to school again I just didn’t have the strength and my ear was hurting, so I lay in bed. Then my father comes home and sees that I haven’t gone to school, so he realized something must be bothering me. So he tried to make a Dr appointment for that night, but couldn’t get a hold of the doctor. So I took some Motrin to reduce the swelling in my ear and it helped.

Tuesday, my mother finally got a hold of the doctor and made an appointment for me. So at 2:00 I went to the doctor. Now here’s where the Busha stories start coming in. The Dr. took a look at my ear and said I had an ear infection. Then he took the stethoscope and put it my back and asked me to breath, So I was breathing in and out. Then when he brought it to the front, I continued breathing in and out, and then he tells me “your heart beats itself, you don’t need to do that anymore”. I was embarrassed and couldn’t remember my pediatric doctor ever telling me that you don’t have to breath by the front. Anyways, then he said my heart was beating fast, and that for every 10 beats faster it means that my temperature is one degree higher. Which means that I have fever. Then he said he wanted to take some blood tests to make sure that everything is okay. He prescribed me antibiotics and some ear drops.

So I lie back on the examination table, and this lady comes in to take out the blood. She was about to start working on my right hand, and foolish me asks her if she can do my left hand instead. She gave me this mean look and said “what difference does it make?”. So I told her “I’m a righty, and this way I’ll be able to write”. So then she starts laughing at me. She looks at me with bewilderment and says “You think your not going to be able to write after this?”. So then I look sheepish and realized it wasn’t a big deal. So she gets to work, tying a band around my arm, and I turn to face the wall and close my eyes. Then she does her thing, and when its over, I still have my eyes closed and my head turned away. So she says to me “you didn’t even notice it was over, see it wasn’t so bad” and she was laughing some more. I laughed out of busha that I was such a baby. So then she reassured me saying “you should see the men that come in here, they’re really chicken. They squint their eyes close, hold their fist tight as if they will go through the most excruciating pain”.

Then at night I had my robotics class, and we were having a quiz, and I knew my lab partners were counting on me, so even though I wasn’t feeling well, I went to school. I took the quiz, finished quickly, and could have went home. But I figured I’d wait to play it out, so I stayed and did all the lab work. With my head down 75% of the time. At 9:15 my mother picked me up, so I just left the classroom, one of my lab partners asked if I was feeling okay and she offered to give me a ride, but I reassured her I’m fine, and told her that my mother was picking me up. So then I got home and realized it was a mistake to have gone to school, my ear was throbbing and my head was hot, and my teeth were chattering.

As my mother was driving me home in the rain, I realized a cool thing. If you look at the floor of the street at night in the rain you can see a “rainbow cake”. There’s a layer of red, green and yellow, it was really cool.

Wednesday, I had a paper due, and I remember my professor saying that if we can’t make it to class we can e-mail it to her before 10:30. Luckily I had done the paper on Friday (when I wrote the Kibud Av V’Aim post; [the post wasn’t my paper]), So I e-mailed it to her at 9:00 and figured I’d skip my first 2 classes, and try to study for my test that night. That didn’t happen though, cause although I took my antibiotics, it was not helping me, only the Motrin seemed to work- (children’s Motrin at that), and I figured out, it takes an hour for it to kick in, and then it can last for 7 hours. So I timed myself, and so long as I took the Motrin at the right times I was fine. But not up to studying.

I know it’s not mothers day yet, but I’ll put in my little mother’s day thoughts here. My MOTHER is really the best! She stayed home with me the whole day, she gave me my medicine, put in the drops for me, brought me up some bread and soft things that I can eat without chewing. She made delicious soup that was easy for me to swallow. After I had eaten my mother stayed to entertain me for a while, we talked about all kinds of things. She told me stories from when I was a baby, what I was like. It was really fun to hear, even though I wasn’t the best baby. She told me how my twin brother was always the quiet one never crying, and how I would always cry if she would leave me for a second. She told me how she used to have a routine for us in the summer, she would put us in the double carriage and take us for a walk, and we would nap 2 hours, then we would come back home and play 2 hours, then nap again, etc. I love looking at pictures of me or my siblings when we were babies, and watching the videos of us. (Although we don’t have a VCR, so we really have to convert those videos to DVDs!) She brought me a coloring book of flowers and gardens, and we colored together! I found a page of tulips and colored that, I had decided that tulips was my favorite flower.

So I had to skip my night class and miss the midterm. I feel really upset about this, because I had planned on studying really hard for this test and trying to do well so I can boost my grade. But now I lost this opportunity, and my only hope is the final. Which having 6 finals in 3 days, makes it hard to spend quality time on each one and I feel really helpless. I feel as though I will be letting so many people down. I’m supposed to be graduating, and now I’m blowing it all up once again. Unless the professor will understand and not give me a zero for this test I missed.

Any case my philosophy professor was really nice and e-mailed me back saying Thanks for the paper and that I should feel better and all.

Now going to sleep was really hard, because I like sleeping on my right ear, but with it infected, it hurt to lean on it, so I had to sleep on my other side, so I kept tossing and turning and waking up in middle of the night to take some more Motrin.

Thursday, I was starting to feel better, but I could only hear from one ear, luckily I had no class. I came to school to see Mike (Thanks for the card it was really cute), and it was good to get out and see day light, it was a really nice day out.

Then later my other ear started hurting, so I had a follow-up appointment with the doctor, so I went 5:00. I told him the other ear started hurting, and he said I could put some drops into that one too. He said the right ear is starting to look better, that the swelling is going down. He said I should continue the antibiotics for another 5 days. Then he said there might be some side effects from taking the antibiotics, and he named this word. It was a word I never heard of, so me ever the curious one asked him what that was. Then he exclaimed “You really don’t know what that is, I was hoping to get a blush out of you with that one”. Then I realized what the shoresh was, while he explained it partially, without saying the shoresh word. That was a major Busha moment.

At night I decided to make supper, my mother said she had some chop meat that she bought, so I was going to make meatballs, but I like it with cranberry sauce, and none of the stores seem to sell it anymore. So I opened my cookbook to look for a new recipe that involves chop meat. I found a meatloaf recipe, I’ve never had meatloaf before and the ingredients looked okay, so I figured I would make it. It was easy to make, and the recipe said you can put mashed potatoes on top of it before you put it into the oven, so I did that. Afterwards I tasted it, and it was pretty good, although it had a lot of flavor.

Friday, I woke up and realized that my other ear, my left ear, was now swollen and hurting, and my right ear was almost cleared up. My mother guessed that the fluid must have just gone to the other ear instead of drying up. So here I was thinking that over the weekend I should be feeling better, but then it looks like it’s just going to be starting all over again.

I’m starting to wonder, if maybe my ear got infected from the dentist chair. It’s strange that the day after I went to the dentist I got an ear infection, when my ears have always been so good in the past. I know by Dr’s offices they have these wax paper looking things they roll out. But by the dentist they don’t have anything covering the chair, so maybe when I head my head laying on it sideways for my dentist to work on it, maybe it got infected there.

Any case, that was one long wrap up of my Busha filled week, have a Good Shabbos all!

Kibud Av V’Aim

2009-05-01T17:38:00.001-04:00

Philosophy issue #3 (issue 1 here, issue 2 here)

Here’s a question I have never thought about before:

What do grown children owe their parents?

Jane English claims children owe their parents nothing. That it’s only out of friendship that children will give to their parents. So if there’s a good connection, then the children will want to help their parents just like helping anyone else they care about. English says it’s because an obligation can only exist when there is a contract. Since parents had children without the children’s consent, then it is not a contract, so there is no debt to be paid back. Rather the parents have done a favor.

Christina Sommers, on the other hand, claims that children owe their parents respect no matter what. If parents provide the basics to their children when they are young, then the children at least owe the basics back to their parents. Aristotle says parents gave the children the gift of life and that is the greatest gift of all, without parents they wouldn’t exist, so children owe their parents for that.

Emanuel Kant’s theory is concerned with the motives and intentions of a person rather than the consequences that come out of it. Since a person has control over their intentions but not the consequences. Kant breaks down our actions into two categories, the hypothetical imperative and the categorical imperative. The hypothetical imperatives are the desire-based motives that have nothing to do with morality. Therefore, if a person wants something then they do the action to obtain what they want. The categorical imperative on the other hand, does have to do with morality; they are reason-based motives, for which a person is morally responsible. Therefore, a person ought to do something no matter if they want to do it or not.

An important part of Kant’s theory is, to “act only according to that maxim which you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law”.

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Now here’s where my Jewish opinion comes in.

I think Children to owe their parents, so I disagree with Jane English. I agree with Christina Sommers that children owe their parents respect, after all it is called “Kibud”. I remember learning Hilchas Kibud Av V’Aim a while ago. Where it was discussed whether a child has to pay for something the parent wants. Example: if the parent asks the child to do something for them, and the child would have to pay a fare for transportation, then the parent should pay for the transportation, unless the child is able to walk and avoid the fare.

Now with Kant’s theory on motives, it reminds me of “Kavannah” and how Hashem decides if a person should get “schar or Onesh”. From what I remember, Hashem punishes a person only if they had the intention to do bad. However, Hashem gives reward to people for good, no matter if they had the good intention or not.

Now about Kant’s two different imperatives, Kant says there are some actions that have nothing to do with Morality. But if you look at it the Jewish way, everything can be connected to morality. Even the simple act of eating or sleeping becomes moral if you have a moral intention. An example being, a mother sleeps with the intention of having energy to raise her children. With the intention she has elevated her action to become a holy one, and not a mundane one.

About acting only by actions that you can rule on others, sounds like “do not do unto others that which you wouldn’t want done to you”. It makes sense, however, in Jewish law we know there is no absolute rule, there are always exceptions and Kal V’Chomers. Even in the case of lying, there are times when you are supposed to lie. Hashem lied to Avraham for the sake of Shalom Bayis. I once heard that if the wife broke a vase by mistake, and her husband will get angry at her for it, then she is allowed to say the child broke it, so that the husband shouldn’t get angry at her. This is assuming that the husband will not get angry at the child, since he would understand that children tend to be more clumsy and break things easily.

Seudas Hoda’ah

2009-04-24T14:01:00.001-04:00

I decided to take a break from the Parsha posts, and am stopping with Parshas Tzav, and will continue the rest next year. First I would like to bring up Parshas Tzav again, I had talked about the topic of Hoda’ah- Thanks, now I’d like to talk about it some more.

Shema Yisrael:

In the times of the Beis HaMikdash, the seudas hoda'ah consisted of the Korbon Todah. Nowadays, we have no Korbon Todah; however, we still make a seudas hoda'ah when we experience a miracle of Hashem's chessed. During that seudah, we speak about the miracle; how The Almighty saved us from a dangerous situation. This implants within us the middah (character trait) of hakoras hatov (gratitude), and recognition of all the good things that Hashem does for us. You do not need to wait until a big miracle happens to express hakoras hatov to Hashem. You can thank Him every day for the constant miracles of keeping you alive, healthy, providing food, clothing, family, teachers, and hundreds of other chassodim. Thank Him always. "Thank You Hashem!"

I remember in elementary school when we were taught Borei Nefashos, the teacher taught it to us in a song that went like this: “Barach Ata Hashem…..Borei Nefashos…..Chai Haolamim, Thank You Hashem for the Delicious food”. Now every time I say Borei Nefashos I always add on the Thank you part, it comes so naturally, that I forget it’s not part of the Bracha. But since it’s in English, it’s the part I understand, so as I’m saying it, the words remind me of what the Bracha is about.

I’m not really sure how much I can blog about this topic, as it might be too personal. But suffice it to say this Shabbos I’m having my 8th Seudas Hoda’ah for that unlucky Wednesday in 2001. I never really think about it much, I remember it comes out April time, Rosh Chodesh Iyar. It’s the one time a year when I actually eat Shalosh Seudos. We used to donate some sefer to the shul at this time. I usually acknowledge the time of year but never really feel the Thankfulness of it.

But then this year I was thinking about it, and I realized I have a lot to be thankful for. Sometimes I feel as though my life is too easy, that it becomes hard for me to do the right thing all the time. I sometimes wish bad things would happen to me, so that I wouldn’t be so “spoiled” and would become a better person. I hear about people suffering and it makes me feel inadequate, as though how can I be living the way I am, when they are suffering so.

Then this time of year comes, as a reminder, that my life wasn’t so smooth, I did have my bumps. I realize I have the opportunity to be thankful for it, so that I had my hardship early on and was able to learn and change from it.

Hashem has done a miracle for me and saved my life, when I think of that it gives me an incentive and motivation to make myself a better person. I wish I can constantly remember this, but I realize it takes more than this gratitude towards Hashem, to make myself constantly a better person. It takes an extra level of love and dedication to Hashem and His mitzvos, to make me constantly aware of my reason for being here and to act upon it.

I find that a very hard task, it’s hard to imagine this great Hashem when He’s not a physical being that we can see, but rather all spiritual. One of my High School teachers used to tell us that we have to think to ourselves every day “Hashem loves me”. It became ingrained in me, that when good things Happen, no matter how little, it’s from Hashem. So if I was typing out a comment and lost my connection, refreshed and found my comment was still there, I would say “Hashem loves me”. It feels good to realize it’s from Hashem.

The next step is to love Hashem back, I made my picture to say “I love Hashem” as a reminder to myself to work on the Midah of Ahavas Hashem, which is the best possible way of doing the Mitzvos.

Sefiras Haomer

2009-04-22T17:46:00.001-04:00

There are 7 sefiros which are the seven midos that Hashem uses, the more we develop them the more similar we become to Hashem, and then we have proper receptors for the Torah.

1- Chesed 2- Gevurah 3- teferes 4- netzach 5- hod 6- yesod 7- Malchos

Chesed- outpouring of goodness

Hashem takes care of us, our hearts beat, we breath.
we should look out for other people, be an active doer, see how you can help others, what do they need.
Avraham was proactive in Chesed, he built his tent with 3 doors so people can find him from all over.

Gevurah- strength, an inner strength to control myself

When we deserve punishment Hashem gives us a chance to improve, Hashem wants to do for you, but he holds himself back so that you can learn to make bechira choices and develop your self.
we should hold ourselves back and don't respond in an inappropriate way to people pushing our buttons.
Yitzchak by the Akeda restrained himself so that he won't stop the knife.

Teferes- glory, beauty, Emes, Harmony, well balanced.

Hashem has chesed and gevurah, balance, knowing when to give and when to restrain.
We have to have a balance within our personality when to do and when to hold back. Emes- everything is correct, being true to ourselves. Having integrity and consistency- being the same wherever we our.
Yaakov, when he lived with Yitzchak he was a tzadik then when he lived with lavon he didn't compromise his principals. He didn't have an easy life, in all the situations he though of what is the Emes thing to do.

Netzach- eternity/win

Hashem doesn't just decide what is good now, but rather long term, what is good for me as a person.
When we make choices in our day we should see if it will get us to our goal. Don't give up cause long term we will see its good for us.
(Ex: we clean the house for a pleasant environment. While cleaning the floor, a kid comes home all muddy, you are about to get angry and scream- that becomes an unpleasant environment. You loose the Netzach, you have to think for the purpose- Pleasantness. See how much diff will it make long term.)
a) learn about the complexity of the human body- so not stuck in the moment
b) meditate about own past history- brought to where you are now
c) meditate about yourself standing with everyone in your community then broaden the picture more to all people of Bnei Ysiroel then broaden it to everyone in the world, then imagine all the galaxies -- This gives us a broader picture.
Moshe gave us the torah with instructions on how to put eternal meaning into every moment of life.

Hod- glory, thankfulness, admit. When we are thankful we feel the glory in the object.

Notice the small goodness others or Hashem are doing in my life- feeling thankful, Hakaras Hatov- recognizing the good.
necessity- when we have something we don't feel the joy but when there's a lack we feel the pain. Luxury- when we don't have something we have no pain, but when we get it then there's joy. The more stuff we claim are luxuries then the more joy we will have in our life.
a) Say thanks to people for the small things they do.
b) when we say brachos think about all the work that went into each piece of cake.
c) When hashgacha pratis happens say a perek of tehillim
d) when see a beautiful scenery it should be a motivation and acknowledge Hashem.
e) keep a journal of the HP in your life
Aharon saw the goodness in others so then there was peace.

Yesod- basic foundation.

a)eating, sleeping- physical- vivid, real immediate, don't last, only there at the moment. b) aesthetic pleasure - beautiful music, paintings, scenery, doesn't change who I am as a person unless we use the motivation to change ourselves. c) connection- relationship with others or Hashem. (a baby needs this deepest level, needs touch) this is Yesod of who we are, we seek a connection with Hashem.
make sure the connection between males and females is spiritual. Men- Shmiras Ainayim. Woman- how much are we calling outside attention to ourselves, have a consideration for others, we don't want to create a temptation that he doesn't want. have a sense of self from the inside.
Yosef had the biggest temptation, he was interested, it was so difficult to control himself, but he held himself back, he used the image of his father, someone he respected so much, and then asked himself how would he feel in front of him if he acted this way. We should think of a role model and how we would feel in front of his person if we acted this way.

Malchos - kingship

focus on making Hashem my king in every moment of the day, feel His presence in everything I do.
Hashem is pouring a shefa of life experiences we go thru, we should take these life experiences and filter them thru the torah, how would the torah want us to deal with it. If not the torah then the eyes of a Rabbi. Whatever is being poured down the goal is to crown hashem with it, elevate it to make hashem my king thru this life Experience
Dovid had life challenges, he teaches Benei Yisroel to do Yeshuva thru that, he composed tehilim, how to make Hashem Melech in every life experience.

The next day is shevuous when we are ready to receive the torah, which tells us how to connect with Hashem in every life experience.

My Pesach Diary 2009

2009-04-13T20:16:00.001-04:00

My innovative little brother continues to surprise me with his great inventions. For Purim he made a container on wheels to carry the shaloch manos and now for Pesach he made his own pillow out of cloth napkins, old pillow stuffing and staples.

On Pesach, I was helping out by changing the glasses on the lachter and to put in new candles. Now this is a un-girly thing to say, but a really cool thing happened while I was removing the old wicks from the glasses.

I had 3 glasses in my hand with a plastic knife in the other- Mistakes 1&2. I had used the knife to successfully take out a bunch of wicks and I had just those 3 left to take out. So I used the knife and tried to take out the wick of the top glass in my hand, but it wouldn’t come out. So I tried harder…then all of a sudden I hear a cracking sound, I didn’t know what it was from. So I continued trying to remove the wick using the knife. Then I realized the middle glass I was holding in my hand had cracked. I look at my hand and I see a really cool pretty and colorful shard of glass got stuck in my skin. It was the strangest thing, I pulled it out from my hand and it didn’t hurt one bit! Plus there was not a cut or a trace of blood coming out of my finger from where I removed it. But I remembered distinctly that the glass had been in my finger, so I’m not so sure how that was possible.

Chol Hamoed – Sunday:

We were going to go to Harford Connecticut, but we ended up going to Milford Connecticut instead.

First we went to The Maritime Aquarium, we watched a sea lion feeding where 1 of the sea lion’s had a Jewish Sounding name – Layala!

I saw a Watercolor painting which made me think of Leora, so I took a picture of it:

There were lots of kinds of fish there, thankfully it was all indoors, because the weather was chilly. There were a few fish that stuck out.

Lobster: Looking at that thing, I can’t imagine how people eat it, and I’m thankful it’s not on “our menu”.
Star Fish: There was a touch tank where you can touch some fish. One of them was the star fish, I didn’t touch it. But I remember maybe touching one when I was younger, so I enjoyed the memory of it.
Shark: So mean looking, makes me think of a Rasha!
Turtle: for a known to be slow creature, this turtle looked really impressive. This was the biggest turtle I’ve ever seen. It also had a fierce looking face.
Jelly Fish: now this was the best part! I loved looking at the jelly fish, I’ve always pictured one looking like the candy jelly fish, but that’s not at all how it looks!

I found the jelly fish to be so graceful I just had to take a video of it. I started the video and then some chassidish kids came over, I feared they would start talking and it would ruin the video and cause me to have to mute the sound. But an amazing thing then happened, I got the perfect sound effect!

Flounder: one of the types of fish that I actually like eating. I like hands on interactive exhibit’s so I was happy to try to solve this one. These flounder have got truly amazing camouflage.
Colorful Fish tank: This one is “Ma Rabu Maasecha Hashem”. I saw this tank of fish and at first glance I just loved it, amazing what color can do.
Penguins: I don’t think I’ve ever seen Penguins swim before, I always imagined their in the snow only. (Happy Feet was a great movie!).

We went to an IMAX about the grand canyon. When we got there the place was empty, so I took some pictures of the vast big empty room. I love the theater effect to it all.

There were a bunch of Chassidish people that did come in to watch, along with other frum Jews. We waited a little while, then the “movie” started. The first image on the screen was…you’ll never guess! 2 girl’s in bikini’s in the water. I watched the boys turn their head and look away, nobody could believe what was just on the screen.

Then the film continued and it was about how the water in the Colorado river was draining out, and it showed them kayaking the river for the most of it. It was cool to see them going over the big waves and falling upside down. I’ve never seen the grand canyon before, and it was amazing to see that too. They also showed Las Vegas, another scene I’ve never seen before, and the colorful lights were truly pretty.

I love going to gift shops to look around and get a key chain or some other little thing with the name of the place on it. This time I got a charm that said the name of the aquarium, it was silver too.

While I was looking around I saw a pacifier that I thought it was really funny, it would have been perfect for one of the kids I used to babysit!

After the aquarium we went to the Hotel in Milford. It was a very basic hotel, not fancy. The elevator was a plain one, no glass see through doors. There was no pool, not that I would have gone swimming. The gym only had 3 machines, a treadmill, a stationary bike, and my favorite step machine! I used the step machine for a bunch of minutes and it was really fun.

This was the first trip in a really long time that my whole family actually came! We originally got 3 rooms, and my parents were going to share a room with me and my little sister. But when we opened the room we saw there was no room for another 2 beds, so I went on my laptop, logged in and booked another room for me and my sister. (I didn’t use my own money though…it was only 10,000 points so my father used his points).

It was so much fun watching TV, every time I go to a hotel I find there are new shows that I didn’t know about. I watched the NIK channel for about 3 hours straight! There was Drake and Josh which I thought had amazing actors, wow, those kids show a lot of facial expressions and put all their Koach into it! Then there was iCarly, this one reminded me of Hannah Montana and I loved it!

There were a lot of commercials, but since I haven’t seen them before, it was fun to watch the first time! I saw this commercial for a hanging tomato planter and I thought it was really funny! I thought of Jacob Da Jew and Leora though, cause I know they plant, so perhaps they might find it useful? I also noticed that by all the commercials, everything cost 19.95, or x payments of 19.95!

Chol Hamoed – Monday:

We went to an arcade game place called Smilez. Now this was truly a fun filled day. We spent 20 dollars in tokens, getting 112 tokens to play all kinds of games. It brought back so many memories of fun games I remembered playing.

Bop the Alligator: I always loved playing this game, so I went to it right away and put in my token, ready to play the game. But then nothing happened, and I realized I lost my coin, that the game wasn’t working. I later realized if the light’s off then then the game won’t work!
Catch the Light: This next game I played I remembered playing before, it was a guaranteed win, so I got a few tickets.
Sky Bowling: (not sure what it’s called?), this game I’ve also played before, but I wasn’t any good at it, kept getting zeros! (The game had a longer ramp, I just cropped it for the sake of keeping the picture small looking).
Rock N’ Bowl: now this is all about luck and aiming, you have to aim your coin to go in the slot and hit the pin and you get that amount of tickets. My father tried and actually got 100 tickets that way!

After we had fun playing our games we went to the machine to count our tickets and redeem our prizes!

Then my mother saw a game that she remembered playing and wanted to play it! So we went over to the game, my mother put in her token and nothing happened. It was one of those aiming the coin type of games, so I shook the aimer thing to see if it would go then, but it wouldn’t go. Then all of a sudden we hear noise and tickets start coming out of the machine one after another, as the aimer was shook, tickets kept spilling out. So we let a lot of tickets come out and then we counted the tickets and had over 500!

As I was feeding the tickets into the counter machine, I felt guilty, I wasn’t sure if it was okay what we just did, to get free tickets like that from a broken machine. What would you have done?

So then we got some more prizes, and everyone was happy!

Then we saw a Chassidish boy go over to the broken machine and he also realized that tickets were coming out for free, so he let it keep going too. Then his father came over and saw what happened, then when they redeemed their tickets for prizes, the father told the person behind the counter about the broken machine. But looks like she didn’t care, cause no one went over to put a sign on it, or fix it, so it kept giving tickets to whoever wanted. So then I felt less guilty, cause they knew it was broken.

When we were ready to leave I put my hand in my pocket and realized I had more coins left, so I quickly played another game and got some more tickets, but I was too lazy to go get a prize for it, so I saw a Chassidish girl and went over to her to give the tickets to. I said “You can have these” and handed her the tickets, she was stunned and her mouth was hanging open, looking at me, wondering why I just did that.

I ended up getting a bunch of prizes, my first was the blue teddy bear for 220 points and the “I love Mom” bear for 180 points- those were earned legitimately! Then I got a little picture frame in a purse shape for 270 points and a “You’re the best” bear for 180 points- those were through the “cheated tickets”. Then I got a deck of cards for 30 points that was legit.

Hope you had a great first day’s and enjoyed your Chol Hamoed too!

Pesach – Seder, Prep, Haggadah & Halacha

2009-04-04T23:36:00.002-04:00

This year Pesach, I’m going miss Bedikas Chametz for the first time. I have class Tuesday night, a quiz and Homework do at that time as well, so I must go to class. My father reassures me that Bedikas Chametz is a man mitzvah because it’s a mitzvah that’s related to time. But yet, I’ve always enjoyed Bedikas Chametz, I was always the one to hide the 10 pieces of bread, make a list of where they are and watch my father look for it. It would be so much fun in the dark room where no one can talk, going around with a candle and picking up any little chametz we found and collecting the 10 pieces of bread. So I will be missing the experience this year, but hopefully the rest of Pesach will be memorable!

My favorite parts of Pesach are: 1- the Karpas- potato in salt water. 2- Leaning on a pillow, eating comfortably. 3- Lady fingers, or are they now called Fingers? 4- My grandmother’s sponge cake!

Pesach in the Blogosphere:
Note: They are separated in categories, with more than one post from quite a few bloggers.

To start off with, if you haven’t seen the Facebook Hagaddah yet, check it out!

There's also a Pesach website with lots of links including Pesach recipes.

Seder

Lakewood Falling Down has some really interesting Pesach minhagim. One of them is to sing a Mr. Potato Head song. It happened to be my little sister asked me to draw a picture for her to color in, so I went to Coloring Book and was scrolling through the images waiting for her to tell me which one to pick. Guess what she picked? Mr. Potato head! So I tried to copy the picture there, it was no way a good imitation but I’ll put it up anyways.
Hadassah’s son writes a touching guest post about his Dream Seder.
G6’s family makes strawberry fluff for Pesach, she posts adorable pictures of her daughter when she was younger. She also shares some other Pesach rituals of Chocolate matzos and making animal noises by Chad Gadiah.
Frum College Girl writes about macaroons being the classic Pesach nosh.
Super Raizy shares an article of the all too common Pesach Seder.

Pesach Prep

Something Different shares pictures of cool stuff she found while cleaning her drawer for Pesach. The “seat saver” being my favorite. She also writes about cleaning the most chamitzdik places, the keyboard.
Leora shares some great Pesach recipes. I was planning on trying out the sponge cake one, but then I found out it was Gebracks.
Ilana Davita also shares a few links to Pesach recipes.
G6 shares a Pesach recipe of Mushroom-Onion-Farfel-Kugel, for the gebraks eaters.
Rafi shows a Pesach ad he found encouraging Kashering your computer for Pesach.
Elisheva posts pictures of her before and after Pesach computer cleaning.
Michelle talks about Pesach prices and wonders why it has taken so long for some to take some action on Price regulation
Lion of Zion talks about banning Pesach car washes to save money. He posts an index to all his Pesach posts.
Mike In Midwood shares with us Pesach craziness, a schedule from the Mishpacha on how to prepare for Pesach each day. He also wonders why all the publicity is on the women, what about the men he asks? He also talks about how Pesach is a time that leads to finding out if people are OCD.
NMF#7 talks about spring cleaning, and how we clean more than we have to, and why we do that.
RickisMom talks about our attitude towards Pesach Prep, she encourages us to not see it as a burden, and be happy for the children’s sake. What she says reminds me of a video I had seen, it’s funny but sad.
Leora tells us how Pesach is fun! With spilling water over the countertops, making matza brei, and having a bag of Makkot to play with. She also shares with us the Froggy Song. She shares with us a video on how to Kasher the Kitchen in 2 minutes.
Hadassah shares an important message with us, to remember what Pesach is about, leaving slavery, and not to enslave ourselves with extra work.
JacobDaJew talks about crazy things people do for Pesach and asks for your stories.
Lakewood Falling Down shares a story from his childhood of all that went into converting from chometz to kosher L’pesach.
J.C.A.P talks about a different kind of Pesach preparation, about Pesach being a time to let ourselves free, to free the grudges we have on people, and to forgive them.

Haggadah

Leora tells us about a product called “My first Haggadah” for Tots.
Ilana Davita shares some information about Pesach and tells us about her favorite Haggadah, and asks you which is your favorite.
Jewish in the Suburbs tells over the Pesach story in a diary form.
Hadassah posts the Ma Nishtana in lots of different languages. I love hearing the kids say it in different languages!
Shorty notices that women aren’t mentioned in the Haggadah and shares some links to where women are mentioned.

Halachos

Ilana Davita asks you how you understand “nifsal me’achilat kelev - not even fit to feed a dog” in regards to Pesach. She also asks what you think of Maccos Bechoros. She also writes about First born Sons and the obligations on them.
Rafi’s daughter came home from school with homework to write some Pesach Chumras, and he shares a few he came up with.
Shorty asks for advice on how to handle her Pesach Dilemma.
G6 tells how Pesach is tough for everyone including her fish how not feeding it chometz over Pesach, almost killed the gold fish.

Parshas Tzav

2009-04-03T10:58:00.000-04:00

For the men out there who do Daf Yomi: Noticed anything interesting on Friday? This weeks Parsha is צו, and guess what the daf-page number, for Friday was? That’s right צו.

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I always love saying “Please”, “Thank You” and “Your welcome”. It’s so much fun to be polite, it gives you a good feeling inside. I remember once watching a full house episode where Stephanie was a young girl, probably 6 or 7 years old. One of the adults had said thank you to another person for something, and Stephanie chimes in and says “Your Welcome”. They all turn to her wondering why she’s saying “Your welcome”, and she tells them “when someone says “Thank You” your supposed to say “Your welcome”. So even though the person didn’t say “Thank You” to her, she still answered back, I found it to be adorable!

I tried to find the video on youtube, I couldn’t find it, but I found another cute one with Michelle and “Politeness Week”

Something to say:

If he shall offer it for a thanksgiving offering (7:12)

The accepted definition of the word Toda, thanksgiving, is gratitude and appreciation. When someone asays thank you, he is saying, “I appreciate what you did for me.” Rabbi Yitzchak Kotzker notes that the word Toda also expresses the concept of admission and confession. When one confesses to another, he is in effect conveying a message of agreement with the other party’s view.

The idea that connects the two approaches to the meaning of the word lies in the depths of human nature. man’s instinct is to be independent, aspiring, and eager to show that he is capable of taking care of himself. When he expresses his appreciation to another person, however, he is acknowledging-confessing, so to speak- that he needs others.

So by saying “Thank you” besides for showing your appreciating and thanking the person, you are also showing that you need the other person and can’t do everything on your own.

Helping Oneself

2009-03-31T09:44:00.001-04:00

Philosophy Issue#2 (Issue#1 here)

Now this is a topic I find myself strongly being able to relate to. I’ve been told countless times “you have to do what you want, what do you want?”. I always have the same answer that I want to do what the right thing is, whether that’s what my parents say, or school says, or whoever I feel is right. It caused me to feel sandwiched with the whole college dilemma, since I didn’t know what I wanted for myself. Since I have such a strong care for others, I want what they want. (Although when I was babysitting, I realized I was sacrificing too much of myself and had to put an end to it.)

Jean Hampton in 1993 wrote an article called “Selflessness and the Loss of Self”. She discusses this topic of helping oneself and having self authorship. There are two “moral voices”, the ethic of care and the ethic of justice.

Women-ethic of care: they take into consideration people’s feelings. Mothers were trained to be this way since they have to raise a family and take care of their children. A mother has to care for her children and be aware of their feelings when siblings fight.

Men-ethic of justice: they make decisions based on logic. Men were trained to be this way since they are in the work place and have to make quick decisions. Business is all about quick decisions based on logic, they never think of the competitors feelings.

We have lots of mitzvos that are other related, “Vehafta L’reach Hakamocha” and you can’t embarrass another person, you have the mitzvah of “Kibud of Haem” and respecting your elders, and the midah of “anivus”. We have the concept of being “mevatar” to give something up for another person to have. All this trains us to be good moral people who care about others.

At the same time I fear we become so other oriented, that we loose focus of ourselves.

The question becomes how much do we owe to ourselves and how much to others?

Boys would say if responsibility to others and to oneself conflict then you go about 3/4 to yourself and 1/4 to others. Boys feel the most important thing in their decision is themselves.

Girls on the other hand would say it depends on the situation that if you have responsibility to someone else then you should keep it to the extent that it is really going to hurt you or stop you from doing something you really, really, want, then maybe you put yourself first. A girl would evaluate what she feels is more important, her job or someone she loves, and if it’s someone she barely knows then maybe she would go first.

Now I personally think the girl is being better. However, I do understand where it’s important to take care of oneself so as not to cause harm to oneself when taking care of others. A perfect example of the girl way of thinking is Tembow in her You want my... honey?? post.

Self authorship is needed for a person to make a decision that is based on what they choose to do, and not dictated by society. This enables you to grow as an individual. An example: an investment banker had wanted to be a clown his whole life, and even though he was making tons of money he didn’t feel satisfied so he decided to drop his job and go to clown school, now he has self authored his life.

I think self authorship is important to prevent a person from doing avairos. If a person chooses what they want, and if they want to do the right thing, then they will. But if they are pressured into doing what other people say, then they may be encouraged to do something they really don’t want to do, and thereby do an avaira.

Helping Those In Need

2009-03-30T08:52:00.001-04:00

I am taking my third philosophy class and I have to say I am enjoying it very much. I like thinking about different moral issues and debating what I feel is correct. So here’s to issue #1, helping those in need, to what extent are we obligated, and are we obligated at all?

Peter Single in 1971 wrote an article called “Famine, Affluence, and Morality”. In this article he talks about this topic of helping people in need. Singer claims “If it is in our power to prevent something bad from happening, without thereby sacrificing anything of comparable moral importance, we ought, morally to do it”. For example: If you are walking past a pond and see a child drowning, you ought to go in and save the child. This will mean getting your clothes dirty, but that is insignificant, where the death of the child would be a very bad thing.

Singer claims it makes no moral difference whether the person you can help is a neighbor’s child or a child from a 3rd world country whose name you don’t even know. Singer also claims that there is no distinction between cases in which you are the only person who could do anything and cases when you are one in a million in the same position.

Singer believes a person should give till they reach marginal utility, where if they would give any more then they would cause harm to themselves.

Singer believes that there is no such thing as charity, but rather a person is required to give away money they would use to buy new clothes they don’t need, to help famine relief. Singer claims it is wrong not to give away the money.

Arguments:

1- Distance can make a difference. We always learn that Chesed starts at home. So I believe we should first help our family, friends, and those we care about, before we help strangers.

2- I don’t believe a person has to give so much that they are left with as much as the poor people have. A person needs an incentive to continue working, if they were to always give everything away, and not keep any for themselves then they would no longer work as hard, and then we would have to be asking for help.

3- I think there is such a thing as charity, we have tzedaka, where it’s a mitzvah to help someone out. Although 10% is required of us, we are not permitted to give more than a certain percentage. Even if Tzedaka is required of us to give, we still get acknowledged and rewarded for it, it’s still considered a moral act.

Anti-Semitism

2009-03-28T23:50:00.000-04:00

Recently I made a list of things I have never done/seen, one of them is “interacted with a drunk person”. Well today I may have encountered just that, or maybe it wasn’t a drunk, maybe it was a mental person who wasn’t 100% (thereby rationalizing my fear).

So today I went on a nice shabbos walk with my mother, or at least it was nice until 3 scary incidents occurred. So we started off walking down an Avenue that had a lot of stores open with mostly Russians walking around. I didn’t like walking down that avenue because then it’s too busy and it feels like during the week, and you can’t talk, your focusing on walking past it all.

So then we get to Ocean Parkway, and we sit down on the bench across from a nice sefardi shul, we were watching people come out of it, and we were talking. Then we got rudely interrupted by this crazy man. He was on a bike, with white/grey hair and beard, he had ripped jeans and looked like he was homeless. He calls out “F’n Je*u* if I had the strength I would nail you to the cross”. I’m still not sure who he was talking to, where the only one’s there, so it must of been us, but I wasn’t going to wait around to find out.

So I jumped up off the bench and started walking away, signaling that my mother should do the same. So then my mother calls my name telling me to cross the street, since the man was following in my direction. So I quickly cross. Meanwhile, there was a sefardi father with 2 sons walking nearby on the sidewalk to where I crossed over to. They saw what happened, so as we were walking down the block, they kept turning around and looking. I thought they were being kind and they wanted to make sure we were okay. When we got to the corner and were waiting for the light, the father asks if I was scared. I of course said “yea!”, and my mother said she didn’t get scared. So that was incident number 1. As a side point, I noticed many sefardi men were wearing baseball caps.

Then we decided to walk home through a different Avenue, my mother likes to look at the nice houses and comment on them. So we were standing by a house and I noticed a ramp so I made a comment. Then all of a sudden we hear the neighbor to that house call out “F’n A-holes” and he continued cursing. He wasn’t talking on a phone, so not sure if it was directed at us or not, but again we passed by and continued on. Now that was incident number 2.

When we started getting closer to my neighborhood, I see this lady who looked like a man, wearing men clothes, but with woman parts. She had this huge black dog on a leash, she was on the opposite side of the street, so we continued walking. But then she started crossing over to our side and yelled out “Get away”. So we quickly crossed to the side she came from. But then this huge black and brown dog without a leash comes chasing after us, crossing the street. It was a few feet behind my mother, I quickly was able to get away. I felt bad for leaving my mother so close to the dog, but she was able to get away too. So that was incident number 3.

Then we finally made our way home, I had a chazaka of 3 in one day, I had never encountered such anti-Semitism and it freaked me out. I guess it teaches us that we aren’t so safe as we would like to think.

Parshas Vayikra

2009-03-27T12:57:00.001-04:00

Midah means measurement. Someone with Middos has the right amount of measurements for each characteristic. There is no such thing as a bad characteristic. Each one can be good when used at the right time, in the right way, in the right amount. I remember in 12th grade my teacher taught us why it’s important to have pride to be a good Jew, it stuck with me through all this time.

Something to Say:

From the cattle or from the flock shall you bring the offering (1:2)

The Sages tell us that the cattle, referring to bulls and cows, symbolize haughtiness, whereas the flock, referring to sheep and goats, symbolize humility. The verse mentions both to signify that these two character traits, both arrogance and humility, must be utilized in the service of God. In this context, haughtiness is not meant in a negative or destructive sense, but rather a sense of pride that is necessary to fulfill our duties. The Zohar refers to this as azus dikedushah, arrogance of holiness, the strength of character we must exercise when someone wishes to turn us away from our obligations to God.

I know some of you feel that Jews can seem haughty sometimes, or act arrogant, but you see here, really it’s needed as a survival tactic. There’s nothing wrong with being haughty in of itself, its only when it’s used for negative that it is bad.

Yentas/Shadchanim

2009-03-25T13:03:00.001-04:00

Now I’ve heard of the stereotype of shadchanim of being Yentas who talk a certain way which is very comical. I always thought that was just in movies like Fiddler on the Roof, and in the olden days. I didn’t know they still exist. Today I came upon one and it got me thinking.

I had come to school to find class cancelled, I was unsure if I should stay in school to wait for my next class to start or if I should go back home, since there was 3 hours between the two. I remember in 6th grade my teacher told us that “Mother’s know best” and that mothers are always right. So I called my mother and asked her what she think I should do, and she suggested I go home.

So I went home, and as I was on the city bus I overheard this Jewish lady on the cell phone. Now she was the yenta/shadchan type that I heard about but yet never saw. She was talking in a loud voice, in a certain tone that can only be described as a “Yenta tone”. She said “the girl is 5’7, slim”. Then this non Jewish lady turns to look at her, she doesn’t notice and continues. “She’s bubbly, she’s a very good girl…”.

I was thinking, it’s very nice that this lady is helping out and wants to make a shidduch, but I couldn’t help feel bad for the girl. To me this all sounds very degrading, it’s as if the shadchan is making a sales pitch, trying to sell off the girl. I just don’t like the way it sounds for a girl to be on the market and sold off to someone else. It seems like such Chutzpah.

Why is it that the guys are the ones who have the mitzvah to get married, and yet nobody goes around selling the guys? It’s always the girls being sold. Why are guys the one’s with waiting lists of girls? I think waiting lists are another degrading thing to a girl.

Oops, did I just write a Shidduch post?

Then as I was walking home I saw a Pretty weed!

Now that can have all kinds of connotations, so many ways to tie it into my thoughts.

One last thought, why do men always pick up their coats/jackets before they sit down?