First I have to give a little intro. What I’m about to share is from December 27, 2006. So that’s over 2 years ago. I have changed a lot since then thanks to life experiences. I no longer feel the same way about some of the issues being discussed. Maybe I’ll do a part 2 with an update on this. Also, Keep in mind this is from AIM. I’m not sure if I should even share this, but here goes.
"My cousin" (2:48:05 PM): hello
"My cousin" (2:48:09 PM): how are you doing?
“Babysitter” (2:48:20 PM): hey, I'm B"H good, u?
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"My cousin" (3:57:48 PM): he's right about you talking to too many guys
"My cousin" (3:57:52 PM): no offense
"My cousin" (3:58:21 PM): but if I were a boy I wouldn't be interested in a girl that talks to guys
"My cousin" (3:59:04 PM): if a boy is thinking of getting married - why wouldn't he want a wife that has eyes only for him
"My cousin" (3:59:09 PM): and the same for the girl
"My cousin" (3:59:32 PM): why would he want his wife to be talking to other boys
"My cousin" (3:59:45 PM): I would never want to marry a guy that talks to many girls
"My cousin" (3:59:48 PM): would you?
“Babysitter” (4:00:21 PM): yea, I know, I was thinking that maybe I'm a hypocrite, cause I would be jealous if he talked to a lot of girls
“Babysitter” (4:00:34 PM): I forgot what I was gonna say'
"My cousin" (4:01:01 PM): I hope you remember
"My cousin" (4:01:12 PM): not just jealous
"My cousin" (4:01:19 PM): something much deeper
"My cousin" (4:01:32 PM): if a boy doesn't talk to other girls
"My cousin" (4:01:44 PM): he only knows his wife
"My cousin" (4:01:50 PM): is only attracted to his wife
“Babysitter” (4:01:43 PM): but in away it could be that if he picks me out of all, or I pick him out of all then it makes it more special, no?
"My cousin" (4:02:02 PM): not really
"My cousin" (4:02:19 PM): everyone knows that there are many other boys/girls in the world
"My cousin" (4:02:44 PM): and every time two people decide to get married they are picking each other out from everyone else
"My cousin" (4:03:40 PM): but when a boy/girl knows many girls/boys then he/she loses the specialness of the girl/boy they decide to marry
"My cousin" (4:03:54 PM): instead of only thinking about their spouse
"My cousin" (4:04:06 PM): now they s/t also think about the other girl/boy they know
"My cousin" (4:04:21 PM): sometimes they compare their spouse the other people they know
"My cousin" (4:04:48 PM): and there will always be some aspects that they liked better in a different person other than their spouse
"My cousin" (4:05:18 PM): this is a problem even when people go on many shidduch dates
“Babysitter” (4:05:23 PM): interesting point, but I once heard every shiduch date has a purpose
"My cousin" (4:05:33 PM): kal vachomer on this type of personal level
"My cousin" (4:05:40 PM): people say that
"My cousin" (4:06:01 PM): I don't know what they base it on
"My cousin" (4:06:06 PM): but I can tell you one thing
"My cousin" (4:06:42 PM): Every person has free will and they can do what they want and there are definitely people that are not proper to go out with
"My cousin" (4:06:54 PM): and if someone goes out with such a person
"My cousin" (4:07:04 PM): even though they know it is wrong
"My cousin" (4:07:20 PM): no one could say that it had a good purpose
"My cousin" (4:07:26 PM): it's called bechirah
“Babysitter” (4:07:51 PM): so then people should only go out with people they know are for sure someone they would marry?
“Babysitter” (4:07:55 PM): right?
"My cousin" (4:08:17 PM): well - someone there is a good chance they would marry
"My cousin" (4:08:22 PM): it's impossible to know for sure
"My cousin" (4:08:25 PM): before they meet
“Babysitter” (4:08:23 PM): right, ok, that's true
“Babysitter” (4:08:37 PM): but also, like what kind of things could be given up?
“Babysitter” (4:08:42 PM): like to compromise on?
"My cousin" (4:09:03 PM): things that don't matter so much
"My cousin" (4:09:11 PM): it depends on what's important
"My cousin" (4:09:14 PM): to you
“Babysitter” (4:09:10 PM): ok, I see
“Babysitter” (4:09:15 PM): and also, do parents have a say?
“Babysitter” (4:09:22 PM): or its all my choice?
"My cousin" (4:09:52 PM): your parents cannot halachically stop you from marrying the person you want to marry
"My cousin" (4:10:09 PM): it's one thing you don't have to listen to your parents for
"My cousin" (4:10:30 PM): (although you should try your best to do it as respectfully as possible)
“Babysitter” (4:10:33 PM): but what if I have a feeling my father wouldn't let me go out with someone?
“Babysitter” (4:10:46 PM): and I'm not sure if I would or not
“Babysitter” (4:10:54 PM): its hard to explain
"My cousin" (4:11:07 PM): try
“Babysitter” (4:11:50 PM): what if I think my parents wouldn't approve of someone, but maybe I don't even know that person enough to know if they would or wouldn't, but if I would want to I should?
"My cousin" (4:12:37 PM): you should find out more about the person
"My cousin" (4:12:51 PM): I'm scared to ask how you know the person in the first place
“Babysitter” (4:12:46 PM): lol
"My cousin" (4:13:02 PM): “Babysitter”, what's wrong with normal shiduchim?
“Babysitter” (4:12:58 PM): lol
“Babysitter” (4:13:00 PM): well
“Babysitter” (4:13:15 PM): I feel like I have to first get to know the person, online its much easier
“Babysitter” (4:13:20 PM): I wouldn't be able to talk in person
“Babysitter” (4:13:33 PM): so this way I get to know what their like
"My cousin" (4:14:11 PM): “Babysitter”, this is one thing the people are right about - you don't get to really know someone online
"My cousin" (4:14:29 PM): and that's the same reason I believe you find it easier to talk online
"My cousin" (4:14:56 PM): Anyways “Babysitter” sometimes you just have to trust people that know what they're talking about
"My cousin" (4:15:24 PM): when the gedolim and mechanchim say it's a bad idea - they are basing it on real experiences of many people
"My cousin" (4:15:29 PM): they know what they are saying
"My cousin" (4:15:31 PM): you
"My cousin" (4:15:35 PM): on the other hand
"My cousin" (4:15:41 PM): have negius
"My cousin" (4:15:46 PM): you want to do it
"My cousin" (4:15:56 PM): so it's hard for you to see the problem with it
“Babysitter” (4:15:58 PM): yea, I understand
"My cousin" (4:16:38 PM): when someone talks to you online they are hiding behind the computer
"My cousin" (4:16:55 PM): the only thing you know is what they type on their keyboard
"My cousin" (4:17:03 PM): you don't even see them
"My cousin" (4:17:23 PM): they could even be a girl pretending to be a boy and you would never know
"My cousin" (4:17:26 PM): anyways
"My cousin" (4:17:40 PM): even in person it's hard to get to know the real person
"My cousin" (4:17:49 PM): that's why people do research
“Babysitter” (4:17:53 PM): yea, true, ok
“Babysitter” (4:18:34 PM): I guess I'm just nervous that in person no one will like me
“Babysitter” (4:18:42 PM): but I know I shouldn't think that
“Babysitter” (4:18:45 PM): so forget
"My cousin" (4:19:30 PM): why should people like you better online?
“Babysitter” (4:19:34 PM): cause I feel like I could be myself
“Babysitter” (4:19:40 PM): not afraid to talk
“Babysitter” (4:19:44 PM): cause its typing
“Babysitter” (4:19:49 PM): and I like typing
“Babysitter” (4:19:56 PM): and I cold edit my words
“Babysitter” (4:20:02 PM): could
"My cousin" (4:20:18 PM): why do you need to edit your words
"My cousin" (4:20:18 PM): ?
“Babysitter” (4:20:20 PM): while I'm thinking what to say
“Babysitter” (4:20:29 PM): if I change my mind
“Babysitter” (4:20:34 PM): I don't know
"My cousin" (4:20:55 PM): it's something to think about
"My cousin" (4:20:58 PM): for real
"My cousin" (4:21:15 PM): it's very important to really get to know yourself well
"My cousin" (4:21:23 PM): before you date
"My cousin" (4:21:45 PM): also if you get to know yourself better you'll know more what you want
“Babysitter” (4:21:59 PM): right, but that's hard, cause I always want to do what other people want me to do, so its hard to know what I want for myself
“Babysitter” (4:22:16 PM): I just want to do what's right
“Babysitter” (4:22:23 PM): and everyone has diff opinions of what's right
"My cousin" (4:22:37 PM): you have to be very honest and ask yourself questions and
"My cousin" (4:22:45 PM): answer them honestly
"My cousin" (4:22:59 PM): why do you want to do what other people want you to do
"My cousin" (4:23:00 PM): ?
“Babysitter” (4:23:03 PM): cause that's my nature
"My cousin" (4:23:24 PM): who are you trusting to make decisions for you?
"My cousin" (4:23:30 PM): who said that's your nature
"My cousin" (4:23:41 PM): every person is responsible for their actions
"My cousin" (4:23:44 PM): no one can say
"My cousin" (4:23:54 PM): well so and so wanted me to do it
“Babysitter” (4:23:53 PM): right ok
"My cousin" (4:24:35 PM): also, aren't there things that you want to do without anyone telling you?
“Babysitter” (4:24:40 PM): but usually other people know what's right
"My cousin" (4:24:58 PM): WHO SAID
"My cousin" (4:25:04 PM): I DON'T THINK SO
"My cousin" (4:25:13 PM): NOT JUST ANY JO SCHMO
“Babysitter” (4:25:10 PM): I'm talking about my parents
“Babysitter” (4:25:14 PM): and teachers
“Babysitter” (4:25:17 PM): and stuff like that
"My cousin" (4:25:34 PM): well it depends who
"My cousin" (4:25:38 PM): it's your life
“Babysitter” (4:25:42 PM): see I've heard that 100 times
"My cousin" (4:25:53 PM): so you want to make sure that you are only trusting trustworthy people
“Babysitter” (4:25:51 PM): ok
“Babysitter” (4:25:57 PM): so there are some that I trust
“Babysitter” (4:26:01 PM): and admire
"My cousin" (4:26:26 PM): and they want you to do things that you don't want to do
"My cousin" (4:26:27 PM): ?
“Babysitter” (4:26:22 PM): no
"My cousin" (4:26:38 PM): I have to daven I'll be back soon
“Babysitter” (4:26:34 PM): ok, ttyl
“Babysitter” (4:26:39 PM): or a diff day
If your still reading, there was a part 2 to this. But that went on a completely different topic.
