Just Married

Sunday, Rosh Chodesh ADAR!!, February 14, 2010, SN and I got married!

B”H the wedding went great, all the preparations paid off!

I got my hair done in my house in the morning, and then went to the hall to get makeup on. I davened Mincha, and said Tehillim for all the names that were given to me. Then started pictures. It was lots of fun posing for the pictures.

At Kaballas Panim I started getting emotional, realizing this was it, that I was getting married! I was so happy to see SN after a week of no seeing each other. It felt so powerful to have my father and SN’s father bench me.

Walking down the Chuppah, felt like a dream, I didn’t focus on the people standing on the sides of me, but I noticed there were lots of people. I davened for myself and SN under the Chuppah.

After the Chuppah, SN’s sister gave me a big hug, and I was so happy. I enjoyed dancing with her lots of times. It feels good to have such nice older sisters.

Usually I’m not much of a dancer, so much so, that I went with my mother and aunt to dance lessons before my wedding, to learn steps. We didn’t practice at all! But I remembered 2 things that I learned which really helped when it came to dancing. The first thing was how to dance one on one. The second was what to do when you start to feel dizzy from going in circles so many times. And that’s called “break the dizzy” where you go from side to side instead. I did that a couple of times, and I had so much fun dancing, that every time someone came over to offer me water, I said I was fine, and when they came to give me a seat, I also was fine and could of went on and on.

It was nice meeting Tembow and Inkstainedhands. And Thanks Auror, Annie and Rain Strap for coming! Auror made a beautiful poster which I shall always cherish, I have it on my dresser now. 

SN, the amazing nice person that he is, knew it was his bosses anniversary on our wedding night, so he brought a cake for him, and had it given to him at our wedding.

So the wedding was over, and B”H I never felt stressed or nervous! My family lives only a few blocks away from me, and I’m still in the same neighborhood, so there weren’t any big adjustments for me.

I enjoy cooking for me and SN! I did my first loads of laundry after we got married, and found it to be lots of fun. I haven’t ironed yet, since I don’t have an iron or ironing board, but I can imagine it being relaxing. I went with SN to do a few computer jobs, it’s fun learning new things. So married life is great! I ♥ SN!

How to Get Ready for The Big Day

Inspired by SN!

After the L’chaim/vort starts the wedding preparations. First you figure out a date for the wedding and book a hall. This is important since halls can get booked fast, luckily since we had a little longer of an engagement than most, we were able to book our special day.

If the couple is going by FLOP, then the Chosson side then will take care of the flowers, liquor, Orchestra and Photography. Where the Kallah then chooses the flowers she would like. The chosson side will also take care of the Benchers and Documents for the wedding-Kesuba.

The Kallah will book a makeup and hair person for the wedding. She will go look for a gown from a gemach or rental, and then go in for fittings quite a lot of times. She will buy sheitels and other hair coverings, and all kinds of clothing. The Kallah will choose invitations to send out, and come up with the wording, go through proofs and then have them printed.

Next step is to look for a bedroom set, if you plan on having one when you get married. Sometimes the stores can be out of stock so you have to give them enough time to get it shipped from the company in another country.

An important preparation is Kallah classes. They are so enjoyable, and you learn so many great things. You come out with a clear and new perspective on all kinds of things. I would say it’s important to write notes when you learn Halachos, since I didn’t, and I learned from my mistake. Also, it’s important to ask your kallah teacher any questions you have. If a friend tells you anything, always check with your kallah teacher, to see if what they are saying is correct.

Another great preparation for marriage is to go to the SHALOM workshop which I highly recommend.

A month before the wedding is a good time to send out the wedding invitations. It’s lots of fun getting back return cards, and reading all the nice messages on them, with brachos and personalized messages. I made an excel sheet to keep track of all those that sent back the return card, with how many attending for the whole thing, and how many said no seat, along with how I know them. Grouping them into categories helps with the seating arrangements.

Next big step is to look for an apartment, at first it can be fun and exciting, but after looking at a bunch of apartments you just feel as though you want to find the right one already. Also, don’t keep your search limited, you never know what may be right for you. Word of mouth is a great way to find an apartment.

Next step is buying stuff for the apartment, this can get very costly, be aware! Then comes cleaning the apartment, getting mezuzos to put up, and moving your stuff in.

Throughout all this time, there is another kind of wedding preparation that is nice, and that is getting to know your chosson better. As you spend time preparing for the wedding, and discussing all kinds of things, you better get to know them. Going to each other for Shabbosim can be a great experience, you get to see how things are run in their house, and show them how things are run in yours. It’s relaxing to just spend time together on Shabbos, without having to be busy with other tasks.

Lots of people say that the wedding preparations can be a stressful time. But B”H I can say the wedding day is drawing closer and I haven’t felt stressed at all.

There are lots of great resources to help you plan for your wedding day. The Chosson/Kallah guide book, is a great free book, with articles, ads with coupons, along with lists of things you need for your wedding, from the Kallah side, and Chosson side. If you look to the right you will see a link for Jewish Wedding - New York, which is another great resource helping you with all kinds of wedding preparations.

Return Cards

Before I graduated High School, I hadn’t realized the significance of a return card. Then I started hearing classmates talk about if they received return cards with the wedding invitation. I found out it meant that you would be invited for the whole thing, rather than just the dancing, or chupah.

So far 19 of them got married, and I have gotten a return card by almost all of them. I haven’t gone to all the weddings though. Now there are 4 engaged and I recently got two interesting invitations in the mail. These 2 weddings are a day apart. The first wedding’s invitation came with 2 pieces of typed up paper. Now I’ve got plenty of invitations with personal notes, and “can’t wait to dance with you!” But I’ve never gotten these types of messages before.

One Said:

Dear “Babysitter” Amush,

I would love to invite you to my entire wedding but due to monetary constraints I can only invite you for Simchas Chosson V’Kallah. Your presence would greatly enhance my Simcha.

Love, “Classmate”

The Second one said:

Before coming to my Yom HaChupa, I would like to take a moment to ask you for forgiveness for anything that I may have said to hurt you in any way. Please Say out loud you’re Mochel me and may Hashem bench you with much Brocha and Hatzlacha and may we continue to share in each other’s Simchos.

Love, “Classmate”

So at first I was thinking to myself, wow that is so thoughtful of her, to actually write that. I’ve never seen somebody express their true wish to have you there for the whole thing, and only money is standing in the way. And that she asked to be forgiven. I thought it was really special.

Then the “yetzer hora” got a hold of me, and I was thinking it was strange, that it’s obvious that because of money issues she wasn’t able to invite the whole grade, that there’s no reason to state it out. That it sort of makes you feel worse about it. Then I started thinking that maybe she sent the second note about forgiveness to makeup for not inviting me to the whole thing. As if it was done subtly in hope that you wouldn’t figure it out.

Then I got the next invitation, which did have a return card, but which also had a forgiveness note, this one was in Hebrew, but basically saying the same thing, so then I figured, wow, it really seems like a special thing. It’s an amazing concept that by a wedding day the Kallah and Chosson get forgiven of all their sins, so here they are acknowledging that, and doing something about it. I was impressed, I think more invitations should have that.

As a side point, I went to a friends vort a couple of weeks ago, and as soon as anyone came in she gave them a hug and took a picture with them. She’s a very mushy type, and she was talking to me about all kinds of stuff, memories that I couldn’t believe she remembered, and I was truly touched.

Then she showed me the flowers her Chosson bought her, and it had a note attached to it, that her Chosson wrote, it was a bracha to her, written in Hebrew. I was amazed by it, I’ve never seen such a thing before. Then I realized what a perfect fit they must be, cause she’s always giving Brachos and Mushy comments to everyone.