Ever since I was a child I enjoyed reading Marriage and parenting books. I guess as an outsider it’s easier and more enjoyable to read. So a couple of years ago, I came upon this book “10 Minutes a day to a better marriage” by Dr. Meir Wickler. I had an idea to start reading it and summarizing it. So I read one day’s worth and summarized it, but never got back to continue reading it. Then the other day Shorty reminded me of it, with a comment she made. So here’s what I have summarized so far. Perhaps I will continue reading it and summarize some more.
Rule #1- Do not exaggerate, like don't say you never do this or you always do this, cause then lets say the person does, then they'll dismiss your statement cause its not true, they did do it. Like if someone says you never take out the garbage and then that person feels that they did take out the garbage, they'll dismiss the statement.
And also not to use words like devastated, use upset or annoyed instead cause then if its a really big thing and you always use devastated the person won't know the difference.
Rule #2: Do not mind read. Don't say smugly "I know what you were thinking"
Rule #3- Use more "I" statements and less "you" statements cause when a person gets criticized they'll try to defend themselves instead of taking it in. If you say I would appreciate it more if... then their more likely to listen.
Rule #4- Do not generalize. Be specific and provide examples don't just say your not respecting me, give examples so they know what to correct.
Also about defending, when a person is talking don't try to defend yourself cause then the person will feel that your not validating their feelings and also, there’s a 24 hour rule, that one person could be the speaker at a time then the other person has to wait 24 hrs to speak but there’s active listening to do in the meantime.