Tuesday, November 24, 2009

S.H.A.L.O.M

Motzei Shabbos I went with SN to a great workshop by the S.H.A.L.O.M taskforce. It lasted over 4 hours, but yet was so interesting that time just flew by. I would recommend all engaged couples to go to this workshop. The government provides grants to them, enabling them to give the workshop for free. They only charge 25 dollars to register and get a book they put together.

The workshop started with everyone receiving a piece of paper titled “Island Survival Exercise”, where there are 25 things listed on the list, and you have to choose 10 that you think are important in order to survive on an island. Then you compare it with your significant other and see how many you have in common. Then for the one’s you have different you have to come up with a compromise and see which one’s you would both choose. This exercise showed how couples think alike. In addition, it helps you practice compromising, and learning more about how the other thinks.

Then there is something called The Daily Temperature Reading by Virginia Satir. Couples should set a side 15 minutes a day to talk to each other and do the DTR.

  1. Appreciations
  2. New Information
  3. Puzzles
  4. Complaints with Request for Change
  5. Wishes, Hopes and Dreams

(See link above for more info. Or watch the video below)

DTR by Lori Gordon, Founder of PAIRS

Then there’s the Guide for Confiding about a Complaint. They give you a wheel, with key words to begin your complaint. While one is making their complaint, the other parrots what they say, to make sure they understand what is being said. (Ex: “I notice that you…” “You notice that I…”). Then only after the whole wheel has been gone through, can the other explain and clear things up. This helps for complaints that involve emotional feelings, and involve more than a “quick fix” technique.

Then there is the emotional jug. Where sometimes you can be having a bad day, little things keep happening and you remain calm through it all. Then one last thing happens and you burst and lash out on someone. So to prevent this from happening, you realize when your emotional jug starts building up, and you tell your significant other that you have to empty your emotional jug.

The listener will then ask “What are you Mad/Sad/Scared/Glad about?” and then at the end ask “If there’s anything else you would be mad about, what would it be?”. This seems like a strange question, but it really works. Since you are emptying your emotional jug, you might as well let it all out, so that you start fresh.

Yesterday I got to practice emptying my emotional jug, and SN was a great listener and I thank him again! I was in such a good mood afterwards, that I even wanted to make others happy.

This is just a fraction of what the workshop consisted of, for more information check out their site and register for a course!

13 comments:

Frayda said...

Babysitter,
I am so glad you and SN went to this workshop. Marriage is hard work and it is good to learn ways to deal with problems that come up. Good for you!

Moshe said...

Sounds interesting but with my attentions span, I'd be on my cell or DSi w/in 30 minutes.

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

Thanks! :-)
I'm glad I went too, and it always helps to prepare in advance.

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

yea, they made us turn off our cell phones in the beginning of it. But really we had breaks in the middle so it wasn't 4 hours straight.

lvnsm said...

I know what mean, that's happened to me where I keep things in until I explode. I learned that I shouldn't hold it in, but should calmly let the person know how I feel so they understand.



Recent blog:=- Cute cartoon

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

That's great you learned not to hold it in till you explode.

Seth said...

Really enjoyed your post about your experience in the workshop. You can read and share a more detailed description on Emptying the Emotional Jug exercise on PAIRS blog at http://pairsblog.wordpress.com. Hope you'll continue writing about your experiences!

Ariella said...

I wrote an article on the SHALOM Workshop for the upcoming issue of Kallah Magazine. Did you drop them a note? They may appreciate knowing that you gave them a positive review here.

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed my post.
I will check it out.

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

I didn't drop them a note or anything, but I suppose I could.

weddings video said...

I try to follow your advice, maybe I can learn some more.. <a

Auror said...

I love the ideas of the Island Survival and Emotional Jug! Had never heard of them before. It's so cute/admirable that you and SN went to this workshop... off to a good start BH :)

Btw, why is it that I'm visiting your page and logging in but not leaving a 'footprint'?

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

Thanks, yea, B"H :-)

I think you have to click on the sign in link on the footprint widget.

Post a Comment

Click the "Subscribe" link to get e-mail follow up on comments.