Previously I had written about how we have to enjoy the pleasurable things in this world. Since it is the 9 days and we can’t listen to music I will share with you some videos that I have found very entertaining. Enjoy!
I hope these videos made you laugh, for me children are the best source of entertainment.
Have a meaningful and easy fast on Tisha B’Av.
May we do lots of teshuva and be zoche to bring Moshiach!
For everything in this world there is a kosher equivalent. There was a great Rabbi whose wife said she wanted milk and meat together. A normal reaction of a husband who hears that would be outrage, to think Chas V’ Shalom what happened to her? How could she think such a thing? But the Rabbi didn’t react that way, instead he went and asked for a cow’s udder. Now she was able to have milk and meat together in a kosher way.
Hashem wants us to have pleasure and enjoy from this world. There are several chazals that prove this.
If a person doesn’t partake in the pleasures of this world then they have no gratitude. If a person enjoys pleasures of this world then they will be a happier person and easy to get along with.
However, there is a flip side. The more we have pleasure the less we enjoy it. Think of your favorite food, the first time you eat it, it’s like heaven on earth. But if you were to have that food every day then you wouldn’t enjoy it as much. I believe that’s why Hashem gave us boundaries, that’s why there are the Halachos of Nidah, so that it stays a special thing.
Think of this scenario, you are in the freezing cold for 3 1/2 hours, where there is only 25 minutes of action, where you have people standing up in front of you when something happens thereby not allowing you to see anything, where you have to pay for food and there are inaccessible unsanitary bathrooms. It doesn’t sound like a pleasant experience.
Then picture this scenario, you are sitting on your living room couch in front of a Plasma screen TV with the football game on, where you are in the warmth of your own house, where you can see the whole game clearly, where you get any food you want, where the bathroom is available to you and clean. Now this sounds like a pleasant experience.
Now if you ask a person why they would rather go to a football game than watch the game in the living room, they will say they go for the experience of being part of a large group. During the football game the people will cheer to “J-E-T-S” or whichever team they are going for, this is to remind them that they are part of the group. They will also do the “wave” for the same reason.
If you open a cookbook and take a look at a recipe, you won’t see it saying to take a steak and cook it, rather you will see lists of ingredients that you combine to form a recipe.
→ At this time I would like to point out that A Mother In Israel started a relatively new blog, called Cooking Manager with great tips on cooking. Leora has a great collection of recipes as does Ilana Davita a great collection of recipes.
Same with music, there are various notes, voices and instruments that are combined together to form a beautiful harmony.
When two people love each other, you have two bodies with one soul.
The essence of all these examples, is unity.
People who are patriotic for their country, do it because they want to feel the unity. Being a part of something gives us pleasure. I will take this time to point out that being a blogger is also an example of being part of a whole – the blogosphere, and it gives me great pleasure to be a part of such a great thing.
→ Mike In Midwood has a great creative post called Chaim Snyder which is a great example for two of the points made so far. The first being there is a Kosher version of everything, hence the post is about Chaim Snyder being the Kosher version of Harry Potter. The second being people like to be part of a large group, since lots of people have read/watched Harry Potter, other people want to also, because then they belong to the group of Harry Potter readers/watchers/fans.
The Torah starts with the letter Bais, it has two pointers, one points up to Hashem who created us. The second points down, to before the creation of people where there was oneness. With the creation of people there became Bais, “twoness”, where we feel a separation from the Aleph, Hashem. As a correction we try to seek pleasure with Hashem.
There is a pleasure we get from putting together a puzzle, where we are building something. All pleasure if used in the right way can lead us in the direction of unity with Hashem. The more we experience unity, we get closer to Hashem.
We all know the famous story, where a man came to Hillel and asked to him to explain to him the Torah on one foot. Hillel said “What is hateful to you, don’t to unto your friend, and the rest is commentary”. Now how can we explain this?
One explanation:
There are 3 categories of a friend. 1- Hashem: Yedid Nefesh. 2- Fellow Jew. 3- Neshama- our closes friend. The Torah is all about those 3 types of friends.
Second explanation:
The purpose of the world is for a person to become similar to Hashem – Tzelem Elokim, so the Torah tells us how.
When you think to yourself “What do I want”, the I could mean different things. In the highest scenario, it would play out like this:
I = body and soul, friends and family, and all of the Jewish People.
This is where all the pleasures come together. The pleasure for yourself and others is the essence of Torah, unity, to bridge with others.
It says on “that day” Hashem will be one and His name will be one. Now why does it need to say both? Because now we read Hashem’s name differently from the way it is written. At “that time” Hashem’s name will be read the way it is written. The reason we read it differently now, is because we don’t see what we know, we don’t see Hashem clearly.
To recap, we are supposed to have pleasure in this world. We like to feel unity. This leads us to be closer with Hashem. Therefore, every time we do an action we should see if it will bring unity or not.
FYI: These shiurim are part of the Irgun Shiurai Torah program. If you look to your left you will see the schedule posted onto the sidebar, click the image to expand.
My innovative little brother continues to surprise me with his great inventions. For Purim he made a container on wheels to carry the shaloch manos and now for Pesach he made his own pillow out of cloth napkins, old pillow stuffing and staples.
On Pesach, I was helping out by changing the glasses on the lachter and to put in new candles. Now this is a un-girly thing to say, but a really cool thing happened while I was removing the old wicks from the glasses.
I had 3 glasses in my hand with a plastic knife in the other- Mistakes 1&2. I had used the knife to successfully take out a bunch of wicks and I had just those 3 left to take out. So I used the knife and tried to take out the wick of the top glass in my hand, but it wouldn’t come out. So I tried harder…then all of a sudden I hear a cracking sound, I didn’t know what it was from. So I continued trying to remove the wick using the knife. Then I realized the middle glass I was holding in my hand had cracked. I look at my hand and I see a really cool pretty and colorful shard of glass got stuck in my skin. It was the strangest thing, I pulled it out from my hand and it didn’t hurt one bit! Plus there was not a cut or a trace of blood coming out of my finger from where I removed it. But I remembered distinctly that the glass had been in my finger, so I’m not so sure how that was possible.
Chol Hamoed – Sunday:
We were going to go to Harford Connecticut, but we ended up going to Milford Connecticut instead.
First we went to The Maritime Aquarium, we watched a sea lion feeding where 1 of the sea lion’s had a Jewish Sounding name – Layala!
I saw a Watercolor painting which made me think of Leora, so I took a picture of it:
There were lots of kinds of fish there, thankfully it was all indoors, because the weather was chilly. There were a few fish that stuck out.
Penguins: I don’t think I’ve ever seen Penguins swim before, I always imagined their in the snow only. (Happy Feet was a great movie!). We went to an IMAX about the grand canyon. When we got there the place was empty, so I took some pictures of the vast big empty room. I love the theater effect to it all.
There were a bunch of Chassidish people that did come in to watch, along with other frum Jews. We waited a little while, then the “movie” started. The first image on the screen was…you’ll never guess! 2 girl’s in bikini’s in the water. I watched the boys turn their head and look away, nobody could believe what was just on the screen.
Then the film continued and it was about how the water in the Colorado river was draining out, and it showed them kayaking the river for the most of it. It was cool to see them going over the big waves and falling upside down. I’ve never seen the grand canyon before, and it was amazing to see that too. They also showed Las Vegas, another scene I’ve never seen before, and the colorful lights were truly pretty.
I love going to gift shops to look around and get a key chain or some other little thing with the name of the place on it. This time I got a charm that said the name of the aquarium, it was silver too.
While I was looking around I saw a pacifier that I thought it was really funny, it would have been perfect for one of the kids I used to babysit!
After the aquarium we went to the Hotel in Milford. It was a very basic hotel, not fancy. The elevator was a plain one, no glass see through doors. There was no pool, not that I would have gone swimming. The gym only had 3 machines, a treadmill, a stationary bike, and my favorite step machine! I used the step machine for a bunch of minutes and it was really fun.
This was the first trip in a really long time that my whole family actually came! We originally got 3 rooms, and my parents were going to share a room with me and my little sister. But when we opened the room we saw there was no room for another 2 beds, so I went on my laptop, logged in and booked another room for me and my sister. (I didn’t use my own money though…it was only 10,000 points so my father used his points).
It was so much fun watching TV, every time I go to a hotel I find there are new shows that I didn’t know about. I watched the NIK channel for about 3 hours straight! There was Drake and Josh which I thought had amazing actors, wow, those kids show a lot of facial expressions and put all their Koach into it! Then there was iCarly, this one reminded me of Hannah Montana and I loved it!
There were a lot of commercials, but since I haven’t seen them before, it was fun to watch the first time! I saw this commercial for a hanging tomato planter and I thought it was really funny! I thought of Jacob Da Jew and Leora though, cause I know they plant, so perhaps they might find it useful? I also noticed that by all the commercials, everything cost 19.95, or x payments of 19.95!
Chol Hamoed – Monday:
We went to an arcade game place called Smilez. Now this was truly a fun filled day. We spent 20 dollars in tokens, getting 112 tokens to play all kinds of games. It brought back so many memories of fun games I remembered playing.
After we had fun playing our games we went to the machine to count our tickets and redeem our prizes!
Then my mother saw a game that she remembered playing and wanted to play it! So we went over to the game, my mother put in her token and nothing happened. It was one of those aiming the coin type of games, so I shook the aimer thing to see if it would go then, but it wouldn’t go. Then all of a sudden we hear noise and tickets start coming out of the machine one after another, as the aimer was shook, tickets kept spilling out. So we let a lot of tickets come out and then we counted the tickets and had over 500!
As I was feeding the tickets into the counter machine, I felt guilty, I wasn’t sure if it was okay what we just did, to get free tickets like that from a broken machine. What would you have done?
So then we got some more prizes, and everyone was happy!
Then we saw a Chassidish boy go over to the broken machine and he also realized that tickets were coming out for free, so he let it keep going too. Then his father came over and saw what happened, then when they redeemed their tickets for prizes, the father told the person behind the counter about the broken machine. But looks like she didn’t care, cause no one went over to put a sign on it, or fix it, so it kept giving tickets to whoever wanted. So then I felt less guilty, cause they knew it was broken.
When we were ready to leave I put my hand in my pocket and realized I had more coins left, so I quickly played another game and got some more tickets, but I was too lazy to go get a prize for it, so I saw a Chassidish girl and went over to her to give the tickets to. I said “You can have these” and handed her the tickets, she was stunned and her mouth was hanging open, looking at me, wondering why I just did that.
I ended up getting a bunch of prizes, my first was the blue teddy bear for 220 points and the “I love Mom” bear for 180 points- those were earned legitimately! Then I got a little picture frame in a purse shape for 270 points and a “You’re the best” bear for 180 points- those were through the “cheated tickets”. Then I got a deck of cards for 30 points that was legit.
Hope you had a great first day’s and enjoyed your Chol Hamoed too!
Lately I’ve been thinking about music, what types I like, and what I think of “goyish” music. A little while ago an encounter triggered my memory on to this topic.
Usually I’m very good with faces, and I’m always the one to recognize people from my past. But this time I was by a restaurant with my mother and little sister, and at the table next to us was a few girls. We overheard their conversation the whole time, and they sounded like teenagers. I didn’t get to see all of their faces, cause I don’t stare at people. But then when the girls were done eating, they got up, and one girl comes over to me. She says “Hey, your ‘Babysitter’, your so and so’s cousin”. Once she said that I was able to figure out who she was, and I was like “o, your so and so, and I was in your bunk in sleep away camp”. So we caught up a little.
Now how did this encounter trigger my memory to music? Well this girl happened to be the girl that introduced me to non Jewish music. I was 11 years old in camp and she was in my bunk. One day she started singing and dancing to “oops I did it again” By Britney Spears. That was officially the first non Jewish song I heard. Then also during that summer I learned about movies, what G, PG, PG-13, and R means.
That year I had been going into 7th grade. So then when the school year came, I was talking with my friends and I found out that my friend listens to z100, so I started listening to it too. I learned a lot of stuff by listening to that station, stuff which I didn’t understand at that age, so it didn’t even make a difference that I heard it. My friend also had CD’s full of Non Jewish music, I would go to her house and she would let me listen to some. Then I decided to download some of my own, so I downloaded Hillary Duff, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears and a bunch of others. That was when I was a bit older, at 13 or 14.
During my 7th and 8th grade year I was a bit “rebellious”. My friend had become friends with another girl that she had gone to day camp with the previous summer. That girl decided she wanted to go see a movie, she told my friend about it, and my friend invited me. She told me the movie title and it sounded good and I liked the story line. So I asked my father if I can go see a movie with my friends. He said yes at first, then he changed his mind and figured it won’t be a good idea. But I had still wanted to go, I was excited about it. It was a Chanukah night, after my father lit candles, I ran out of the house to sneak to my friends house so that I can go with her. But then my father knew where I was going, so he came after me, to stop me. He talked some sense in to me, and I said ok I won’t go.
So I didn’t go to see that movie, years later, I decided to finally check it out, and I watched it online, and I’m glad I didn’t go when I was younger. The movie was “Not another Teen Movie” which is not a clean movie, and the beginning scene is a frightening one.
But later that year I did end up going to see a movie. It was a funny story. Spy kids 3 came out, the 3D one, so I decided to go with my friends to see it, and I didn’t tell my parents about it. Meanwhile, my twin brother had also gone to see it, but himself. Yet at the same time, my parents went to see it themselves. Nobody told each other that we were going to see it. What could have been a family night out guilt free, was done sneakily. I had kept my movie tickets and glasses, my little brother had snooped and found it and told my parents, and that’s how we realized that we all went to it.
Originally my family had a TV, I was brought up as a child with a TV, I have fond memories of watching Mr. Rogers, Barney, Puzzle Mania, Full House, Boy Meets World, Sabrina, 7th Heaven, Gilmore Girls, Wheel of Fortune, and others. Then when I was still a child, my twin brother got angry about something and smashed the TV. So then we never got a new one and that was the end of that.
Later when I was in 7th or 8th grade, my friend told me how you can buy a mini black and white TV at value depot for 10 dollars. So I went and bought one. My father knew about it, and let me keep it, so long as I didn’t watch too much, and kept to my priorities. With my brother though, he didn’t let him have a TV cause my brother would play hookey and stay home to watch.
We also always watched movies at home, my mother bought her child hood favorites for us to watch. So I remember watching “Willie Wanka and the Chocolate factory”, “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” and “Marry Poppins”. But once the TV monitor was broken, we no longer were able to watch all the video cassettes we have. My mother used to video us, and we would watch it, it was so much fun. All my child hood memories are on there, I wish to one day be able to convert them to DVD.
Back to my thoughts on music, TV and movies. I think with all these things, you can’t limit yourself to only Jewish stuff. This applies to books too. Let me just add one more thing. Up until a few years ago, I had thought that only teenagers listen to non Jewish music. I thought that fathers have iPOD’s to listen to Shiurim with. When I found out that a married father had gotten a ipod for his birthday present and was going to fill it with music he likes aka. non Jewish music, I was shocked.
I always felt that if you listen to non Jewish music then its something that you keep private, that on social networking profiles where it had a place for you to fill out what music you like, I had thought people wouldn’t advertise that they listen to non Jewish music. But then after being on Facebook a while, I realized that so many girls who I thought were all so frum and wouldn’t understand if I listen to non Jewish music, actually had their own non Jewish music up.
So now, back to my opinion on all this. I think non Jewish music, tv, and movies are acceptable, that they are neutral. Just like everything else in life. That you should judge each song/movie/book on itself. So long as the content is age appropriate and clean then there’s nothing wrong with it.
But yet having said that, it doesn’t mean that Jewish music isn’t good which is why non Jewish music is good. They aren’t opposites, they are both forms of music. There are good and bad in both. You have to judge each song individually, see what you like. I think Jewish music is extremely under rated by those that listen to non Jewish music. They seem to think they are only allowed to enjoy non Jewish music if they say that Jewish music isn’t professional. I think both can sound good, and with my Jewish Song Sunday’s I try to show that Jewish music can be good too.
Now with TV, I’ve had a long debate with Frum Skeptic on this, so I won’t get into it again. But for a researched write up of why TV isn’t good for kids, you can read my post, and keep in mind this is a speech I wrote for my college class, so it has no religious reasons in it.
Now with going to an actual movie theater, at first I wouldn’t have agreed to it. Certain movies I wouldn’t feel comfortable watching with other people, some stuff are more fun to watch in the privacy of your own home. But with regular stuff, I don’t think it would be different than going to an imax or 3d show, that so many frum people go to on chol hamoed. It’s the same concept, seeing a video on a large screen. The content you choose to watch is the questionable part, not the actual going to a movie theater.
This is from a long time ago that I just hadn’t posted at the time. I’m posting it now, but it’s no longer geared to any specific person.
I was reading Frum Meet’s World Post about long skirts and it got me thinking. Is it a question of tznius that people are against long skirts? I would say long skirts are more royal looking, and cover more of the leg so they should be tznius.
I like long skirts because I imagine they are like the long flowing gowns people wore in the olden days. Reminds me of like Pride and Prejudice characters and other such classics. I see girls in long skirts to the floor and I love the way it looks. In my opinion it looks better than short skirts, at least for some people. I myself don’t think I look the “best” in long dragging skirts, but I definitely think I look better in long skirts rather than short ones. I do own a few shorter skirts, but I wear them rarely.
At first I thought it was just because of shidduchim that people said I shouldn’t wear long skirts. I understand there’s a whole blog about not giving into doing things just for the sake of shidduchim, but rather to do what defines you even if it is bad for shidduchim. So why can’t I continue to wear long skirts if I like it and feel it’s more “me” than short skirts?
People are always saying how they want to do their own thing and not conform with society. So why here is there a difference? why here does it become distasteful that a person wouldn’t want to associate with someone who wears a dragging skirt? Why can’t it be accepted as something a person likes. People may have different tastes. A person can like short skirts and still not denigrate those who like to wear long ones.
Barney: I love You (Hebrew)
This song is dedicated to my love. It’s not really a Jewish song, but it’s in Hebrew, so I guess that counts for something. I’ve always loved watching Barney as a kid, and even now I watched a bit in Hebrew and I enjoyed it.
Before I graduated High School, I hadn’t realized the significance of a return card. Then I started hearing classmates talk about if they received return cards with the wedding invitation. I found out it meant that you would be invited for the whole thing, rather than just the dancing, or chupah.
So far 19 of them got married, and I have gotten a return card by almost all of them. I haven’t gone to all the weddings though. Now there are 4 engaged and I recently got two interesting invitations in the mail. These 2 weddings are a day apart. The first wedding’s invitation came with 2 pieces of typed up paper. Now I’ve got plenty of invitations with personal notes, and “can’t wait to dance with you!” But I’ve never gotten these types of messages before.
One Said:
Dear “Babysitter” Amush,
I would love to invite you to my entire wedding but due to monetary constraints I can only invite you for Simchas Chosson V’Kallah. Your presence would greatly enhance my Simcha.
Love, “Classmate”
The Second one said:
Before coming to my Yom HaChupa, I would like to take a moment to ask you for forgiveness for anything that I may have said to hurt you in any way. Please Say out loud you’re Mochel me and may Hashem bench you with much Brocha and Hatzlacha and may we continue to share in each other’s Simchos.
Love, “Classmate”
So at first I was thinking to myself, wow that is so thoughtful of her, to actually write that. I’ve never seen somebody express their true wish to have you there for the whole thing, and only money is standing in the way. And that she asked to be forgiven. I thought it was really special.
Then the “yetzer hora” got a hold of me, and I was thinking it was strange, that it’s obvious that because of money issues she wasn’t able to invite the whole grade, that there’s no reason to state it out. That it sort of makes you feel worse about it. Then I started thinking that maybe she sent the second note about forgiveness to makeup for not inviting me to the whole thing. As if it was done subtly in hope that you wouldn’t figure it out.
Then I got the next invitation, which did have a return card, but which also had a forgiveness note, this one was in Hebrew, but basically saying the same thing, so then I figured, wow, it really seems like a special thing. It’s an amazing concept that by a wedding day the Kallah and Chosson get forgiven of all their sins, so here they are acknowledging that, and doing something about it. I was impressed, I think more invitations should have that.
As a side point, I went to a friends vort a couple of weeks ago, and as soon as anyone came in she gave them a hug and took a picture with them. She’s a very mushy type, and she was talking to me about all kinds of stuff, memories that I couldn’t believe she remembered, and I was truly touched.
Then she showed me the flowers her Chosson bought her, and it had a note attached to it, that her Chosson wrote, it was a bracha to her, written in Hebrew. I was amazed by it, I’ve never seen such a thing before. Then I realized what a perfect fit they must be, cause she’s always giving Brachos and Mushy comments to everyone.
I just had a random chat conversation today with a girl I don’t know that I have once chatted with before months ago. It sounded so strange to me. I’m not married so I wouldn’t know, but it doesn’t sound like she has a happy Marriage. Since I already posted one aim conversation, I think I got addicted to posting chat conversations, they are just so strange. (But don’t worry bloggers, I won’t post any conversation with you)
“Married Woman”: hey
“Babysitter”: hey long time no speak
“Married Woman”: i know
how are u?
“Babysitter”: I'm good, you?
“Married Woman”: u there
“Babysitter”: yea
“Married Woman”: so what have u been up to
”Babysitter”: not much, on vacation from school now. what about you?
“Married Woman”: same old
did u go anywhere
”Babysitter”: nope, didn't go anywhere. taking it easy
how was chanukah?
“Married Woman”: bh it was nice
ures
”Babysitter”: that’s good, ours was nice too, had a bunch of chanukah parties
“Married Woman”: nice
met any hot guys so u can make me jealous
lol
”Babysitter”: lol, nope, not yet. How's your husband doing?
“Married Woman”: he’s good
y not
”Babysitter”: that’s good
I've gone out on dates. But none successful yet
“Married Woman”: were they shidduch dates
”Babysitter”: yea
“Married Woman”: nice
did any of them ever look like they wanted to pounce u
i had a couple of those
lol
”Babysitter”: lol, nope, none of those
they were good guys
“Married Woman”: oh darn
lol
jk
”Babysitter”: lol, did u enjoy dating?
“Married Woman”: i loved it
but i also wasn’t shomer so its dif
”Babysitter”: ahh I see
“Married Woman”: ure shomer right
”Babysitter”: yea
when did you stop becoming shomer?
“Married Woman”: i dont know how u do it
in high school
”Babysitter”: aha, so you had a boy friend back then?
I went to a very frum HS so I never talked to boys
“Married Woman”: which one
yeah
”Babysitter”: ******
“Married Woman”: oh i c
so u never did anything with a guy
”Babysitter”: right
“Married Woman”: u never wanted to growing up
”Babysitter”: well I knew I wasn't allowed to, so it was out of the question
“Married Woman”: wow that’s a lot of control
but u wanted to
did u ever check out the guys
”Babysitter”: nope
“Married Woman”: y not
”Babysitter”: cause it wasn't allowed?
“Married Woman”: gotcha
so if no one wud find out wud u be not shomer now
”Babysitter”: nope, cause then I wouldn't be true to myself. Hashem is watching
“Married Woman”: i c
do u feel like u wish u wud have wen u were younger
”Babysitter”: nope, I'm happy with staying Shomer
do u wish u wouldn't have?
“Married Woman”: honestly, no
but it wud have been easier on me now if i was though
”Babysitter”: how come?
I mean in what way would it have been easier?
“Married Woman”: bc now that i was very active before wen i dont have it nowe i get very u know
”Babysitter”: aha I see
“Married Woman”: yup
i go nuts
”Babysitter”: I thought if you ask your husband he has to say yes
“Married Woman”: u cant really ask
and that doesnt help wen ure in niddah
”Babysitter”: aha, well how long is that? 2 weeks?
“Married Woman”: yeah
but wayyy too long for me
i dont know how u do it
”Babysitter”: well I never did it, so I dunno what I'm missing out on
but I would assume the niddah time can be precious too
there are marriage counseling books that talk about this stuff, and how it can build your relationship
“Married Woman”: i know but its not like a problem its just i get very horny
u never get horny
”Babysitter”: well aren't there stuff you can do to help that?
“Married Woman”: like wat
hold on i got to get the phone
”Babysitter”: ok
Now I don’t know about you, but this conversation seemed strange to me. I didn’t know people ask such weird questions like that to strangers. I don’t mean for this to be an untznius post or anything.
First I have to give a little intro. What I’m about to share is from December 27, 2006. So that’s over 2 years ago. I have changed a lot since then thanks to life experiences. I no longer feel the same way about some of the issues being discussed. Maybe I’ll do a part 2 with an update on this. Also, Keep in mind this is from AIM. I’m not sure if I should even share this, but here goes.
"My cousin" (2:48:05 PM): hello
"My cousin" (2:48:09 PM): how are you doing?
“Babysitter” (2:48:20 PM): hey, I'm B"H good, u?
*************************************************************************************
"My cousin" (3:57:48 PM): he's right about you talking to too many guys
"My cousin" (3:57:52 PM): no offense
"My cousin" (3:58:21 PM): but if I were a boy I wouldn't be interested in a girl that talks to guys
"My cousin" (3:59:04 PM): if a boy is thinking of getting married - why wouldn't he want a wife that has eyes only for him
"My cousin" (3:59:09 PM): and the same for the girl
"My cousin" (3:59:32 PM): why would he want his wife to be talking to other boys
"My cousin" (3:59:45 PM): I would never want to marry a guy that talks to many girls
"My cousin" (3:59:48 PM): would you?
“Babysitter” (4:00:21 PM): yea, I know, I was thinking that maybe I'm a hypocrite, cause I would be jealous if he talked to a lot of girls
“Babysitter” (4:00:34 PM): I forgot what I was gonna say'
"My cousin" (4:01:01 PM): I hope you remember
"My cousin" (4:01:12 PM): not just jealous
"My cousin" (4:01:19 PM): something much deeper
"My cousin" (4:01:32 PM): if a boy doesn't talk to other girls
"My cousin" (4:01:44 PM): he only knows his wife
"My cousin" (4:01:50 PM): is only attracted to his wife
“Babysitter” (4:01:43 PM): but in away it could be that if he picks me out of all, or I pick him out of all then it makes it more special, no?
"My cousin" (4:02:02 PM): not really
"My cousin" (4:02:19 PM): everyone knows that there are many other boys/girls in the world
"My cousin" (4:02:44 PM): and every time two people decide to get married they are picking each other out from everyone else
"My cousin" (4:03:40 PM): but when a boy/girl knows many girls/boys then he/she loses the specialness of the girl/boy they decide to marry
"My cousin" (4:03:54 PM): instead of only thinking about their spouse
"My cousin" (4:04:06 PM): now they s/t also think about the other girl/boy they know
"My cousin" (4:04:21 PM): sometimes they compare their spouse the other people they know
"My cousin" (4:04:48 PM): and there will always be some aspects that they liked better in a different person other than their spouse
"My cousin" (4:05:18 PM): this is a problem even when people go on many shidduch dates
“Babysitter” (4:05:23 PM): interesting point, but I once heard every shiduch date has a purpose
"My cousin" (4:05:33 PM): kal vachomer on this type of personal level
"My cousin" (4:05:40 PM): people say that
"My cousin" (4:06:01 PM): I don't know what they base it on
"My cousin" (4:06:06 PM): but I can tell you one thing
"My cousin" (4:06:42 PM): Every person has free will and they can do what they want and there are definitely people that are not proper to go out with
"My cousin" (4:06:54 PM): and if someone goes out with such a person
"My cousin" (4:07:04 PM): even though they know it is wrong
"My cousin" (4:07:20 PM): no one could say that it had a good purpose
"My cousin" (4:07:26 PM): it's called bechirah
“Babysitter” (4:07:51 PM): so then people should only go out with people they know are for sure someone they would marry?
“Babysitter” (4:07:55 PM): right?
"My cousin" (4:08:17 PM): well - someone there is a good chance they would marry
"My cousin" (4:08:22 PM): it's impossible to know for sure
"My cousin" (4:08:25 PM): before they meet
“Babysitter” (4:08:23 PM): right, ok, that's true
“Babysitter” (4:08:37 PM): but also, like what kind of things could be given up?
“Babysitter” (4:08:42 PM): like to compromise on?
"My cousin" (4:09:03 PM): things that don't matter so much
"My cousin" (4:09:11 PM): it depends on what's important
"My cousin" (4:09:14 PM): to you
“Babysitter” (4:09:10 PM): ok, I see
“Babysitter” (4:09:15 PM): and also, do parents have a say?
“Babysitter” (4:09:22 PM): or its all my choice?
"My cousin" (4:09:52 PM): your parents cannot halachically stop you from marrying the person you want to marry
"My cousin" (4:10:09 PM): it's one thing you don't have to listen to your parents for
"My cousin" (4:10:30 PM): (although you should try your best to do it as respectfully as possible)
“Babysitter” (4:10:33 PM): but what if I have a feeling my father wouldn't let me go out with someone?
“Babysitter” (4:10:46 PM): and I'm not sure if I would or not
“Babysitter” (4:10:54 PM): its hard to explain
"My cousin" (4:11:07 PM): try
“Babysitter” (4:11:50 PM): what if I think my parents wouldn't approve of someone, but maybe I don't even know that person enough to know if they would or wouldn't, but if I would want to I should?
"My cousin" (4:12:37 PM): you should find out more about the person
"My cousin" (4:12:51 PM): I'm scared to ask how you know the person in the first place
“Babysitter” (4:12:46 PM): lol
"My cousin" (4:13:02 PM): “Babysitter”, what's wrong with normal shiduchim?
“Babysitter” (4:12:58 PM): lol
“Babysitter” (4:13:00 PM): well
“Babysitter” (4:13:15 PM): I feel like I have to first get to know the person, online its much easier
“Babysitter” (4:13:20 PM): I wouldn't be able to talk in person
“Babysitter” (4:13:33 PM): so this way I get to know what their like
"My cousin" (4:14:11 PM): “Babysitter”, this is one thing the people are right about - you don't get to really know someone online
"My cousin" (4:14:29 PM): and that's the same reason I believe you find it easier to talk online
"My cousin" (4:14:56 PM): Anyways “Babysitter” sometimes you just have to trust people that know what they're talking about
"My cousin" (4:15:24 PM): when the gedolim and mechanchim say it's a bad idea - they are basing it on real experiences of many people
"My cousin" (4:15:29 PM): they know what they are saying
"My cousin" (4:15:31 PM): you
"My cousin" (4:15:35 PM): on the other hand
"My cousin" (4:15:41 PM): have negius
"My cousin" (4:15:46 PM): you want to do it
"My cousin" (4:15:56 PM): so it's hard for you to see the problem with it
“Babysitter” (4:15:58 PM): yea, I understand
"My cousin" (4:16:38 PM): when someone talks to you online they are hiding behind the computer
"My cousin" (4:16:55 PM): the only thing you know is what they type on their keyboard
"My cousin" (4:17:03 PM): you don't even see them
"My cousin" (4:17:23 PM): they could even be a girl pretending to be a boy and you would never know
"My cousin" (4:17:26 PM): anyways
"My cousin" (4:17:40 PM): even in person it's hard to get to know the real person
"My cousin" (4:17:49 PM): that's why people do research
“Babysitter” (4:17:53 PM): yea, true, ok
“Babysitter” (4:18:34 PM): I guess I'm just nervous that in person no one will like me
“Babysitter” (4:18:42 PM): but I know I shouldn't think that
“Babysitter” (4:18:45 PM): so forget
"My cousin" (4:19:30 PM): why should people like you better online?
“Babysitter” (4:19:34 PM): cause I feel like I could be myself
“Babysitter” (4:19:40 PM): not afraid to talk
“Babysitter” (4:19:44 PM): cause its typing
“Babysitter” (4:19:49 PM): and I like typing
“Babysitter” (4:19:56 PM): and I cold edit my words
“Babysitter” (4:20:02 PM): could
"My cousin" (4:20:18 PM): why do you need to edit your words
"My cousin" (4:20:18 PM): ?
“Babysitter” (4:20:20 PM): while I'm thinking what to say
“Babysitter” (4:20:29 PM): if I change my mind
“Babysitter” (4:20:34 PM): I don't know
"My cousin" (4:20:55 PM): it's something to think about
"My cousin" (4:20:58 PM): for real
"My cousin" (4:21:15 PM): it's very important to really get to know yourself well
"My cousin" (4:21:23 PM): before you date
"My cousin" (4:21:45 PM): also if you get to know yourself better you'll know more what you want
“Babysitter” (4:21:59 PM): right, but that's hard, cause I always want to do what other people want me to do, so its hard to know what I want for myself
“Babysitter” (4:22:16 PM): I just want to do what's right
“Babysitter” (4:22:23 PM): and everyone has diff opinions of what's right
"My cousin" (4:22:37 PM): you have to be very honest and ask yourself questions and
"My cousin" (4:22:45 PM): answer them honestly
"My cousin" (4:22:59 PM): why do you want to do what other people want you to do
"My cousin" (4:23:00 PM): ?
“Babysitter” (4:23:03 PM): cause that's my nature
"My cousin" (4:23:24 PM): who are you trusting to make decisions for you?
"My cousin" (4:23:30 PM): who said that's your nature
"My cousin" (4:23:41 PM): every person is responsible for their actions
"My cousin" (4:23:44 PM): no one can say
"My cousin" (4:23:54 PM): well so and so wanted me to do it
“Babysitter” (4:23:53 PM): right ok
"My cousin" (4:24:35 PM): also, aren't there things that you want to do without anyone telling you?
“Babysitter” (4:24:40 PM): but usually other people know what's right
"My cousin" (4:24:58 PM): WHO SAID
"My cousin" (4:25:04 PM): I DON'T THINK SO
"My cousin" (4:25:13 PM): NOT JUST ANY JO SCHMO
“Babysitter” (4:25:10 PM): I'm talking about my parents
“Babysitter” (4:25:14 PM): and teachers
“Babysitter” (4:25:17 PM): and stuff like that
"My cousin" (4:25:34 PM): well it depends who
"My cousin" (4:25:38 PM): it's your life
“Babysitter” (4:25:42 PM): see I've heard that 100 times
"My cousin" (4:25:53 PM): so you want to make sure that you are only trusting trustworthy people
“Babysitter” (4:25:51 PM): ok
“Babysitter” (4:25:57 PM): so there are some that I trust
“Babysitter” (4:26:01 PM): and admire
"My cousin" (4:26:26 PM): and they want you to do things that you don't want to do
"My cousin" (4:26:27 PM): ?
“Babysitter” (4:26:22 PM): no
"My cousin" (4:26:38 PM): I have to daven I'll be back soon
“Babysitter” (4:26:34 PM): ok, ttyl
“Babysitter” (4:26:39 PM): or a diff day
If your still reading, there was a part 2 to this. But that went on a completely different topic.
This weeks Parsha is going to be my little brothers Bar Mitzvah Parsha next week. He started learning how to lein yesterday, I didn’t get to hear him practice, but I’m sure I’ll be hearing plenty of it soon. So one part in this weeks Parsha that didn’t seem to make sense was when the brothers don’t recognize Yosef. I used to think that maybe you really can’t recognize adults. But then my mother will see people from camp from like over 20 years ago, and she will remember who they are. So then I found an answer that better explains this.
Something to Say:
Joseph recognized his brothers, but they did not recognize him (42:8).
The commentaries asks: How was it possible that the brothers did not recognize Joseph? Even though he now had a beard and 20 years had passed since they had last seen him, shouldn’t his own brothers have been able to recognize him? The answer is that the verse is speaking about a very different kind of recognition. The brothers surely noticed the strong resemblance to their lost brother, but they could not understand, however, how a person could rise so high in stature, becoming viceroy to the king, and still remain on Joseph’s exalted spiritual level. The brothers could not reconcile the two phenomena, so they were convinced that the viceroy could not be their brother, despite, the resemblance. Joseph had proved that it is indeed within the realm of human possibility to maintain elevated spiritual standards even in a corrupt and immoral environment.
So the answer is that they recognized him physically, but couldn’t understand how he can be so great spiritually when he was in such a high position. This shows us it is possible to remain great spiritually no matter what people are doing around us. We have it in ourselves to remain great no matter what!
I’ve always heard how Yosef would look into the mirror and that he was into his appearances, and I always wondered why this was. Then I finally saw a reason.
The Torah calls him a boy, even though he was already seventeen years old, because he behaved in ways characteristic of youth.
Why did Yoseph behave in ways which were characteristic of youth? Yoseph was the child of Yaakov's beloved wife, Rachel. Everyone knew that she was the one Yaakov considered to be his true wife. This gave Yoseph the status of being the favored son among all the others. He was the son who was supposed to take his father's place.
Everyone knew that only one son of Avraham would take his place, and that was Yitzchak. Similarly, only one son of Yitzchak took his place, and that was Yaakov. Thus, everyone assumed that only one of the many sons of Yaakov would take their father's place. Since Yoseph was the son of Yaakov's beloved wife, he was the natural choice. This situation was a trial for Yoseph. He was not an only righteous son as his father and grandfather had been. They had no competition, since Yishmael and Esav were not really candidates for taking their fathers' place. But Yoseph did have real competition. All his brothers were spiritual giants. To ward off their jealousy,(10) Yoseph played the simpleton. He pretended that he was not as interested in spirituality as was his father. He preferred combing his hair, accentuating his eyes, and paying great attention to his appearance. When the brothers saw him act in this way they left him alone, thinking that such a simpleton would never pose a challenge to them in taking their father's place.
We learn from here to not show off, and sometimes to even pretend you’re lower than you are, and it will make it easier for you to become a greater person without worrying about the competition interfering and trying to bring you down. So that is why Yosef was all into his appearances, it was a show for his brothers so that they wouldn’t view him as competition and then he would be able to take over his father’s place.
Speaking about appearances, Leora writes about Tamar, how she got dressed up and seduced Yehuda and then got pregnant. And on the flip side how she was modest in Yehuda’s house so that he didn’t even recognize her.
