Friday night my family was with my grandparents at my cousins sheva brachos. My grandparents had made aliyah 3 years ago, and have come in once, a year before for another cousins wedding. So my grandfather made Kiddush, and he sings the ending a certain way. It brought back memories for my mother, and she missed hearing her father make kiddush, so her eyes started getting teary and she went to hug my aunt.
I don’t believe I’ve ever seen tears in my mother’s eyes before. So when I saw her face get teary, it had such a powerful impact on me, that I just burst into tears. My cousin saw and asked what happened, and I tried to stop, and laugh, and I told her it’s nothing. But the tears wouldn’t stop coming. So I went away from the rest of the people, and let myself cry it out for a few minutes, and only then was I able to join the rest of the family.
It felt so strange to just start crying, because of no apparent reason, other than seeing tears in my mother’s eyes. There were times when I have cried before, and after each time I feel as though I am a “baby”, as though I’m not strong enough to handle whatever situation it is.
But then I saw this Midrash:
“After Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden, God said to them, ‘Now you are about to enter into a world of sorrow and trouble the likes of which staggers the imagination. However, I want you to know that My benevolence and My love for you will never end. I know that you will meet with a lot of tribulation in the world, and that it will embitter your lives. For that reason I give you, out of My heavenly treasure, this priceless pearl, a tear. When grief overtakes you and your heart aches so that you are not able to endure it, and great anguish grips your soul, then there will fall from your eyes this tiny tear and your burden will grow lighter.’”
Then I realized, that tears aren’t a bad thing, actually quite the opposite, they allow us to heal. When I cry, I allow myself to think about what is troubling me, and to wallow in sadness, and even feel self pity for myself when I feel I have been wronged. I let all these emotions come out with the tears, so that after a good cry, I feel refreshed, and can continue on.
So really tears is a Bracha, I therefore pass on the Bracha to all of you:
“May we be graced with the ability to shed tears, and may our tears release that which dwells deep within our souls. May they heal us as we process, reconcile, and continue on our paths toward wholeness and peace.”
26 comments:
How often do we fight our tears, thinking it's a sign of weakness, when it really is one of the best ways to relieve oneself from grief, stress, anger and all those feelings.
Everyone must read this post and internalize it.
Thanx for sharing!
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Exactly.
Your welcome!
Recent blog:=- Powerful Tears
Years ago I saw my mother cry at a funeral, and I then burst into tears. Tears of a parent are very hard for a child to see.
Recent blog:=- Ricki the Felon?/ Thank G-d we Found Her
True, it makes me wonder who has it a harder, a child seeing a parent cry, or a parent seeing a child cry. I know children cry for lots of reasons, so I think sometimes parents can become desensitized to it, so that it doesn't effect them as much as a child seeing the parent cry.
Recent blog:=- Powerful Tears
Hm, the power of tears. Made me think.
But I have to agree that seeing a parent cry is one of the most heart-wrenching things... I remember when my grandfather passed away, I wasn't as upset about my grandfather's petira (he lived a long life and was a tzaddik) as I was about seeing my father in such distress, crying at the levaya and at the shiva. Seeing my father and aunts and uncles cry was the absolute worst, each time I saw them I bawled. Though I see why your situation is different- it was a happy occasion- there's something about parents crying that just does it. I don't think it's babyish at all, I think it's feeling with the parent at a higher level of empathy. (But in my own case I wondered if it was selfish at all to be crying since I was crying for my own discomfort at seeing my father in pain while he was crying for a much greater reason) But I'm with you Jewishside, between the crying parents and these old nostalgic tunes I need a box of tissues and a private room...
It's amazing that you take a sad experience and lighten it up for yourself (and for others) with meforshim, absolutely amazing.
So your grandparents come in for every wedding?
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Right, so I think it's because we care so much about our parents, it hurts to see them in distress, so we cry out as an instinct.
I don't think it was a selfish thing to cry for one reason and not the other. It's all about what triggers our emotions.
Thanks, nice to see your able to relate too!
Thanks! It makes it feel more complete.
Yea, so far it's only been those 2 weddings though.
Although they would be happy to come in for another, as they hinted to me, lol
Recent blog:=- Powerful Tears
Lol Jewishside I"YH to that, b'karov ;)
Thanks, Amen! :-)
Recent blog:=- Powerful Tears
beautiful post.
Thanks!
Very true, tears are good at releasing feelings and stress. Plus, they help keep our eyes clean
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Tears allow you to get in touch with deep feelings. That's a beautiful midrash.
Recent blog:=- Animals at Farm and Fair
When we say family, tears are hard to resist. It's about life and emotions and that feeling is what keeps us alive.
Recent blog:=- Celebrate Life With The Jeep Wrangler
True. it does help keep our eyes clean as well.
Recent blog:=- Powerful Tears
Thanks!
Recent blog:=- Powerful Tears
Very nice post.
It says also that one of the greatest gifts God gave us is that we forget. When something bad happens to us, after a while it fades. If we had to remember is all clearly every day, we'd never manage.
Recent blog:=- Lakewood crying anti-semitism again
Thanks!
True, great point, being able to forget is a great gift.
Recent blog:=- Powerful Tears
I agree with Rickismom the tears of a parent are distressing for a child - even a grown-up one like myself.
This midrash is beautiful; thanks for sharing it with us.
Recent blog:=- French Jewish Resistance
I agree with Rickismom the tears of a parent are distressing for a child - even a grown-up one like myself.
This midrash is beautiful; thanks for sharing it with us.
Recent blog:=- French Jewish Resistance
Thanks and Your Welcome!
Recent blog:=- Powerful Tears
Great post! It's always refreshing to see someone take something that the world is embarrassed by and make it into a positive thing.
There's a famous midrash/gemara (I wish I could find it :/..) that says Hashem has a cup (presumably, and unfortunately for us, it's sizable) that He puts all of our tears into. On the day that it fills up/overflows Mashiach will come. For some reason I've never forgotten that and crying during davening became much more palatable and less awkward for me.
I also remember how big of an effect my parents' tears effected me. Whether it's a happy occasion when my siblings and I chipped in for birthday/anniversary presents, or the passing of my grandmother a few years ago, I was brought to tears by their tears. For me it kind of 'hits home' when they cry. It's like, 'Wow, this is really something.. I'm missing something here. If they're crying...'
A few weeks ago I started seeing an old man walking outside of my house. Several times he struck up a conversation with me, and one time in particular he just started crying. The words 'milchemes Hashem' brought him to tears. I was flabbergasted by his reaction, but it was the most inspirational thing I've experienced in months.
Beautiful post JSoF, thanx :)
Recent blog:=- Are You a Parent That Sweats?
MBD sings a song about the cup filling with tears, it's called daddy dear (you can google it to c it)... I lived on that song for a couple weeks during one hard stretch in my life- it's beautiful :'(
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Ironicly I posted that song once, very moving!
Daddy Dear. I had forgotten about it.
I just read this. I've never seen that midrash, and I really love it. I used to cry a lot, and I always felt better afterward. I cry less now, because of the need to hold myself together in front of my kids, who may not be old enough to appreciate the poignancy of a mother's tears and get scared by them instead. It's really strange to have that power... Not crying makes me feel more blocked.
I can count on my hands the number of times I saw my parents cry, combined. Each one was a really big deal to me. My father actually lets go more often now as he's aged, but while I lived in my house, I only saw him cry once, and I knew something was really bad. When I got told what happened, I felt like I needed to be string for him, and I was 7.
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Thanks!
You can check out the song I linked to in reply to Freeda's comment to you. It's a really touching song, about that Midrash with tears filling up a cup. I also remember learning about the tears filling up the cup, as well as bricks building the Bais Hamikdash, by us doing mitzvos.
That happened to me, when my principal was niftar, all the girls in my class were crying, and I couldn't bring myself to cry over him, because I was really young when he was in his "prime", so I cried over the fact that I wasn't crying. Same thing happened when one of my teachers got yena machla, everyone was writing her letters, and when she came to visit us, I felt so guilty for not writing her a letter, and I couldn't look at her face, so I just cried for that.
That does sound inspirational, it's nice to see people are connected to their spirituality.
Thanks and Your welcome!
:)
Recent blog:=- Chanukah at the Kotel
That could be the reason why I've never seen my mother cry before, she's very protective in that way, afraid for our emotions, and doesn't want us to get scared.
I would imagine having to be the strong one at a young age can make us more mature, if it is a rare happening.
Recent blog:=- Chanukah at the Kotel
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