Friday, November 21, 2008

Parshas Chaya Sara

I don’t really have time to go through blogs to find Parsha posts to link up to them, like I did last time. Maybe I’ll edit the post and put them in after.

So I already spoke about what it means for the wife to inspire her husband. Then I was reading what R’ Feinhandler had to say about this weeks parsha, and I found he dealt with the same topic. He also supported what I have said in comments, about not pushing off a wedding because you can’t afford it.

My Spouse is Just Who I Need for My Spiritual Growth

Another possible reason why it was necessary for Eliezer to arrive so quickly, through a miracle rather than through the normal seventeen day journey, could be that the Torah is teaching us that when it comes to a shidduch, no time should be wasted. Even though a shidduch comes from Heaven, the Talmud says that someone else can take your shidduch away by begging for mercy from G-d. Thus the Torah may be teaching us this lesson through the miracle so that we will know that a leisurely or ambivalent attitude is not appropriate when looking for a shidduch.

Once a person sees that he has found "the chosen one," he must be quick to act and complete the mitzvah. A person is not allowed to be lazy in mitzvos, and marriage is a very important mitzvah. Since there is a danger of such a terrible loss, it is necessary to act as quickly as possible. That is the reason the poskim allow a couple to become engaged even on Tisha B'Av.

In Rivka and Yitzhak's marriage we see clearly the principle that G-d controls every shidduch. On the superficial level the marriage between Yitzhak and Rivka would appear natural and normal, but in reality everything, down to the smallest detail, was manipulated by G-d. That is the reason why Eliezer found Rivkah at the well just when he arrived. It is to teach us that every shidduch is from Heaven and that G-d takes care of every detail to make certain that the shidduch is successful.

If a person will reflect on how he came to marry his spouse, he will find that everything was arranged by Heaven. The circumstances were carefully set up by Heaven so that this man was able to marry this woman, and that this woman was able to marry this man.

The miracles that Eliezer experienced were also the reason why Rivkah agreed immediately to the shidduch. It was clear to her that all these miracles were signs from Heaven that Eliezer was sent by G-d, and therefore she accepted the inevitability of her marriage to Yitzchak.

Every single marriage is from Heaven. Forty days before a fetus is formed it is announced in Heaven who that child will eventually marry. 6 If you have entered into a marriage, it is a sign from Heaven that this marriage can and should succeed. There are rare instances in which one has chosen one's spouse wrongly, based on mistaken considerations. If the situation seems truly impossible to live with, it is important to seek qualified advice from a sensitive source-person, i.e. an experienced rabbi or religious counselor.

Since in our generation belief in G-d has been weakened, people believe instead in their own strength and power. The result is that the institution of marriage also has been weakened. This is because a person who relies solely on his own abilities will see some challenges in his marriage as being too great for him. Such a person will choose to end a marriage rather than tackle problems which he considers to be too difficult.

But a person who perceives that the Almighty arranged the union will know that nearly all difficulties are eventually resolvable. In fact, he'll know that these specific difficulties were selected by G-d for his own spiritual growth. Therefore, what is needed is for a person to focus on the truth that his spouse is exactly who he needs for his spiritual and emotional growth and well-being.

Once a person realizes that his spouse is truly chosen by Heaven, then he will have the strength to overcome any difficulties that arise. G-d does not give us a trial that we cannot overcome. We must make every possible effort to solve any problem that arises, and find peace and love with the shidduch that was chosen for us by Heaven. The more we strengthen our belief in G-d, the more we will be able to find ways to make our marriages stronger.


Shorty said...

Having been to many "high priced" weddings and planning my own "budget" wedding, spending so much crazy money on weddings, is really so...pointless to me. I keep telling engaged friends to elope or spend the money on a house or or or. PLanning the wedding makes everyone so crazy and why? We forget the most important thing - the love, the bond and the creation of a new family.

The Babysitter said...

Shorty: yea, lavish amounts on weddings does seem a bit pointless.

One of my professors said that he gives his children a choice, either they can have a fancy wedding and he will pay for one months rent. Or they can have a simple wedding and he will buy them a house, and of course they chose the second option. I think most people would.

"We forget the most important thing - the love, the bond and the creation of a new family"

You are right, those are the important things!

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