Previously I had written about how Stealing equals kefira. Now we will look at how Anger equals kefira.
Midah means characteristic and measurement. We are supposed to have a certain measure of each characteristic whether seemingly “good” or “bad”. There are only 2 characteristics that have no upside, and they are jealousy and arrogance.
The only way we can possess anger is if we don’t really feel angry inside. When trying to teach a child or congregation, we may appear angry on the outside. The way we are able to do this is because so long as we don’t feel angry on the inside then it’s not real anger. The child will be able to tell that the parent still loves him in the inside, and he will improve.
When a person is angry, what is the classic line they say? “You make me so mad!”. A person whose angry has lost control, they are allowing the other person to control their emotions.
People choose anger for 3 reasons:
- To avoid intimacy – “into me see” - with themselves. They are blaming everyone else.
- To avoid a relationship with others. Tochacha comes from the word clarify, a person should ask others to explain themselves, calmly. When giving Tochacha you can’t be angry, or else it is pointless. Since the child will just see the anger, and will be afraid to do wrong because “Totty gets angry” rather than because it’s wrong.
- To avoid honest relationship with Hashem. They are in essence telling Hashem that things should be run differently.
Kefira is denial, when a person complains about another tzelom elokim they are saying Hashem didn’t do right. Their not noticing that Hashem runs this world and is only good.
Adam complained about Chava, he denied the good in her and was a Kofer. The Meraglim complained about Eretz yisroel and Bnei Yisroel got punished for it with 40 years in the midbar. Complaining is in essence a denial of Hashem, and therefore Hashem punishes for it. Anger is the present day Avoda Zaara, a person is loosing control of themselves, and denying the good in others.
Hashem wants us to change and improve ourselves, so He sends us challenges, with difficult people. If we don’t succeed with one difficult person, then Hashem gives us another chance and sends us another difficult person.
Every morning we wake up because Hashem hasn’t given up on us, so we can change. When we complain we prevent the shefa of Brachos Hashem has for us. So we have to be in control of our anger and realize that everything Hashem does is good, and then we can receive the abundance of good Hashem has in stored for us.
FYI: These shiurim are part of the Irgun Shiurai Torah program. If you look to your left you will see the schedule posted onto the sidebar, click the image to expand
14 comments:
Everyone gets angry. In fact, it is extremely unhealthy to not feel your anger. Depression, alcoholism, and eating disorders are all related to anger toward inward. Anger is a healthy emotion. This does not mean rage, and the distinction is important.
Yes, it is important to explain things to a child without rage. But denying anger is a huge problem. He is speaking of people with anger management issues; what the &*&* does he think depressed people should do? Sorry, but this post provokes a lot of anger in me, because it is yet another person who doesn't understand emotions.
I had a feeling you were going to say that. I agree with you that anger is an emotion that we can't surpress, that it is unhealthy to hold it in. I remember you writing about it.
I'm assuming that he had meant we should recognize anger, and then find a way to help us deal with the anger, like in one of your recent posts, you asked how people deal with their anger.
So I think he was just trying to explain how dangerous anger can be. Not that we can't find ways to express our anger in a healthy way. But that we shouldn't let it control us and cause us to be physical or anything bad like that. That we should speak to our spouse/children calmly, and not be rash to get angry at them. But if they do something that bothers us, we are allowed to feel angry and upset and vent out, but we should try to do it in a constructive way, without breaking up the relationship of trust, honesty and respect.
very true, we should express it in a healthy, calm way. It's hard to control at the moment, and so maybe we can go to a pillow and hit it. And then when we are calm, talk to someone, so we can take it off our mind.
In regards to people that are hard to be around, I agree that we should try to have a positive mindset. That is probably what Hashem wants us to work on. And we should realize that G-d only gave us to challenge to help us with our self growth.
I meant in regards to good people who are sometimes annoying, we should try to see the good in them.
Haven't thought of going to a pillow and hitting it, but that sounds like a great idea, better than hitting a wall.
But yes, we should wait till we're calm to talk.
yea, it really makes us happier people when we see the good in people.
Wanna channel your anger? Karate or boxing. I'm sure you knew I was gonna say that. ;)
yea, that is your kind of answer :-)
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