Sunday, August 23, 2009

Powerful Tears

Friday night my family was with my grandparents at my cousins sheva brachos. My grandparents had made aliyah 3 years ago, and have come in once, a year before for another cousins wedding. So my grandfather made Kiddush, and he sings the ending a certain way. It brought back memories for my mother, and she missed hearing her father make kiddush, so her eyes started getting teary and she went to hug my aunt.

I don’t believe I’ve ever seen tears in my mother’s eyes before. So when I saw her face get teary, it had such a powerful impact on me, that I just burst into tears. My cousin saw and asked what happened, and I tried to stop, and laugh, and I told her it’s nothing. But the tears wouldn’t stop coming. So I went away from the rest of the people, and let myself cry it out for a few minutes, and only then was I able to join the rest of the family.

It felt so strange to just start crying, because of no apparent reason, other than seeing tears in my mother’s eyes. There were times when I have cried before, and after each time I feel as though I am a “baby”, as though I’m not strong enough to handle whatever situation it is.

But then I saw this Midrash:

“After Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden, God said to them, ‘Now you are about to enter into a world of sorrow and trouble the likes of which staggers the imagination. However, I want you to know that My benevolence and My love for you will never end. I know that you will meet with a lot of tribulation in the world, and that it will embitter your lives. For that reason I give you, out of My heavenly treasure, this priceless pearl, a tear. When grief overtakes you and your heart aches so that you are not able to endure it, and great anguish grips your soul, then there will fall from your eyes this tiny tear and your burden will grow lighter.’”

Then I realized, that tears aren’t a bad thing, actually quite the opposite, they allow us to heal. When I cry, I allow myself to think about what is troubling me, and to wallow in sadness, and even feel self pity for myself when I feel I have been wronged. I let all these emotions come out with the tears, so that after a good cry, I feel refreshed, and can continue on.

So really tears is a Bracha, I therefore pass on the Bracha to all of you:

“May we be graced with the ability to shed tears, and may our tears release that which dwells deep within our souls. May they heal us as we process, reconcile, and continue on our paths toward wholeness and peace.”

Friday, August 21, 2009

Friends and Family

Having Friends and Family in one’s life is an important thing. But yet they are two different types of relationships. A person is born into a family, they don’t get to choose who their family will be, other than their spouse. Which makes a spouse fall into both categories of friend and family. Since a family member has no choice but to be part of your family, you treat them differently than friends.

Whereas becoming friends with someone takes time, with a buildup of trust and closeness, a family takes no time other than to be born. The amazing thing about a family, is that because you don’t choose who your relatives are, they can be as diverse and unlike you as they come. However, when you become friends with someone it is usually because you like that person and share something in common with them.

One of the movies I actually did see in a theater was called “Son of The Mask”. It has a message in there about a child having to make a decision and choosing between making a new friend or loyalty to his father. It shows how having a family is a great thing.

I have always been one to spend more time with family than friends. On Sunday’s, or days when there is vacation, I would always go places with my family and have a good time. The time I would spend with my friends was limited to seeing them at school and going to their houses, or they coming to mine to study for tests. I haven’t really gone out with friends much before.

That all changed yesterday when I spent a fun filled day with Auror. I had decided it was time to get a manicure, Auror offered to go with me to get one, and help me pick a color. So we went, and I had a really great time. I’ve always imagined a manicure to be a quick thing where they just put on nail polish. But here it was really cool how they pamper your nails. Thanks AUROR! ManicureThen last night I went to my cousins sheva brachos, where at the end they were serving coffee and tea. I have never drank coffee before. My cousin said they make good cappuccino at the place and I should try it out. So I figured I would give it a try. So I tasted the coffee, and I wasn’t used to hot drinks, so it was weird and I only took 2 sips, but it wasn’t as bad as I imagined coffee to taste. 

coffee

The ironic thing is, when Tembow asked me back in February, what I’m waiting for -to drink coffee, I said I’m waiting to get a manicure. I hadn’t even remembered I said that, and then it ended up being the case, where I got a manicure and drank coffee on the same day!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Spit in the Baby’s Eye?

I went to sit outside today, and my neighbor shows up by her door with her 3 week old baby, I hadn’t seen him yet, so she invites me into come and chat and see the baby. So I come in, and I commented on his blue eyes, and the mother said that all babies start off with blue eyes, so that was interesting to learn.

But then her parents were over to help out, and her father asks her husband if he spat in the babies eye yet. The babies mother and her husband look at her father as though he came from the moon. Then he said, it’s from the gemara, from bava basra, that the Bechar shows he’s a bechar by spitting into babies eyes, that the people would bring their babies to the bechar. So the mother of the baby tells her husband he has to spit in the babies eye cause it says that in the gemarah, to listen to her father. So then he says he doesn’t understand. I mean come on!

So then her father says, just like you go to the Rebbe for advice and you listen to him, same thing you should listen to the Gemara. Meanwhile, I was sitting on the couch next to the baby and the babies mother. So I saw he was actually going to do it because his father in law and wife were telling him too. So I got up from the couch and didn’t want to look. So he went over, I’m not sure if he actually spat on the eye, or if the eye was closed. It seemed pretty barbaric to me.

Has anyone else heard of this?

Meanwhile this is the couple that shows their affection in an interesting manner. So the baby has congestion and was breathing with noise from his nose. So then her father says that she should take medicine for her high blood pressure, and she said she can’t because she’s nursing. So then she jokes that when she dies her husband will marry someone who will be able to nurse the baby without a problem. Then her father says that when he remarries he should get a wet nurse or something.

I just couldn’t believe the way they were joking. To joke about death, and him remarrying, it was just crazy. Especially because she has a tumor, and their always fighting making it seem like they would divorce each other. I just don’t get it.

To add on to the confusing/Surprising day, my brother comes home from shul telling me that the guy who did the kidney trafficking is the father of someone I had known. His grand child had been in my sister’s class a long time ago, and then the kid’s mother decided to remarry to a guy from Mexico and she moved there, so I’ve never seen them again.

Monday, July 20, 2009

What it Means to be a Proud Jew

If you notice on my sidebar in the “About Me” section of this blog, I wrote “I am a proud Jew”. Now what does that mean? I went to a shiur by R’ Dishon a few weeks ago and he spoke about this topic.

Every single Jew that’s alive makes up a part of Hashem’s name Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay. Now when someone is niftar, there is a gap in the name, a part of the name is missing. So the niftar’s children say Kadish for him. Now what is Kadish? I would of imagined it would say something about death, and passing on. But it doesn’t mention death once. What is it all about? it’s all about Hashem. This is because, since there is a gap in Hashem’s name from the person who was niftar, by saying Kadish a person is saying there’s a Hashem, and that makes up for the gap that is missing, so that Hashem’s name can be complete again.

Since each person is part of Hashem’s name, each house has the Shchina in it, and each house is a Mishkan for Hashem. Now that is why it is important for the house to have kedusha in it, so that the Shchina can rest there, and you can receive brachos. It is the Wife’s job to make sure the house has kedusha in it.

Now, to combine 2 shiurim in one. R’ Veiner spoke about “Family Security”. Which was about the internet. He said if you have internet you should get filters and a reporting system. He would be available for anyone, if they have no one else to feel uncomfortable towards.

Since a house is a Mikdash Miat and a place for the Shchina, we don’t want to kick the Shchina out by having tumah in the house. Now Tumah doesn’t mean the internet, but rather what shockingly lots of men are using the internet for. Please be righteous, and use a filter and reporting system, if you can’t trust yourself. Here’s a list that R’ Veiner gave out.

The important thing to remember, is that even if you had made a mistake and done a bad thing before, don’t let the yetzer hora get you down by making you depressed that your a bad person. Hashem gave us Yom Kippur so that we can start over fresh, it’s an amazing thing. So we just have to improve ourselves, and move forward without looking back. We can be good and strive higher even if we have made mistakes in the past.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

About Jewish Food

I love going to shiurim as you can tell. It’s a way of getting a dose of Ruchnius put into my day. Monday night started a series of shiurim that will last throughout the summer. I’ve come to see many programs that have been started to keep the men busy and out of trouble in the city, while their wives and family are up in the country. I think such programs are great. But yet, when I have a family I can’t imagine leaving to the country and leaving my husband back at home, I think I would rather just stay in the city.

R' Zev Cohen Anyways, the shiur I went to on Monday night was by R’ Zev Cohen on the topic of Jewish Food. While I was listening to the shiur, it reminded me of different posts I had read, it gave answers to questions other bloggers have asked. So I figured I would write one post to answer all the questions and at the same time give an interesting summary of what the shiur was about.


Nissan is one of the first months of the Jewish calander. Pesach comes first, and the Karbon brought on Pesach was barley, which is animal food. Then 7 weeks later is Shvous and the Karbon brought then was wheat which is human food. Since by Pesach we are like animals, and then by Shvous we become like humans, after going through the 7 week process. Now this 7 week process is compared to a lady’s cycle, where at the end there is milk which symbolizes purity. That is why on Shvous we eat Milichigs. Now how did cheese cake come about? It came about because, Pesach we have matza which has no yetzer hora, while Shvous we have Lechem which symbolizes the yetzer hora. But yet Shvous we have milk which symbolizes purity. So when you have lechem with the milk it is showing that you have the yetzer hora and yet your pure. The only way this is possible is with the Torah. So once we got the Torah on Shvous then we are able to have lechem- the yetzer hora and yet have milk- be pure. So that’s where it got started to have cheese cake, it’s lechem with milk. 


Chanukah became a time when people buy those Jelly doughnuts, you may ask why it’s fitting for Chanukah. The reason according to R’ Shlomo Zalman Orbach is as follows. Al Hamichya is the only place that mentions the Mezbeach, in benching it doesn’t mention it, so therefore we need a mezonos. Now Al Hamichya is also the only place it mentions Peiros, and we need a tam peiros, so that’s why there is Jelly in the Jelly doughnuts. (This is based on a posuk where it says Mezbeach and Peiros, but I forgot what the posuk is).


Chulent is a Jewish food that is supposed to be specifically for Shabbos. R’ Cohen said he can’t handle beans in his chulent, so he has rice. He always felt guilty as though he wasn’t having chulent the right way, but then he came across a Russian custom where they have rice in their chulent - Dafina, and then he felt better about it.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Interactive Post - "Your Say On Big Families”

“Big families” seems to be a popular topic around blogosphere. Over the past couple of weeks I have collected some tidbits here and there of what you bloggers/tweeters have to say about “big families”. This post is all about you, none of these quotes are from me. If you have something more to add, feel free to leave a comment and I will add it to the post. (If you would like your name added to your quote, you can let me know and I’ll do that for you as well.)


Negative

"laughing at chassidish women with 10 children following behind them and over stuffed strollers"

"That mother with 10 kids? All her kids are in *matching* clothes! Now what happens when kid #1 outgrows his/her outfit? Does food stamps cover this???!?"

"so far I only have 2, but apparently that means I'm already "mass producing" as one friend put it!"

"we had our first 3 in under 3 years - i was called a baby machine..."

"Men who are married, have 12 kids and don't work or do the army. They already get enough of my money through taxes."

"On the one hand, I think it's too intrusive for the Rabbi or whatever to outright forbid them from having children. On the other, it seems unfair that people get to act irresponsibly and then put responsible people in the awkward position of having to fund their lifestyle or be considered immoral and unfeeling brutes"

Positive

"Ah ok so my family isn't chassidish at all, my dad is a pediatrician and I am the oldest of 11 BH. (Oh yeah my uncle is a radiologist in Queens he also has 10 kids BH--- and they did not come from such a big family, my dad was 1/6) While I'm not a huge fan of big families I really hate when people with small families judge us. It's true that the ones on food stamps shouldn't have their kids matching in fancy boro park clothing because chances are if the father's a rebbi and the kids look like that, they're not paying yeshiva tuition but somehow have $ for 'important' things like this (which is why the yeshivas are all in such financial messes). It's a ton of work to have a big family so they should be admired not scorned- but on the other hand if it's clearly hard on the mother I just don't get the point of going on like that, it's not a mitzvah to suck the life out of your wife. Oh another thing, these people who like making fun of big families are often using birth control without a proper heter so they really have no place passing judgment. It's a sensitive issue because it's weird for people to discuss others' 'family planning' but this is our religion and bearing children holds a key role. We were just talking on Shabbos- my sister who's 11 wants to become a veterinarian and it's not so simple because R' Moshe Feinstein paskined that it's assur to neuter pets... so if by animals it's this way you could imagine what it's like with humans. A better alternative should be a trend away from sitting and learning, perhaps if we were more 'torah im derech eretz' oriented we'd be able to afford larger families without government assistance and without the mother killing herself trying to work and raise a family all at once. Again there's no way of circumventing this piryah v'rivyah thing, I'd like to hear a rebuttal from someone who thinks they can"

"I like that I have a gigantic family, and love the reactions I get when I tell people that I'm one of ten children."

"A rabbi of mine was giving a lecture and told over the following anecdote. There was an irreligious Jewish woman who was very upset about the irresponsibility of her religious son-in-law who, at the time, was studying full-time, and had six kids and a wife with no way of supporting them. She wasn’t so upset about the fact that her daughter’s husband was studying full-time, but that there was no attempt at birth control. The young man complained to my rabbi that his mother-in-law was driving him crazy and was wondering if there was anything to be done to get her to stop complaining about the number of children he had. My rabbi told him to line up all six of his children for his mother-in-law next she came to visit, and ask her which one shouldn’t have been born. The man reported he never heard a word of complaint about his kids from her again."

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

My First Visit To A Rebbe

A while back I had gone to a shiur on Emuna and Bitachon where the Rabbi said:

“You have to have self esteem, and believe that you know what your doing. That you shouldn’t have to ask a Rav a question all the time. That Hashem gave you knowledge to know to make the right decision.”


Well Sunday I went with my parents and grandfather to see a Rebbe to ask for advice on making a decision. I can’t reveal what the question was, since it’s a personal matter that doesn’t involve me. (Auror – It’s what we talked about).

So we go into his house and there’s a waiting room for women and one for men. While I was waiting with my mother this chassidish lady comes in, and she makes a phone call and talks while we are in the room. Now I couldn’t help hearing the parts that were in English that I could understand. Since most of it was in Yiddish, I’m not sure if I got the story right. But seems like she was on the phone with her husband, and she wanted to go to the Rebbe to ask him a question. Her husband didn’t want her to go, but she kept telling him that she had to ask the question because she doesn’t want to make a decision on her own “seichel”.

She kept saying she’ll put everything on the table, trying to reassure her husband that the Rebbe will understand and tell them the right thing to do. This made me curious what this question was all about. She continued to talk on in Yiddish, with phrases of English here and there. She mentioned that she’s going to ask if she should go. She then said she will live with him.

Now this made me think that it seemed like she was going to be asking the Rebbe if she should leave her husband or stay with him. If this is the case it really surprised me. I hadn’t imagined such a decision should be made by a Rebbe. I would think it’s a decision between husband and wife to make. Although it reminded me of stories where people were married for 10 years without children, and that technically they could divorce for that, so I imagine people would ask a Rebbe what to do about that. But this woman mentioned that her brother was watching her kids, so that wasn’t the case.

So this reminded me of what I once heard about trusting yourself and not asking a Rabbi a question all the time.


Anyways, the lady tells my mother that she has to put a scarf on her sheitel if she’s going to go in to see the Rebbe. So I put it on my mother, having no idea what I was doing. It made me laugh thinking of what my father’s reaction would be when he saw my mother that way. But then I thought I was being rude, so I stopped thinking that.

Then we go into the room, and the Rebbe was sitting at the head of the table in a fancy room with three dining room chairs on each side of the table. Now my grandfather, father and mother sat on one side. I wasn’t going to sit along on the other side, so I brought the chair over next to my mother.

My grandfather knows Yiddish, so he did most of the talking, then the Rebbe gave everyone a Bracha after my father said each child’s name. Then we left, the whole visit took minutes, but it was an interesting experience. The Rebbe didn’t look at me so I couldn’t really see his facial expressions, but my father said he was very emotional. When he heard certain things he said “oy vey” and his face got that sad look, as though he felt the pain.

Monday, May 25, 2009

My Torah Filled Weekend

Shabbos I walked with my father and brother to R’ Landaus shul to hear R’ Fishel Shechter give a shiur on Pirkei Avos. I’ve always associated him with the “funny”/annoying voices he used when telling stories to children. But here I heard him speak to adults and thank goodness he used his normal speaking voice. Sunday, I got to see my first hachasos sefer Torah. Monday, I went to a shiur by R’ Veiner on the topic of Shvous.

Shabbos, R’ Fishel Shechter spoke about Pirkei Avos. I agreed with most of what he said. There was one topic though that I did not agree with him about. He made some good points about parents needing to spend more time with their children. He said families should have supper together during the week more often. He said parents should take some time to shmooze with their children. That on Shabbos parents shouldn’t lock themselves in their room for 7 hours and expect their children to keep themselves busy without getting into trouble. He said you have to give them some sort of structure, that children will get bored after a while. He also made a good point about how parents that are divorced will pay millions of dollars to gain visitation rights with their children, and here you have married couples who have their children right there and yet don’t spend any time with them.

There was one thing he spoke about though that I did not agree with, and that was about Internet. He said its very dangerous and all. But yet, I think that hiding things from children isn’t the answer. We live in a society where children can’t be sheltered from the parents. If a child doesn’t have something at home they will go elsewhere to find it. The key is to raise your child with the right values and morals. To instill in them what is right and wrong. To educate them on what is out there, and how we are different and special. If a parent gives their children the right tools, then having internet or not will not make a difference. There’s so many ways to get things done, that internet is not the only route, it is just a means, not an end.

Sunday, I went with my sister to see the hachnasos sefer torah. I always get such a good feeling when I hear Jewish music in the streets. It’s like this is mine, I belong to this. It was cool to see a pretty truck looking thing with a Torah on it and lights and all kinds of flashy things driving through the street with lots of men and children following it.

Monday, R’ Veiner first spoke about Tefillin, how there’s some problem going on. Me not being a man, didn’t pay much attention to it. Although I found it interesting to see all these women peeking down to see what he was talking about. Makes me think they are such tzadeikeses, and reminds me of my HS teachers. Every time I see a women at a shiur that has such a look and is all into learning Torah and all, it reminds me of my HS teachers. It’s interesting, cause no one in my neighborhood is like that, so its like entering two different worlds.

Anyways, he spoke about Shvous how it’s a yom din, that we have to evaluate where we have fallen short in Talmud Torah. He acknowledged that there were women there, and he said this is an obligation on women too. That Talmud Torah is the women’s key into getting into Olam Habbah. He said that through marriage a women has to motivate her husband to learn, but yet she shouldn’t be his mashgiach. But rather it’s important for the guy to have his own Rav, so that she can go to the Rav to push him to learn, so that there are no Shalom Bayis problems.

In theory this might sound good, but I don’t like the way it sounds. To me I think Husband and wife should have good communication to discuss everything with each other. If the wife feels like she has to get a 3rd party involved, then to me it sounds like the marriage doesn’t have a good foundation. But yet I understand the merit of having someone else being “the bad guy”, but yet if the husband knows that the wife tattled on him, then wouldn’t the husband get more upset at the wife? Plus I don’t think the wife should constantly have to push her husband to learn, it makes it into a business relationship. Rather I think if the husband understood the importance of learning then he should want to do it on his own, if he really wants to but yet is getting distracted, then maybe the wife can motivate him and talk nicely to him and get him to learn that way. But overall, I think the husband should want to learn on his own and the wife should just encourage him a bit, but not boss him around and decide how much he has to learn.

He said you should make a project to learn with others, and to start off with just 10 minutes, and that it will grow from there. He said a Rav can’t be on top of every one to learn, so this way if each person found another person to learn with then it would work out better.

Now, after reading all this it might make you think “what’s so important about Torah after all?” Well, here’s the answer, if someone is anchored in Torah then all their other Yetzer Horas fall away. Now it finally makes sense why so much emphasis is put on Limud Torah, because it allows us to be better Jews.

He said that the point isn’t to be learning 24/7, but rather to have that as your priority, of what you wish to be doing. So you see, people don’t have to learn in Kollel to keep the mitzvah of learning Torah. But rather you can work and make a parnassah. The main point is that you want to learn. So that if you have free time, you grab the opportunity to learn, that shows that everything you are doing is really for Torah.

Also, when I think of learning, I always think of men with their gemorahs. But really, that’s not what its all about. Any form of learning counts, whether that’s an artscroll gemorah, or listening to shiurim on an iPod.

Now learning Torah has side benefits too, so that if you are stuck in traffic, or delayed, instead of getting frantic that you are late. You sit there and listen to a shiur or learn something. You save yourself from anxiety, since now you just got an opportunity to learn, so the inconvenience became a convenience.

An important thing to remember is that bad learning experiences in Yeshiva or anywhere else should not turn a person off from learning, but rather they should move on and continue learning.

Here’s one topic I disagreed with. He said that a mall is pritzus so men shouldn’t go there. At first I thought that was radical, and there’s nothing wrong with going to a mall. My naaive way of thinking of it, is that Hashem created men and women who will have a zivug that is right for them, and that is the one they will be attracted to. So that if men see other women, that is not their wife then they should not be attracted by the other lady. That only their wife can attract them which is why they are married. I mean the husband picked that wife out of everybody, so that should mean that she’s the one for him, so that other ladies shouldn’t matter. So it shouldn’t matter if he sees other ladies who “in their haste in the morning forgot to get dressed”, it shouldn’t cause him any bad thoughts, he should be able to ignore it.

Perhaps I’m crazy, and my way of thinking doesn’t make sense. Maybe, it doesn’t work like that, and men do have temptations for other women that they aren’t married to. Well if that’s the way it works, then okay, I agree that men should avoid seening pritzusdik women and avoid going to the mall.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Helping Oneself

Philosophy Issue#2 (Issue#1 here)

Now this is a topic I find myself strongly being able to relate to. I’ve been told countless times “you have to do what you want, what do you want?”. I always have the same answer that I want to do what the right thing is, whether that’s what my parents say, or school says, or whoever I feel is right. It caused me to feel sandwiched with the whole college dilemma, since I didn’t know what I wanted for myself. Since I have such a strong care for others, I want what they want. (Although when I was babysitting, I realized I was sacrificing too much of myself and had to put an end to it.)

Jean Hampton in 1993 wrote an article called “Selflessness and the Loss of Self”. She discusses this topic of helping oneself and having self authorship. There are two “moral voices”, the ethic of care and the ethic of justice.

Women-ethic of care: they take into consideration people’s feelings. Mothers were trained to be this way since they have to raise a family and take care of their children. A mother has to care for her children and be aware of their feelings when siblings fight.

Men-ethic of justice: they make decisions based on logic. Men were trained to be this way since they are in the work place and have to make quick decisions. Business is all about quick decisions based on logic, they never think of the competitors feelings.

We have lots of mitzvos that are other related, “Vehafta L’reach Hakamocha” and you can’t embarrass another person, you have the mitzvah of “Kibud of Haem” and respecting your elders, and the midah of “anivus”. We have the concept of being “mevatar” to give something up for another person to have. All this trains us to be good moral people who care about others.

At the same time I fear we become so other oriented, that we loose focus of ourselves.

The question becomes how much do we owe to ourselves and how much to others?

Boys would say if responsibility to others and to oneself conflict then you go about 3/4 to yourself and 1/4 to others. Boys feel the most important thing in their decision is themselves.

Girls on the other hand would say it depends on the situation that if you have responsibility to someone else then you should keep it to the extent that it is really going to hurt you or stop you from doing something you really, really, want, then maybe you put yourself first. A girl would evaluate what she feels is more important, her job or someone she loves, and if it’s someone she barely knows then maybe she would go first.

Now I personally think the girl is being better. However, I do understand where it’s important to take care of oneself so as not to cause harm to oneself when taking care of others. A perfect example of the girl way of thinking is Tembow in her You want my... honey?? post.

Self authorship is needed for a person to make a decision that is based on what they choose to do, and not dictated by society. This enables you to grow as an individual. An example: an investment banker had wanted to be a clown his whole life, and even though he was making tons of money he didn’t feel satisfied so he decided to drop his job and go to clown school, now he has self authored his life.

I think self authorship is important to prevent a person from doing avairos. If a person chooses what they want, and if they want to do the right thing, then they will. But if they are pressured into doing what other people say, then they may be encouraged to do something they really don’t want to do, and thereby do an avaira.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Yentas/Shadchanim

Now I’ve heard of the stereotype of shadchanim of being Yentas who talk a certain way which is very comical. I always thought that was just in movies like Fiddler on the Roof, and in the olden days. I didn’t know they still exist. Today I came upon one and it got me thinking.

I had come to school to find class cancelled, I was unsure if I should stay in school to wait for my next class to start or if I should go back home, since there was 3 hours between the two. I remember in 6th grade my teacher told us that “Mother’s know best” and that mothers are always right. So I called my mother and asked her what she think I should do, and she suggested I go home.

So I went home, and as I was on the city bus I overheard this Jewish lady on the cell phone. Now she was the yenta/shadchan type that I heard about but yet never saw. She was talking in a loud voice, in a certain tone that can only be described as a “Yenta tone”. She said “the girl is 5’7, slim”. Then this non Jewish lady turns to look at her, she doesn’t notice and continues. “She’s bubbly, she’s a very good girl…”.

I was thinking, it’s very nice that this lady is helping out and wants to make a shidduch, but I couldn’t help feel bad for the girl. To me this all sounds very degrading, it’s as if the shadchan is making a sales pitch, trying to sell off the girl. I just don’t like the way it sounds for a girl to be on the market and sold off to someone else. It seems like such Chutzpah.

Why is it that the guys are the ones who have the mitzvah to get married, and yet nobody goes around selling the guys? It’s always the girls being sold. Why are guys the one’s with waiting lists of girls? I think waiting lists are another degrading thing to a girl.

Oops, did I just write a Shidduch post?

Then as I was walking home I saw a Pretty weed!

p_00025

 

Now that can have all kinds of connotations, so many ways to tie it into my thoughts.

 

 

One last thought, why do men always pick up their coats/jackets before they sit down?

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Jewish Song Sunday #14

This is not a Jewish song, but the way the lady sings it, it sounds like a Jewish song, the tune of it. Also in the lyrics she mentions G-D, so you can imagine that being Hashem. I found this song when I was searching for a song to use for my music presentation for my class a year ago. I had to find a song, talk about it in front of the class and play it for the class to hear. I’ll share with you what I wrote about the song. (I deleted 2 paragraphs, to try to keep it short)

Karen Taylor-Good: My Precious Child

I chose this song because it has a deep inspirational message. I like songs that inspire you that there is more meaning to life than just the hardships that are happening now. This song was composed by Karen when her 21 year old nephew died. It relates a message about a young child who has passed on, and even though the child is no longer here in this world, the memory will still live on. The tune of the song is mellow and slow and easy to listen to. With each verse the tune gets higher its as if its reaching for something which the lyrics imply.

The song “My Precious Child” has one musical instrument, the piano. The lyrics of the song are in verse chorus format. The song's lyrics is about a parent talking to a child that has passed away. The song creates a sad mood of a child no longer there. However, it becomes an inspirational mood, that the child still remains in the parents heart and mind.

When Karen was asked how she wanted to be remembered in 50 years from now she said “I want them to say: 'remember that song by Karen Taylor-Good? That touched me, helped me, moved me, made me cry or helped me understand that, or made me laugh or touched me in some way'”. It is for that reason I like Karen and her songwriting. That she is writing to inspire people, and not just any song that has no meaning.

Lyrics:

In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child

In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still

In my heart, you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

In my plans, I was the first to leave
Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grieve
Precious child, my precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart there is hope
And you are with me still

In my heart you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

God knows I want to hold you,
See you, touch you
And maybe there's a heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten until then

In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

Warning: Kol Isha

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Long Skirts

This is from a long time ago that I just hadn’t posted at the time. I’m posting it now, but it’s no longer geared to any specific person.

I was reading Frum Meet’s World Post about long skirts and it got me thinking. Is it a question of tznius that people are against long skirts? I would say long skirts are more royal looking, and cover more of the leg so they should be tznius.

I like long skirts because I imagine they are like the long flowing gowns people wore in the olden days. Reminds me of like Pride and Prejudice characters and other such classics. I see girls in long skirts to the floor and I love the way it looks. In my opinion it looks better than short skirts, at least for some people. I myself don’t think I look the “best” in long dragging skirts, but I definitely think I look better in long skirts rather than short ones. I do own a few shorter skirts, but I wear them rarely.

At first I thought it was just because of shidduchim that people said I shouldn’t wear long skirts. I understand there’s a whole blog about not giving into doing things just for the sake of shidduchim, but rather to do what defines you even if it is bad for shidduchim. So why can’t I continue to wear long skirts if I like it and feel it’s more “me” than short skirts?

People are always saying how they want to do their own thing and not conform with society. So why here is there a difference? why here does it become distasteful that a person wouldn’t want to associate with someone who wears a dragging skirt? Why can’t it be accepted as something a person likes. People may have different tastes. A person can like short skirts and still not denigrate those who like to wear long ones.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Return Cards

Before I graduated High School, I hadn’t realized the significance of a return card. Then I started hearing classmates talk about if they received return cards with the wedding invitation. I found out it meant that you would be invited for the whole thing, rather than just the dancing, or chupah.

So far 19 of them got married, and I have gotten a return card by almost all of them. I haven’t gone to all the weddings though. Now there are 4 engaged and I recently got two interesting invitations in the mail. These 2 weddings are a day apart. The first wedding’s invitation came with 2 pieces of typed up paper. Now I’ve got plenty of invitations with personal notes, and “can’t wait to dance with you!” But I’ve never gotten these types of messages before.

One Said:

Dear “Babysitter” Amush,

I would love to invite you to my entire wedding but due to monetary constraints I can only invite you for Simchas Chosson V’Kallah. Your presence would greatly enhance my Simcha.

Love, “Classmate”

The Second one said:

Before coming to my Yom HaChupa, I would like to take a moment to ask you for forgiveness for anything that I may have said to hurt you in any way. Please Say out loud you’re Mochel me and may Hashem bench you with much Brocha and Hatzlacha and may we continue to share in each other’s Simchos.

Love, “Classmate”

So at first I was thinking to myself, wow that is so thoughtful of her, to actually write that. I’ve never seen somebody express their true wish to have you there for the whole thing, and only money is standing in the way. And that she asked to be forgiven. I thought it was really special.

Then the “yetzer hora” got a hold of me, and I was thinking it was strange, that it’s obvious that because of money issues she wasn’t able to invite the whole grade, that there’s no reason to state it out. That it sort of makes you feel worse about it. Then I started thinking that maybe she sent the second note about forgiveness to makeup for not inviting me to the whole thing. As if it was done subtly in hope that you wouldn’t figure it out.

Then I got the next invitation, which did have a return card, but which also had a forgiveness note, this one was in Hebrew, but basically saying the same thing, so then I figured, wow, it really seems like a special thing. It’s an amazing concept that by a wedding day the Kallah and Chosson get forgiven of all their sins, so here they are acknowledging that, and doing something about it. I was impressed, I think more invitations should have that.

As a side point, I went to a friends vort a couple of weeks ago, and as soon as anyone came in she gave them a hug and took a picture with them. She’s a very mushy type, and she was talking to me about all kinds of stuff, memories that I couldn’t believe she remembered, and I was truly touched.

Then she showed me the flowers her Chosson bought her, and it had a note attached to it, that her Chosson wrote, it was a bracha to her, written in Hebrew. I was amazed by it, I’ve never seen such a thing before. Then I realized what a perfect fit they must be, cause she’s always giving Brachos and Mushy comments to everyone.

Monday, January 12, 2009

“Journeys” Performance

Motzei Shabbos I went to a performance by Zichron Shlomo Refuah Fund. I’ve gone for a couple of years to their Chinese auction, and they’ve had small shows each time. This year was the first time that they had the performance part as a whole separate part, on a different day than the auction. I have to say I was truly impressed with the performance, it was excellent, and I can’t wait to buy the DVD when it comes out so that I can watch it again.

The storyline was a touching one with great lessons to be learned from it, and at the same time entertaining and satisfying. There were 15 scenes with 10 dances, all amazing songs. Most of them were by Abie Rotenberg, and some I have never heard before. There were 3 parts that I really liked. I can really give a review on the whole performance, but that would be too much. So I’ll stick to three.

----------------------------------------------------------

The Yeshivish Reid
Now this one was excellent. It started off as a tehillim group of a whole bunch of Lakewood woman, and they kept using Yeshivish language. Then one of the woman just moved to Lakewood, so it starts off a song and dance about Yeshivish language. These woman all of a sudden have white shirts, ties and black hates and they start singing:

To originate a language a new way to talk and speak
Is a most imposing challenge, a monumental feat!
It takes a special talent, it’s not for the faint of heart
And most are doomed to failure, before they even start

But in the hallowed halls, of Yeshivos far and wide
Our young men have discovered a new way to verbalize
With Yiddish, English, Hebrew it’s a mixture of all three
And a dash of Aramaic a linguistic potpourri

Chorus:
Yeshivish Reid Yeshiveish Shprach
Take, Eppes Grad’e A Gevaltige Zach
Yeshiveishe Reid Yeshivish Shprach
It’s the talk of the Town Mamesh tog und Nacht

What’s the chidush/your just hocking
Mon afshoch, it’s not to klor
That’s gaonus, what and einfal! I can hear it shtelt zach for
It’s a shayla, what’s’ the raya? The whole sugya is gor shver
The peula may be here but the chalois is over there!

It’s descriptive and precise, poonkt the language to be used
If you want to shteig in learnin or just to chap a shmooze
Adaraba, it’s essenntial it’s chashivus is immense
Why without the Gemora, would lechoira make no sense!

Now listen close yeshiva wives, it’s the shtoty thing to do
Be Marbitz this great language to all our fellow jews
Let me offer you an aitza that will end this serenade
Why not print a dictionary that translates

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The next part I really liked was called “Never take kids to a store”. Where this Yeshivish Lakewood mother was having a hard time with her kids, and she tells over a story of how she took her kids to the store and how they wanted more and more, and she didn’t know what to do, and bought it all for them, then an hour after they came home they said their bored.

The song is really cute, but it would be very long if I type it all up. But the part I was impressed by was that when this mother was talking with her friends about how hard it is raising her kids. The friend suggested she try parenting classes, and they spoke about it, how it can be good, and it doesn’t show your a failure. I was really happy about this, cause it gave over a good message to the audience, maybe now more parents will actually go to parenting classes!

----------------------------------------------------------

The last part I really liked was the ending “Wedding Dance”. It was a truly amazing dance, choreographed really well and a great way to end the performance!

Monday, January 5, 2009

A DMC with A Strange Married Woman

I just had a random chat conversation today with a girl I don’t know that I have once chatted with before months ago. It sounded so strange to me. I’m not married so I wouldn’t know, but it doesn’t sound like she has a happy Marriage. Since I already posted one aim conversation, I think I got addicted to posting chat conversations, they are just so strange. (But don’t worry bloggers, I won’t post any conversation with you)

Married Woman”: hey
“Babysitter”: hey long time no speak
Married Woman”: i know
how are u?

“Babysitter”: I'm good, you?
Married Woman”: u there
“Babysitter”: yea
Married Woman”: so what have u been up to
”Babysitter”: not much, on vacation from school now. what about you?
Married Woman”: same old
did u go anywhere

”Babysitter”: nope, didn't go anywhere. taking it easy
how was chanukah?

Married Woman”: bh it was nice
ures

”Babysitter”: that’s good, ours was nice too, had a bunch of chanukah parties
Married Woman”: nice
met any hot guys so u can make me jealous
lol

”Babysitter”: lol, nope, not yet. How's your husband doing?
Married Woman”: he’s good
y not

”Babysitter”: that’s good
I've gone out on dates. But none successful yet
Married Woman”: were they shidduch dates
”Babysitter”: yea
Married Woman”: nice
did any of them ever look like they wanted to pounce u
i had a couple of those
lol

”Babysitter”: lol, nope, none of those
they were good guys

Married Woman”: oh darn
lol
jk

”Babysitter”: lol, did u enjoy dating?
Married Woman”: i loved it
but i also wasn’t shomer so its dif

”Babysitter”: ahh I see
Married Woman”: ure shomer right
”Babysitter”: yea
when did you stop becoming shomer?

Married Woman”: i dont know how u do it
in high school
”Babysitter”: aha, so you had a boy friend back then?
I went to a very frum HS so I never talked to boys

Married Woman”: which one
yeah

”Babysitter”: ******
Married Woman”: oh i c
so u never did anything with a guy

”Babysitter”: right
Married Woman”: u never wanted to growing up
”Babysitter”: well I knew I wasn't allowed to, so it was out of the question
Married Woman”: wow that’s a lot of control
but u wanted to
did u ever check out the guys

”Babysitter”: nope
Married Woman”: y not
”Babysitter”: cause it wasn't allowed?
Married Woman”: gotcha
so if no one wud find out wud u be not shomer now
”Babysitter”: nope, cause then I wouldn't be true to myself. Hashem is watching
Married Woman”: i c
do u feel like u wish u wud have wen u were younger

”Babysitter”: nope, I'm happy with staying Shomer
do u wish u wouldn't have?

Married Woman”: honestly, no
but it wud have been easier on me now if i was though
”Babysitter”: how come?
I mean in what way would it have been easier?

Married Woman”: bc now that i was very active before wen i dont have it nowe i get very u know
”Babysitter”: aha I see
Married Woman”: yup
i go nuts

”Babysitter”: I thought if you ask your husband he has to say yes
Married Woman”: u cant really ask
and that doesnt help wen ure in niddah

”Babysitter”: aha, well how long is that? 2 weeks?
Married Woman”: yeah
but wayyy too long for me
i dont know how u do it
”Babysitter”: well I never did it, so I dunno what I'm missing out on
but I would assume the niddah time can be precious too
there are marriage counseling books that talk about this stuff, and how it can build your relationship
Married Woman”: i know but its not like a problem its just i get very horny
u never get horny

”Babysitter”: well aren't there stuff you can do to help that?
Married Woman”: like wat
hold on i got to get the phone
”Babysitter”: ok

Now I don’t know about you, but this conversation seemed strange to me. I didn’t know people ask such weird questions like that to strangers. I don’t mean for this to be an untznius post or anything.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Hilchos Siblings Kol Isha

First off I would like to thank you for continuing to read and comment on my posts even though I haven’t been reading and commenting on yours lately. After finals, after Tuesday, I will IY”H get back to reading and commenting. Thanks for hanging in there. It feels a bit weird to only be taking and not being able to give.

poll

Now, looking at the results from the poll it looks like most of you think it’s permitted for a brother to hear a sister sing. Most of you didn’t even think it was a question, Like of course brothers can hear their sisters sing. I had thought the same way, I knew there was a problem of Kol Isha for anyone out of the immediate family, but I never knew brothers were included in that prohibition.

Now I never felt restricted at all from not being able to sing or dance in public, since I don’t feel I’m good at either one. But there are times at home when you just feel like singing. Then comes the brother’s voice “shhhh!”. I would get this annoyed feeling, and I would feel frustrated. There are some emotions that get expressed through singing, and sometimes you just have a song in your head and feel like singing. My brother would assure me that it’s not meant as an insult, that if anything it shows that my singing may be nice.

Then there’s benching by the shabbos table, I used to always bench out loud cause it would bring back memories of how we used to bench in elementary school, and it made it more enjoyable and meaningful. Even on R’ Elbaz’s Tefillah slideshow, he said that you should bench out loud cause you have a greater kavanah that way.

I’ve been to friend’s houses when I was younger, and I remember the sister’s would all sing by shalosh seudos, I thought that was a nice thing. The large family, with 9 girls and 2 boys, the older boy is 15, yet I always hear them singing shabbos zemiros. Even when they’re in their succah outside, I hear the girl’s singing. I guess because the girl’s are a bigger ratio than the boys they get to do what they want, and their brother can’t stop them. But yet, they’re a yeshivish family, and the brother never tries to stop them, he’ll be there listening to them sing with no problem.

Now, I know some people hold that zemiros is in a different category, and isn’t counted as singing. That would be nice, but yet my brother doesn’t believe in that, so I can’t bench out loud.

I had always imagined that when I would be a mother I would sing to my kids shema and modeh ani and other songs. I would imagine it being a way of showing love to my children and it would build a connection. Edit: Deleted

Now about the actual poll and the correct answer. The answer is “Yes, under the age of 11”. I had been upset when my brother told me I can’t sing anymore, and I didn’t believe that brothers can’t hear their sisters sing, so I made him ask a Rav. He asked a Chassidish Rav, and I said that doesn’t count. So then he asked a different Rav, and the Rav answered that sisters over the age of 11 can’t sing in front of their brothers.

My little sister was 11 years old at the time, so in a way I was happy that I wasn’t the only one that couldn’t sing. So when she would sing, my brother told her to “shhh!” too, and he would say it’s “Kol Isha”. So she figured out that a girl’s voice is “Kol Isha”. But she didn’t realize that it was only forbidden for boys. So when it was only us girls home, and the boys were in shul, and I would finally get to sing, she would tell me “Kol Isha!”. It made me laugh at first. I tried to explain, that it’s ok for girl’s to hear each other sing, but I still don’t think she gets it.

Edit: Deleted


Friday, December 19, 2008

Parshas Vayeshev

I’ve always heard how Yosef would look into the mirror and that he was into his appearances, and I always wondered why this was. Then I finally saw a reason.

Beloved Children:

The Torah calls him a boy, even though he was already seventeen years old, because he behaved in ways characteristic of youth.

Why did Yoseph behave in ways which were characteristic of youth? Yoseph was the child of Yaakov's beloved wife, Rachel. Everyone knew that she was the one Yaakov considered to be his true wife. This gave Yoseph the status of being the favored son among all the others. He was the son who was supposed to take his father's place.

Everyone knew that only one son of Avraham would take his place, and that was Yitzchak. Similarly, only one son of Yitzchak took his place, and that was Yaakov. Thus, everyone assumed that only one of the many sons of Yaakov would take their father's place. Since Yoseph was the son of Yaakov's beloved wife, he was the natural choice. This situation was a trial for Yoseph. He was not an only righteous son as his father and grandfather had been. They had no competition, since Yishmael and Esav were not really candidates for taking their fathers' place. But Yoseph did have real competition. All his brothers were spiritual giants. To ward off their jealousy,(10) Yoseph played the simpleton. He pretended that he was not as interested in spirituality as was his father. He preferred combing his hair, accentuating his eyes, and paying great attention to his appearance. When the brothers saw him act in this way they left him alone, thinking that such a simpleton would never pose a challenge to them in taking their father's place.

We learn from here to not show off, and sometimes to even pretend you’re lower than you are, and it will make it easier for you to become a greater person without worrying about the competition interfering and trying to bring you down. So that is why Yosef was all into his appearances, it was a show for his brothers so that they wouldn’t view him as competition and then he would be able to take over his father’s place.

Speaking about appearances, Leora writes about Tamar, how she got dressed up and seduced Yehuda and then got pregnant. And on the flip side how she was modest in Yehuda’s house so that he didn’t even recognize her.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

New Square Wedding

Sunday night I went to a Square wedding, it was a really interesting experience. To start off with, the wedding was of relatives of mine, where the chosson and Kallah were both related to us and each other. So the whole wedding was one big family wedding.

Here’s a little diagram to understand how everyone was related.

square wedding

When we got there for the wedding it was late already, past 10:00. We missed the Chupah but they had just finished eating the main course. So when we got there relatives came over to say hello and surprisingly they did all speak English. Then one of my father’s cousins prepared me and my mother a seat and a main dish, and she told us to sit and eat. At this time they started dancing.

By them they do things very different. They don’t have 2 dances, but rather they eat first and then have one long dance for the rest of the night. So as we were sitting eating it was right next to them dancing so it was some cool entertainment, to sit facing them dancing.

The next different thing is that the hall is very different, it has 3 floors. The men get the first floor and they have a huge room. Then the woman are on the third floor and they have a medium sized room. I found this very strange, I have never seen a wedding before where the men’s section and woman section are on completely separate floors. It made it feel less like a wedding and more like a woman’s party.

Although, on the second floor, when you go to hang up your coat, that room is filled with windows and if you look down then you can see the men dancing, but there’s such a height difference between the two, that you can barely see faces.

Another thing I noticed was the clothing, besides for the obvious chassidish garb, I noticed that the girls all looked like they were wearing uniforms. The teenage girls I mean, they had white blouses, with jumpers. Not fancy jumpers that can look nice, but uniform looking jumpers. All the girls looked like they were wearing the same clothes, making it look more like a uniform.

The little girls had gowns and their hair was done fancy, but yet they didn’t seem to be dancing much, they were laying down on the stage part where the Kallah’s table was. I figured it’s probably because they go to a wedding every night, that this just isn’t new to them anymore. I mean this was the only dance, so it’s not liked they got danced out before. But then when the ices came they all ran over to get some.

Overall, it was a really cool wedding, I’ve been to a Square wedding once before when I was younger, but there he married a Sephardi girl, so that was different in a different way.

We were talking to some relatives that we never met before and it was actually funny how these chassidish woman who have 12 kids on average think it’s amazing how my mother was able to raise a bunch of twins. Not to take away from my mother’s greatness or anything.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Parshas Vayeitzei

For some reason this Parsha always troubled me, and I had a question on it. Here is where Leah was supposed to marry Eysav, and Rachel was willing trade places with her. So to me it always seemed like Rachel was doing the wrong thing, because she was going to marry the bad guy. When I was younger it always seemed like the “bad” stuff is what we want. So I had always thought that Rachel must have wanted to marry Eisav because he was “dangerous and evil”. I had thought that you weren’t supposed to put yourself in a bad place, even if it was to “help” another.

But yes, I do realize that Rachel did a great thing by giving over the signs not to embarrass Leah. Rachel got a tremendous Zechus for this, and we always daven by her Kaver, and only she was able to save the Jews at one point.

Something to Say:

[Leah] declared, “This time let me gratefully praise Hashem”; therefore she called his name Judah (29:35).

Rashi explains Leah’s reaction to the birth of her fourth son as follows: “because I have received more than my expected share, from now on I should praise God.”
The Chiddushei HaRim comments that this was why she called her son Judah,, for the root of the name Judah means thanksgiving. This is why a Jew is called Yehudi, derived from Judah (Yehudah). Thus, the name that identifies a Jew is based upon the concept of thanksgiving, because every Jew must realize that all he or she has been given on this earth is a Divine gift. Even our name expresses the realization that everything we have is graciously bestowed upon us by God.

Now I found this very interesting, cause I had always wondered why Jews were called Yehudim. Now I realize it is because we are always thankful to Hashem for everything He has given us, because without Hashem giving, we wouldn’t be in existence.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Parshas Toldos

First off I realized I do have a thanksgiving post after all.

The Parsha of twins. When I was younger I had thought that in every twin relationship there is a Yaakov and Eisav. So I think that’s what motivated me to be a good person, so that I will be the “Yaakov” of the two. It’s actually funny when I babysat the triplets, the mother would always tell her son that he should behave like Yaakov. Kind of giving the image that Yaakov is the good guy, and Eisav the bad guy.

I used to think that it’s all in the parenting, that if you raise good children, then your children will be good. But here is an example, where both Yitzchak and Rivka were good parents, and yet they had an Eisav. But apparently there are different ways to raise each child, that each one is unique. Like how Yitzchok blessed each of his children differently.

From Something to Say:

And the children agitated within her [Rebecca] (25:22)

Rashi tells us that when Rebecca passed in front of the Yeshiva of Shem and Eber, Jacob would kick inside her, and when she passed in front of temples of idol worship, Esau struggled to come out. The commentaries ask: “We can well understand why Esau wanted to go out to indulge in idolatry. But Jacob, who loved Torah study, had every reason to remain in his mother’s womb. Chazal teach us that during the time that a baby is inside hit’s mother, an angel is teaching it Torah. In that case, why would Jacob want to leave? Rabbi Ovadiah Yosef answers that Jacob wanted to learn the Torah through his own toil and effort. He knew that being me value or permanence as acquiring with it the same value or permanence as acquiring it with one’s own effort.

I thought this was a great explanation to why Yaakov wanted to leave his mothers womb when they passed by the Yeshiva of Shem VaEver. It shows that there is an importance to earning your reward, and how you appreciate it more because you put in effort and worked for it.