S.H.A.L.O.M

Motzei Shabbos I went with SN to a great workshop by the S.H.A.L.O.M taskforce. It lasted over 4 hours, but yet was so interesting that time just flew by. I would recommend all engaged couples to go to this workshop. The government provides grants to them, enabling them to give the workshop for free. They only charge 25 dollars to register and get a book they put together.

The workshop started with everyone receiving a piece of paper titled “Island Survival Exercise”, where there are 25 things listed on the list, and you have to choose 10 that you think are important in order to survive on an island. Then you compare it with your significant other and see how many you have in common. Then for the one’s you have different you have to come up with a compromise and see which one’s you would both choose. This exercise showed how couples think alike. In addition, it helps you practice compromising, and learning more about how the other thinks.

Then there is something called The Daily Temperature Reading by Virginia Satir. Couples should set a side 15 minutes a day to talk to each other and do the DTR.

1. Appreciations
2. New Information
3. Puzzles
4. Complaints with Request for Change
5. Wishes, Hopes and Dreams

(See link above for more info. Or watch the video below)

DTR by Lori Gordon, Founder of PAIRS

Then there’s the Guide for Confiding about a Complaint. They give you a wheel, with key words to begin your complaint. While one is making their complaint, the other parrots what they say, to make sure they understand what is being said. (Ex: “I notice that you…” “You notice that I…”). Then only after the whole wheel has been gone through, can the other explain and clear things up. This helps for complaints that involve emotional feelings, and involve more than a “quick fix” technique.

Then there is the emotional jug. Where sometimes you can be having a bad day, little things keep happening and you remain calm through it all. Then one last thing happens and you burst and lash out on someone. So to prevent this from happening, you realize when your emotional jug starts building up, and you tell your significant other that you have to empty your emotional jug.

The listener will then ask “What are you Mad/Sad/Scared/Glad about?” and then at the end ask “If there’s anything else you would be mad about, what would it be?”. This seems like a strange question, but it really works. Since you are emptying your emotional jug, you might as well let it all out, so that you start fresh.

Yesterday I got to practice emptying my emotional jug, and SN was a great listener and I thank him again! I was in such a good mood afterwards, that I even wanted to make others happy.

This is just a fraction of what the workshop consisted of, for more information check out their site and register for a course!

Segulos

I had a class on Segulos in Seminary that was very interesting, so I decided to share it.

We are not supposed to follow in the ways of the Goyim, but with health related issues you don’t have to worry about following in the ways of the goyim. In other words, you should use a doctor.

1- If a person is chocking on a bone, they should put a bone on their forehead and say  “חד חד נחית בלע בלע נחית חד חד " – it works.

“והיתם לי סגולה מכל העמים”, Something can just work even if it doesn’t make sense. Like medicine comes from grass, so too Segulos will work through Torah.

A person’s approach to a Segulah is to put their trust in Hashem, and by doing these things we believe Hashem will help us.

2- If a child talks in their sleep, take the tooth of a dog and put it on a necklace around the child.

3- For ear infection, Put the mothers milk in the ear of the child, or mix with white of egg and put in ear. – It works, it’s medicine.

4- If a Mezuzah is Posul then missing a Shmirah, so check the mezuzah’s 2 times in 7 years.

5- During pregnancy a baby is formed based on what the mother does, so shouldn’t stare at animals in the zoo, don’t go to the cemetery or a Livayah, careful with what you eat and see.

6- A woman in the 9th month should go to the mikvah to cleanse herself of things she did wrong during the pregnancy.

7- A woman that can’t have children should take water from a well in Eretz Yisroel. Best Segulah for health is to say Asher Yatzar.

8- For Parnassah bench with Kavanah

9- If a woman is pregnant, she should bake a cake when she feels like she’s going into labor, and say the name of a person who doesn’t have a child, and it’s a segulah that they’ll have a child.

10- If a person has warts, take the Havdallah wine and put it on, and the wart will go away. –It works.

11- If a person can’t have children, boil Aravos and drink it, same for migraines.

12- First time it snows, take snow and rub on forehead 3 times to have a good memory. Gematria of Sheleg and Shikcha is 33.

13- Pick up your head when your trying to remember, and put your head down to concentrate.

14- For bad burn say 3x “…יברכך ה׳ וישמרך”, “יאיר ה׳…” “ישא ה׳”. And have Kavanah that Hashem should heal you.

15- Garlic on child keeps away an Ayin Hora. People keep Garlic on pocket book to keep away Ayin Hora.

16-Small aquarium, necklace with ה׳, keep away Ayin Hora.

17- Bucharian, when children get scared take metal pot, heat up lead, take hat and put the led into it, put the hat on the child, led will turn into the form of what the child is thinking of, like a dog.

18- If you have a bad dream, you can sell it.

A Simcha Filled Week

Sunday evening SN’s family made a birthday party for SN’s father in his sister’s house. SN’s sister cooked an amazing meal with tons of food. I tasted carrot cake/kugel and loved it. While there SN’s brother in law told over a dvar torah about hachnasos archim. Where SN brought up a question, of how did Avraham know that he can tell Hashem to wait while he does the mitzvah of hachnasos archim, Then two answers were given.

After the birthday party, SN came to my house to work on the “Thank You” cards for the vort presents. After writing the messages I liked the way SN signed the cards he wrote, so I asked him to sign the one’s I wrote like that too. After we were done with the thank you cards. My little brother started talking to SN, and entertained him till Midnight! I enjoyed going through albums with SN showing him pictures of me when I was a little kid.

Monday night I went to my second New Square Wedding. It was a really interesting experience. I sat with 18 year old cousins who were engaged too. It’s funny how I felt like I fit in because I was engaged too, so we all had something to talk about. I had thought my 4 month engagement is a long time, but then I found out 1 cousin’s engagement is 14 months, and another 8 months! I was surprised when one of the girls showed me a picture of her chosson on her cell phone. It was a picture of a chassidish guy. I didn’t know what reaction she was expecting from me, so I just said “very nice”.

Tuesday night I had “Rain Strap’s” vort. It was really nice, and I was so happy for her, now that I knew what it felt like to be engaged. She introduced me to her chosson and they looked like a great happy lively couple. It made me realize how much more SN is such a great match for me, and I appreciate him so much!

Thursday morning I went to a cousin’s bris, that had twin boys. The really cool thing is that SN’s cousin also had twin boys the same day as my cousin! After the bris I went to SN’s sister’s sheitel place to see what size I am, and to match the color. The store was really pretty, and it was so much fun to try on sheitel’s. SN’s sister is really great!

Friday night, one of the mother’s I babysat for had a shiur in her house, where the Rebbitzen of my shul spoke. The 5 year old saw me coming in and ran to give me a hug and pulled me into her house so that she can sit on my lap. Then she said only I can sit on her chair because I’m a kallah. Then she introduced me to a lady, and said that I’m getting married. The lady then asked how old I was, and of course she said I looked younger.

Meanwhile, my father had gone to a “Buta” by my shul, and someone had asked a question about the parsha, the same question that SN had asked. I had already told my father the question and answer during the Friday night meal. So when my father heard the question, he recognized it and was able to answer it. The answer was that Avraham’s feet started moving to do hachnasas Orchim. Because a tzadik automatically starts doing a mitzvah, so that’s how he knew that he was supposed to greet the guests and was able to put Hashem “on hold”.

Motzei Shabbos I went with SN to his cousin’s vort, and met more of his family members. It was funny because my mother had babysat for his cousins, so his aunts and uncle’s knew my mother and they were really nice in welcoming me to the family.