Parshas Naso

There’s something about Birchas Kohanim that makes it an emotional time. The memories of being a child and going under my father’s tallis. The Kohanim giving a Bracha to us that is so Kadosh, that we are not allowed to see it. The “Rebono Shel Olam” Tefillah”, the beautiful singing of the Kohanim while we say the Tefilah. Where I always wondered how come there are more examples of people being cured, than strengthening the good.

Something to say:

May God bless you and safeguard you (6:24).

This parsha contains the Priestly Blessing, with which God commanded the Kohanim of every generation to bless the Jewish people. It is interesting to note that despite the fact that this blessing was recited in the Temple and synagogue over the entire congregation, it is phrased entirely in the singular, rather than in the plural.

One explanation for this is that it is not always possible, or wise, to extend the same blessing to everyone uniformly. For the farmer, rain today may be an anxiously awaited blessing; for the long-distance traveler, it would be a hindrance. Wealth, a handsome appearance, or an extraordinary measure of some talent might be tremendous gifts and resources for one person; for another, each of these might be a burden could not handle. Only God, Designer of all creations and Endower of all gifts, knows precisely what blessing is appropriate for whom. He therefore tells the Kohanim to bless the people in the singular; each individual should receive the form of blessing that is most appropriate for him.

When I went with my family to Israel for my brothers bar mitzvah, we would talk about how we hoped it didn’t rain the day we would all be celebrating at the Kotel. My aunt who lives in Israel would say that she hoped it did rain and she would supply umbrellas for everyone. That Israel needs rain. Everyone has different needs, so we are blessed individually, rather than the same for everybody.

Just Married

Sunday, Rosh Chodesh ADAR!!, February 14, 2010, SN and I got married!

B”H the wedding went great, all the preparations paid off!

I got my hair done in my house in the morning, and then went to the hall to get makeup on. I davened Mincha, and said Tehillim for all the names that were given to me. Then started pictures. It was lots of fun posing for the pictures.

At Kaballas Panim I started getting emotional, realizing this was it, that I was getting married! I was so happy to see SN after a week of no seeing each other. It felt so powerful to have my father and SN’s father bench me.

Walking down the Chuppah, felt like a dream, I didn’t focus on the people standing on the sides of me, but I noticed there were lots of people. I davened for myself and SN under the Chuppah.

After the Chuppah, SN’s sister gave me a big hug, and I was so happy. I enjoyed dancing with her lots of times. It feels good to have such nice older sisters.

Usually I’m not much of a dancer, so much so, that I went with my mother and aunt to dance lessons before my wedding, to learn steps. We didn’t practice at all! But I remembered 2 things that I learned which really helped when it came to dancing. The first thing was how to dance one on one. The second was what to do when you start to feel dizzy from going in circles so many times. And that’s called “break the dizzy” where you go from side to side instead. I did that a couple of times, and I had so much fun dancing, that every time someone came over to offer me water, I said I was fine, and when they came to give me a seat, I also was fine and could of went on and on.

It was nice meeting Tembow and Inkstainedhands. And Thanks Auror, Annie and Rain Strap for coming! Auror made a beautiful poster which I shall always cherish, I have it on my dresser now. 

SN, the amazing nice person that he is, knew it was his bosses anniversary on our wedding night, so he brought a cake for him, and had it given to him at our wedding.

So the wedding was over, and B”H I never felt stressed or nervous! My family lives only a few blocks away from me, and I’m still in the same neighborhood, so there weren’t any big adjustments for me.

I enjoy cooking for me and SN! I did my first loads of laundry after we got married, and found it to be lots of fun. I haven’t ironed yet, since I don’t have an iron or ironing board, but I can imagine it being relaxing. I went with SN to do a few computer jobs, it’s fun learning new things. So married life is great! I ♥ SN!

For Your Viewing Pleasure

Previously I had written about how we have to enjoy the pleasurable things in this world. Since it is the 9 days and we can’t listen to music I will share with you some videos that I have found very entertaining. Enjoy!

I hope these videos made you laugh, for me children are the best source of entertainment.

Have a meaningful and easy fast on Tisha B’Av.

May we do lots of teshuva and be zoche to bring Moshiach!

My First Visit To A Rebbe

A while back I had gone to a shiur on Emuna and Bitachon where the Rabbi said:

“You have to have self esteem, and believe that you know what your doing. That you shouldn’t have to ask a Rav a question all the time. That Hashem gave you knowledge to know to make the right decision.”

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Well Sunday I went with my parents and grandfather to see a Rebbe to ask for advice on making a decision. I can’t reveal what the question was, since it’s a personal matter that doesn’t involve me. (Auror – It’s what we talked about).

So we go into his house and there’s a waiting room for women and one for men. While I was waiting with my mother this chassidish lady comes in, and she makes a phone call and talks while we are in the room. Now I couldn’t help hearing the parts that were in English that I could understand. Since most of it was in Yiddish, I’m not sure if I got the story right. But seems like she was on the phone with her husband, and she wanted to go to the Rebbe to ask him a question. Her husband didn’t want her to go, but she kept telling him that she had to ask the question because she doesn’t want to make a decision on her own “seichel”.

She kept saying she’ll put everything on the table, trying to reassure her husband that the Rebbe will understand and tell them the right thing to do. This made me curious what this question was all about. She continued to talk on in Yiddish, with phrases of English here and there. She mentioned that she’s going to ask if she should go. She then said she will live with him.

Now this made me think that it seemed like she was going to be asking the Rebbe if she should leave her husband or stay with him. If this is the case it really surprised me. I hadn’t imagined such a decision should be made by a Rebbe. I would think it’s a decision between husband and wife to make. Although it reminded me of stories where people were married for 10 years without children, and that technically they could divorce for that, so I imagine people would ask a Rebbe what to do about that. But this woman mentioned that her brother was watching her kids, so that wasn’t the case.

So this reminded me of what I once heard about trusting yourself and not asking a Rabbi a question all the time.

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Anyways, the lady tells my mother that she has to put a scarf on her sheitel if she’s going to go in to see the Rebbe. So I put it on my mother, having no idea what I was doing. It made me laugh thinking of what my father’s reaction would be when he saw my mother that way. But then I thought I was being rude, so I stopped thinking that.

Then we go into the room, and the Rebbe was sitting at the head of the table in a fancy room with three dining room chairs on each side of the table. Now my grandfather, father and mother sat on one side. I wasn’t going to sit along on the other side, so I brought the chair over next to my mother.

My grandfather knows Yiddish, so he did most of the talking, then the Rebbe gave everyone a Bracha after my father said each child’s name. Then we left, the whole visit took minutes, but it was an interesting experience. The Rebbe didn’t look at me so I couldn’t really see his facial expressions, but my father said he was very emotional. When he heard certain things he said “oy vey” and his face got that sad look, as though he felt the pain.

Jewish Song Sunday #20

Shea Rubenstein: Window in Heaven

This song was made for Moshe’le Holtzberg in dedication of his parents that were niftar in Mumbai. When I heard this song I loved it, the voice, the words and all of it. There’s also the famous blue park in the video, that makes it more personal to me.

Next up: My First Visit to a Rebbe

Congrats Grad!

As most of you know, I actually graduated! Previously, I had been concerned about passing my classes and contemplated davening for it all to work out. Well, I didn’t end up davening, but I did do some learning, so perhaps in the zechus of the learning I was able to pass my classes and graduate. I would like to thank Leora, Shorty and Auror for their confidence in me!

My love’s family brought over balloons and a teddy bear, saying congratulations.

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May 28th was graduation, and lucky us it rained that day! It was the first time in 23 years that it rained during graduation. They gave us paper towels to wipe our seats with, but we sat there for 2 hours with the rain pouring down on us. Chuck Shumer said there’s now a 2,500 tax credit for graduates and college students earning less than $200,000. He said he won’t be giving a speech because of the rain, that made everyone happy. From those that did speak, it was really cool how they talked about Twitter and Facebook! So different from HS graduation!

My mother got me a graduation teddy bear. She also bought me a cake that says congratulations on it, it was pretty and all. We also went out to eat on Rosh Chodesh and then again on my graduation day!

When I came home from graduation I was reading the program they gave us, and I saw in the back it said the origins for wearing caps and gowns. It said that it originated from the monks and churches. That makes me wonder if it’s okay to wear it.

Now that I’m done with school everyone is asking me what my plan is and what I’m doing next. For the moment I feel as though I just want to relax and do nothing! But no one seems to understand that, they think I need to start working right away. So let the job seeking begin!

First though I plan to learn how to drive and get my license, then I have to study for the CPA. Those are my 2 main goals, I’m not anxious to find a job yet, since so long as I live with my parents I don’t really need to pay for much. But then again it could help to save up money now while I’m not committed to a family and all.

Davening

Ever since I was a young girl I loved davening. In elementary school one girl a week got to bring home a special decorated siddur, and I always felt so privileged when it was my turn, I cherished that siddur. There was a joy to learning how to daven and davening out loud with the whole class. I loved having kavannah and pointing to the words as I said them.

Once we started learning the meanings of the words, in baer tefilah, I loved it even more. I felt a connection towards the words of davening. They seemed to be such powerful words, especially shemone esrei. When I learned that by Refaeinu you can ask for someone to get better, I was amazed by it. I made sure to daven really well all the time.

At that time though davening was mainly just for school. When I was at home on Shabbos and Sunday I didn’t daven. To me davening was associated with school. Although on shabbos if I would go to shul, I remember my mother telling me about the specialness of mussaf and kesser. Kesser became a special thing. Then I went to sleep away camp going into 6th grade. At that age we weren’t expected to daven much of the Shabbos davening, so we got to go early, while the older girls stayed for leining and other parts of the shabbos davening. Then one summer when I was in camp, my shiur counselor decided it was time we learned how to daven on Shabbos. So she taught us, I still remember her telling us about saying “Kein yehi Ratzon” 3 times towards the end.

Then when I was in High School, I had this great Beier Tefillah teacher, who taught so much on every word, that it was amazing, I truly loved it. By that time we were davening to ourselves in school, and not out loud. At that time lots of stuff were added to the davening that we were never “taught” to daven before. It seemed like too many words to say, and the rest of the class seemed to daven much faster than me, so I cut back on the amount I said. I don’t know how I picked and chose what to daven, perhaps they were bold in my siddur. I still did love my siddur though, I liked how it looked used, to me it made it special. After eighth grade graduating we were given a siddur, but I never got myself to use that one, cause I liked my old one that I was familiar with.

Anyways, once I left High School, the davening ended, I would just daven shabbos when I went to shul. Although in the summer right after High School I did daven for the first time at home, partly because it was a special time, starting college and all. I go to shul every shabbos now, and whenever I go I cherish the chance I have to daven, although I end up going when their up to leining, so I end up just davening mussaf. But I love when I get to hear the chazzan saying the shemone Esrei over. I get such a joy from the words and the way they are said. When he gets up to the words “ ומי דומה לך “ I feel myself soaring with those words. I love yom tovim when there is a long davening, I feel so good after davening.

Being that I love davening so much, it would only make sense that I should daven every day at home, but being that I never davened at home before I just can’t get myself to start. It doesn’t feel natural. In a way I’m jealous of men that get to go to shul for a minyan 3 times a day, cause then they have a set time and place to daven.

Now, what brought all these davening thoughts up? Well, I believe that davening has power, and if you want or need something then you should daven for it. But yet, I’m afraid that if I daven for something then I will jinx it and it won’t happen. That if I ever say out loud that I want something, then I won’t get it. Same with the other way around, if I say I really don’t want something to happen then it will happen.

Like the other day a man came to our class to draw a raffle to pick 2 winners that will get a $200 voucher towards the Becker CPA review courses. For some reason I really didn’t want my name to be picked, because I had missed the midterm since I was sick, and I didn’t want attention to be drawn to myself. So I kept saying to myself, please don’t pick me, Please don’t pick me! Then guess what happened, the guy called out my name, its like I had a feeling that it would happen. So I won the 200 dollars. Which brings me what this is all really about.

So I finished all my finals, and now all I have to do is wait for my grades to see if I passed or not, to see if I will be graduating. I’m really scared that I didn’t pass, and the anxiety is driving me crazy. I wish I can daven to Hashem that it should work out, that I should pass my classes. But yet I’m afraid that if I daven then it will be jinxed. So I’m in a dillemna here.

O, and if I was a guy, and I didn’t pass my classes then I would go to Kollel! But since I’m a girl, that’s not an option.