What it Means to be a Proud Jew

If you notice on my sidebar in the “About Me” section of this blog, I wrote “I am a proud Jew”. Now what does that mean? I went to a shiur by R’ Dishon a few weeks ago and he spoke about this topic.

Every single Jew that’s alive makes up a part of Hashem’s name Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay. Now when someone is niftar, there is a gap in the name, a part of the name is missing. So the niftar’s children say Kadish for him. Now what is Kadish? I would of imagined it would say something about death, and passing on. But it doesn’t mention death once. What is it all about? it’s all about Hashem. This is because, since there is a gap in Hashem’s name from the person who was niftar, by saying Kadish a person is saying there’s a Hashem, and that makes up for the gap that is missing, so that Hashem’s name can be complete again.

Since each person is part of Hashem’s name, each house has the Shchina in it, and each house is a Mishkan for Hashem. Now that is why it is important for the house to have kedusha in it, so that the Shchina can rest there, and you can receive brachos. It is the Wife’s job to make sure the house has kedusha in it.

Now, to combine 2 shiurim in one. R’ Veiner spoke about “Family Security”. Which was about the internet. He said if you have internet you should get filters and a reporting system. He would be available for anyone, if they have no one else to feel uncomfortable towards.

Since a house is a Mikdash Miat and a place for the Shchina, we don’t want to kick the Shchina out by having tumah in the house. Now Tumah doesn’t mean the internet, but rather what shockingly lots of men are using the internet for. Please be righteous, and use a filter and reporting system, if you can’t trust yourself. Here’s a list that R’ Veiner gave out.

The important thing to remember, is that even if you had made a mistake and done a bad thing before, don’t let the yetzer hora get you down by making you depressed that your a bad person. Hashem gave us Yom Kippur so that we can start over fresh, it’s an amazing thing. So we just have to improve ourselves, and move forward without looking back. We can be good and strive higher even if we have made mistakes in the past.

Academic Cheating

What is considered cheating? Everybody has different standards. Some will say that writing papers for others isn’t cheating. Or getting test banks isn’t cheating. But one thing I think we can all agree on is that copying answers out right on a test in a classroom is cheating!

1. A few months ago, I was taking a final in a classroom with about 100 other people in it. Everyone had the same test, and there were no spaces between desks. In other words it was one crammed room with plenty of cheating opportunities available.

This final was on Robotics, one of my favorite classes. I had done well in that class the whole semester. My lab partner and I even won a race, our robot was able to go the fastest! We beat the guys, and it was really funny to see them being sore losers and making excuses of why we won.

So when it came to the final, my lab partner sat on one side of me, and this other girl I don’t know sat on the other side. The test began and I quickly filled out all the answers that I knew, and couldn’t wait to get all the information down and get home so that I can study for my next final.

But then the girls sitting next to me had a different plan in mind, they wanted to cheat off my paper. My worst vice I would say is that I can’t say NO! (I’ve had it before with babysitting jobs, where I couldn’t tell the mother that NO I can’t babysit by her. So the same thing happened here.) I couldn’t say no, and I let them cheat off my paper. Because one of the girls was my lab partner and I had become her friend, I felt like I couldn’t be mean to her and say no.

This is an example where every midah can be used for good and bad. How sometimes we have to be mean because it’s the right thing.

2. When I first started college, while I was in seminary at the same time, I came into a situation that involved cheating. I was taking a test and was stuck on a few examples. The guy sitting next to me felt bad that I didn’t know the answers, so he figured he would “help me out”. He told me the answers to the multiple choice questions. But I didn’t feel right to write the answers down. So I went up to the professor, and told him that I was stuck on those questions and asked him to explain me the question. He did, and then I was able to answer the questions. I still felt as though I had done something wrong, so the next day I went over to a Rabbi at the seminary and told him the situation and asked him if what I did was okay, and he said yes, and I then felt better.

3. There was this married women with 2 kids who shared a class with me. She told me how hard it was that she was married with kids in college, and that she didn’t have time to study. She told me that 10 years ago when she was in college she studied really hard. But now because she has other responsibilities, she doesn’t have time, so she cheats on her test. She said she actually feels justified, that she’s not doing anything wrong by cheating. That she just needs to graduate already.

The next day in my philosophy class, some topic like this came up, where my professor said that she will let her son make any decision he wants about career choice, but one thing is certain, that she won’t let her kid take a break after High School, that he must go straight to college, while she can pay for it. Since if he takes a break, he may never get back to it. So I told her about this women in my class, who took a break and now feels justified in cheating. She said that’s a horrible thing, and the women is cheating herself. I of course agree!

4. Recently I started taking driving lessons. I took 2 to be exact and it was really fun. I don’t know why I waited till now to start. In any case, I went to this “5 hour class” and at the end the guy says he’s going to ask us a question and that will determine if we will pass or fail the road test. He says, if I tell you that 1+1=6, then how much is 1+1? I said 2, because I remembered my tax professor giving us a similar scenario, where he said that if he calls a tail a leg, then how many legs does a dog have? He told us the correct answer is 4, because no matter what you want to call the tail, it’s still not a leg. So I was thinking of this same scenario. So then the guy says I’m going to fail my road test for that, because no matter what you think is right, you have to listen to the driving inspector, and do what they say. To me that sounded like cheating. I’m still in the mentality, that you can’t change the absolute truth.

Stealing –> Kefira

Since this post was all about you, I won’t comment on the post, but I’ll say a little something here. Seems like money is the major issue here. Is that because the people who don’t work are usually the one’s with large families? What if the couple did have the money to support a large family, would people still have problems with it?

On to the next topic of stealing. Tuesday night I went to a shiur by R’ Pearl on the topic of what is keeping Moshiach. Previously I had also heard him speak on a Shabbos afternoon, on the topic of stealing.

He said that if someone steals then they are an apikores, because in essence they are saying Hashem can’t take care of their business. So they feel that have to steal in order to make money. (To me saying no to having children because of money, has the same ring to it, but we won’t go there).

One time a Satmar school got in trouble with the government. So the went over to the Satmar Rebbe to ask for help, to get them out of it. The Satmar Rebbe told them to “get out”, because they stole from the government. They told him that they didn’t keep a penny for themselves, that it was all for the Mosdos. The Satmar Rebbe then said “If you had to steal for the Mosdos, then shut down the Mosdos”. That you can’t use Treif money.

There are so many stories of righteous children who were taught not to steal, and when they were given a chance to “get in for free” they refused, saying it’s geneiva. We have to instill in our children this sensitivity of what stealing and cheating is. When going to an amusement park where they allow 4 year olds in for free, you can’t claim that your 6 year is 4 just because he’s smaller. That is stealing and cheating!

Next up: Academic Cheating

About Jewish Food

I love going to shiurim as you can tell. It’s a way of getting a dose of Ruchnius put into my day. Monday night started a series of shiurim that will last throughout the summer. I’ve come to see many programs that have been started to keep the men busy and out of trouble in the city, while their wives and family are up in the country. I think such programs are great. But yet, when I have a family I can’t imagine leaving to the country and leaving my husband back at home, I think I would rather just stay in the city.

Anyways, the shiur I went to on Monday night was by R’ Zev Cohen on the topic of Jewish Food. While I was listening to the shiur, it reminded me of different posts I had read, it gave answers to questions other bloggers have asked. So I figured I would write one post to answer all the questions and at the same time give an interesting summary of what the shiur was about.

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Nissan is one of the first months of the Jewish calander. Pesach comes first, and the Karbon brought on Pesach was barley, which is animal food. Then 7 weeks later is Shvous and the Karbon brought then was wheat which is human food. Since by Pesach we are like animals, and then by Shvous we become like humans, after going through the 7 week process. Now this 7 week process is compared to a lady’s cycle, where at the end there is milk which symbolizes purity. That is why on Shvous we eat Milichigs. Now how did cheese cake come about? It came about because, Pesach we have matza which has no yetzer hora, while Shvous we have Lechem which symbolizes the yetzer hora. But yet Shvous we have milk which symbolizes purity. So when you have lechem with the milk it is showing that you have the yetzer hora and yet your pure. The only way this is possible is with the Torah. So once we got the Torah on Shvous then we are able to have lechem- the yetzer hora and yet have milk- be pure. So that’s where it got started to have cheese cake, it’s lechem with milk. 

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Chanukah became a time when people buy those Jelly doughnuts, you may ask why it’s fitting for Chanukah. The reason according to R’ Shlomo Zalman Orbach is as follows. Al Hamichya is the only place that mentions the Mezbeach, in benching it doesn’t mention it, so therefore we need a mezonos. Now Al Hamichya is also the only place it mentions Peiros, and we need a tam peiros, so that’s why there is Jelly in the Jelly doughnuts. (This is based on a posuk where it says Mezbeach and Peiros, but I forgot what the posuk is).

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Chulent is a Jewish food that is supposed to be specifically for Shabbos. R’ Cohen said he can’t handle beans in his chulent, so he has rice. He always felt guilty as though he wasn’t having chulent the right way, but then he came across a Russian custom where they have rice in their chulent - Dafina, and then he felt better about it.

Interactive Post - "Your Say On Big Families”

“Big families” seems to be a popular topic around blogosphere. Over the past couple of weeks I have collected some tidbits here and there of what you bloggers/tweeters have to say about “big families”. This post is all about you, none of these quotes are from me. If you have something more to add, feel free to leave a comment and I will add it to the post. (If you would like your name added to your quote, you can let me know and I’ll do that for you as well.)

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Negative

"laughing at chassidish women with 10 children following behind them and over stuffed strollers"

"That mother with 10 kids? All her kids are in *matching* clothes! Now what happens when kid #1 outgrows his/her outfit? Does food stamps cover this???!?"

"so far I only have 2, but apparently that means I'm already "mass producing" as one friend put it!"

"we had our first 3 in under 3 years - i was called a baby machine..."

"Men who are married, have 12 kids and don't work or do the army. They already get enough of my money through taxes."

"On the one hand, I think it's too intrusive for the Rabbi or whatever to outright forbid them from having children. On the other, it seems unfair that people get to act irresponsibly and then put responsible people in the awkward position of having to fund their lifestyle or be considered immoral and unfeeling brutes"

Positive

"Ah ok so my family isn't chassidish at all, my dad is a pediatrician and I am the oldest of 11 BH. (Oh yeah my uncle is a radiologist in Queens he also has 10 kids BH--- and they did not come from such a big family, my dad was 1/6) While I'm not a huge fan of big families I really hate when people with small families judge us. It's true that the ones on food stamps shouldn't have their kids matching in fancy boro park clothing because chances are if the father's a rebbi and the kids look like that, they're not paying yeshiva tuition but somehow have $ for 'important' things like this (which is why the yeshivas are all in such financial messes). It's a ton of work to have a big family so they should be admired not scorned- but on the other hand if it's clearly hard on the mother I just don't get the point of going on like that, it's not a mitzvah to suck the life out of your wife. Oh another thing, these people who like making fun of big families are often using birth control without a proper heter so they really have no place passing judgment. It's a sensitive issue because it's weird for people to discuss others' 'family planning' but this is our religion and bearing children holds a key role. We were just talking on Shabbos- my sister who's 11 wants to become a veterinarian and it's not so simple because R' Moshe Feinstein paskined that it's assur to neuter pets... so if by animals it's this way you could imagine what it's like with humans. A better alternative should be a trend away from sitting and learning, perhaps if we were more 'torah im derech eretz' oriented we'd be able to afford larger families without government assistance and without the mother killing herself trying to work and raise a family all at once. Again there's no way of circumventing this piryah v'rivyah thing, I'd like to hear a rebuttal from someone who thinks they can"

"I like that I have a gigantic family, and love the reactions I get when I tell people that I'm one of ten children."

"A rabbi of mine was giving a lecture and told over the following anecdote. There was an irreligious Jewish woman who was very upset about the irresponsibility of her religious son-in-law who, at the time, was studying full-time, and had six kids and a wife with no way of supporting them. She wasn’t so upset about the fact that her daughter’s husband was studying full-time, but that there was no attempt at birth control. The young man complained to my rabbi that his mother-in-law was driving him crazy and was wondering if there was anything to be done to get her to stop complaining about the number of children he had. My rabbi told him to line up all six of his children for his mother-in-law next she came to visit, and ask her which one shouldn’t have been born. The man reported he never heard a word of complaint about his kids from her again."

Where I Would Go

I’ve been tagged by LVNSM27 to answer this question:

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?

My Answer: Home!

They say Home is where the heart is.

“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.”

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The way I would draw a house when I was younger:

For some reason that is the way I picture a house looking. Every time I draw a house for a kid, I draw it that way. I wonder if someone taught me to draw it like that, or I started it on my own. Anybody else draw a house like that?

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House I drew in High School:

Used Birchas Habayis words as lines and pastels to color it in. The colors are a bit faded as it’s old, but if you look closely you’ll notice the bricks are different colors. Also if you notice the windows are halfway done, so that they look open. Since our art teacher told us we shouldn’t make a whole window because it looks like a cross.

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Now this House I painted on Monday at a ceramics place:

I painted red steps since my house has always had red steps. This took a really long time to paint, I wanted all the details to be done correctly. It was a funny thing that I chose to paint a house. As my brother was in the car driving us to the ceramics place I was thinking to myself about houses. Then when we got there and I was looking for something to paint, I spotted the house and it felt like a sign.

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Speaking of houses, there’s a Halacha that you can’t cut down a fruit tree. There are these fruit trees with orange colored fruits that fall down in the fall. When they fall they land on the floor and stink up the whole place. So if anyone’s looking to buy a house, be on the look out for these trees.

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To end on a positive note The Dugger House looks great!

Next up: Interactive post - “Your Say On Big Families”

My First Visit To A Rebbe

A while back I had gone to a shiur on Emuna and Bitachon where the Rabbi said:

“You have to have self esteem, and believe that you know what your doing. That you shouldn’t have to ask a Rav a question all the time. That Hashem gave you knowledge to know to make the right decision.”

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Well Sunday I went with my parents and grandfather to see a Rebbe to ask for advice on making a decision. I can’t reveal what the question was, since it’s a personal matter that doesn’t involve me. (Auror – It’s what we talked about).

So we go into his house and there’s a waiting room for women and one for men. While I was waiting with my mother this chassidish lady comes in, and she makes a phone call and talks while we are in the room. Now I couldn’t help hearing the parts that were in English that I could understand. Since most of it was in Yiddish, I’m not sure if I got the story right. But seems like she was on the phone with her husband, and she wanted to go to the Rebbe to ask him a question. Her husband didn’t want her to go, but she kept telling him that she had to ask the question because she doesn’t want to make a decision on her own “seichel”.

She kept saying she’ll put everything on the table, trying to reassure her husband that the Rebbe will understand and tell them the right thing to do. This made me curious what this question was all about. She continued to talk on in Yiddish, with phrases of English here and there. She mentioned that she’s going to ask if she should go. She then said she will live with him.

Now this made me think that it seemed like she was going to be asking the Rebbe if she should leave her husband or stay with him. If this is the case it really surprised me. I hadn’t imagined such a decision should be made by a Rebbe. I would think it’s a decision between husband and wife to make. Although it reminded me of stories where people were married for 10 years without children, and that technically they could divorce for that, so I imagine people would ask a Rebbe what to do about that. But this woman mentioned that her brother was watching her kids, so that wasn’t the case.

So this reminded me of what I once heard about trusting yourself and not asking a Rabbi a question all the time.

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Anyways, the lady tells my mother that she has to put a scarf on her sheitel if she’s going to go in to see the Rebbe. So I put it on my mother, having no idea what I was doing. It made me laugh thinking of what my father’s reaction would be when he saw my mother that way. But then I thought I was being rude, so I stopped thinking that.

Then we go into the room, and the Rebbe was sitting at the head of the table in a fancy room with three dining room chairs on each side of the table. Now my grandfather, father and mother sat on one side. I wasn’t going to sit along on the other side, so I brought the chair over next to my mother.

My grandfather knows Yiddish, so he did most of the talking, then the Rebbe gave everyone a Bracha after my father said each child’s name. Then we left, the whole visit took minutes, but it was an interesting experience. The Rebbe didn’t look at me so I couldn’t really see his facial expressions, but my father said he was very emotional. When he heard certain things he said “oy vey” and his face got that sad look, as though he felt the pain.