Parshas Eikev

Something to say:

It will be that if you hearken to My commandments… (11:13).

In this, the second paragraph of the Shema, God promises that we will be blessed with prosperity beyond the bounds of natural law, if we obey His commandments. Why does the Torah use the expression Shema, to hearken? Shouldn’t it have said, “I f you will perform My commandments”? Rabbi Avigdor Miller comments that taking action is not always in a man’s power, whereas listening sincerely, with the intention to do, certainly is. When one decides to listen to God’s commandments, he demonstrates his willingness and his genuine intention to perform them. It is according to the “listening,” the effort to learn, that God measures one’s acceptance of the Torah and therefore provides him with innumerable blessings.

There’s a famous saying “It’s the thought that counts”. So long as we are sincere in wanting to do Hashem’s commandments, then we get credit for it.

Parshas Behar- Bechukosai

Last week in Parshas Emor we talked about how if a person refrains from sin they get a reward. In this weeks parsha, Bechukosai, we talk about another way to help us stay away from sinning.

Something to say:

I will remember my covenant with Jacob (26:42)

In this parshah, the Jewish people are warned of the punishments they will receive if they fail to live up to their obligations as the Chosen People. In the midst of a series of punishments, this verse introduces words of comfort, promising the Jews that God will eventually remember his treaty with Jacob and the other Patriarchs. The Shlah HaKadosh asks why there is a verse of comfort in the middle of all the curses.

This verse actually serves as a mussar for us. We know that a rasha, an evil person, who is the son of an evil person cannot be compared to a rasha who is the son of a tzaddik. The latter is more liable for his transgressions, for he saw an example of piety in his home and has no excuse for not following that model. We are reminded here that we are the children of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Because of this lineage, we have a very strong responsibility to follow in their ways – and if not, God forbid, we may bring all the curses in the surrounding verses on our heads.

Because we come from Tzadikim, the Avos, we have great models to emulate. If we do an aviarah we don’t have the excuse to say that we didn’t know better. If a person is tempted to commit a sin they should imagine their father and that will help them not to sin.

Parshas Emor

Some motivation to help fight the Yetzer Hora:

Something to say:

You shall not desecrate my Holy Name, rather I should be sanctified (22:32)

The Chasam Sofer explains that in not desecrating the Name of God, it is considered as if we are actively sanctifying His Name. As the Gemara in Kedushin teaches, if the opportunity to sin presents itself and one refrains from the violation, he is rewarded as though he had actually performed a mitzvah.

By not doing an aviarah, not only does one prevent themselves from getting punished, but they actually get a mitzvah, and get rewarded.

Parshas Shemini

In the year 2009 I ended off with Parshas Tzav, now I will continue posting about the Parshas, starting with Parshas Shemini, this weeks Parsha.

We are always taught not to judge a book by it’s cover. That the outside can be deceiving and it’s the inside that counts. That beauty comes from the inside, not the superficial outside.

Something To Say:

Any earthenware utensil into whose interior one of them will fall, everything in it shall become contaminated (11:33).

An earthenware vessel can be rendered tamei, ritually contaminated, only from its inside, even from its air space, without being touched. However, even if it is touched on the outside, it cannot be rendered impure. Commentators explain that it can never become impure by being touched on the outside because it has no value in and of itself. The vessel is only valuable as a container for the objects within it; its sole worth is a receptacle for something else.

Along the same lines, the Kotzker Rebbe said, “Man is like an earthenware vessel. His worth lies not in the outer vessel, but in the human qualities developed within.”

Just like a container has no value on it’s own, only to hold things inside of it. A person has a guf to hold the Neshama in. We praise a person if they are a good person on the inside, rather than if they have a good physical attribute. A person who wins a medal in the Olympics may be looked upon by others as a great person. But then if you were to see one of them start acting in a bad way it changes the way you look at them, and you realize that the way a person acts on the inside is what makes them really great.

Another way of looking at a container is to realize that a container can only function if it is complete and whole. Once there is a hole in a container than it can no longer hold anything in it. A container can then be compared to Middos, characteristics of a person. Where a person needs good Middos to be able to do other Mitzvos.

For the first time, I have so far been counting Sefira every night. During Sefira we are working on our Middos, So that we can be ready for Shvous, where we get the Torah.

In Search of Pleasure

For everything in this world there is a kosher equivalent. There was a great Rabbi whose wife said she wanted milk and meat together. A normal reaction of a husband who hears that would be outrage, to think Chas V’ Shalom what happened to her? How could she think such a thing? But the Rabbi didn’t react that way, instead he went and asked for a cow’s udder. Now she was able to have milk and meat together in a kosher way.

Hashem wants us to have pleasure and enjoy from this world. There are several chazals that prove this.

1. A Nazir brings a Karbon Chatas because he sinned by not enjoying pleasure in this world, the wine.
   
2. If I were to ask you what the first commandment is, you would say it’s when Hashem tells Adam not to eat from the Eitz Hadas. But really that’s not the first commandment. If you look at the posuk it says Hashem commanded Adam to eat.
   
3. Hashem showed Adam and Chava the beautiful world.

If a person doesn’t partake in the pleasures of this world then they have no gratitude. If a person enjoys pleasures of this world then they will be a happier person and easy to get along with.

However, there is a flip side. The more we have pleasure the less we enjoy it. Think of your favorite food, the first time you eat it, it’s like heaven on earth. But if you were to have that food every day then you wouldn’t enjoy it as much. I believe that’s why Hashem gave us boundaries, that’s why there are the Halachos of Nidah, so that it stays a special thing.

Think of this scenario, you are in the freezing cold for 3 1/2 hours, where there is only 25 minutes of action, where you have people standing up in front of you when something happens thereby not allowing you to see anything, where you have to pay for food and there are inaccessible unsanitary bathrooms. It doesn’t sound like a pleasant experience.

Then picture this scenario, you are sitting on your living room couch in front of a Plasma screen TV with the football game on, where you are in the warmth of your own house, where you can see the whole game clearly, where you get any food you want, where the bathroom is available to you and clean. Now this sounds like a pleasant experience.

Now if you ask a person why they would rather go to a football game than watch the game in the living room, they will say they go for the experience of being part of a large group. During the football game the people will cheer to “J-E-T-S” or whichever team they are going for, this is to remind them that they are part of the group. They will also do the “wave” for the same reason.

If you open a cookbook and take a look at a recipe, you won’t see it saying to take a steak and cook it, rather you will see lists of ingredients that you combine to form a recipe.

→ At this time I would like to point out that A Mother In Israel started a relatively new blog, called Cooking Manager with great tips on cooking. Leora has a great collection of recipes as does Ilana Davita a great collection of recipes. 

Same with music, there are various notes, voices and instruments that are combined together to form a beautiful harmony.

When two people love each other, you have two bodies with one soul.

The essence of all these examples, is unity.

People who are patriotic for their country, do it because they want to feel the unity. Being a part of something gives us pleasure. I will take this time to point out that being a blogger is also an example of being part of a whole – the blogosphere, and it gives me great pleasure to be a part of such a great thing.

→ Mike In Midwood has a great creative post called Chaim Snyder which is a great example for two of the points made so far. The first being there is a Kosher version of everything, hence the post is about Chaim Snyder being the Kosher version of Harry Potter. The second being people like to be part of a large group, since lots of people have read/watched Harry Potter, other people want to also, because then they belong to the group of Harry Potter readers/watchers/fans.

The Torah starts with the letter Bais, it has two pointers, one points up to Hashem who created us. The second points down, to before the creation of people where there was oneness. With the creation of people there became Bais, “twoness”, where we feel a separation from the Aleph, Hashem. As a correction we try to seek pleasure with Hashem.

There is a pleasure we get from putting together a puzzle, where we are building something. All pleasure if used in the right way can lead us in the direction of unity with Hashem. The more we experience unity, we get closer to Hashem.

We all know the famous story, where a man came to Hillel and asked to him to explain to him the Torah on one foot. Hillel said “What is hateful to you, don’t to unto your friend, and the rest is commentary”. Now how can we explain this?

One explanation:

There are 3 categories of a friend. 1- Hashem: Yedid Nefesh. 2- Fellow Jew. 3- Neshama- our closes friend. The Torah is all about those 3 types of friends.

Second explanation:

The purpose of the world is for a person to become similar to Hashem – Tzelem Elokim, so the Torah tells us how.

When you think to yourself “What do I want”, the I could mean different things. In the highest scenario, it would play out like this:

I = body and soul, friends and family, and all of the Jewish People.

This is where all the pleasures come together. The pleasure for yourself and others is the essence of Torah, unity, to bridge with others.

It says on “that day” Hashem will be one and His name will be one. Now why does it need to say both? Because now we read Hashem’s name differently from the way it is written. At “that time” Hashem’s name will be read the way it is written. The reason we read it differently now, is because we don’t see what we know, we don’t see Hashem clearly.

To recap, we are supposed to have pleasure in this world. We like to feel unity. This leads us to be closer with Hashem. Therefore, every time we do an action we should see if it will bring unity or not.

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I have to say there is nothing like the real thing. R’ Becher was hilarious, try to get his CD/Tape or listen to it online once it comes out.

FYI: These shiurim are part of the Irgun Shiurai Torah program. If you look to your left you will see the schedule posted onto the sidebar, click the image to expand.

Singing In The Rain

Today I went to an excellent shiur by R’ Wallerstein. I’ve always heard how great a speaker he was, but I’ve never heard him speak live till now. He spoke about the mishnah in Pireki Avos that says “Remember these 3 things and it will keep you from doing an Avaira: 1- Know where you came from, 2- Know where your going, 3- Know you will have to give a din v’cheshbon of what you have done in life.”

He said you can compare it to a GPS, that it has to know where your coming from and the destination address. Now this part I love, he said that a GPS is amazing because when you don’t follow it’s directions, and make a wrong turn or go down a wrong path, it doesn’t yell at you but rather it says “recalculating” it figures out a new way for you to get to the same destination.

He spoke about how important it is to give your children self esteem, that it says Hashem gave us a Chiba Yisaira. So why does it have to mention that in the Pirkei Avos, wouldn’t it be known? So the answer is, you have to speak about it. You have to tell your wife and spouse spouse and children that you love them. You shouldn’t say, “o, but it’s obvious, they know I love them”. Rather you should remind them how much you love them. That you shouldn’t say “o, but I buy my wife flowers every shabbos” Because there the flowers are for shabbos, rather you should buy her flowers during the week, to show they are for her. Also, when couples are having Shalom Bayis problems rather than listing the 5 things they don’t like about each other, they should write down the 5 things they do like about each other.

He said he doesn’t believe in rewarding bad behavior. There are teens who would do something bad and then all of a sudden everyone is nice to them and gives them prizes, money, and trips to Florida. But that sends the wrong message, it tells them if they want attention they should do something bad. And then they will never correct themselves because their having the good life while their bad. He says rather you should build your child’s self esteem, tell them how much you love them, as a prevention so they shouldn’t need to find themselves and get into trouble. 

He said instead of baking a fancy dessert for Shabbos, have your seven year old daughter bake a dunken heins cake, this way she will feel good about herself. I know I’m not 7 years old, but it’s really true, lately I started cooking, and then afterwards I would ask everyone how the food was and it felt so good to hear them say they liked it. (My mother was even a true husband, I used expired eggs by mistake, and she didn’t want the whole thing to go into the garbage, so she ate from it and said the food was good anyways).

He said Yiddishkeit is not about a competition. He said the problem is when everything is made into a competition. We are each born with a tzelem elokim, there isn’t just one winner. He doesn’t believe in marks for Hebrew subjects. He says that’s what causes the children to be turned off. That it’s ridiculous for them to get a Tefillah mark, that how could anyone possibly know what their thinking when they daven. And that’s what turns them off from wanting to go to minyan and davening.

Then when a child brings home a Chumash test with a 50 on it, the parent would yell at them, “how can you do this to me!”. Then once the parent starts off in a negative tone the child blocks out everything being heard, so even if you say a good thing afterwards, they won’t hear it. This is what knocks down their self esteam. So rather than yelling at them for getting a bad mark, look over their test, show them the answers they got right, and say “wow, this one was a hard one, harder than the one’s you got wrong”. This way their self esteam is built up and next time they will do even better.

Another thing he said which I thought was a great idea was about Brachos. He said before he gives a speech his wife gives him a bracha of Hatzlacha. Before his children have a test at school they each give a bracha to each other to do well. Now what’s so great about this? It connects everyone. This way a wife who usually knows nothing about her husbands daf yomi learning, becomes involved. Because she gave a bracha that her husband should do well in learning, when he comes home she will ask him “how did the learning go?”.

Also, the Shabbos table shouldn’t be a long drasha from the father. But rather each kid should say a little d’var torah. He told a bunch of stories. One of them was about this guy who was able to speak in public to lots of people, and people would question him how was he able to stand up in front of so many people. So he said that when he was younger, every kid in his family would put together a little skit Friday nights, and he would perform in front of his parents, and he thinks this helped him to not be afraid of speaking in front of large groups. So the parent has the ability to raise the kids self esteem so they won’t need to take public speaking classes.

He said he was asked to speak at “Judas Place” where they have at risk kids. He came and this 14 year old girl started cursing out G-d saying how much she hated G-d. So then he said how this kid having anger towards G-d was a great thing, because she recognized there was a G-d out there, so that was the first step. Once she acknowledged that, turning the anger into love was easy.

Then he said he bought himself a “kiruv car” a cool car with 479 horse power. He was driving to the country and needed oil put in. So he figured since it’s an expensive car it probably needs the expensive synthetic oil. So he started putting it in. Then this guy comes over to him and says “Do you know what your doing, did you read the manual? If you put in that oil the car is going to explode!”. He takes out the manual from the glove compartment and reads it, and sees that yes the car would have exploded that he needs to put in WD 150. So he got saved.

Now this is also a great mashul, Hashem created us and didn’t expect us to figure out how to survive on our own. But rather he gave us a manual- The Torah. Now just like you wouldn’t think you know better than GM, and would trust their manual. Same you shouldn’t think you know better than Hashem. He created us, so of course it would follow suit that we should learn the Torah and follow what it says.

Now getting back to the Mishnah, it says in the Torah that we are created from dust and to dust we will go again. So now this seems contradictory to the whole tzelem elokim thing. Wouldn’t this make someone depressed to think they are nothing? So the answer goes like this. We are created from (I forgot the Hebrew word) a man’s thing where one out of 2 million makes it, and that’s what we are made from. So we came into this world where we already went through a struggle, so it’s reminding us where we came from, we came from the one cell that made it.

So to when faced with an avaira we should remember how we made it before, where we came from, and that should stop us from doing the Avaira. Then also to remember where we are going to. A rotted seed that’s put into the earth looks like nothing will grow from it, but yet a plant comes from it. Same too, we have techias hameisim. So really it’s not that we are nothing, but rather it’s reminding us of our potential, and how great we are so we shouldn’t sin.

I went to the shiur with my father, so afterwards it was raining outside again while we walked home. So as we walked back we were talking about the shiur, how much we loved it, hence the title “Singing in the Rain” - Singing the joyous words of Torah we just heard. I tried to remember as much as I could. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I really love chinuch speeches, where people have a positive approach to dealing with kids.

My Torah Filled Weekend

Shabbos I walked with my father and brother to R’ Landaus shul to hear R’ Fishel Shechter give a shiur on Pirkei Avos. I’ve always associated him with the “funny”/annoying voices he used when telling stories to children. But here I heard him speak to adults and thank goodness he used his normal speaking voice. Sunday, I got to see my first hachasos sefer Torah. Monday, I went to a shiur by R’ Veiner on the topic of Shvous.

Shabbos, R’ Fishel Shechter spoke about Pirkei Avos. I agreed with most of what he said. There was one topic though that I did not agree with him about. He made some good points about parents needing to spend more time with their children. He said families should have supper together during the week more often. He said parents should take some time to shmooze with their children. That on Shabbos parents shouldn’t lock themselves in their room for 7 hours and expect their children to keep themselves busy without getting into trouble. He said you have to give them some sort of structure, that children will get bored after a while. He also made a good point about how parents that are divorced will pay millions of dollars to gain visitation rights with their children, and here you have married couples who have their children right there and yet don’t spend any time with them.

There was one thing he spoke about though that I did not agree with, and that was about Internet. He said its very dangerous and all. But yet, I think that hiding things from children isn’t the answer. We live in a society where children can’t be sheltered from the parents. If a child doesn’t have something at home they will go elsewhere to find it. The key is to raise your child with the right values and morals. To instill in them what is right and wrong. To educate them on what is out there, and how we are different and special. If a parent gives their children the right tools, then having internet or not will not make a difference. There’s so many ways to get things done, that internet is not the only route, it is just a means, not an end.

Sunday, I went with my sister to see the hachnasos sefer torah. I always get such a good feeling when I hear Jewish music in the streets. It’s like this is mine, I belong to this. It was cool to see a pretty truck looking thing with a Torah on it and lights and all kinds of flashy things driving through the street with lots of men and children following it.

Monday, R’ Veiner first spoke about Tefillin, how there’s some problem going on. Me not being a man, didn’t pay much attention to it. Although I found it interesting to see all these women peeking down to see what he was talking about. Makes me think they are such tzadeikeses, and reminds me of my HS teachers. Every time I see a women at a shiur that has such a look and is all into learning Torah and all, it reminds me of my HS teachers. It’s interesting, cause no one in my neighborhood is like that, so its like entering two different worlds.

Anyways, he spoke about Shvous how it’s a yom din, that we have to evaluate where we have fallen short in Talmud Torah. He acknowledged that there were women there, and he said this is an obligation on women too. That Talmud Torah is the women’s key into getting into Olam Habbah. He said that through marriage a women has to motivate her husband to learn, but yet she shouldn’t be his mashgiach. But rather it’s important for the guy to have his own Rav, so that she can go to the Rav to push him to learn, so that there are no Shalom Bayis problems.

In theory this might sound good, but I don’t like the way it sounds. To me I think Husband and wife should have good communication to discuss everything with each other. If the wife feels like she has to get a 3rd party involved, then to me it sounds like the marriage doesn’t have a good foundation. But yet I understand the merit of having someone else being “the bad guy”, but yet if the husband knows that the wife tattled on him, then wouldn’t the husband get more upset at the wife? Plus I don’t think the wife should constantly have to push her husband to learn, it makes it into a business relationship. Rather I think if the husband understood the importance of learning then he should want to do it on his own, if he really wants to but yet is getting distracted, then maybe the wife can motivate him and talk nicely to him and get him to learn that way. But overall, I think the husband should want to learn on his own and the wife should just encourage him a bit, but not boss him around and decide how much he has to learn.

He said you should make a project to learn with others, and to start off with just 10 minutes, and that it will grow from there. He said a Rav can’t be on top of every one to learn, so this way if each person found another person to learn with then it would work out better.

Now, after reading all this it might make you think “what’s so important about Torah after all?” Well, here’s the answer, if someone is anchored in Torah then all their other Yetzer Horas fall away. Now it finally makes sense why so much emphasis is put on Limud Torah, because it allows us to be better Jews.

He said that the point isn’t to be learning 24/7, but rather to have that as your priority, of what you wish to be doing. So you see, people don’t have to learn in Kollel to keep the mitzvah of learning Torah. But rather you can work and make a parnassah. The main point is that you want to learn. So that if you have free time, you grab the opportunity to learn, that shows that everything you are doing is really for Torah.

Also, when I think of learning, I always think of men with their gemorahs. But really, that’s not what its all about. Any form of learning counts, whether that’s an artscroll gemorah, or listening to shiurim on an iPod.

Now learning Torah has side benefits too, so that if you are stuck in traffic, or delayed, instead of getting frantic that you are late. You sit there and listen to a shiur or learn something. You save yourself from anxiety, since now you just got an opportunity to learn, so the inconvenience became a convenience.

An important thing to remember is that bad learning experiences in Yeshiva or anywhere else should not turn a person off from learning, but rather they should move on and continue learning.

Here’s one topic I disagreed with. He said that a mall is pritzus so men shouldn’t go there. At first I thought that was radical, and there’s nothing wrong with going to a mall. My naaive way of thinking of it, is that Hashem created men and women who will have a zivug that is right for them, and that is the one they will be attracted to. So that if men see other women, that is not their wife then they should not be attracted by the other lady. That only their wife can attract them which is why they are married. I mean the husband picked that wife out of everybody, so that should mean that she’s the one for him, so that other ladies shouldn’t matter. So it shouldn’t matter if he sees other ladies who “in their haste in the morning forgot to get dressed”, it shouldn’t cause him any bad thoughts, he should be able to ignore it.

Perhaps I’m crazy, and my way of thinking doesn’t make sense. Maybe, it doesn’t work like that, and men do have temptations for other women that they aren’t married to. Well if that’s the way it works, then okay, I agree that men should avoid seening pritzusdik women and avoid going to the mall.

Pesach – Seder, Prep, Haggadah & Halacha

This year Pesach, I’m going miss Bedikas Chametz for the first time. I have class Tuesday night, a quiz and Homework do at that time as well, so I must go to class. My father reassures me that Bedikas Chametz is a man mitzvah because it’s a mitzvah that’s related to time. But yet, I’ve always enjoyed Bedikas Chametz, I was always the one to hide the 10 pieces of bread, make a list of where they are and watch my father look for it. It would be so much fun in the dark room where no one can talk, going around with a candle and picking up any little chametz we found and collecting the 10 pieces of bread. So I will be missing the experience this year, but hopefully the rest of Pesach will be memorable!

My favorite parts of Pesach are: 1- the Karpas- potato in salt water. 2- Leaning on a pillow, eating comfortably. 3- Lady fingers, or are they now called Fingers? 4- My grandmother’s sponge cake!

Pesach in the Blogosphere:
Note: They are separated in categories, with more than one post from quite a few bloggers.

To start off with, if you haven’t seen the Facebook Hagaddah yet, check it out!

There's also a Pesach website with lots of links including Pesach recipes.

Seder

• Lakewood Falling Down has some really interesting Pesach minhagim. One of them is to sing a Mr. Potato Head song. It happened to be my little sister asked me to draw a picture for her to color in, so I went to Coloring Book and was scrolling through the images waiting for her to tell me which one to pick. Guess what she picked? Mr. Potato head! So I tried to copy the picture there, it was no way a good imitation but I’ll put it up anyways.
  
• Hadassah’s son writes a touching guest post about his Dream Seder.
• G6’s family makes strawberry fluff for Pesach, she posts adorable pictures of her daughter when she was younger. She also shares some other Pesach rituals of Chocolate matzos and making animal noises by Chad Gadiah.
• Frum College Girl writes about macaroons being the classic Pesach nosh.
• Super Raizy shares an article of the all too common Pesach Seder.

Pesach Prep

• Something Different shares pictures of cool stuff she found while cleaning her drawer for Pesach. The “seat saver” being my favorite. She also writes about cleaning the most chamitzdik places, the keyboard.
  
• Leora shares some great Pesach recipes. I was planning on trying out the sponge cake one, but then I found out it was Gebracks.
• Ilana Davita also shares a few links to Pesach recipes.
• G6 shares a Pesach recipe of Mushroom-Onion-Farfel-Kugel, for the gebraks eaters.
• Rafi shows a Pesach ad he found encouraging Kashering your computer for Pesach.
• Elisheva posts pictures of her before and after Pesach computer cleaning.
• Michelle talks about Pesach prices and wonders why it has taken so long for some to take some action on Price regulation
• Lion of Zion talks about banning Pesach car washes to save money. He posts an index to all his Pesach posts.
• Mike In Midwood shares with us Pesach craziness, a schedule from the Mishpacha on how to prepare for Pesach each day. He also wonders why all the publicity is on the women, what about the men he asks? He also talks about how Pesach is a time that leads to finding out if people are OCD.
• NMF#7 talks about spring cleaning, and how we clean more than we have to, and why we do that.
• RickisMom talks about our attitude towards Pesach Prep, she encourages us to not see it as a burden, and be happy for the children’s sake. What she says reminds me of a video I had seen, it’s funny but sad.
  
  
  
  
  
• Leora tells us how Pesach is fun! With spilling water over the countertops, making matza brei, and having a bag of Makkot to play with. She also shares with us the Froggy Song. She shares with us a video on how to Kasher the Kitchen in 2 minutes.
  
  
  
  
  
• Hadassah shares an important message with us, to remember what Pesach is about, leaving slavery, and not to enslave ourselves with extra work.
• JacobDaJew talks about crazy things people do for Pesach and asks for your stories.
• Lakewood Falling Down shares a story from his childhood of all that went into converting from chometz to kosher L’pesach.
• J.C.A.P talks about a different kind of Pesach preparation, about Pesach being a time to let ourselves free, to free the grudges we have on people, and to forgive them.

Haggadah

• Leora tells us about a product called “My first Haggadah” for Tots.
• Ilana Davita shares some information about Pesach and tells us about her favorite Haggadah, and asks you which is your favorite.
• Jewish in the Suburbs tells over the Pesach story in a diary form.
• Hadassah posts the Ma Nishtana in lots of different languages. I love hearing the kids say it in different languages!
• Shorty notices that women aren’t mentioned in the Haggadah and shares some links to where women are mentioned.

Halachos

• Ilana Davita asks you how you understand “nifsal me’achilat kelev - not even fit to feed a dog” in regards to Pesach. She also asks what you think of Maccos Bechoros. She also writes about First born Sons and the obligations on them.
• Rafi’s daughter came home from school with homework to write some Pesach Chumras, and he shares a few he came up with.
• Shorty asks for advice on how to handle her Pesach Dilemma.
• G6 tells how Pesach is tough for everyone including her fish how not feeding it chometz over Pesach, almost killed the gold fish.

Parshas Tzav

For the men out there who do Daf Yomi: Noticed anything interesting on Friday? This weeks Parsha is צו, and guess what the daf-page number, for Friday was? That’s right צו.

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I always love saying “Please”, “Thank You” and “Your welcome”. It’s so much fun to be polite, it gives you a good feeling inside. I remember once watching a full house episode where Stephanie was a young girl, probably 6 or 7 years old. One of the adults had said thank you to another person for something, and Stephanie chimes in and says “Your Welcome”. They all turn to her wondering why she’s saying “Your welcome”, and she tells them “when someone says “Thank You” your supposed to say “Your welcome”. So even though the person didn’t say “Thank You” to her, she still answered back, I found it to be adorable!

I tried to find the video on youtube, I couldn’t find it, but I found another cute one with Michelle and “Politeness Week”

Something to say:

If he shall offer it for a thanksgiving offering (7:12)

The accepted definition of the word Toda, thanksgiving, is gratitude and appreciation. When someone asays thank you, he is saying, “I appreciate what you did for me.” Rabbi Yitzchak Kotzker notes that the word Toda also expresses the concept of admission and confession. When one confesses to another, he is in effect conveying a message of agreement with the other party’s view.

The idea that connects the two approaches to the meaning of the word lies in the depths of human nature. man’s instinct is to be independent, aspiring, and eager to show that he is capable of taking care of himself. When he expresses his appreciation to another person, however, he is acknowledging-confessing, so to speak- that he needs others.

So by saying “Thank you” besides for showing your appreciating and thanking the person, you are also showing that you need the other person and can’t do everything on your own.

Helping Oneself

Philosophy Issue#2 (Issue#1 here)

Now this is a topic I find myself strongly being able to relate to. I’ve been told countless times “you have to do what you want, what do you want?”. I always have the same answer that I want to do what the right thing is, whether that’s what my parents say, or school says, or whoever I feel is right. It caused me to feel sandwiched with the whole college dilemma, since I didn’t know what I wanted for myself. Since I have such a strong care for others, I want what they want. (Although when I was babysitting, I realized I was sacrificing too much of myself and had to put an end to it.)

Jean Hampton in 1993 wrote an article called “Selflessness and the Loss of Self”. She discusses this topic of helping oneself and having self authorship. There are two “moral voices”, the ethic of care and the ethic of justice.

Women-ethic of care: they take into consideration people’s feelings. Mothers were trained to be this way since they have to raise a family and take care of their children. A mother has to care for her children and be aware of their feelings when siblings fight.

Men-ethic of justice: they make decisions based on logic. Men were trained to be this way since they are in the work place and have to make quick decisions. Business is all about quick decisions based on logic, they never think of the competitors feelings.

We have lots of mitzvos that are other related, “Vehafta L’reach Hakamocha” and you can’t embarrass another person, you have the mitzvah of “Kibud of Haem” and respecting your elders, and the midah of “anivus”. We have the concept of being “mevatar” to give something up for another person to have. All this trains us to be good moral people who care about others.

At the same time I fear we become so other oriented, that we loose focus of ourselves.

The question becomes how much do we owe to ourselves and how much to others?

Boys would say if responsibility to others and to oneself conflict then you go about 3/4 to yourself and 1/4 to others. Boys feel the most important thing in their decision is themselves.

Girls on the other hand would say it depends on the situation that if you have responsibility to someone else then you should keep it to the extent that it is really going to hurt you or stop you from doing something you really, really, want, then maybe you put yourself first. A girl would evaluate what she feels is more important, her job or someone she loves, and if it’s someone she barely knows then maybe she would go first.

Now I personally think the girl is being better. However, I do understand where it’s important to take care of oneself so as not to cause harm to oneself when taking care of others. A perfect example of the girl way of thinking is Tembow in her You want my... honey?? post.

Self authorship is needed for a person to make a decision that is based on what they choose to do, and not dictated by society. This enables you to grow as an individual. An example: an investment banker had wanted to be a clown his whole life, and even though he was making tons of money he didn’t feel satisfied so he decided to drop his job and go to clown school, now he has self authored his life.

I think self authorship is important to prevent a person from doing avairos. If a person chooses what they want, and if they want to do the right thing, then they will. But if they are pressured into doing what other people say, then they may be encouraged to do something they really don’t want to do, and thereby do an avaira.

Parshas Vayakhel

A lot of times there’s the excitement of something new which motivates us to do something. It can be something you normally wouldn’t want to do, but because it’s new or the first time you get excited about it. Example in the beginning of the school year, you can’t wait for school to start and can’t wait to do your homework. But then as time goes on, you no longer have the same motivation.

Something To Say:

The people are bringing more than enough for the labor (36:5)

The Mei HaShiloach asks: Why are the Jews praised for brining these offerings? Who wouldn’t give money towards the building of the Mishkan, which served as a house for God? The Mei HaShiloach explains that a man never knows if he truly has a generous heart or not. The first time he is asked to do a mitzvah, he is able to do it with great enthusiasm, but after he has become accustomed to the mitzvah, his performance often does not have the same fire anymore. This may serve as a sign that he is not truly a giving person. In this verse, however, we read that the people gave many contributions; they continued to give time after time, with great enthusiasm, proving their authentically generous character.

So here, the Jews really had a true excitement to do the mitzvah and help donate towards the Mishkan. It wasn’t just because it was a first time thing, and it was exciting, but rather they truly were giving people. The Jews continued to give more and more, so it wasn’t a one time thing.

Parshas Ki Sisa

A little while ago I remember coming upon lots of blog posts where people were talking about one thing, and that was “money”. It seemed as though it was the common language that everyone understood. The drive behind people’s actions were based on how much money they would get out of it. This didn’t feel right to me, that a person should lie and cheat to get money.

Something To Say:

This shall they give… a half shekel (30:13)

This parshah speaks of the contributions that were made to the Mishkan. The use of the word Zeh,this, implied that something was actually shown to the listener. Rabbi Meir explained that God removed a coin of fire from beneath His holy throne and said to Moses, “Let the people give a coin such as this.”

It is interesting that the metaphoric coin was made of fire. The Noam Eliezer comments that one must realize that money is like fire. If fire is misused, it can destroy, but it can also be used constructively, to prepare food or to provide warmth. Money also has this double potential: If used for mitzvos, it can be a conduit of great blessings. But if a person keeps his money exclusively for himself and spends it foolishly and wrongly, it can cause great destruction.

So Money isn’t all that good, there’s two sides to it. Like everything in life it can be used for good and for bad. To use money for mitzvos and other worthy things then it can be a great tool. But if used solely for one self it can be destructive. Money isn’t meant to be hoarded for oneself, but rather used additionally for mitzvos and good things. A person should make decisions based on if the action is right or wrong and not based on how much money they will get out of it.

How Was Your Purim?

I ended up fasting the whole Taanis Esther on Monday. I decided to make Hamentashen this year, for the first time, thanks to Tembow. Then I just needed a recipe, Leora shared a recipe of hers she had from the year before. So I made Hamentashen with chocolate chips in it, and I had decided to try out the white ones too.

So Monday I was making the Hamentashen, then before I put the white chocolate chips in I wanted to first taste it to see if it tastes good. So without thinking I put one in my mouth. Then five minutes later I realized my mistake, that I was supposed to be fasting. Then I remembered learning once that even if you break it by mistake you can still continue fasting, so I did that.

Below are some pictures from the Hametashen making. The first picture on the left is the raw dough in circles with the chocolate chips in them. The next picture is all of them in triangle shapes. My little brother helped me out once again with that. The third picture is of one raw hamentashen. The last picture is the final product of a baked hamentashen.

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Monday I had classes throughout the day, and I had to figure out how I would catch a Megillah reading. My father had printed out for me different shul schedules with their Megillah reading times. The latest time given was 9:30, and I wasn’t sure if I would make it to that one since I got out of class at 9:15. So my parents were kind enough to pick me up from school right after class and drive me right to Megillah and I got there at 9:30 on the dot. But then of course things don’t start on time. So 9:45 it started and I came home at 10:30, that was a long day.

Then it came to Purim day, after Megillah reading I came back home and had to study for my test on Wednesday night. Now I didn’t want to miss out on the Purim fun, so I brought down my laptop, books and notes to the living room, so that I can study there and still see what’s going on. I studied for 5 hours straight!

While I was in my house I got a delivery, not a shaloch manos delivery but a UPS delivery! My first pair of crocs came. I know I’m late with it, but I decided to finally see what its all about, and it is pretty comfortable, and it’s a cool type.

Meanwhile my little brother is very creative and made an invention to help him carry the shaloch manos to deliver to neighbors. He put wheels on the bottom of a bucket, I don’t know how he did it!

Now with Shaloch manos, my favorite were the ones with real food in it. One person gave a hot dog, I had that for lunch. Then another person gave a Deli Sandwhich I had that for a late night supper. I do like candy too, but not many people sent that, and because I was a big girl I didn’t do the food fight.

Now what did I see? I saw a bunch of creative costumes. Funnily enough the first costume I saw was that of Fruity Pebble guy/Fred Flinstone. He was wearing no shirt or pants underneath his costume, and I imagine he was freezing. It’s funny that I saw this costume, cause only a few days before that Gruven Reuven shared a cartoon of that guy which I called “Fruity Pebble guy” and that caused three people to respond saying it made them feel old to see me calling him that. Trip N’ Mommy then explained to me why that made them feel old and EliPongo then shared with me a wiki page about The Flinstones.

The next costume I saw was a guy with an Obama mask, he said it cost 35 dollars! He said really funny lines. He handed out 1 dollar bills saying “This is coming out of your tax money”. He said other funny lines which I don’t remember.

Then there was a van outside of people delivering shaloch manos, and this minnie mouse character comes out of the passenger side and my mother goes over to take a picture of it. We don’t know who it is, so then a neighbor asks minnie mouse to take off the mask so that she can get a picture of the face too. Then surprise, the minnie mouse head comes off and there’s a GUY there! So my mother then recoils and says “ewww” and starts laughing. We were all expecting a girl in there and it was a shock to see a guy in a minnie mouse costume. It did not look right!

The next costume I liked was someone dressed up as "Uncle Moishy”. I thought that was the perfect costume for a young father who has little kids and friends with little kids.

Another cool costume I saw was a girl wearing an iPod costume. It was two boards sandwiching her. It made me start thinking of all kinds of other tech gadget costumes that can be made.

After I finished studying I took an hour nap then ate a quick meal by myself and then headed off to class. As I was waiting outside the classroom, a guy in my class comes over and sits down next to me on the floor and we start talking. Then he takes out a Hamentashen and starts eating it, I didn’t even notice he was eating a Hamentashen till after he said something. Now this is a guy who has long hair, no yarmulka, and doesn’t seem Jewish at all. I’m still not sure if he’s Jewish or not.

But then this other girl in the class comes with a shaloch manos in her hand so I asked her if someone at college gave it to her, and she said that she got it in the morning at work and just didn’t have time to bring it home yet. So then this guy says this thing that surprised me and made me think that maybe he actually is Jewish. He asked how you would know if the Hamentashen is Kosher if it came in a sandwich bag with no label on it. He said people could give it to each other and then pass it on, so it doesn’t even come from the person who gave it to you. So then I wondered, does that mean he got that hamentashen in Shaloch Manos? If he’s worried about Kashrus, does that mean he’s Jewish?

Purim in the Blogosphere:

• A Blob of Something Different: Ah Freilichin Purim and Some Random Observations On Purim
• Bas Melach: Purim Fever---Cured
• Dov Bear: Why I like Purim Less
• Frum College Girl: Purim 2009
• Frum Female: Purim Recap
• Geulah Perspectives: Why Drink? and Purim Gelt
• Guess Whose Coming to Dinner: Purim Wrapup The Early Edition and Joey’s Grammen 2009
• Ha’adam B’Olamo: Random Megillah Thoughts
• Here in HP: Hamentashen Recipes, Purim Word Find and Purim Presents
• In My Humble Jewish Opinion: Purim 2009
• In My Life: Purim
• Insanity Now Serenity Later: Gangsta
• In The Pink: Purim Insanity and Purim
• Israel Chronicles: Motzei Purim Recap
• Jacob Da Jew: Jacob Is “The Dude” for Purim
• Lion Of Zion: Purim Post Index
• Material Maidel: Goodbye MM
• Me-Ander: There is no Mitzvah to make noise during the Megillah and Purim Disguise 
• Metaphorically Speaking: Thoughts on Purim…
• Mike In Midwood: Purim is one Hectic Night
• Not Just Typical: Modern Orthodox- Purim Buzz Kills? ,Drunken Purim Post and Purim: Haman's story
• On Winds Of Change: m'muchan 
• Our Shiputzim: “Orange” you glad we made Hamentashen and Heblish Purim Edition
• Roadside Rambles: Why was this Purim different than all the other Purims?
• RP Blog: Irate readers Purple with Rage
• Shorty’s Adventures: Our first Purim together
• Sporadic Intelligence: I’ll Drink To That
• Super Raizy: It’s Time for Purim
• The Sabra: Cute things Kids say
• The Talmudist: Purim 2009

I have to admit I barely read any of these yet. But I’ll start with these Purim posts and then work my way to reading more once again.

I am so Happy I created this Jewish Side blog so I can take part in the Purim spirit on blogosphere!

Hope you all had a great Happy Purim!

Parshas Tetzaveh

I remember learning that men have the obligation to study Torah day and night. That literally it doesn’t mean they have to be in Kollel all the time, but that in their free time they should learn. We also learned that by men saying Kriyas Shema in the morning and night it fulfills their obligation of Torah study. I never understood how this can be. But now I finally got my answer.

Something to Say:

Pure olive oil…to Kindle the lamps continuously (27:20)

R’ Yochanan says in the name of R’ Shimon bar Yochai that by reciting Krias Shema in the morning and the evening a person fulfills the dictum that Torah study should never depart from one’s mouth. The Chiddushei HaRim asks: How can the recitation of Krias Shema, which takes only a few minutes, fulfill the obligation of Keeping Torah on one’s lips perpetually?

His answer connects R’ Shimon bar Yochai’s statement to the words of this verse, to kindle the lamp continuously. How long did it take the Kohen to light the Menorah? only a few moments, but since it was lit with such great devotion and enthusiasm, it became a light that lasted all day. Similarly, although the recitation of Krias Shema takes but a few minutes, when said with concentration and enthusiasm its effects last the entire day.

Even though the recitation of Shema only lasts a few minutes, when said with Kavannah and devotion it can have a long lasting effect which is so great, that its as if your involved with Torah study the whole time. Obviously this can only work with those that truly understand what they are saying in the words of Shema.

Parshas Terumah

There’s one topic which I never understood and I still don’t understand. I’ve always heard stories as a kid, where one person gave up their olam haba to another, or gave up a mitzvah or something for the other person to have, and this just doesn’t make sense to me. If we are supposed to be doing mitzvos and getting schar, why is it a good thing to give it up to another?

Something To Say:

From every person whose heart is giving (25:2)

Hashem told Moses to tell the Jews to set aside contributions for the Mishkan, the Tabernacle. The Midrash tells us that Moses himself did not donate anything at first – and then could not because sufficient materials had already been provided. God comforted him, saying, “Your words are dearer to Me than anything.”

Rabbi Chanoch Tzvi of Bendin asks: Why didn’t Moses give to the Mishkan? and if he had a reason not to do so, why was it a source of aggravation to him? The Rebbe explains that Moses was afraid that by giving a donation, he might complete the necessary sum and preclude someone else from giving. Moses decided not to contribute because he understood that at times giving up a mitzvah can be an even bigger source of merit than performing it. However, at the end, he saw that a miracle had occurred: The Mishkan was built with all the donations that were made, even those that had not been needed, and he was therefore distressed that he had given nothing.

Now doesn’t this go against Zerizus, to do a mitzvah right away? I guess it really is a good thing to give up on mitzvos, but they just don’t tell children that, because then you would give up a mitzvah out of laziness and not for the right reason. Although here Moshe lost out by giving up the mitzvah. Since at the end Hashem made it possible for everyone's contributions to fit, and Moshe hadn’t gave anything, had he gave it would have fit.

Parshas Mishpatim

I’ve realized that the hardest people to deal with are those that are very strong in their opinion and think they’re always right. They can be so set in their path, that they won’t even listen to what anyone else has to say. Now this can be very hard, since they aren’t open to hear anything else, no matter if they are right or wrong. My professor used the example of someone who’s been taught that “homo” is evil, will think its evil, and no matter how much “rationality” you give them, they won’t be able to accept it, because they have a bias already.

Something to say:

Do not accept a bribe (23:8)

The Torah tells us that bribery blinds the eyes of those who can see and distorts the words of righteous people. Such is the power of favors that create bias.

The Avnei Nezer comments that there is a major difference between a person who is actually blind and one who is prejudiced because of a bribe or bias. A blind person knows he can’t see and will ask for help when he needs it; but a biased person can be prejudiced to such an extent that he doesn’t even realize that his sense of reality has become distorted. He feels that his twisted view is the true one, and he will not listen to anyone else’s logic.

Now this is why a bribe can be such a bad thing, since the person isn’t even aware of what the affects the bribe has on him. He becomes biased and won’t be open to hear any other information.

Zerizus

When I think of Zerizus I picture the scenario where a mother asks her son to bring her a glass of milk, and he runs to the fridge, gets her a glass of milk and brings it to her right away. I also think of “Danny three times” where the child had to hear things 3 times before he listened. But I realized there’s more to zerizus than doing what we’re told right away.

Zerizus is actually a fundamental building block in doing mitzvos and leading a productive life. I once wrote about how organization and cleanliness helps you be productive. But there’s still something more needed, and that’s Zerizus. Zerizus tells you to do something without delay, to do it at the first possible chance.

Usually, when you plan to do something, your excited about it in the beginning because its a new thing, that is the time when you are supposed to act upon it. I remember in HS I was always good about it, when girls would say we had to bring in money for a school function, I would be the first to bring it in the next day. Because it was fresh on my mind, so why not do it right away.

If you keep up to date with all you have to do, then you will always continue to do things right away. If however, you figure that you’ll do it later, the next day, so as not to seem over eager, then you will forget about it. Then when you plan on doing another thing, you don’t do that either, cause you know you still have something unfinished to do.

Lately, I feel as though I have so much unfinished tasks to do, that it just pulls me down and doesn’t allow me to be productive. So the key is to try to get them all done, and to do each task right away as its given, not to let things pile up.

When I’m in class, and I’m given HW, I think that I can’t wait to do it, I understood the class, so the HW should be fun to do. I want to do it right when I get home. But then what happens, things get in the way, and I think to myself I still have time, its not due till 2 weeks from now. But then 2 weeks later I’m sitting to do my HW, and I have lost the enthusiasm to do it, its no longer fresh in my mind. I will get myself to do it though.

So this all comes back to zerizus, how amazing the Mitzvah is, such a great common sense mitzvah. Do things right away, and you will be ahead of the game, accomplishing the most.

Parshas Bo

First off I would like to thank some bloggers. Stacy, Tembow, Leora, and another- you know who you are. (MM- Shh!). You all made me so happy this week. Stacy and Tembow thanks so much for your offers. Leora, your comment on Facebook was so nice, it made my day. Thank you Frayda, KT and Frum Punk too, for your comments that other time. I appreciate all your kind words.

I just came back from a Bar Mitzvah, where the boy gave a thank you speech and was thanking a lot of people, so I guess it’s contagious. But I really appreciate you all so much, you make me so happy!

This week instead of typing from “something to say”, I will tell over some Divrei Torah I learned in my Jewish classics class last semester. As I was sitting in shul, following a long with the Leining, I recognized some pesukim that my professor had brought up. It was about the Karbon Pesach. She mentioned how there are contradictions when you compare it to the other time it mentions the Karbon Pesach in the Torah. We then looked at Rashi to come up with an answer.

In Parshas Bo in Shemos and Parshas Re’eh in Devorim it talks about the Karbon Pesach. There are 3 main contradictions. One is the type of animal to be used in the Pesach offering, another is how this Karbon should be prepared, and another is how many days we should eat Matzos.

1. Rashi – Bakar (Devarim 16:2), here it says you should slaughter cattle. But in Parshas Bo, it says Sheep, so which one is it? The answer is that it’s talking about sheep as the main offering, but that they should eat cattle first to be in a state of fullness when they eat the Pesach offering.
   


2. Rashi – You Shall cook it (Devorim 16:7), here it says cook it, and in Parshas Bo it says Roast it, so which is it? The answer is that this means roasting by fire, that this too is termed cooking.
   


3. Rashi – For a six day period you shall eat matzos (Devorim 16:8), here it says 6 days, but in Bo it says 7 days, so which is it? The answer is a deep one which teaches us through a Yotzei min Haklal, that the 7th day is not an obligation to eat matzah, and therefore the 6 days aren’t either an obligation, but rather optional. The only night that is an obligation is the first night, since it says “In the evening shall you eat matzos” (in Shemos 12:18).

Parshas Vaeira

By last weeks Parsha I mentioned the situation in Israel, and tried to use a Posuk for comfort. But it had its complications. Now in this weeks Parsha I have a different posuk that brings a different approach. This approach is an active one, a way to be able to keep Israel with the things we do.

Something To Say:

And I shall give it you as a heritage (6:8).

The Hebrew term Morasha, heritage, appears twice in the Torah. It is first mentioned in this verse, in reference to the Land of Israel, and later in Deuteronomy 33:4, in connection with the giving of the Torah. The Torah that Moses gave us is a heritage, as stated in the expression Morasha Kehilas Yaakov, the heritage of the Congregation of Jacob. The term Morasha is used in two places to teach us that the heritage represented by the Land of Israel can remain ours only if we commit ourselves to keeping the mitzvos of the Torah.

So the trick is to keep the Mitzvos and then we will have the land of Israel. I know that sounds like easier said than done, but perhaps it can really work. If we think of it on an individual basis, of what can each of us do. If we look to improve ourselves, then it is possible.

Chinuch Habonim

In the previous post I said I enjoyed reading parenting and marriage books. So in the previous post I discussed marriage rules, and now I’ll copy over some parenting rules.

This is from a speech I went to by R' Brezak on August 8, 2006, it was a question answer kind of a shiur, but he asked all the questions that he had received previously and he had gotten answers to them from great gadolim. These are only some of them that I had remembered.

Q: My 13 year old by mezomin, he answers to himself and doesn't want to answer out loud, what should I do?

• you Can't embarrass the kid, there’s a story of child who was embarrassed by a Rebbi and it caused him to go off the derech for 20 years
• Mouthing is enough, 2 is enough
• Mezumin- Derabonin, embarrass- deoraisa

Q: My 3 year old turns on the lights on shabbos

• You only have to say something if the child could make the connection between turning off the lights and chilul shabbos.
• You Can't hit a child for chilul shabbos
• If you hit a child they'll just become immune to it, and then you will have to hit harder

Q: My 4 year old is stealing

• Don't punish him he probably doesn't know better, learn mussar with him
• Even the chofetz chaim at age 5 stole, but he didn't know better, once he knew then he returned the apple he stole
• Make them do chesed
• Make them Apologize to store owner every time they steal
• Sometimes children steal because there is an Emotional void and their not given enough love

Q: can I give my child a Pigi back ride, or will he lose respect for me?

• Have to respect the kid and then they'll respect you, if you control your emotions then the child will respect you, so yes, you can give piggy back rides and you won't lose respect from your child.

Q: Older brother picking on younger brother, he pulled out a chair from under his younger brother and caused him to fall, want to cancel the trip he is supposed to go on as a punishment

• Looking at symptom don't ignore the problem, he’s doing this for a reason, he is jealous of his younger brother, try to take walks with him or spend one on one time together
• Never cancel trip, its like for a child a toy boat sinking in bath tub is like a ship in ocean sinking for adult, it means the world to them

Q: child Spills cheerios and makes messes

• Have child come up with solution to punishment, he should clean it up
• But don't get angry at the child, make a serious face show that your not happy with him doing that, and if he doesn't get the attention he wanted he'll stop doing it

Q: child keeps Nagging afraid to give in cause then word doesn't mean anything

• Reevaluate the situation, consider what the child wants
  If wrong then its wrong and don't give in
• Nothing wrong with letting kids have candy, but don't give in to every tantrum a child has, have to be firm

Here are some points he mentioned:

• A story where a Father smacked his child very often, the child became chasidish cause he didn't want any association with his father
• Forcing your glasses on your child won't help, you can't force a child to see through your perspective.
• Can't use same methods as did in previous generation, because nowadays everybody wants everything now, have to use a different approach
• Child gets his self image from his father, if you don't show approval for them then they won't have self confidence.