Mazel Tov!

As most of you already know from Facebook/Twitter, I got Engaged last night! I really can’t believe it, it went by so fast B”H. I was so happy to meet my Chosson’s family, they are the most happy, welcoming people I know. It was an amazing feeling to be welcomed into their family.

A lot of “Jewish Geography” took place last night. We found out how 3 of his family members knew 3 of mine, and that we had a mutual friend in common – Auror, who I have to thank so much for being there for me. I also have to Thank my friend “Rain Strap” for helping me with information on “What happens next”, since I’m the first of my siblings to get engaged.

May we continue to hear good news!

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Sunday With Grandparents

Today my grandparents came over to my house to spend one last day with us before they leave back to Israel.

I cooked a supper for them, of Pepper Steak, Deli Roll, and Ambrosia.

 

While at the table we were discussing many things. One topic that came up was me, of course. My grandmother decided my mother isn’t being active enough in trying to find me a shidduch, she asked me for a list of what I’m looking for, so that she can put it in the Kotel. Then she told stories of how all her children met their bashert, some of the stories I’ve never heard before. Imagine a shidduch being made at a funeral!

The next topic that came up was my little brothers upcoming bar mitzvah which will be in Israel IY”H. We are trying to work out the logistics of how everything will be working. The bar mitzvah will take place Chanukah time, so we still have some time to figure it out.

if any of you Israeli people have any ideas

Here’s the deal, my family is not a dairy person nor a salad person either, so that makes our menu limited. My brother will be leining at the Kotel in the morning of his bar mitzvah day. My grandfather wants us to have a breakfast afterwards in this cafe place. But my family doesn’t like anything on the menu! So we found this place called “Sharei Simcha” Which has meat dishes, and they would be able to give us a early lunch if we wished. But my grandfather thinks we need a breakfast for after the kotel, so if any of you Israeli people have any ideas, it would be greatly appreciated!

Then after talking for a few hours, we went for a walk and sat down at some benches. I decided to do some sky watching and took some pictures. (A shame it’s not Friday)

 

The men then made Kiddush L’vanah, and we sat and talked outside some more, and then returned to the house. There I brought down my laptop and showed my grandparents 5 family videos that I have made using windows movie maker. We had lots of great laughs watching them. Overall, it was a great family day!

Yentas/Shadchanim

Now I’ve heard of the stereotype of shadchanim of being Yentas who talk a certain way which is very comical. I always thought that was just in movies like Fiddler on the Roof, and in the olden days. I didn’t know they still exist. Today I came upon one and it got me thinking.

I had come to school to find class cancelled, I was unsure if I should stay in school to wait for my next class to start or if I should go back home, since there was 3 hours between the two. I remember in 6th grade my teacher told us that “Mother’s know best” and that mothers are always right. So I called my mother and asked her what she think I should do, and she suggested I go home.

So I went home, and as I was on the city bus I overheard this Jewish lady on the cell phone. Now she was the yenta/shadchan type that I heard about but yet never saw. She was talking in a loud voice, in a certain tone that can only be described as a “Yenta tone”. She said “the girl is 5’7, slim”. Then this non Jewish lady turns to look at her, she doesn’t notice and continues. “She’s bubbly, she’s a very good girl…”.

I was thinking, it’s very nice that this lady is helping out and wants to make a shidduch, but I couldn’t help feel bad for the girl. To me this all sounds very degrading, it’s as if the shadchan is making a sales pitch, trying to sell off the girl. I just don’t like the way it sounds for a girl to be on the market and sold off to someone else. It seems like such Chutzpah.

Why is it that the guys are the ones who have the mitzvah to get married, and yet nobody goes around selling the guys? It’s always the girls being sold. Why are guys the one’s with waiting lists of girls? I think waiting lists are another degrading thing to a girl.

Oops, did I just write a Shidduch post?

Then as I was walking home I saw a Pretty weed!

 

Now that can have all kinds of connotations, so many ways to tie it into my thoughts.

 

 

One last thought, why do men always pick up their coats/jackets before they sit down?

Long Skirts

This is from a long time ago that I just hadn’t posted at the time. I’m posting it now, but it’s no longer geared to any specific person.

I was reading Frum Meet’s World Post about long skirts and it got me thinking. Is it a question of tznius that people are against long skirts? I would say long skirts are more royal looking, and cover more of the leg so they should be tznius.

I like long skirts because I imagine they are like the long flowing gowns people wore in the olden days. Reminds me of like Pride and Prejudice characters and other such classics. I see girls in long skirts to the floor and I love the way it looks. In my opinion it looks better than short skirts, at least for some people. I myself don’t think I look the “best” in long dragging skirts, but I definitely think I look better in long skirts rather than short ones. I do own a few shorter skirts, but I wear them rarely.

At first I thought it was just because of shidduchim that people said I shouldn’t wear long skirts. I understand there’s a whole blog about not giving into doing things just for the sake of shidduchim, but rather to do what defines you even if it is bad for shidduchim. So why can’t I continue to wear long skirts if I like it and feel it’s more “me” than short skirts?

People are always saying how they want to do their own thing and not conform with society. So why here is there a difference? why here does it become distasteful that a person wouldn’t want to associate with someone who wears a dragging skirt? Why can’t it be accepted as something a person likes. People may have different tastes. A person can like short skirts and still not denigrate those who like to wear long ones.

A DMC with A Strange Married Woman

I just had a random chat conversation today with a girl I don’t know that I have once chatted with before months ago. It sounded so strange to me. I’m not married so I wouldn’t know, but it doesn’t sound like she has a happy Marriage. Since I already posted one aim conversation, I think I got addicted to posting chat conversations, they are just so strange. (But don’t worry bloggers, I won’t post any conversation with you)

“Married Woman”: hey
“Babysitter”: hey long time no speak
“Married Woman”: i know
how are u?
“Babysitter”: I'm good, you?
“Married Woman”: u there
“Babysitter”: yea
“Married Woman”: so what have u been up to
”Babysitter”: not much, on vacation from school now. what about you?
“Married Woman”: same old
did u go anywhere
”Babysitter”: nope, didn't go anywhere. taking it easy
how was chanukah?
“Married Woman”: bh it was nice
ures
”Babysitter”: that’s good, ours was nice too, had a bunch of chanukah parties
“Married Woman”: nice
met any hot guys so u can make me jealous
lol
”Babysitter”: lol, nope, not yet. How's your husband doing?
“Married Woman”: he’s good
y not
”Babysitter”: that’s good
I've gone out on dates. But none successful yet
“Married Woman”: were they shidduch dates
”Babysitter”: yea
“Married Woman”: nice
did any of them ever look like they wanted to pounce u
i had a couple of those
lol
”Babysitter”: lol, nope, none of those
they were good guys
“Married Woman”: oh darn
lol
jk
”Babysitter”: lol, did u enjoy dating?
“Married Woman”: i loved it
but i also wasn’t shomer so its dif
”Babysitter”: ahh I see
“Married Woman”: ure shomer right
”Babysitter”: yea
when did you stop becoming shomer?
“Married Woman”: i dont know how u do it
in high school
”Babysitter”: aha, so you had a boy friend back then?
I went to a very frum HS so I never talked to boys
“Married Woman”: which one
yeah
”Babysitter”: ******
“Married Woman”: oh i c
so u never did anything with a guy
”Babysitter”: right
“Married Woman”: u never wanted to growing up
”Babysitter”: well I knew I wasn't allowed to, so it was out of the question
“Married Woman”: wow that’s a lot of control
but u wanted to
did u ever check out the guys
”Babysitter”: nope
“Married Woman”: y not
”Babysitter”: cause it wasn't allowed?
“Married Woman”: gotcha
so if no one wud find out wud u be not shomer now
”Babysitter”: nope, cause then I wouldn't be true to myself. Hashem is watching
“Married Woman”: i c
do u feel like u wish u wud have wen u were younger
”Babysitter”: nope, I'm happy with staying Shomer
do u wish u wouldn't have?
“Married Woman”: honestly, no
but it wud have been easier on me now if i was though
”Babysitter”: how come?
I mean in what way would it have been easier?
“Married Woman”: bc now that i was very active before wen i dont have it nowe i get very u know
”Babysitter”: aha I see
“Married Woman”: yup
i go nuts
”Babysitter”: I thought if you ask your husband he has to say yes
“Married Woman”: u cant really ask
and that doesnt help wen ure in niddah
”Babysitter”: aha, well how long is that? 2 weeks?
“Married Woman”: yeah
but wayyy too long for me
i dont know how u do it
”Babysitter”: well I never did it, so I dunno what I'm missing out on
but I would assume the niddah time can be precious too
there are marriage counseling books that talk about this stuff, and how it can build your relationship
“Married Woman”: i know but its not like a problem its just i get very horny
u never get horny
”Babysitter”: well aren't there stuff you can do to help that?
“Married Woman”: like wat
hold on i got to get the phone
”Babysitter”: ok

Now I don’t know about you, but this conversation seemed strange to me. I didn’t know people ask such weird questions like that to strangers. I don’t mean for this to be an untznius post or anything.

A DMC with My Cousin

First I have to give a little intro. What I’m about to share is from December 27, 2006. So that’s over 2 years ago. I have changed a lot since then thanks to life experiences. I no longer feel the same way about some of the issues being discussed. Maybe I’ll do a part 2 with an update on this. Also, Keep in mind this is from AIM. I’m not sure if I should even share this, but here goes.

"My cousin" (2:48:05 PM): hello
"My cousin" (2:48:09 PM): how are you doing?
“Babysitter” (2:48:20 PM): hey, I'm B"H good, u?
*************************************************************************************
"My cousin" (3:57:48 PM): he's right about you talking to too many guys
"My cousin" (3:57:52 PM): no offense
"My cousin" (3:58:21 PM): but if I were a boy I wouldn't be interested in a girl that talks to guys
"My cousin" (3:59:04 PM): if a boy is thinking of getting married - why wouldn't he want a wife that has eyes only for him
"My cousin" (3:59:09 PM): and the same for the girl
"My cousin" (3:59:32 PM): why would he want his wife to be talking to other boys
"My cousin" (3:59:45 PM): I would never want to marry a guy that talks to many girls
"My cousin" (3:59:48 PM): would you?
“Babysitter” (4:00:21 PM): yea, I know, I was thinking that maybe I'm a hypocrite, cause I would be jealous if he talked to a lot of girls
“Babysitter” (4:00:34 PM): I forgot what I was gonna say'
"My cousin" (4:01:01 PM): I hope you remember
"My cousin" (4:01:12 PM): not just jealous
"My cousin" (4:01:19 PM): something much deeper
"My cousin" (4:01:32 PM): if a boy doesn't talk to other girls
"My cousin" (4:01:44 PM): he only knows his wife
"My cousin" (4:01:50 PM): is only attracted to his wife
“Babysitter” (4:01:43 PM): but in away it could be that if he picks me out of all, or I pick him out of all then it makes it more special, no?
"My cousin" (4:02:02 PM): not really
"My cousin" (4:02:19 PM): everyone knows that there are many other boys/girls in the world
"My cousin" (4:02:44 PM): and every time two people decide to get married they are picking each other out from everyone else
"My cousin" (4:03:40 PM): but when a boy/girl knows many girls/boys then he/she loses the specialness of the girl/boy they decide to marry
"My cousin" (4:03:54 PM): instead of only thinking about their spouse
"My cousin" (4:04:06 PM): now they s/t also think about the other girl/boy they know
"My cousin" (4:04:21 PM): sometimes they compare their spouse the other people they know
"My cousin" (4:04:48 PM): and there will always be some aspects that they liked better in a different person other than their spouse
"My cousin" (4:05:18 PM): this is a problem even when people go on many shidduch dates
“Babysitter” (4:05:23 PM): interesting point, but I once heard every shiduch date has a purpose
"My cousin" (4:05:33 PM): kal vachomer on this type of personal level
"My cousin" (4:05:40 PM): people say that
"My cousin" (4:06:01 PM): I don't know what they base it on
"My cousin" (4:06:06 PM): but I can tell you one thing
"My cousin" (4:06:42 PM): Every person has free will and they can do what they want and there are definitely people that are not proper to go out with
"My cousin" (4:06:54 PM): and if someone goes out with such a person
"My cousin" (4:07:04 PM): even though they know it is wrong
"My cousin" (4:07:20 PM): no one could say that it had a good purpose
"My cousin" (4:07:26 PM): it's called bechirah
“Babysitter” (4:07:51 PM): so then people should only go out with people they know are for sure someone they would marry?
“Babysitter” (4:07:55 PM): right?
"My cousin" (4:08:17 PM): well - someone there is a good chance they would marry
"My cousin" (4:08:22 PM): it's impossible to know for sure
"My cousin" (4:08:25 PM): before they meet
“Babysitter” (4:08:23 PM): right, ok, that's true
“Babysitter” (4:08:37 PM): but also, like what kind of things could be given up?
“Babysitter” (4:08:42 PM): like to compromise on?
"My cousin" (4:09:03 PM): things that don't matter so much
"My cousin" (4:09:11 PM): it depends on what's important
"My cousin" (4:09:14 PM): to you
“Babysitter” (4:09:10 PM): ok, I see
“Babysitter” (4:09:15 PM): and also, do parents have a say?
“Babysitter” (4:09:22 PM): or its all my choice?
"My cousin" (4:09:52 PM): your parents cannot halachically stop you from marrying the person you want to marry
"My cousin" (4:10:09 PM): it's one thing you don't have to listen to your parents for
"My cousin" (4:10:30 PM): (although you should try your best to do it as respectfully as possible)
“Babysitter” (4:10:33 PM): but what if I have a feeling my father wouldn't let me go out with someone?
“Babysitter” (4:10:46 PM): and I'm not sure if I would or not
“Babysitter” (4:10:54 PM): its hard to explain
"My cousin" (4:11:07 PM): try
“Babysitter” (4:11:50 PM): what if I think my parents wouldn't approve of someone, but maybe I don't even know that person enough to know if they would or wouldn't, but if I would want to I should?
"My cousin" (4:12:37 PM): you should find out more about the person
"My cousin" (4:12:51 PM): I'm scared to ask how you know the person in the first place
“Babysitter” (4:12:46 PM): lol
"My cousin" (4:13:02 PM): “Babysitter”, what's wrong with normal shiduchim?
“Babysitter” (4:12:58 PM): lol
“Babysitter” (4:13:00 PM): well
“Babysitter” (4:13:15 PM): I feel like I have to first get to know the person, online its much easier
“Babysitter” (4:13:20 PM): I wouldn't be able to talk in person
“Babysitter” (4:13:33 PM): so this way I get to know what their like
"My cousin" (4:14:11 PM): “Babysitter”, this is one thing the people are right about - you don't get to really know someone online
"My cousin" (4:14:29 PM): and that's the same reason I believe you find it easier to talk online
"My cousin" (4:14:56 PM): Anyways “Babysitter” sometimes you just have to trust people that know what they're talking about
"My cousin" (4:15:24 PM): when the gedolim and mechanchim say it's a bad idea - they are basing it on real experiences of many people
"My cousin" (4:15:29 PM): they know what they are saying
"My cousin" (4:15:31 PM): you
"My cousin" (4:15:35 PM): on the other hand
"My cousin" (4:15:41 PM): have negius
"My cousin" (4:15:46 PM): you want to do it
"My cousin" (4:15:56 PM): so it's hard for you to see the problem with it
“Babysitter” (4:15:58 PM): yea, I understand
"My cousin" (4:16:38 PM): when someone talks to you online they are hiding behind the computer
"My cousin" (4:16:55 PM): the only thing you know is what they type on their keyboard
"My cousin" (4:17:03 PM): you don't even see them
"My cousin" (4:17:23 PM): they could even be a girl pretending to be a boy and you would never know
"My cousin" (4:17:26 PM): anyways
"My cousin" (4:17:40 PM): even in person it's hard to get to know the real person
"My cousin" (4:17:49 PM): that's why people do research
“Babysitter” (4:17:53 PM): yea, true, ok
“Babysitter” (4:18:34 PM): I guess I'm just nervous that in person no one will like me
“Babysitter” (4:18:42 PM): but I know I shouldn't think that
“Babysitter” (4:18:45 PM): so forget
"My cousin" (4:19:30 PM): why should people like you better online?
“Babysitter” (4:19:34 PM): cause I feel like I could be myself
“Babysitter” (4:19:40 PM): not afraid to talk
“Babysitter” (4:19:44 PM): cause its typing
“Babysitter” (4:19:49 PM): and I like typing
“Babysitter” (4:19:56 PM): and I cold edit my words
“Babysitter” (4:20:02 PM): could
"My cousin" (4:20:18 PM): why do you need to edit your words
"My cousin" (4:20:18 PM): ?
“Babysitter” (4:20:20 PM): while I'm thinking what to say
“Babysitter” (4:20:29 PM): if I change my mind
“Babysitter” (4:20:34 PM): I don't know
"My cousin" (4:20:55 PM): it's something to think about
"My cousin" (4:20:58 PM): for real
"My cousin" (4:21:15 PM): it's very important to really get to know yourself well
"My cousin" (4:21:23 PM): before you date
"My cousin" (4:21:45 PM): also if you get to know yourself better you'll know more what you want
“Babysitter” (4:21:59 PM): right, but that's hard, cause I always want to do what other people want me to do, so its hard to know what I want for myself
“Babysitter” (4:22:16 PM): I just want to do what's right
“Babysitter” (4:22:23 PM): and everyone has diff opinions of what's right
"My cousin" (4:22:37 PM): you have to be very honest and ask yourself questions and
"My cousin" (4:22:45 PM): answer them honestly
"My cousin" (4:22:59 PM): why do you want to do what other people want you to do
"My cousin" (4:23:00 PM): ?
“Babysitter” (4:23:03 PM): cause that's my nature
"My cousin" (4:23:24 PM): who are you trusting to make decisions for you?
"My cousin" (4:23:30 PM): who said that's your nature
"My cousin" (4:23:41 PM): every person is responsible for their actions
"My cousin" (4:23:44 PM): no one can say
"My cousin" (4:23:54 PM): well so and so wanted me to do it
“Babysitter” (4:23:53 PM): right ok
"My cousin" (4:24:35 PM): also, aren't there things that you want to do without anyone telling you?
“Babysitter” (4:24:40 PM): but usually other people know what's right
"My cousin" (4:24:58 PM): WHO SAID
"My cousin" (4:25:04 PM): I DON'T THINK SO
"My cousin" (4:25:13 PM): NOT JUST ANY JO SCHMO
“Babysitter” (4:25:10 PM): I'm talking about my parents
“Babysitter” (4:25:14 PM): and teachers
“Babysitter” (4:25:17 PM): and stuff like that
"My cousin" (4:25:34 PM): well it depends who
"My cousin" (4:25:38 PM): it's your life
“Babysitter” (4:25:42 PM): see I've heard that 100 times
"My cousin" (4:25:53 PM): so you want to make sure that you are only trusting trustworthy people
“Babysitter” (4:25:51 PM): ok
“Babysitter” (4:25:57 PM): so there are some that I trust
“Babysitter” (4:26:01 PM): and admire
"My cousin" (4:26:26 PM): and they want you to do things that you don't want to do
"My cousin" (4:26:27 PM): ?
“Babysitter” (4:26:22 PM): no
"My cousin" (4:26:38 PM): I have to daven I'll be back soon
“Babysitter” (4:26:34 PM): ok, ttyl
“Babysitter” (4:26:39 PM): or a diff day

If your still reading, there was a part 2 to this. But that went on a completely different topic.